Surrealism
This morning, I was at work and I was bored.Just.
Plain.
Bored.
I was banning cheaters and morons left, right, and center, but nothing was doing it for me.
Even feeding people to Jormy wasn't making me feel better.
This was serious.
It was time to try something new, something different.
Since my sniper rifle was on back order, I had to come up with another idea.
What would be the best way to combat the complete and other randomness I am forced to deal with every day?
Then it came to me, an idea so perfect that I'm surprised it hadn't come to me long ago.
Fight fire with fire.
Fight crazy with crazy.
But where could I find someone to would inspire such madness?
Gee... if only I had a line up of complete morons with nothing better to do than send me retarded messages.
GM Call Queue: You have 168 GM calls pending over 9 servers.
Perfect.
Let's say hello to our first contestant...
GM Call Description: No treasure coffer in Eldieme Necropolis. Glitch.
He enjoys long walks through dank dungeons and is apparently functionally retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> The color of the day is cheese.
Player>> ... Uhh...
Player>> Hi?
[GM]Dave>> I ask you: what sound does tomorrow make?
[GM]Dave>> The otter wants to know.
Player>> The what?
Player>> What otter?
[GM]Dave>> That is a question.
[GM]Dave>> It bears the mark of the question.
[GM]Dave>> I fear it.
Player>> What's going on?
[GM]Dave>> Yes, Yes, YES.
[GM]Dave>> What is going on indeed?
[GM]Dave>> Only the otter can tell us.
Player>> WHAT OTTER?
[GM]Dave>> Quiet, you mad fool!
[GM]Dave>> They will hear you.
Player>> WHO?
[GM]Dave>> You have spoken with the owl?
[GM]Dave>> He is a delicious bird.
[GM]Dave>> Delicious in his madness.
Player>> I have no idea what the hell you're saying!
[GM]Dave>> What is knowing?
[GM]Dave>> The otter knows.
Player>> WHAT GODDAMNED OTTER?!
[GM]Dave>> He has heard you.
[GM]Dave>> The end times have begun.
[GM]Dave>> Tomorrow shall make no sound.
Player>> You're freaking crazy.
[GM]Dave>> Quickly! We must hide!
[GM]Dave>> I can feel his apathy.
Player>> What do you mean hide?
*warp*
Area: Mordion Gaol
Player>> Oh, Christ.
Player>> What the hell now?!
[GM]Dave>> WE ARE LOST!!!
[GM]Dave>> THE OTTER HAS FOUND US!!!
Player>> Where?
[GM]Dave>> There!
[GM]Dave>> He sits there bathing in our fear!
Player>> That?
Player>> That's what you're afraid of?!
Player>> IT'S A FREAKING RABBIT!
[GM]Dave>> That is only what it wants you to think.
[GM]Dave>> The truth lies underneath.
[GM]Dave>> Underneath lies madness.
Player>> OH SHUT UP!
Player>> I'll kill it.
The Wild Hare uses Acquiessense.
Player is defeated by the Otter.
[GM]Dave>> The otter...
[GM]Dave>> He cries.
It's funny. That guy still hasn't logged back in.
He must be taking either:
a) a day off to regain his senses
b) a power drill to his temple.
Either way, I'm not bored anymore.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 5:49 PM
6 Comments:
XD I love you man!
I have to agree with your diversion to this entertainment.
Oh God, I hadn't laughed like that in a while. Pure madness FTW!
Wow... This totally makes me think of what would happen if Chef Brian of Ctrl-Alt-Del were a GM... Absolute nonsense.
Well, at least you got over your boredom
Hey 'Dave' I know your secret!
Don't worry I wont tell!
See ya where...
When I first read this, the first thing to pop into my mind, was CAD and PA.
Awesome, and well done. ^_^
To: Dickhead
Your skin is too thin. It's called "Teh Internets" And I don't know where you've been, but it's populated by beings such as you describe for as long as I can remember.
Come to think of it, so is IRL...
Me and a guildy were on vent with other guildy's, and we ended up reciting this spontaneously while we were both reading it. My guildy as Dave, and me as the player.
They thought we were ad-libbing it. XD
And, also that we were crazy/high.
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