Virtual Reality TV
Yesterday, I spent the majority of my day on the edge of death. Literally, I spent several hours praying for it to just end.Okay...
I had the flu.
Still, I just couldn't log in. Something about the camera motion was making me nauseous.
This, of course, sucked because I wasted a day off that could have gone into crafting. Damn these germs.
Anyway, since I could not log in, I actually started to miss the mindless, random nonsense I deal with on a daily basis.
Things were just way to normal. I was getting freaked out.
Where could I find a source of complete retardation?
Oh, yeah... when your PS2 isn't on, other stuff comes out of your TV.
So, I spent the day watching anything and everything that came across the screen.
Infomercials? Watched them.
Sitcoms? Watched them.
Reality TV? Sadly... watched them.
But it was through this act of mental masochism that I came up with yet another form of absolute cruelty to release upon the player populace.
I call it Survivor: Mordion Gaol.
This morning, when the curse had apparently been lifted, I headed into work and damn, I was ready to go.
Some bitches was gonna pay.
I logged into a random server and checked for known and suspected gilsellers.
Dammit! I only needed twelve people.
Fine. Whatever. I picked twelve at random.
I considered banning the rest, but then what would I do tomorrow?
I warped the twelve "lucky" contestants to Mordion Gaol.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
[GM]Dave>> Welcome, Cheaters.
[GM]Dave>> I mean Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> No, I meant Cheaters.
Player1>> Why are we here?
[GM]Dave>> You're here to take part in an exciting new event.
[GM]Dave>> It's called "Survivor: Mordion Gaol".
Player2>> Can you do this?
[GM]Dave>> Well, it does raise some serious questions of morality.
[GM]Dave>> Luckily, I have no morals.
[GM]Dave>> Isn't it great the way that works out?
Player1>> You can't just do this to us.
Player3>> Yeah. We're paying customers.
[GM]Dave>> You're looking at this the wrong way.
[GM]Dave>> This is a good thing?
Player2>> Really?
Player2>> It's good?
[GM]Dave>> It's very good.
[GM]Dave>> Well... sort of good.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, it's actually really terrible.
[GM]Dave>> I'd probably start crying, if I were you.
Player4>> Can we do anything to get out of here?
[GM]Dave>> There will be several competitions.
Player4>> Like what?
[GM]Dave>> Well... do you like food competitions?
Player4>> Sure.
Jormungand hits Player4 for 14,033 points of damage.
Player4 was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> And we're down to eleven.
Player3>> This is insane.
[GM]Dave>> How about a physical competition next?
Jormungand hits Player3 for 12,791 points of damage.
Player3 was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Ten.
Player5>> That was the same as the food competition.
Jormungand hits Player5 for 15,343 points of damage.
Player5 was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Nine.
[GM]Dave>> Are we done with the questions?
[GM]Dave>> Good.
[GM]Dave>> Now, on to the next competition.
[GM]Dave>> Somewhere in this room is a special ??? point.
[GM]Dave>> It is only targetable at very close range.
[GM]Dave>> The last person to find it will be banned.
[GM]Dave>> GO!
You know, it's been about sixteen hours. I really should check in on them soon.
Or next week.
Whatever.
I wonder how long it'll take them to figure out there's no ??? point.
Eh... I'll wait a week and see if any of them are still there.
And then I'll ban them.
Outwit.
Outplay.
Out of my Goddamned game, you retards.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 5:04 PM
7 Comments:
Mountainmage is mad that they didn't get in first. *snicker*
FFXI + Survivor. Sounds hilarious!
Heh... I hate Survivor and all reality TV just as much as the normal sane person, but I have to admit this sounds intriguing...
You should send a pilot out. :P
They thought they could take care of him with the flu. But they were wrong. DEAD wrong.
12 Gilsellers... 1 pissed-off GM...
***Survivor: Mordion Gaol***
Coming to a FFXI serv near you! (Except for Lakshmi, nobody's touching that shit.)
Great stuff Dave! I'm enjoying my Davism more and more with every post!
Ok, this is just wrong, I snarfed out loud at work as I read this lovely piece of wit. We [Heart] you [GM]Dave. You go boy!
Coldheartedragnarok,
Maybe you should look up the literal definition of retard. The actual meaning of the word is to be slow or delayed.
Having a mental disability does not make you a retard. Being a retard makes you a retard.
It's like the difference between newb and n00b. It's all in the actual meaning of the word.
I've got no problems with people who have honest conditions that affect their abilities. I mean, that shit happens.
I just hate stupid people.
Hell, it's technically correct to use the phrase 'retarded light', and the word 'late' as in 'not on time' translates into French as 'en retard'. So "retarded" isn't really that offensive, now, is it?
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