I Just Don't Get It
Alternate Title: A vasectomy doesn't sound too bad
Susan has started watching this show that I just don't understand.
It's called Jon & Kate Plus 8.
The guys whose wives and girlfriends watch this show are no doubt nodding in sympathy.
For those of you who have not seen the show, it follows the lives of a guy and his wife and their EIGHT CHILDREN.
My mind can't even perceive of such a thing.
Could you imagine having EIGHT children?
Did I mention 6 of them are all 3 years old?
Apparently, the father's trying to build a linkshell from the ground up.
Now, I've got nothing against kids.
At least, I have nothing against my own kid.
One of them is always crying.
No matter what they're doing, no matter where they're going, one of them is always crying.
I'm pretty sure the kids are just messing with the parents and have set up an organized crying/tantrum rotation.
Kid1>> That was nice.Kid1>> I like what you did there with the sobbing.
Kid2>> Thanks.Kid2>> I was trying a little improv.
Kid2>> I thought I overdid the arm flailing.Kid1>> No, no. It was good.
Kid1>> I saw her take her aspirin with Vodka.
Kid1>> You did fine.
Personally, I don't think I could do it.
Except replace "don't think" with "damned well know".
Just watching the show, I feel like giving myself a vasectomy.
How hard could it be?
I'll give the Dad some credit. He seems to handle it reasonably well.
But if you look at him real close, you can see this look in his eyes.
He's a broken man.
I don't even know how they survive.
We can barely manage to handle our little girl and we have her outmanned.
With EIGHT kids, I'm pretty sure the Dad just kites the rest around the room while the Mom focuses on the boss child.
Seriously, if you want to feel a little less stressed out about your day, just sit down and watch the show.
Nothing seems that bad after watching someone with EIGHT kids.
Unless you have nine kids.
Then again, if you had nine kids, I doubt you'd be reading this.
You'd be too busy weeping in the corner.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get started on that vasectomy.
Gather 'round, folks.
Good ol' [GM]Dave is gonna tell you a little story.
*tunes up his banjo*
Seems late Saturday night, Dave got a hankerin' for some food.
Looking through the cupboards, he noticed that all these foods required him to actually do work.
Dave was not happy.
He decided to head on down to the local Kentucky Fried Chocobo to get hisself a good meal. He was quite hungry and purchased a 4-Piece Meal.
Now usually, this food item had the following effects:
+ 3 MND
- 10 AGI
Duration: 3 hours
Unfortunately, Dave must have missed a note in the last patch where they adjusted the effect of this food.
Apparently, they changed it to:
Additional Effect: Inventory sorts and empties randomly
Duration: 24 hours
You'd think he'd have noticed that in the patch notes.
He did not.
If he had, he might not have spent 24 hours throwing up.
That might have been helpful information.
Lovely story, that one.
As some of you may know, my main job of choice is my Dragoon.
Anyone who laughed can kiss their account goodbye.
I take a great deal of pride in my gear and go out of my way to try and have the best gear possible.
Plus, I just need to look awesome.
One of the items I've been lusting after is a Valkyrie's Fork.
For those of you who play FFXI, it's a polearm with 95 DMG, Double Attack +3% and Store TP +3.
For those of you who don't play FFXI, imagine a pointy stick that's right good at stabbing stuff.
Unfortunately, this thing is damned difficult to obtain.
You'd have an easier time finding someone who likes Jack Thompson.
Side note: ZING!
Still, my LS and I have been grinding away on Einherjar and I have been patiently waiting for my chance at this thing.
Patiently includes lots of swearing, right?
So, tonight was finally the night. We were going in against Odin and there were only two people even eligible to lot on the fork if it dropped.
One of those people was me.
The other guy was a good friend of mine, so I honestly didn't care which of us won.
Not really. I don't care if he's in my LS or not. I was hoping he went down like a drunk prom date.
I have to say that battle was pretty intense. Every second required the utmost in care and concentration.
At least, that's what I heard. I spent the last five minutes watching the treasure pool to see what the drops were going to be.
I glanced over and saw Odin's HP was down to the barest sliver.
And then that beautiful little treasure chest icon popped up above my name.
I held my breath as I opened the treasure pool and there it was.
My Valkyrie's Fork.
I think I might have wet myself a little.
Rather than lotting immediately, I decided to let the other guy lot first.
I like to know what my chances are.Player's lot for the valkyrie's fork: 83 points.
A brief explanation of the lotting system:
A player casts lots for an item. These lots can range from 0 (the lowest) to 999 (the highest).
On this scale an 83 is considered sucktacular.
I was practically laughing as I clicked on the cast lots button.[GM]Dave's lot for the valkyrie's fork: 3 points.
I'm pretty sure they could hear me swearing in Japan.
Still, I took the defeat like a man. I congratulated him on his luck and cheered him on when he equipped it.
No, my hand did not hover above my Jormy macro.
I didn't even think about it.
Not even once.
Stop looking at me like that.
I Do Not Want One Of These
I saw this posted on one of my favorite gaming sites and just had to mention it.
For the low, low price of just $1300, you can own an exact duplicate of the helmet worn by Judge Master Gabranth from FFXII.
That's right. Just $1300.
No, that is not a typo.
As in, you could buy a PS3, an Xbox360, and a Wii, $1300.
But are any of those a helmet? No.
Of course, if you have $1300 lying around and nothing better to do, I'm sure you could fashion a sweet fricken' helmet out of a PS3, an Xbox360, and a Wii.
But why bother to do that when someone will just give you a helmet.
Think of all the amazing things you could do in this helmet:
1) admire your new helmet in a mirror
2) play video games while wearing your new helmet
3) wonder how the hell you're going to pay rent or buy food in your new helmet
The possibilities are endless.
Actually... That's pretty much it.
You're sitting around in a helmet.
A $1300 helmet.
I honestly don't know which is worse: the fact that someone is actually going to buy this helmet or the fact that I want one sooooooo bad.
I have no idea why I want it, but I do.
Unfortunately, my better judgment (read: Susan) keeps me from spending so much money (that I don't have) on a helmet.
How much do you think I can get for a baby on ebay?
No, no, no.
I couldn't possibly do that.
*checks ebay's terms of service*
I couldn't possibly do that.
Fan Pack Sent
Fan Club Update
I have randomly chosen Monday to send out the fan pack.
This will give me some time to spend with Susan this weekend and still adequate time to turn out some good stories.
The pack includes a number of stories including some classic-style [GM]Dave, a couple GoblinSmithy, and a new feature called [GM]Daddy. There are some other things, but I'll let those be a surprise.
For me too since I totally don't know what will be in there.
So anyone who has donated by Monday will receive this pack in your e-mail.
If you have not donated by Monday, you will have no way to fill that empty void in your soul.
Why would you do that to yourself?
That was close.
So I forgot Valentine's Day.
As I believe I mentioned, that was bad.
Luckily, I was able to remedy the situation.
This should be readily apparent as I am not making this update from a hospital bed.
I was sat at work, a cold sweat breaking out on my forehead, when I realized there was still time to fix the situation before it got any worse.
Just in case that didn't work, I took a moment to make sure my medical insurance was up to date.
Rather than running blindly from store to store, I sat down and made a list of potential gifts.
No, no, no.
This is not a gift for women.
They know that.
Nothing about buying a woman a piece of floss to wear in their most intimate of regions even comes close to being romantic.
And before you say you could buy something classy, I want you to think about what would happen in that lingerie store.
It'd be like going to a steakhouse and ordering a salad.
We both know your definition of classy and hers will not match up, and that you will buy something stupid.
Pajamas basically say "I was totally shopping for something slutty looking, but decided this was more likely to get me laid."
Pajamas are a nice gift. But for Valentine's Day, it's going to look a little too suspicious.
Now, you're not getting laid AND she's not going to wear anything slutty looking.
Also a no.
It doesn't matter what you pick out. She could tell you exactly what she's looking for and you will still get it wrong.
Women pick out clothes. That is the law of the jungle.
If you buy her clothes, she will nod politely and then ask you for the receipt to return them and get some pajamas.
Not a bad gift, but you have to be careful.
Buying jewelry sets a bad precedent. As the relationship goes on, she will expect the jewelry to become more extravagant.
Congratulations, you're in a relationship and are now homeless.
5) a teddy bear
What are you? Seven?
I was honestly lost. I had no clue what to buy for her.
I figured my best course of action would be to bite the bullet and just tell her the truth. Rather than half-ass a gift and have her get mad anyway, at least this saves me from shopping.
On my way home, I decided to stop and get her a rose. Not an actual gift, but it should help easy the blow.
On a whim, I decided to get a rose for my daughter, too.
As I walked in, my little girl ran up and hugged my leg. I leaned down and gave her the rose and wished her a happy Valentine's Day.Susan>> Oh my God.Susan>> That is just the sweetest thing I've ever seen.Susan>> I couldn't ask for a better Valentine.
Some days, my luck even amazes me.[GM]Dave>> You're the best Valentine I could ask for.Susan>> Really?Susan>> Because I bought something really small and uncomfortable.
A good man would have owned up to his mistakes and told her the truth.
If you see a good man anywhere, you tell him I'm over here having hot freaky Valentine's sex.
Damn, Damn, Damn
I have done a lot of things.
I have stood toe to toe with another man and let my fists do the talking.
I have risked life and limb to help someone else.
I have gone looking for a Wii in mid-December.
When I did each of those things, I never experienced fear.
Not even a little.
But this morning, I experienced true fear, true terror.[GM]Dave>> Hey, guys.[GM]Dave>> Anyone know what the date is?
Apparently, today is Valentine's Day.
Apparently, this is a big deal.
Apparently, forgetting it is an even bigger deal.
Apparently, I am utterly screwed.
Damn, damn, damn.
Susan's not that big.
I'm pretty sure if I absolutely had to, I could take her.
I'm sure I could at least out run her.
And yet, when the date came up this morning and kicked me in the face, I actually feared for my life.
I have to sleep sometime.
We own scissors.
Is there any chance I could stay with one of you guys?
My New Hobby
I get bored sometimes.
We all do.
So, I decided to come up with a fun new hobby to fill those gaps between:
a) playing video games
c) passing out while playing video games and drinking
As a parent, however, I had to find a hobby that would suit my already hectic schedule.
And nothing that makes me sweat.
Or move too much.
Or talk to people.
I thought long and hard about what kind of hobby could fulfill all my needs.
That would require moving.
Also, I'm pretty sure if I'm hanging off the side of a cliff, I'm going to be sweating.
It's a freakin' cliff.
Who the hell sees a sheer rock face and says "Hey! I could totally climb that!"?
Cliffs are God's way of telling you that it's time to stop walking. If you were supposed to go any further, there wouldn't be a big ass cliff in your way.
If I ever found myself using needles to knit a sweater, I'd probably use one of them to end my own life.
I don't make my own clothes.
That's what we pay children in Malaysia for.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I really needed to find a hobby that I could do around the house. Something that wasn't really time intensive, but I would still find amusing.
And that's when it hit me.
I call it "creative annoyance."
Susan calls it "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!
Each day, I go out of my way to do something that really pisses Susan off. But it has to be something completely random and something really small.
See, if you go too big, it leads to a big argument. That takes away the fun.
Instead, you find something so tiny that it drives them utterly crazy, but is not important enough to fight about.
It takes finesse.
Example 1: leaving the toilet seat up
This one is good, but is a little cliche.
Still, it drives them crazy and will provide a good laugh.
Example 2: forgetting to pick her up from work
Too big. Now, you're stuck in a car for twenty minutes with a yelling woman.
Good job, Forest.
Example 3: leaving your socks on the floor
I love this one. I always put them right in front of the hamper.
If I look closely enough, I can actually see her eye twitch when she picks them up.
That one kills me.
Example 4: kill her dogWhat's wrong with you?!We're trying to annoy her, you psychopath!Man!
I think you get the idea.
For the past few days, I've been doing the same one every morning.
Day 1 :Susan>> Honey, you left the cap off the toothpaste.[GM]Dave>> Sorry.Susan>> No worries. Just mentioning it.[GM]Dave>> Okay.
Not big, right?
That's the point.
But give it a few days...
Day 2:Susan>> Dave, you left the cap off the toothpaste again.[GM]Dave>> Sorry.Susan>> Try not to forget okay?[GM]Dave>> Okay.
Day 3:Susan>> Dave.Susan>> You left the cap off the toothpaste.Susan>> Again.[GM]Dave>> Sorry.Susan>> Put it back on from now on.[GM]Dave>> Okay.
Day 4:Susan>> Dammit, Dave!Susan>> Cap!Susan>> Toothpaste![GM]Dave>> Sorry.Susan>> You're killing me.[GM]Dave>> Okay.
Day 5:Susan>> GODDAMMIT!!!Susan>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!Susan>> YOU DID IT AGAIN![GM]Dave>> Sorry.Susan>> YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE![GM]Dave>> Okay.
I'm pretty sure she's going to have an aneurysm tomorrow.
A man needs to have a hobby.
[GM]Dave's Guide To Besieged
So you've decided to take part in Besieged.
What the hell took so damned long? Besieged has been around forever.
There's a few points you should know before you venture into Besieged.
1) There are a bajillion players taking part
Half of your server will be sitting in Al Zahbi waiting for Besieged to start.
The other half is in their moghouse getting gear for Besieged.
Luckily, those waiting in Al Zahbi will be kind enough to keep you entertained by having incredibly pointless conversations in /say so that everyone can hear them.
There's nothing quite like waiting on the cusp of a major battle while listening to two morons argue about which transformer was the most awesome.
(Author's Note: Jazz was the most awesome.)
Because there are a bajillion people waiting to take part, your system may (read: will) experience some degree (read: a shitload) of lag.
There may be a slight delay before characters are displayed on your screen.
Five or six minutes tops.
3) Your system may not display all players
Of the bajillion players, you will only ever see three.
And two of them will probably be dead.
4) The battle will begin quite quickly
The game is kind enough to give a warning to players that Besieged will begin soon and that you should hurry to Al Zahbi.
You should hurry, too. It takes a few minutes to get to Al Zahbi
This will only leave you with a good half an hour to wait.
Apparently, the beastmen forces like to take a leisurely pace on their way to murder us all.
5) You will receive a second warning before the battle ACTUALLY starts
When the beastmen actually finish their casual fun run and finally show up to Al Zahbi, the system will give another warning to alert players.
If you happen to miss this warning, you'll still be alerted as every moron in the zone will start shouting retarded things. Between the Reboot quotes and terrible Sparta jokes, you will get more than enough warning.
Hell, you'll be quite ready to throw yourself on the first sword you see.
6) Someone will always be yelling orders
Apparently, a random player is designated as some form of supervisor as they will take it upon themselves to shout directions to the entire zone.
Yes, yes. We're all going to hurry to your position.
It's not like we're doing anything else.
7) Most people are going to die
You have to expect to die in Besieged. It happens to everyone.
Should you die, the entrance to Whitegate is usually considered a safe place to rest once you've been raised. You can kneel and wait for weakness to wear off so you can rejoin the battle.
8) Someone will always pull a mob up to the dead people
One you're resting, you should probably save yourself some time and start looking for another raise.
Someone is going to pull an enemy right up on top of you.
Luckily, while you're still under weakness, you have a total of 3 hp. You won't have to wait long to use that raise.
Seriously, if one of them sneezes, you're going to die.
9) When things go bad, they go very bad
If you lose all 5 generals, the beastmen will immediately make their way to the Astral Candescence you were sent to defend.
The players left alive will make a last ditch attempt to fend them off.
They will fail.
Pretty much your only hope is that the huge pile of corpses will slow them down.
Fortunately, you only need to slow them down until...
10) THEY JUST FREAKING LEAVE
You're about to lose. There are four players left (of which you can only see three) and about four hundred beastmen. A monster is reaching out to take the Astral Candescence when...
Honestly. They just leave.
I guess they had to get home.
"Whoops. Forgot I had to pick Julie up from Soccer. Later, guys."
I mean a win is a win, but damn.
Still, as long as you are alive at this point, you will get a load of free experience points.
At least you would have except...
11) You will always die right before Besieged ends
You could hide in a corner for the last ten minutes and just before it ends, a giant scorpion will walk over and rape you in the face.
You die just in time to hear everyone else cheering.
But at least you helped other people.
That's worth something, right?
Tomorrow: [GM]Dave's Guide To Uninstalling FFXI
Mind = Blown
Ever have one of those little things jump out at you and really mess you up?
I sat down to watch the movie Rush Hour the other day. Susan and I were bored, so we figured it'd be kind of fun.
Do you realize they named an entire movie trilogy based on a line that wasn't even said by one of the main actors?
"No problem... Just rush hour."
The phrase doesn't even make sense in the given context. It certainly doesn't have anything to do with the plot.
And it's not said anywhere else at any point in a three movie series
I mean what the hell?!Director>> Hey...Director>> What are we going to call this movie?Producer>> Huh...Producer>> Never really thought about it.Producer>> How about "Stop Touching My Goddamn Radio"?Director>> Nah...Director>> Wait... What was that line we were going to cut?Director>> That one that made no sense.Producer>> You mean that "Rush hour" bullshit?Director>> Yeah...Director>> I like it.
Producer>> But what if we make a sequel?
Director>> A SEQUEL?!
Director>> Have you even read this script?
Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.
Sometimes this blog just writes itself, you know.
I don't have to spend anytime thinking up witty shit to say. It just throws itself onto the page with almost no work.
Just when I thought that the child-man article was the worst, most vapid, useless piece of trash I had read online, I find the Man-Teen
No, I'm not making these up.
This is why I said the blog writes itself.
I don't think I could write anything this funny.
Not only is the article full of completely pointless, self-serving rhetoric, it actually quotes the child-man article
It's like some strange level of meta-retardation.
And, once again, the author just makes up words
Fine. They want to play. Let's play.
How about Retalk?
Retalk is the state in which someone is so utterly retarded it is almost unbelievable and yet continues to speak at length about absolutely nothing.
That's a good one.
Or maybe Stupeculation?
Stupeculation is when someone makes up completely baseless arguments that try to speculate the thoughts of others when one barely has thoughts of their own.
I like that one.
How about Shutthehellupyoudamnedmorons?
This is fun.
The part of the article that I actually enjoy (yes, I did enjoy part of it) is the fact that it completely reinforces my point about the real gamer community.
If you read the comments for the article, a number of gamers take the time to point out the sheer offensive stupidity of it all.
It's nice to see that us manatee man-children and apparently non-existent female gamers can take the time from our immature video game nonsense to put people like this in their place.
People like this can prattle on all they like.
We'll be there to slap you back down.
That's how we roll.
[GM]Dave Vs. Humanity
Okay... I don't mind some constructive criticism, but there's somethings you just don't say.
I have feelings too, you know.
Some of the things you guys say about me really hurt.
For instance, a commenter actually wrote "Funny that [GM] Dave is defending humanity for once instead of condemning it."
Why would you say something like that?
Do you know how that makes me feel?
you accuse me of defending humanity?
Call me names. Make fun of my writing. Whatever.
That shit doesn't phase me.
Just the idea makes me sick.
The point of that post was not to defend humanity, but to once again point out our general failure as a species.
We keep making time for people and their insane nonsense.
Hey, do you have a internet access and a low IQ? We totally want to know your opinion.
Did you hear about Britney?
What about those violent video games?
I would actually start defending humanity if the majority of them didn't keep giving attention and time to these crackheads.
Now, you make think I'll defend the general gaming community.
Again, you would be mistaken.
For every retard selling gil, there's 10 morons buying it.
For every person buying a smart, innovative game, we have 8 bajillion buying Shovelware Shooter 2.
Do you honestly think I'd defend that?
Do you think I could?
Don't get me wrong. The REAL
gaming community I would defend.
But playing games doesn't make you a gamer and your Xbox Live account does not make you part of the community.
The people who know that Atari was more than a band.
And that Space Invaders is not a new show on TLC.
Those are my people.
Them I would defend.
But from them to humanity is a big damned jump.
I know not everyone playing online is a 12 year old screaming swear words at you.
There are a lot of good people out there.
Those good people are the community, not the 12 year olds.
And our community is not humanity.
Humanity spends way too much time making sure everyone's opinion is heard instead of making sure their opinion is worth hearing.
So, feel free to criticize me.
But please don't accuse me of defending humanity.
Even I have my limits.
A few people have asked about GoblinSmithy
I spoke with him this morning and he has agreed to write a few articles for the fan pack. Depending on how many people are interested, he might even make this a regular thing.
Well... As regular as mutilating players in new and interesting (read: obscene) ways can be.
So, if you guys show a genuine interest in the pack, I'll take that as a request for more Smithy.
I tried to ask GoblinPathfinder for help as well, but he kept thinking I was trying to sell him a fanny pack.
Anyway, thought I'd throw that out there. I'll be back later with another post.
I'm going to be slightly topical, so if you showed up expecting me to write about kicking a gilseller in the balls or something, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed.
Check back tomorrow. I'll totally be up for some ball kicking.
We'll make a day of it. We'll pack a lunch, see a movie, and then kick some balls.
Some of you may have seen an interesting article that made the rounds of some popular game sites. In case you did not, you can find it here
So, the basic gist of this opinion piece is a moderately offensive and entirely retarded thesis statement that men just don't grow up anymore.
It actually labels us as "child-men".
Apparently, our enjoyment of video games and popular media means that we are unable to grow out of our adolescent phase and get all growed up.
Now, I'm not a big fan of articles of this sort, but this one in particular really pissed me off. And while I know it was an opinion piece, I don't think that excuses them from this list of heinous offenses.
1) They made up a useless word
I have had enough of buzz words.
Seriously. That's it.
If you can't express your thoughts using currently available language, then you don't have a point. You need to stop and go away.
I am so tired of people making up new words to fit whatever convoluted argument they're trying to justify.
2) The article paints women as bastions of maturity
Don't get me wrong. I'm all about the girl power.
You chicks are all right.
But the article makes it seems like every woman hits twenty years of age and trades in her adolescence for a smart pant suit and a briefcase. World travelers and scholars, women instantly become adults.
Men, however, are stuck in cubicles in meaningless jobs and spend all of their free time playing video games and hitting clubs, sleeping with any woman they can find.
This is where the article sticks for me. Half the people in those cubicles are women."Now meet the 21st-century you, also 26. You've finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face – and then it's off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?"
Other than the obvious gender based nouns, where exactly is this huge line between men and women?
This not only describes the lives of most people, both male and female, but seems to be a great basis for a sitcom.
And exactly how are men sleeping with these women if all these young women are busy "packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling and dining with friends"?
Somewhere between the global traveling and having cosmos with the girls, women have mastered the ability to be in two places at once.
I'm not saying women are not mature, but these stereotypical, broad strokes are just the exact problem with society.
Women are cool and mature. So are men.
One might even think we were all people.
3) What happened to girl gamers?
I guess this author was too busy coming up with meaningless buzz words and watching Sex and the City reruns to check into the current gaming culture.
Girls game, too.
I'll grant you that the majority of gamers are men. That's hard to argue.
But to singularly declare that women are too busy shopping to get their game on?
My question is, then who the hell is buying all of those pink DSes?
Women are a strong part of the gaming community and culture, too. By removing them from the argument, the author detracts more from women then empowering them.
That's right, ladies. [GM]Dave got your back.
4) She REALLY overestimates the time we put into this.
"The most prevalent theory comes from feminist-influenced academics and cultural critics, who view dude media as symptoms of backlash, a masculinity crisis. Men feel threatened by female empowerment, these thinkers argue, and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles."
Does anyone have time to do this?
Personally, I play video games because they are fun. After the cubicle toiling that I have to do to pay the bills, I enjoy sitting down with some relaxing entertainment.
I don't, however, spend my time being angry at women or struggling with identity issues.
That shit sounds tiring.
5) Why wouldn't we choose games?
"Give young men a choice between serious drama on the one hand, and Victoria's Secret models, battling cyborgs, exploding toilets and the NFL on the other, and it's the models, cyborgs, toilets and football by a mile."
This is possibly the dumbest thing I've ever read.
Have you seen what passes for so called "serious drama" these days?
I would easily choose ANYTHING over the crap being passed off as drama these days. Maybe I don't feel like wasting time or money watching generic man chase generic woman through a generic romantic comedy.
Oh... I get it... This time Julia Roberts is a lawyer...
That's totally different.
You know what? I don't need a six.
The article sucks.
The author seems to have based her entire argument on watching Mountain Dew commercials.
I'm hoping you'll read the whole thing because you'll learn something very important. Amongst the sweeping generalizations, false premises, and specious reasoning, this article is able to convey a very important point.
People have way to much damned time on their hands.
Maybe they should get a hobby.
Video games for example...