Bannable Offenses

[GM]Dave's Guide To Besieged

So you've decided to take part in Besieged.

What the hell took so damned long? Besieged has been around forever.

Anyway...

There's a few points you should know before you venture into Besieged.


1) There are a bajillion players taking part

Half of your server will be sitting in Al Zahbi waiting for Besieged to start.

The other half is in their moghouse getting gear for Besieged.

Luckily, those waiting in Al Zahbi will be kind enough to keep you entertained by having incredibly pointless conversations in /say so that everyone can hear them.

There's nothing quite like waiting on the cusp of a major battle while listening to two morons argue about which transformer was the most awesome.

(Author's Note: Jazz was the most awesome.)


2) Lag

Because there are a bajillion people waiting to take part, your system may (read: will) experience some degree (read: a shitload) of lag.

There may be a slight delay before characters are displayed on your screen.

Five or six minutes tops.


3) Your system may not display all players

Of the bajillion players, you will only ever see three.

And two of them will probably be dead.


4) The battle will begin quite quickly

The game is kind enough to give a warning to players that Besieged will begin soon and that you should hurry to Al Zahbi.

You should hurry, too. It takes a few minutes to get to Al Zahbi

This will only leave you with a good half an hour to wait.

Apparently, the beastmen forces like to take a leisurely pace on their way to murder us all.


5) You will receive a second warning before the battle ACTUALLY starts

When the beastmen actually finish their casual fun run and finally show up to Al Zahbi, the system will give another warning to alert players.

If you happen to miss this warning, you'll still be alerted as every moron in the zone will start shouting retarded things. Between the Reboot quotes and terrible Sparta jokes, you will get more than enough warning.

Hell, you'll be quite ready to throw yourself on the first sword you see.


6) Someone will always be yelling orders

Apparently, a random player is designated as some form of supervisor as they will take it upon themselves to shout directions to the entire zone.

Yes, yes. We're all going to hurry to your position.

It's not like we're doing anything else.


7) Most people are going to die

You have to expect to die in Besieged. It happens to everyone.

Should you die, the entrance to Whitegate is usually considered a safe place to rest once you've been raised. You can kneel and wait for weakness to wear off so you can rejoin the battle.


8) Someone will always pull a mob up to the dead people

One you're resting, you should probably save yourself some time and start looking for another raise.

Someone is going to pull an enemy right up on top of you.

Luckily, while you're still under weakness, you have a total of 3 hp. You won't have to wait long to use that raise.

Seriously, if one of them sneezes, you're going to die.


9) When things go bad, they go very bad

If you lose all 5 generals, the beastmen will immediately make their way to the Astral Candescence you were sent to defend.

The players left alive will make a last ditch attempt to fend them off.

They will fail.

Pretty much your only hope is that the huge pile of corpses will slow them down.

Fortunately, you only need to slow them down until...


10) THEY JUST FREAKING LEAVE

You're about to lose. There are four players left (of which you can only see three) and about four hundred beastmen. A monster is reaching out to take the Astral Candescence when...

They leave.

Honestly. They just leave.

I guess they had to get home.

"Whoops. Forgot I had to pick Julie up from Soccer. Later, guys."

I mean a win is a win, but damn.

Still, as long as you are alive at this point, you will get a load of free experience points.

At least you would have except...


11) You will always die right before Besieged ends

Always.

You could hide in a corner for the last ten minutes and just before it ends, a giant scorpion will walk over and rape you in the face.

You die just in time to hear everyone else cheering.

...

Yay.

But at least you helped other people.

That's worth something, right?

Right?

Tomorrow: [GM]Dave's Guide To Uninstalling FFXI

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:21 PM