Bannable Offenses

Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 7

Absolute Power...

I figured since this was [GM]Susan week, there was really only way to go for the final day.

So, we're walking into my office...

I wasn't sure how much trouble I might get into for letting her have access to my account, but one of the great things about me is that I very rarely consider the consequences of my actions.

Consequences tend to get in the way.

Sure, we could have done this from home, but where would the fun have been in that?

Instead, I wanted her to get the full experience, being on the floor as a group of game masters made decisions and destroyed accounts. The smell of excitement and anticipation in the air.

Also cheetos.

I tell you, those guys love some cheetos.

We made it to the GM floor pretty easily, but as I opened the door, I felt Susan's hand clench in mine.

Susan>> Are you sure we should be doing this?
Dave>> Sure I am.
Susan>> But what if you get in trouble?
Susan>> What if you get fired?
Dave>> Honey... Yesterday, I peed in the break room.
Dave>> I really don't think this will be what sets them off.
Susan>> I just don't want...
Susan>> Wait...
Susan>> You peed in the break room?
Dave>> Why does everyone make such a big deal out of that?
Dave>> It's like I told them... I thought it was the copy room.
Susan>> ...
Susan>> Are you supposed to pee in the copy room?
Dave>> No...
Dave>> It's the copy room.
Dave>> What the hell is wrong with you?
Susan>> But... Why... How...
Dave>> This'll be a lot easier if you stop asking questions.
Susan>> The last time you said that, we had a baby.

My wife, the comedian.

I dragged her through the door reminding her of our carefully rehearsed story about me "showing her around".

Yeah, it wasn't a very complex plan.

Or a good one.

Admittedly, it would probably have been more believable if she hadn't said it to everyone.

Whether they asked or not.

Guy>> Oh, hey. My name's...
Susan>> He's just "showing me around."

The air quotes probably didn't help things.

Luckily, most people in the office have learned it's better not to think too hard about anything I do.

There have been memos.

We got to my desk and Susan sat down. I was sure that sitting at my work desk and seeing what I do for a living would show her how I've matured.

If not, I was sure she'd be impressed that I had used a great deal of my desk to recreate the battle of Helm's Deep with actions figures.

Susan>> This is...
Susan>> ... Impressive.

Score.

I logged her into my account and did a quick run through of the GM call system. I showed her the ban account button, the erase call queue button, the...

... Other buttons.

Then, I let her loose on the peoples of Vana'diel.

At first, she wasn't sure what to do. She seemed so nervous and, just for a minute, I thought she was just going to walk away.

Then, she answered her first call and went to work.

I had a feeling that she'd get the hang of it.

Two hours later...

By this time, there was a crowd of GMs around my desk. What had been a covert operation was now a gathering.

Yay.

You'd think my kind, gentle little wife would be self-conscious in this situation.

I would have thought that, too.

Susan>> DRAGONS!!!
Susan>> NEED MORE DRAGONS!!!

The yelling was uncalled for.

And I still don't know where the papercraft helmet came from.

She'd started out with an item scam and then a couple of griefers.

The usual.

By the end, she was randomly selecting players and feeding them to the nearest dragon.

I thought that part was a little unprofessional.

I mean, c'mon... Players deserve respect.

...

Yeah, that sounded weird to me, too.

Finally, the end of my shift came and I managed to pry her away from my keyboard before she banned an entire linkshell for having a name with too many vowels.

She thanked everyone and, somewhat grudgingly, walked away.

Just as we were about to leave, we ran into my supervisor.

Crap.

Supervisor>> Dave...
Supervisor>> What are you doing here?
Dave>> I was just... Showing my wife around the office.
Susan>> Hi.
Supervisor>> Oh...
Supervisor>> ...
Supervisor>> Did you...
Dave>> No, sir.
Dave>> Not in the break room or copy room.
Supervisor>> Excellent.
Supervisor>> Keep up the good work.

As we were leaving, I looked at Susan, this woman that I'd known for years. Suddenly, I started wondering which bothered me more:

How quickly she had changed into a cruel, heartless person.

Or how much it turned me on.

...

I have issues.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:29 PM