Friday, June 19, 2009

Theme Week - Jormy Redux 2

A Day In The Life of Jormy

6:00 am

Alarm clock rings indicating it's time to get up and start working.

6:01 am

Destroy alarm clock.

9:00 am

Woken by a bunch of Kindred demons arguing about whether or not the demon name indicates a religious reference or is a more secular term for monster.

9:01 am

Make note to horribly murder Kindred demons.

All of them.

Finally wake up and decide to go kill something.

9:02 am - 10:00 am

Walk in circles.

10:01 am - 11:00 am

Still walking in circles.

11:01 am - 12:00 pm

Again with the circles.

Seriously, where the hell is everyone? Starting to get hungry.

12:17 pm

That [GM] guy summons me to eat a Galka.

I'm not THAT hungry.

Still, if I don't eat him I'm going to be out of a job. Given the economy and my 87 children I have to feed, that really isn't an option.

12:18 pm

Ugh. I really hate Galkas.

With all the hair.

And the smell... Oh dear Altana, the smell.

I think I'm going to be sick.

12:19 pm

Back in Uleguerand Range. Still walking around in circles.

Try walking in a rhombus.

No one notices.

12:43 pm

[GM] guy summons me again.

This time I have to eat two tarus and a hume female.

No... Wait... That's a hume male.

Man, it's really hard to tell those things apart.

12:45 pm

Back in Uleguerand Range.

Seriously? Right back to the icy wasteland?

We couldn't hang out and chat for a while?

Make note to contact my union rep.

1:51 pm

Hey, someone is actually here to see me.

It's just one little Elvaan. Probably trying to get a screenshot or something.

I'll just use draw-in...

1:52 pm

A bajillion people just appear out of nowhere.

At first, I think it's a tour group or something, but I slowly start to wonder if they might have more violent intentions. Something about the way they're all milling around.

That and the stabbings and magical spells and whatnot.

Side note: Ouch.

2:16 pm

Still fighting when I notice a guy wearing a Barone Corazza.

That's in poor taste. You don't see me wearing armor made from one of his kidney stones.

Why the hell am I carrying all of this metal shit anyway? I'm a freaking dragon.

What the hell am I going to do with Molybdenum Ore?

Frankly, it's just a liability. People keep showing up trying to freaking gut me over a stupid chunk ofr ore that I don't even want.

They could have just asked. I think I would have been cool with that.

Wait... What was I doing?

Oh yeah... The fighting.

3:04 pm

These guys really aren't good at this.

Usually by this time, the battle's been over for a while and I'm off getting some coffee while I wait to respawn.

Maybe they're just a little slow.

4:35 pm

Really? Still with the fighting?

This is getting a little sad.

Actually, we passed a little sad a while ago.

4:58 pm

Get bored and fake my own death. I just fall over and drop some ores on the ground.

They don't seem to mind.

At least I can get some peace and quiet.

4:59 pm

[GM] guy summons me to eat an LS full of gil sellers.


I wouldn't mind so much, but I know I'm just going to be hungry again in an hour.

See what I did there?

5:30 pm

Dinner break.

I try not to think about the irony.

6:30 pm

Summoned to eat a guy whose name is a euphemism for penis.

Pray [GM] guy doesn't make a joke about eating cock.

6:31 pm

Die a little inside.

6:34 pm

Consider alternate careers.

Children's entertainer maybe.

7: 27 pm

Summoned to...

Honestly, I don't really care at this point. I'm going to eat someone because they did something wrong/evil/slightly annoying.

It really doesn't matter what they did.

I munna eat choo.

8:00 pm

I think... I think he's done for the day.

I'm safe.

Now, I just have to worry about passing thirty seven suits of armor and my day will be over.



And tomorrow... Tomorrow, I get to do it all over again.

8:01 pm

Fall asleep weeping softly to self.


At 9:34 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

Poor Jormy. Pooping metal must really hurt.

At 10:12 PM, Blogger Aen said...

Still fighting when I notice a guy wearing a Barone Corazza.

That's in poor taste. You don't see me wearing armor made from one of his kidney stones.

Dave, I think you just justified an repeated RPG cliché; how minerals and metals grow inside dragons. I'm going to steal this, if you don't mind.

At 10:19 PM, Blogger Cullen said...

As much as I love Jormy, it does get old. I was expecting to the same old thing, this was quite a refreshing change. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Very nice change of pace.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Irving said...

i must say, i've been reading this blog for the past year or so, and i've never laughed so hard ever xD

*and i dont play FFXI

At 12:23 AM, Blogger amy said...

Hahahaha @ "hungry again in an hour" after eating all the gilsellers. Priceless as always, Dave.

At 12:24 AM, Blogger amy said...

Oh, and dig the rhombus thing, too.

At 2:11 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

I love chinese food.

At 5:32 AM, Blogger Goran said...


Great stuff as always. I loved how you changed it up and still kept it hilarious.

Keep up the good work!

At 8:19 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Come to think of it, it's been a while since Jormy got in on the conversation whenever you summon him to eat someone. You should do that more often.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger jasonx254 said...

O.o did you interview Jormy's emo brother or something?

He's the pet dragon of GM way would GM dave keep a dragon who does not enthusiastically enjoy munching on people who annoy gm dave.

Feel sorry for jormy if he reads this =(

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Leut said...

[i][GM] guy summons me to eat an LS full of gil sellers.


I wouldn't mind so much, but I know I'm just going to be hungry again in an hour.[/i]

Damned MSG...

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

Excellent read. Would definitely enjoy reading more blogs from Jormy's perspective.

At 5:27 PM, Blogger gologo said...

awesomeness !!
its hard to be a big purple dragon after all ....


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