What's In A Name?Okay, I've got to get this out. This has been pissing me off since I started playing this game.
Hell, it's bothered me since the beginning of the intarweb.
What the hell is with the emo names?
Yes, yes. You picture yourself as some dark, mysterious avenger.
I'm sure your mom thinks you are very cool.
But you know what? Calling yourself Darktalonnightblack or what the hell ever doesn't make you dark and mysterious.
It makes you retarded.
Honestly, I can't even begin to count the sheer number of emo names that I see on a daily basis.
What must go through people's heads as they're looking at the character creation screen?
Emotard>> Hmmm... I need to choose a name.
Emotard>> Should I be creative?
Emotard>> Wait... maybe I can just jumble together a bunch of words.
Emotard>> Words like dark and scary.
Emotard>> That's a great idea.
I want everyone to do me a big favor.
Are you ready?
Log on to your account and go to the character selection screen.
If any of your characters have a retardedly emo name, I want you to delete that character.
That includes any name that includes the words Dark or Talon.
Also, if your name is some pathetic attempt to seem intellectual or poetic, feel free to delete those, too.
This would include names like Deathembodied, Eternaldarkness, Nightshadow.
No, no. Don't bother transfering any items before you delete them. They are forever tainted by your idiocy.
I get that this is a fantasy game. I understand that.
How about fantasizing something less annoying?
Today, I was running through South San d'Oria on my main character. You know, minding my own business.
Suddenly, a player runs by me named (and I'm not making this up) Darkravenwing.
Words fail me.
I sat there for a moment, trying to comprehend the sheer emoness of that name. It was like it went beyond the normal realm of stupidity and folded in upon itself to create a singularity of retardedness.
Once my fragile, human brain was able to come to terms with this extradimensional level of stupid, I saw that I had no choice.
Something had to be done.
I quickly logged out and then logged back in under my GM account.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid someone has reported your name.
Darkravenwing>> What do you mean?
Darkravenwing>> My name is not offensive.
[GM]Dave>> That's a matter of opinion.
[GM]Dave>> Your name violates code 4.5.113.
Darkravenwing>> I don't understand.
Darkravenwing>> What code is that?
[GM]Dave>> Hold on a sec...
[GM]Dave>> Got to grab my manual.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm... 4.5.113...
[GM]Dave>> Oh, here it is.
[GM]Dave>> Rules concerning rampant stupidity.
Darkravenwing>> I still don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> Somehow, I'm not surprised.
[GM]Dave>> Let me put it in layman's terms.
Darkravenwing>> Someone reported my name for being stupid?
[GM]Dave>> I think they actually said gundam-emo-tarded.
Darkravenwing>> That's ridiculous.
[GM]Dave>> I worked really hard on that.
Darkravenwing>> You reported me?
[GM]Dave>> Someone had to.
[GM]Dave>> Your name is a crime against intelligence.
Darkravenwing>> There's nothing wrong with my name.
Darkravenwing>> I want to appeal your report.
[GM]Dave>> Hold on.
[GM]Dave>> I'll run this by the appeals committee.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> The committee denied your appeal.
Darkravenwing>> That was fast.
[GM]Dave>> Not really.
[GM]Dave>> I usually agree with myself pretty quickly.
Darkravenwing>> Wait, wait, wait...
Darkravenwing>> You're the appeals committee?
[GM]Dave>> Didn't I mention that?
[GM]Dave>> It really speeds up the process.
Darkravenwing>> There has to be something else.
Darkravenwing>> Is there a judge or someone I can talk to?
[GM]Dave>> Of course there is.
Darkravenwing>> That's you, too, isn't it?
Darkravenwing>> Don't I have the right to a fair trial or something?
[GM]Dave>> What a silly rule.
[GM]Dave>> Fair trial...
[GM]Dave>> What kind of justice system would use fair trials?
Darkravenwing>> But how does an player prove their innocence?
[GM]Dave>> Well... We run a series of tests.
[GM]Dave>> That usually clears up the problem.
Darkravenwing>> What's the first test?
[GM]Dave>> We ban you.
[GM]Dave>> If the problem stops, it is obvious you are guilty.
Darkravenwing>> How does that prove a player innocent?
[GM]Dave>> You know... That's never come up.
Darkravenwing>> This is insane.
Darkravenwing>> I'M INNOCENT.
[GM]Dave>> I believe you.
[GM]Dave>> But I'm afraid the judge wants to make an example.
Darkravenwing>> But you're the judge!
[GM]Dave>> Tough call.
Darkravenwing>> There must be someone else I can talk to.
Darkravenwing>> Anyone else.
[GM]Dave>> There is the complaints manager.
Darkravenwing>> Can I speak with him please?
[GM]Dave>> Let me see if he's free.
Darkravenwing>> What's going on?
Jormungand hits Darkravenwing for 15,994 points of damage.
Darkravenwing was defeated by Jormungand.
Darkravenwing falls to level 48.
[GM]Dave>> I love the justice system.
Listen. There's really no excuse for a stupid name.
If you can't come up with something creative and non-emo, just mash your hand on the keyboard.
Trust me. Even a jumble of random letters will look less retarded.