The Joys of ParenthoodI find myself still struggling with this new world of parenting.
What is it with these things?
I swear there isn't a minute of the day that something isn't coming out of some part of her body. Seriously. I don't even know where it all comes from.
She's not that big.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love her to death.
But I would still love her if she wasn't constantly leaking.
So, the other night I'm in the middle of a Dynamis-Xarcabard run. My daughter was sleeping quietly in her crib and Susan had passed out on the bed.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, it's actually quiet.
Things are going well. We're running like a well-oiled machine and relic is actually dropping at a nice rate.
It looks to be a good night.
That's when I heard a soft gurgle come from the crib.
We have a moment of downtime, so I decide to take a moment to gaze lovingly in at my baby girl.
What could a gurgle mean?
Is she dreaming? What is she dreaming about? Is she dreaming about me?
It was that exact moment that she decided to explain what her soft gurgle meant.
Apparently, "soft gurgle" translates into "I'm about to projectile vomit all over the damned room."
You have never seen anything so disturbing. She actually managed to throw up so hard that it shot out of her crib and all over the floor.
I wish I was making this up.
Now, I know that this had to be cleaned up immediately. As her father, I knew I only really had one option.
So, I'm waking Susan up...
Susan>> What's going on?
Dave>> Your daughter threw up.
Susan>> What do you mean "my daughter"?
Dave>> Well... She threw up.
Dave>> When she throws up, she's your daughter.
Dave>> This is not hard to follow.
Susan>> So, she's mine only when she's done something disgusting.
Dave>> You're it's mother.
Dave>> It's your job.
Susan>> Did you just call our daughter an "it"?
Susan>> What's wrong with you?
Susan>> She's a cute, little baby.
Dave>> Let's have this conversation later.
Dave>> Maybe when she's not covered in vomit.
Susan>> I'm going back to sleep.
Susan>> If you wake me up again, there will be pain involved.
Dave>> What kind of pain?
Susan>> And directed mostly toward your groin area.
Dave>> Sleep tight.
Somewhere, Mrs. Brady just died a little inside.
So, I'm cleaning up when I look at the screen and notice everyone trying to get my attention. I rush across the room just in time to see the armor I'd been waiting months for autolot to a random person.
Months of waiting undone by vomit.
Ironically, I felt like throwing up.
And that's when I heard it.
A soft gurgle.
As a side note, does anyone know if you can sell a baby on ebay?