Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 2Before I begin today's post, I'd just like to mention that Susan sat me down today and explained that there were certain topics that I should not discuss.
If I happen to discuss any of these topics, her vengeance will be swift and brutal.
Unfortunately, she didn't actually tell me what any of those topics were.
Who doesn't love surprises, huh?
_ _ _ _ _ _
I'm not sure how the current concept of Black Friday came about.
I understand the whole "it's getting close to Christmas and there's a bunch of awesome sales" thing. I totally get that.
What I don't understand about it is how the spirit of Christmas translates into people beating the living hell out of each other over the last copy of Wall-E.
Yeah, it was a nice movie, but I don't think it was worth stepping on someone's trachea to get.
Wait... $5 off?
Get the f&%@ out of my way.
Today was yet another of those moments where my wife surprised me.
Susan is not a terribly intimidating person. She's not that strong and I very much doubt she knows how to fight.
But not today.
Today, she was a frightening thing. It was like watching her change into some primal, animal version of herself.
I gotta say... I was a little turned on.
When those doors opened, she went from talking in her usually soft, melodic tones to barking orders.
Suddenly, it was like we were in Vietnam. She was dragging me through the throng of people and telling me to keep my damned head down.
I was half expecting her to call in an air strike on the Pokemon section.
I never would have expected Susan to act that way.
You haven't lived until you've seen your adorable little wife clothesline an old lady for the last Cherry Blossom market playset.
Bitch never even saw it coming.
I'm not kidding. I think she may have been partially blind.
The serious head trauma probably didn't help the situation.
Still... There'll be a freakin' playset under our tree come the 25th.
I know I joke around about being scared of my wife, but today... Today, there were a few moments where she was actually frightening.
And this was Christmas shopping.
Honestly, if someone ever breaks into our house, I'm just going to let Susan handle it.
I'll tell her he's got half price Barbie's or some shit and she'll tear his freaking arms off.
You don't even understand.
Have you ever seen two people arguing during a big holiday sale? You know how one person starts getting louder and angrier, and then gets a little frightening?
Yeah, Susan kneecapped that girl.
And the woman she was arguing with.
Towards the end, I don't even think we were shopping any more. She just started tackling people and tearing stuff out of their hands.
Stuff we didn't even need.
Then she'd drop it in the next aisle.
I think it was like some odd, obscene sport.
Again... Gotta say... Little turned on.