Friday, November 28, 2008

Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 2

Before I begin today's post, I'd just like to mention that Susan sat me down today and explained that there were certain topics that I should not discuss.

If I happen to discuss any of these topics, her vengeance will be swift and brutal.

Unfortunately, she didn't actually tell me what any of those topics were.

Who doesn't love surprises, huh?

_ _ _ _ _ _

Black Friday

I'm not sure how the current concept of Black Friday came about.

I understand the whole "it's getting close to Christmas and there's a bunch of awesome sales" thing. I totally get that.

What I don't understand about it is how the spirit of Christmas translates into people beating the living hell out of each other over the last copy of Wall-E.

Yeah, it was a nice movie, but I don't think it was worth stepping on someone's trachea to get.

Wait... $5 off?

Get the f&%@ out of my way.

Today was yet another of those moments where my wife surprised me.

Susan is not a terribly intimidating person. She's not that strong and I very much doubt she knows how to fight.

But not today.

Today, she was a frightening thing. It was like watching her change into some primal, animal version of herself.

I gotta say... I was a little turned on.

When those doors opened, she went from talking in her usually soft, melodic tones to barking orders.

Suddenly, it was like we were in Vietnam. She was dragging me through the throng of people and telling me to keep my damned head down.

I was half expecting her to call in an air strike on the Pokemon section.

I never would have expected Susan to act that way.

You haven't lived until you've seen your adorable little wife clothesline an old lady for the last Cherry Blossom market playset.

Bitch never even saw it coming.

I'm not kidding. I think she may have been partially blind.

The serious head trauma probably didn't help the situation.

Still... There'll be a freakin' playset under our tree come the 25th.

I know I joke around about being scared of my wife, but today... Today, there were a few moments where she was actually frightening.

And this was Christmas shopping.

Honestly, if someone ever breaks into our house, I'm just going to let Susan handle it.

I'll tell her he's got half price Barbie's or some shit and she'll tear his freaking arms off.

You don't even understand.

Have you ever seen two people arguing during a big holiday sale? You know how one person starts getting louder and angrier, and then gets a little frightening?

Yeah, Susan kneecapped that girl.

And the woman she was arguing with.

Towards the end, I don't even think we were shopping any more. She just started tackling people and tearing stuff out of their hands.

Stuff we didn't even need.

Then she'd drop it in the next aisle.

I think it was like some odd, obscene sport.

Again... Gotta say... Little turned on.


At 8:27 PM, Blogger Theo said...

I too used to wonder about where Black Friday came from.

Maybe it was invented by husbands who get turned on by their wives tearing each others heads off?

At 9:06 PM, Blogger J. Scarper said...


Where'd you get that wife of yours?

At 9:48 PM, Blogger Squall said...

Someone should suggest a theme week of "Picture blogging by [GM]Dave."

Just saying. Though that'd probably ruin the sexy image of Dave feeding people to Jormy in my mind. :(

At 10:03 PM, Blogger David said...

"Black Friday" dates back to the 60s, when some police department used it to describe how bad the day was for traffic jams/over crowding/etc.

At 10:07 PM, Blogger Blue said...

I suffered a similar battlefield at Circuit City. Unfortunately, this being a Circuit City in the dirt roadsiest parts of I-95 via South Carolina(Florence, for you East Coast War Drivers).

Hefty, stained-shirt Redneck Tank dual-wielding a Wii and what looked to be some sort of Jailbait Montana device against a few pretty miffed assorted countryfolk. Managed to hold thim at bay with his Body Fat Defbuf (+10 AC -5ASPD).

He had decent CC as well, what with his AOE tobacco chew stench dot. Held aggro like a champ, so says the Wii I got away with.

Blue Impact Received Item - Wii

At 6:57 AM, Blogger Penn said...

Most of the year retail business operates in the negative, or "red". Traditionally the increased business from day after Thanksgiving sales are sufficient to post a profit for the first time in the year. The books go from red/negative to black/positive. Black Friday.

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Kahsha said...

To add to Penn's post...

Or the more idiotic saying of the company I work for:

Green Friday

Green for all the money the company makes.

Speaking of idiotic... anyone who shops on Friday! (no offense Susan ^^)

At 6:59 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

I woke up at 3 am Friday to go to the mall. Not to buy anything mind you, just for the people watching.

Did you see the story about the dudes in the Florida Toys'R'Us that ended up shooting each other? Or the Wal*Mart employee in Long Island that was tramped to death?

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Akamar said...

We had people lined up in our walmart at midnight for TV's. I spent the latter half of my shift guarding stands of kids jammies so people wouldn't take off with them early. It was sheer.. utter madness.

It would take you 15 minutes just to get from one end of the store to the other... forget cutting through the clothing departments, by this time they'd been clogged by all the carts everyone decided to abandon.

Eventually most of us just got the HELL out of the way.. and I skipped out of there as soon as time and pedestrian traffic would allow.

Freaking nuts, man...


Post a Comment

<< Home