My New HobbyI get bored sometimes.
We all do.
So, I decided to come up with a fun new hobby to fill those gaps between:
a) playing video games
c) passing out while playing video games and drinking
As a parent, however, I had to find a hobby that would suit my already hectic schedule.
And nothing that makes me sweat.
Or move too much.
Or talk to people.
I thought long and hard about what kind of hobby could fulfill all my needs.
That would require moving.
Also, I'm pretty sure if I'm hanging off the side of a cliff, I'm going to be sweating.
It's a freakin' cliff.
Who the hell sees a sheer rock face and says "Hey! I could totally climb that!"?
Cliffs are God's way of telling you that it's time to stop walking. If you were supposed to go any further, there wouldn't be a big ass cliff in your way.
If I ever found myself using needles to knit a sweater, I'd probably use one of them to end my own life.
I don't make my own clothes.
That's what we pay children in Malaysia for.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I really needed to find a hobby that I could do around the house. Something that wasn't really time intensive, but I would still find amusing.
And that's when it hit me.
I call it "creative annoyance."
Susan calls it "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!"
Each day, I go out of my way to do something that really pisses Susan off. But it has to be something completely random and something really small.
See, if you go too big, it leads to a big argument. That takes away the fun.
Instead, you find something so tiny that it drives them utterly crazy, but is not important enough to fight about.
It takes finesse.
Example 1: leaving the toilet seat up
This one is good, but is a little cliche.
Still, it drives them crazy and will provide a good laugh.
Example 2: forgetting to pick her up from work
Too big. Now, you're stuck in a car for twenty minutes with a yelling woman.
Good job, Forest.
Example 3: leaving your socks on the floor
I love this one. I always put them right in front of the hamper.
If I look closely enough, I can actually see her eye twitch when she picks them up.
That one kills me.
Example 4: kill her dog
What's wrong with you?!
We're trying to annoy her, you psychopath!
I think you get the idea.
For the past few days, I've been doing the same one every morning.
Day 1 :
Susan>> Honey, you left the cap off the toothpaste.
Susan>> No worries. Just mentioning it.
Not big, right?
That's the point.
But give it a few days...
Susan>> Dave, you left the cap off the toothpaste again.
Susan>> Try not to forget okay?
Susan>> You left the cap off the toothpaste.
Susan>> Put it back on from now on.
Susan>> Dammit, Dave!
Susan>> You're killing me.
Susan>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Susan>> YOU DID IT AGAIN!
Susan>> YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE!
I'm pretty sure she's going to have an aneurysm tomorrow.
A man needs to have a hobby.