Thursday, August 17, 2006

Sexual Harassment - Volume II

Now, as some of you may remember, I have dealt with the topic of sexual harassment in the past.

At the time, I made it very clear that anyone stepping onto the intarweb, particularly women, have to expect this kind of behavior may occur.

I still believe this.

The problem, however, arises that many guys who act this way think I'm on their side. They think I'm condoning this behavior.

Oh.

Hell.

No.

You should have known there was something wrong when you thought I was on your side. I'm not a "your side" kind of guy.

This kind of behavior does not belong in a public setting. As a matter of fact, this kind of behavior doesn't belong in any setting that doesn't involve dialing a 900 number.

I want you to actually think about what you are doing. You are sending unsolicited and usually unwanted sexual comments to a person you do not even know.

There are several problems with this:

1) There's a good chance this person did not request your sexual advances and will probably get offended

2) There's a good chance this person is someone you do not know and, as such, you are now harassing a complete stranger

3) There's a good chance this person has a penis.

When it comes right down to it, you're basically assaulting someone you don't even know.

Would you walk up to random women in the mall and start saying sexual things to them?

If your answer is no, then you shouldn't be doing it on the internet either.

If your answer is yes, then you shouldn't be breathing. Do us all a favor and please stop.

Harassing women or breathing. Whichever.

Some of you may be asking yourselves why I would come back to this topic today.

Well, it seems someone is possibly the unluckiest human being on our planet. He decided to mess with the wrong woman.

A smart woman.

A strong woman.

MY woman.

That's right. Some poor unfortunate soul made the mistake of harassing Susan. He must be either:

a) Incredibly stupid

b) Attempting suicide

c) Both a and b

So, I'm working very hard (read: sleeping at my desk) this afternoon, when I get a tell from Susan.

Susan>> Ugh...
Susan>> Some guy keeps sending me sexual tells.
[GM]Dave>> Look... We talked about this.
[GM]Dave>> This is a fantasy setting.
[GM]Dave>> I can send you anything I want.
Susan>> Not you, stupid.
Susan>> Some other guy.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> That's... interesting.
[GM]Dave>> Where did I put that gun?
Susan>> What are you going to do?
[GM]Dave>> That depends.
[GM]Dave>> What did he say?
Susan>> Well... He said...

*insert offensive comments here*

[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I think I'll start by killing his whole family.
[GM]Dave>> And his dog.
[GM]Dave>> Then, I'll see where my imagination takes me.
[GM]Dave>> I don't want to get ahead of myself...
[GM]Dave>> But I'm thinking something involving power tools.
Susan>> Anything.
Susan>> Just don't let him bother me again.
[GM]Dave>> That won't be a problem.

A few seconds later, I pull up his chat logs.

Not for proof, mind you. I'm going to print them off and wrap them around the incendiary device I'm mailing him.


I quickly find little Mr. Romeo and transport him to Mordion Gaol.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, karma has decided to kick your ass.
Player>> What's going on?
Player>> What am I doing here?
[GM]Dave>> We have decided to isolate your from society.
Player>> What do you mean "we"?
[GM]Dave>> Did I say "we"?
[GM]Dave>> I meant "I".
[GM]Dave>> I decided to isolate you.
Player>> Why?
Player>> What did I do?
[GM]Dave>> Do you know a player named Susan?
Player>> Oh... Her.
Player>> We were just chatting.
[GM]Dave>> "Chatting" he says.
[GM]Dave>> Well, she has filed a report against you.
Player>> For what?!
[GM]Dave>> Harassment of a sexual nature.
Player>> We were just kidding around!
[GM]Dave>> That's funny.
[GM]Dave>> Know what else is funny?
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Bannings.
Player>> ...
Player>> That's not funny.
[GM]Dave>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Always makes me laugh.
Player>> This isn't fair.
Player>> She started it.

Urge to kill rising.

Rising.

[GM]Dave>> That's odd.
[GM]Dave>> I'm looking at the logs right now.
[GM]Dave>> Unless "Get away from me, you sick freak" is starting it...
[GM]Dave>> I'd have to disagree.
Player>> This is so damned stupid.
Player>> I was just trying to get some.
[GM]Dave>> Well... I've got good news and bad news.
[GM]Dave>> Bad news is you didn't get exactly what you're looking for.
Player>> What's the good news?
[GM]Dave>> Good news is you are definitely f#*%ed.
Player>> Are you really going to ban me?
[GM]Dave>> No, no, no.
[GM]Dave>> Whatever gave you that idea?
Player>> Oh...
Player>> That's good.
[GM]Dave>> Banning is too good for you.
[GM]Dave>> Instead, I'd like to introduce you to some of my friends.
Player>> Oh damn.

That's when six huge Galkas spawned in a circle around him.

In nothing but subligars.

[GM]Dave>> I've programmed these guys to constantly talk.
[GM]Dave>> About sex.
[GM]Dave>> You'll find they get quite descriptive.
Player>> That's just sick!
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> How long is this going to last?
[GM]Dave>> From now until Japanese midnight.
Player>> That's not so bad.
[GM]Dave>> Japanese midnight, August 31st.
Player>> Don't you think that's a bit excessive?
[GM]Dave>> August 31st, 2017.
Player>> OH COME ON!
[GM]Dave>> I hope you boys have fun.

I think I could actually hear him weeping as he logged out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a hardware store.

31 Comments:

At 8:45 PM, Blogger elwillow said...

...
I feel sorry for the guy ;)

maybe he'll learn his lesson for good..

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger Zlo said...

Damn he picked the wrong girl to try and get some from lol...

Dave my hardware store is having a sail on power drills if you want to buy some to murder his family

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger Zlo said...

sale*

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger Haunted Gummy Bears said...

I finally decided to comment on one of these blogs. This has to be by far the greatest thing I have ever seen. All of your blogs.

You actually made me go back to FFXI for about a month, realizing its a constant grind I quit for a while and play casual EQ2.

Keep them coming, they do NOT get old

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

a standard incendiary device is too good for this guy :/, time to crack open the case of weapons grade plutonium.

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

You should of said you would be the one getting some from her that night lol.

That's awesome.

A guy hit on my girl in the real world (damn schools... I can't wait untill I can stay indoors forever)

anyway he's a testicle lighter now.

 
At 10:56 PM, Blogger Yo Alejandro said...

OOOOOH HELL no!!!

Someone tried that on my girl once, they're still trying to find out witch part's witch between he's face and his genitals, and he was my best friend for crying out loud!!!, people like that MUST be destroyed by the most painfull and excrutiating way ever deviced by the sickest sadistic mind in the planet (a.k.a. [GM]Dave)


ALL HAIL [GM]Dave AND HIS OWNER SUSAN!!!!!

 
At 11:29 PM, Blogger Twinblades said...

Susan ftw /cheer

 
At 11:41 PM, Blogger FFXI_Akashimo_and_Nekoai said...

lmfao, worse thing than to hit on a woman the bad way, is to hit on the woman of a GM.
...6 galka....i'd pitty the guy and yet, have to laugh and be glad that ain't me

 
At 1:06 AM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

He must pay.

He must pay in the most inhumane, demeaning, painful ways possible.

Simple as that.

 
At 2:55 AM, Blogger Orien said...

Lets get nasty here.

Get me a rope, some olives and a bag of mice. You'll hear him scream to Uranus.

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

He deserved it! What a tool!

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger OC said...

Good work as always [GM]Dave.

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger Magda said...

I never understood how people could actually rationalize getting laid and cyber being the same thing... Saying "I just wanted to get some"... its like... then go out and meet a real women, talking to someone online is the same as having no one there at all... you have to use your imagination either way... I don't think you can in anyway refer to it as getting some cuz all you are really doing is pleasing yourself by percieving what you want to see out of it...

But then again.. I get laid on a regular basis so I suppose I can look at this and go WTF...

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

What we really want to know...is how Susan thanked her rescuer??

Will it result in you limping and a trip to the chiropractor on Monday??

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger ClamS said...

In reply to everyone replying to this blog responding with "some guy did that to my girl" or "I get some all the time" :

No they didnt, no you don't.


now that thats out of the way. Some guy decided to try making a move on my girl. I got so pissed that i left him unconscious in the middle of the road. It turned my girl on so much that now i get some every night.

see how stupid that looks?

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Zenomorph said...

Use his intestines as jump-rope. ^.^

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger TheMerciless said...

I would like to caution you against power tools, actually. They make a lot of noise and can occasionally bring witnesses no matter how well muffled the screaming is. Furthermore, applications of the really fun tools (bandsaw, chainsaw, etc) tend to cause unconsciousness before truly unbearable agony is reached, simply due to shock.

Instead, I would recommend boiling. Start with his feet. When they start to swell, prick them slightly with a slightly sharpened stick. Repeat until they pop. THEN go for the powerdrill.

For muffling sound, I would suggest a ball gag, a la Pulp Fiction. Quite effective I have found, especially if you line the walls with matresses, or are underground sans windows.

...and when I said "I've found" I meant "I've heard."

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Cruven said...

I kinda know how that feels dave...except...

it involved me...and some Galka..and instead of tells it was emotes. But of course it wasn't just me...apprently he's been doing his emotes to other players as well.

I first encountered this galka...>.> in qifim when we had lost a praty member...we did one battle and our WHM died....as he stated "Im a DRK im not supposed to tank. sad about the WHM tho"

he followed me around for about...a half hour with his emotes. i simply to get away from him found a friend in jeuno teleport-holla me. i just kinda wandered off after that.


when i did get back to jeuno he was still there doing his emotes to other players.


and one of the people in my LS saw him doing his emotes last night.


People like this as you stated don't deserve to breath and whatever else they do.

 
At 10:08 AM, Blogger Meshuggah said...

You have the best blog evar tbh. I never read anything nearly as amusing at what I read here. It's genious. You're great.

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Gray Fox said...

Oh God, poor poor bastard.
He probably didn't even saw it coming when he started. I almost feel sorry for him. XD

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Wolftin said...

OMFG Susan's thoughts come to life. Sweet god, i hope Susan got to see it or at least told her about it ROFL

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Nightwing said...

That guy needs to die. I know sorta what its like, I play a female nightelf (yes, go ahead and laugh) on WoW, and people are constantly harrasing me. They are losers and need to get a life. It is the freaking intarweb, if you want some then go to NY and get a hooker.

Oh, and as for torture methods, consider a red-hot metal poker and the guy's penis. I am sure you will come up with something painful eventually.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Razmo said...

F*&K Ya Dave F8&K YA!!!

-Raz

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Stocky said...

To Raz, do you have a ban wish? lawl

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

You had me at "Where's my gun?"

 
At 1:57 AM, Blogger Nyahnyah said...

This had happened to my girlfriend once. The only things I could think to do was:
a) laugh at her (because I'm an ass like that)

and

(b) create another character to "accidentally" mistell homoerotic messages in /say to him in front of his party or linkshell or whatever

Calling GMs is just too boring, haha.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

"get some"? How the hell is he going to "get some" on an internet game?

I mean, the closest he'd get is to have intimate relations with his hand. And he could have done that without harrassing people anyway.

Some people are so stupid.

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger Tuna said...

Funny how when it comes to YOUR girl you do something about it, yet when its another grl u care just like if it was nothing.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger XG Power said...

Hi - if anyone is looking for a nice deal on a log splitter, I found XG Power offering over 40% discount on log splitters. The XG Power log splitter can be used in vertical or horizontal position with auto-reciprocating type operation. Cut a big job down to size with XG Power log splitters. Turn a chilly winter's day into warm moments by the fireside.

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger Roger Richardson said...

Just wondering if that guy did finally get released last month.

 

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