Thursday, August 10, 2006

Et Tu, Brutus?

Okay, I'm getting ready to snap.

As you all know, I am a model of self-restraint and patience. I always remain cool and level-headed.

Stop laughing.

But, honestly, I'm getting ready to throttle one of my co-workers.

Well... I'm not sure I'd call her a co-worker. Yes, she sits in the same room as me and has the same job title, but she really doesn't do that much work.

Unless her job description includes being an annoyingly retarded bitch.

Seriously, all this woman does is annoy the hell out of everyone. She constantly has to be the center of attention.

And that really isn't hard given the way she looks. I remember the first day I saw her...

[GM]Dave>> Hey, who's that guy?
Supervisor>> Her name is Janice.
[GM]Dave>> Her? Seriously?
Supervisor>> Yes.
Supervisor>> She's a woman.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously?
Supervisor>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously?
Supervisor>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Are we talking an actual woman?
[GM]Dave>> Or will be a woman after the operation?
Supervisor>> I don't think we should be talking about this.
[GM]Dave>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> Does She-hulk have super-hearing or something?
Supervisor>> This may be getting close to sexual harassment.
[GM]Dave>> Don't ever say the word sexual in relation to that thing.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously.
[GM]Dave>> I think I just threw up in my mouth.

I don't know exactly what's wrong with Sasquatch, but that "lady" needs to shut the hell up.

Dealing with her creates a dilemma within me.

Not a moral one. Oh, hell no.

I just have no idea where I could hide a body that big.

I'd drop her in the Pacific, but I think people would notice half of San Francisco being suddenly under water.

This morning, she managed to corner me and started talking to me.

This is an actual conversation I had with this person.

[GM]Janice>> Hi, Dave.
[GM]Dave>> ... Uhh... Hi, Janice.
[GM]Janice>> What are you up to?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I'd love to chat.
[GM]Dave>> But I was just about to go shove a pen through my eye.
[GM]Dave>> I should get on that.
[GM]Janice>> You're so funny.
[GM]Janice>> You kill me.
[GM]Dave>> I've considered it.
[GM]Janice>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Janice>> So what are your plans tonight?
[GM]Dave>> I thought I'd try to drown my liver in alcohol.
[GM]Dave>> You?
[GM]Janice>> I'm not sure yet.
[GM]Janice>> My boyfriend and I are fighting.

Now, I have no idea why in the hell she's telling me this.

I would have asked, but this was a much more important question on my mind.

[GM]Dave>> YOU have a BOYFRIEND?!

Note to self: work on subtlety.

[GM]Janice>> Yes, I have a boyfriend.
[GM]Janice>> What does that mean?
[GM]Dave>> Oh, nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Is he by any chance blind?
[GM]Janice>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... I get it.
[GM]Dave>> He's "special".
[GM]Janice>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> Don't look at me.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not the one taking advantage of the mentally challenged.
[GM]Dave>> Can I get that in writing?

She kind of stomped away after that.

It's getting so that you can't even suggest that the only way someone could be attractive is if the other person was devoid of any type of vision.



At 8:07 PM, Blogger Ryuusuke said...

wow that was simply classic be careful though sasquatch may of been lookin for a piece of [GM]Dave

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Gray Fox said...

"I'd drop her in the Pacific, but I think people would notice half of San Francisco being suddenly under water."

That's the line that did it. A good laugh right there.

At 9:21 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Man, if Susan ever got a GM position, I'd HATE to see how you two would react to each other at work... I mean, judging from this, I think it would be safe to say that you wouldn't be getting any for QUITE a while...

At 9:24 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

The whole thing was great! Starting with the first conversation got me.


At 9:42 PM, Blogger HTL2001 said...

[GM]Dave>> Can I get that in writing?


There are some people I wish I'd said that to... guess that would be the perfect line to make sure they keep that promise

At 10:09 PM, Blogger azza said...

you always know when they drop the line [GM]Janice>> "I'm not sure yet.
My boyfriend and I are fighting" that they arnt just after a chit chat.

Had some great nights after Ive heard this line from girls ;)

(not that im talking about sasquatches, thats a frightening thought)

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Peter Hosey said...

BTW, it looks like you have some unfinished bold in this post.

At 10:30 PM, Blogger leonoxx said...

You should subtly ask her how many blackmages it takes to d2 her...
that would be humorous

At 10:31 PM, Blogger Peter Hosey said...

Hm, never mind. Either you just fixed it while I was posting that, or my RSS reader (or Blogger's feed generator?) screwed up somehow.

At 3:30 AM, Blogger Aerylia said...

ahaha! That is funny.
But i'm curious to know how that conversation would have gone if she had the same face but only 120lbs and carried a pair of DDs.

At 3:34 AM, Blogger damnifiknow said...

Holy Hell..... DAVE YOU ROCK!!! Makes me think of some of the people I work with.

At 7:22 AM, Blogger Keilyn said...

lol Nice.

At 8:21 AM, Blogger backlash said...

oh my god that is horrible, yet soo funny. classic of [GM]Dave to say something like that, but be careful dave, sensitivity training isnt fun.

At 8:25 AM, Blogger nano said...

>> More retarded than usual like a fox.

Well at least he tries to outwit you. For once, he did see it coming though.

At 8:31 AM, Blogger shelby said...

Great dave. But she had a crush on you! lmao. Thats why she said "boyfriend and I are fighting".

At 1:50 PM, Blogger Razalis said...

God i can never understand Women.

At 3:52 PM, Blogger dickkead said...

As much as I hate to give you positive feedback, this one made me giggle, but only because it's fun to make fun of other peoples looks and personal being.

When I say I hate to give you positive feedback, it's because I don't want that already huge head of yours getting any bigger.

Can you even fit that thing into a one size fits all baseball cap?

At 6:20 PM, Blogger Alkonost said...

Well, it's bene kinda retarded this week. its' like international be super stupid week.

Prolly why she tried to talk about something stupid in the first place.

At 11:27 PM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

dude I love this. It gets better and better.

At 10:35 AM, Blogger Ridicule: Man of peaches! said...

Dave, Dave, Dave. . . did you ever consider THROWING A PEACH AT HER!

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Bigmatt500 said...

Hey [GM] this is my first time posting here and i jsut wanna say hey and umm.. your funnyy... yeah that too. also i have a question for you seeing as your a [GM] ok so i lost my bokolet with my name PoL name and login info and my frined says that iw ill have to call tach support but they wont be able to tell me my logon info so i will jsut have to have them cancle the account (im like WTF! they can cancle it but not tell me the login stuff) and the go but it again. anyways any help would be apreciated oh im on ramah my name was chair i was an awsome twinked out RDM casue my best friend was teh roxxorz lol anyways i figured i would ask you becase there really arent may people to ask lol anyways thanks

At 5:53 PM, Blogger Sebb said...

To quote the man Dave.

"You then email a guy who bans retards and then explain how retarded you are" - or words to that effect.

Ouch kido.

I liked this post Dave.
Mocking people because of physical appearance is good.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Bigmatt500 said...

ouch... guess i deserved that

At 7:05 PM, Blogger Kirip-san said...

Dave, you are a brilliant man.



At 12:14 PM, Blogger Advent said...

The very day, [GM]Dave goes 'PC' is the day I stop reading this! If she DID have a crush on [GM]Dave, he'd be very flat methinks?

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Nikeplektrum said...

Here is an article about the US "GM Room"

When i read this article i thought about that eh.. woman in the white shirt above the text about the in-game mariage


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