Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Theme Week - Jormy Redux 7


Number 7.

I actually survived another theme week.

This shit ain't easy, people. It's not exactly simple to make witty observations and tell humorous stories.

Or to make questionable observations and tell mildly amusing stories.

I do it all for you people. All for you.

Okay... I do it all for the donations. But that doesn't mean that you're not important to me.

You are my people.

I know that some of you love Jormy. I know that some of you hate Jormy.

I know some of you think that the Jormy stories are horribly formulaic. I know some of you think that formula is horribly awesome.

A lot of people ask why I don't write about Jormy as much as I used to. There was a time, oh so long ago, when every story ended with Jormy-related violence. Now, I'm lucky if I write about him once every two weeks.

No, I didn't get tired of Jormy.

I don't even see how that would be possible. It's my own personal dragon / weapon of vengeance.

How exactly could you get bored of that?

No, I'm not slowly phasing Jormy out.

I love Jormy. He's my eternal sidekick, helping me dole out my own special brand of justice to the peoples of Vana'diel.

There is no phasing out.


I'm currently trying to figure out how to port him over to FFXIV.

You know... Just in case.

If you ever see me in the street with a purple thumbdrive, you know that shit is on like Donkey Kong.

So, why don't I write about Jormy as much as I used to?

Honestly, I just don't want people to get tired of him.

Jormy makes me laugh. Every single time I hit that purple button (minus one time, stupid freaking cheap button), I laugh and enjoy myself.

And you guys enjoyed it for a long time.

Then, people said it started to get old.

It doesn't bother me when people say I'm not funny. My sense of humor is very odd and most people find it very hit or miss.

Mostly miss.

There is a great deal of missing.

It's like a darts tournament at a school for the blind.

Doesn't bother me. I make me laugh.

It does, however, bother me when people start saying shit about Jormy.

I know, I know. He's not real. He's just a bunch of code and textures just like any other video game character.

But if it wasn't for Jormy, I don't know how long I could actually have done this job. I don't know how long I could actually deal with players and complaints without quitting.

Or resorting to automatic weapons fire.

I don't want Jormy to get old. I don't want to be typing up yet another tale of my day at work and think "Shit, not Jormy again."

So, I'm trying to spread it out a bit.

You know, mix it up a little. Broaden my horizons.

A lot of crazy stuff happens in the world. Every day.

I write about some of it because it catches my interest. Maybe I have a fresh perspective to share. Maybe I just want to bitch about it.

Depends how you catch me that day.

But there will never be a day when I won't have a Jormy story ready to go.

It's kind of my thing.

And some day, way down the line, I'll be a crazy old man screaming about a giant purple dragon of DOOM while shouting at kids to get off my lawn.

And it'll still make me laugh.

You know... Assuming the bacon doesn't kill me first.


At 8:46 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Dave, take no offense to this, but... stories about your real life aren't exactly hilarious either. OK, they're amusing at times, but I'd much rather read about you mentally dominate some poor sap who thought that he could get away with cheating in your game.

Watching you argue with Susan, while entertaining due to the pain she typically promises to deliver upon you, just isn't as funny because neither of you have the mental capacity of a cat that someone threw at a brick wall.

On another note, my parents stopped buying me pets at age 8. I wonder why.

Anyways, less real life, more ended life, at Jormy's hands. Anyone who claims he's getting old can go find another blog to read.

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Tidusjnr said...

I agree wtih Bufuman. I started this blog when it was all about the Jormy and absolutely LOVED it. It's upsetting that there is not as much Jormungand as there used to be, I sometimes find myself going back and reading over everyone of your old posts.

Seriously, bring back jormungand, there are a damn sight more people who like him then people who hate him.

At 10:03 PM, Blogger Anki said...

Oh, please, people. GM Dave (whoever the literary genious may really be) writes a blog. A blog of short writings that normally follow a unified theme relating around Final Fantasy XI, and his Game Master role within it. I find it so tiring to see so many being so critical, although I am sure the criticism is helpful for Dave.

Reality for me: REGARDLESS of what Dave writes about, I truly enjoy it. Almost always.

This is because he has a gift for writing. It's his personal style that you cannot deny is unique, creative, and simply enjoyable.

Sure, I've been less-than-normally entertained by a couple posts, but I still appreciate and enjoy it.

For the love of God, let the man write. He enjoys it, and art is often a progressive thing.

Congrats on being a bad-ass, "GM Dave," and I love reading your words. You are truly a great writer.

I have read every single post on Bannable Offenses, and most of Goblin Smithy.

If anyone owes you a frigging donation, it's certainly me...

Fan Club for Life for me, coming soon! ;)

At 11:25 PM, Blogger Ricardo said...

Needs more Goblin Smithy! That never got old!

At 12:51 AM, Blogger RSS adder said...

This blog is so awesome that, back before I read them all, my brother and I would gather round and read your stories aloud, they were that awesome.

Thanks Dave, you've brought my brother and I more laughs than I can imagine.

You don't have to vary it as much as you think. I like every jormungand story because jormungand was the punishment, not the story. The story was your meeting this retard, this retard attempting to explain himself, your verbal evisceration of said retard, and your confronting them with his them with their vapid stupidity. That's the story and it was always varied. And that's what counts.

At 1:22 AM, Blogger David said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 1:23 AM, Blogger David said...

Jormy stories are simply lovely (jormy being punishment).
Susan stories are lovely too (physical pain being punishment).
Susan's nephew Jerry stories are lovely.
Susan's father relationship with you stories are lovely.
And the stories about your legacy (daughter) are lovely too.

Its simple, many people will tell with time that each category of the stories gets old. They do not get old, mainly the interests and likes of a person change with time, meaning that sometimes you like it or not.

Dave sometimes you need Jack Daniels and sometimes you need another elixir.
Do you always want beacon or ....? Ok no point here, bacon is supreme.

At 6:11 AM, Blogger LuxNecronis said...

Jormungand was what brought me in to this blog in the first place - to see those annoying people I've always loathed on MMOs being warped and digested by the flying incarnation of our worst nightmares brought me some serious gratification by proxy. I think all of us, at one time or another, want to be [GM]Dave.

With that being said... you need to have context. You can't just see this raving lunatic behind a keyboard, mashing his Jormy macro every time someone uses a full colon when a semicolon should have been, or feeding an entire LS to The Man because of an asinine vowel-to-consonant ratio. While they are amusing, they can get old if they are pervasive.

I, for one, like hearing about the man behind the rage, and the woman behind the man behind the rage, and the baby girl behind the woman behind the man behind the rage, et al. They give those Jormy stories that much more depth, and a more personal connection.

Plus, we need bacon. How can you have bacon without killing a few gil sellers?

At 7:19 AM, Blogger Just me said...

I'm a long time reader of the blog, and while I don't comment often at all, I always appreciate the stories you have to tell. I'm in complete agreement with Anki: whatever you write about, it's still a [GM]Dave post, and that makes it worth reading for me.

For as long as you continue to write, I shall continue to read religiously!

At 10:20 AM, Blogger Church said...


Vary the blog all you want, I've read every Bannable Offenses entry, as well as every Goblin Smithy entry, and they're all good. Jormy, real life, whatever, you have a unique style that I think everyone who reads this blog enjoys, why else would they read it? Keep up the good work, more jormy, more real life, more susan, whatever.

Also, in case you don't know:
Yeah, bacon flavored vodka, you may have to abandon the Jack Daniel's soon.

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Blueyez said...

You know the saying... you can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time. I've enjoyed the majority of your posts no matter what they have been about. I always look forward to hearing about your adventures be they FFXI related or RL related.

At 11:04 AM, Blogger Willow said...

I am upset. I have patiently sat here all week and watched, read, and waited. I have been hoping it was coming, and yet here we are, on the last day of your fan week. I am upset because NOT A SINGLE PERSON DIED ALL WEEK. Seriously dude, what the hell.

For the record, I've read this entire blog and the entire Goblin Smithy blog and I really really really really wish you would continue writing on the Goblin Smithy blog as well. See you have a giant purple dragon to deal your punishment. My linkshell could tell you that I carry a knife and if you step out of line, you get it shoved somewhere that typically leads to pain and agony just before ending your time in my linkshell. Okay that's a metaphor. I don't actually stab people, but when I'm done ripping them a new one, they typically wish I had stabbed them. So mister Smithy and I had a lot in common. I too enjoy long walks on the beach and stabbing noobs. Keep up the good work.

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Sean said...

I agree with a lot of the other comments on here. I miss the classic Jormy stories that went like this:

Hacker/Botter/Gilseller breaks rules -> [GM]Dave plays around with Hacker/Botter/Gilseller -> Jormy eats Hacker/Botter/Gilseller.

These storied uses to be in abundance a year or two ago, but there haven't been any recently. Somewhat disappointing, because these were my favorites. Despite having an entire Jormy theme week, we still didn't have a classic Jormy story.

At 8:36 AM, Blogger Jormy said...

I like the stories about...

At 8:37 AM, Blogger Jormy said...


At 12:16 PM, Blogger Mistress Stowastiq said...

You are so talented and you also inspire me as a writer. I want to see Jormy ported into the next game! Never know, there may be another like him only this time, flying above a pirate ship in the ocean! Holy Tailless Galkan's Batman!


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