Friday, September 03, 2010

Time Flies...

So, if you're reading this, you're probably familiar with everything that has been going on since Susan got pregnant.

I am writing this to inform you of the birth of our baby daughter.

Now, some of you are probably confused. Some of you are no doubt reading back through the archives for when I announced that Susan was pregnant.

I'll wait.


Okay. NOW, some of you are figuring out that that was not nine months ago.

I'll wait again. There's math involved.

Stupid math.


Alright. Are we all up to speed?


Tuesday, my lovely and very pregnant wife Susan decided to go on a little trip with a couple of her friends. Their names are not important as I am having them killed at my earliest convenience.

They went to a bed and breakfast more than two hours away. At the time, this did not seem like a bad idea since Susan was still 3 months from her expected due date.

It did seem like a bad idea Wednesday morning when her water broke.

Do you know that if your phone rings at 7 am, it is NEVER good news. Seriously. Just ignore it.

Our daughter was born while I was driving well in excess of any posted speed limits and cursing Susan's friends furiously.

I think I may have actually invented new swear words.

If someone calls you a Dongtanker, that means some serious shit, right there.

For those of you who may not have the greatest math skills (or reading ability as I just explained it), she was born 12 weeks early.

Yes, 12 weeks.

Imagine my surprise.

And because I'm sure we have a few "pics or it didn't happen" people in the crowd, I have decided to post a picture of her.

You may not want to keep scrolling if you're squeamish.

I warned you.

That is her shortly after birth, my darling baby girl.

I don't have any more recent photos though, as she had to be evaced to the nearest children's hospital for specialized treatment.

You know things are going just great when they airlift your baby daughter to an undisclosed location.

I'm pleased to say that she is doing amazingly though. For a baby born at 28 weeks, she is kicking some serious ass. She's already off the ventilator and is breathing on her own.

I know that doesn't sound amazing. You're breathing on your own right now and nobody is handing you a freaking medal, right?


Yeah, well, with babies like this, it's kind of a big deal. Let me have my little victories.

Get it?


I'm making puns.

Seriously, guys, things are okay. She is really doing well and all of the doctors are very hopeful. Susan and I will be heading to the children's hospital as soon as she's well enough to travel.

I just wanted to share this with you because you are my people.