Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 3And on Susan theme week rolls.
You know, I don't remember anyone commenting that they'd like a theme week all about me.
What the hell?
Did you guys ever think that maybe I'd like to write an entire week all about me? Maybe I'd like to write blog posts about my own opinions and the weird shit that happens to me.
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An Actual Conversation
This is an actual conversation Susan and I once had about parenting.
Note: Susan has threatened me with serious physical harm if I don't point out that she's a really great mom.
She really is.
I'm not just saying that because she's going to hurt me.
I mean, she is going to hurt me if I don't say it, but she really is a good mom.
On an unrelated note, if there's no post tomorrow, call the police.
Dave>> Honey, didn't you hear her last night?
Susan>> Hear who?
Dave>> Our daughter.
Dave>> She woke up at 3:15 crying.
Dave>> I had to put her back to sleep.
Susan>> That doesn't count.
Dave>> How does that not count?
Susan>> I don't function between 2 and 4 am.
Susan>> That's just a rule.
Dave>> You don't function?
Dave>> Exactly what?
Dave>> That doesn't mean anything.
Susan>> I don't get up between 2 and 4 am.
Susan>> I just don't.
Susan>> Any other time, sure.
Susan>> But not between 2 and 4 am.
Dave>> That's insane.
Dave>> You can't just call blocks of time like that.
Susan>> And yet I did.
Dave>> That's so not cool.
Susan>> I didn't make the rules.
Dave>> You did.
Dave>> You just did.
Dave>> You just made that up.
Susan>> Okay, so I make the rules.
Dave>> No whatever.
Dave>> What do we do if she wakes up between 2 and 4?
Susan>> This is just a thought...
Susan>> You get up with her?
Dave>> You're her mother.
Susan>> You're her father.
Susan>> I'll be her mother the other 22 hours of the day.
Dave>> When's my two hour break?
Susan>> Between 9 and 11 am.
Dave>> I'M AT WORK THEN!
Susan>> Hey, you use your break however you like.
Susan>> Plus... It's 10:30 am...
Susan>> And you're sitting here in pajamas.
Dave>> Oh f&%@...
I swear to this day, she doesn't get up between 2 and 4 am.
She just doesn't.
I tried waking her up once. She bared her teeth at me and hissed.
I don't do that any more.