Saturday, November 29, 2008

Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 3

And on Susan theme week rolls.

You know, I don't remember anyone commenting that they'd like a theme week all about me.

What the hell?

Did you guys ever think that maybe I'd like to write an entire week all about me? Maybe I'd like to write blog posts about my own opinions and the weird shit that happens to me.


Oh yeah...

_ _ _ _ _ _

An Actual Conversation
This is an actual conversation Susan and I once had about parenting.

Note: Susan has threatened me with serious physical harm if I don't point out that she's a really great mom.

She really is.

I'm not just saying that because she's going to hurt me.

I mean, she is going to hurt me if I don't say it, but she really is a good mom.

Really great.

On an unrelated note, if there's no post tomorrow, call the police.

Dave>> Honey, didn't you hear her last night?
Susan>> Hear who?

Dave>> Our daughter.

Dave>> She woke up at 3:15 crying.

Dave>> I had to put her back to sleep.

Susan>> Yeah...

Susan>> That doesn't count.

Dave>> Wait...

Dave>> What?

Dave>> How does that not count?

Susan>> See...
Susan>> I don't function between 2 and 4 am.

Susan>> That's just a rule.

Dave>> You don't function?

Susan>> Exactly.

Dave>> Exactly what?

Dave>> That doesn't mean anything.

Susan>> I don't get up between 2 and 4 am.

Susan>> I just don't.

Susan>> Any other time, sure.

Susan>> But not between 2 and 4 am.

Dave>> That's insane.

Dave>> You can't just call blocks of time like that.

Susan>> And yet I did.

Susan>> Huh.

Dave>> That...

Dave>> That's so not cool.

Susan>> I didn't make the rules.

Dave>> You did.

Dave>> You just did.

Dave>> You just made that up.

Susan>> Okay, so I make the rules.

Susan>> Whatever.

Dave>> No whatever.

Dave>> What do we do if she wakes up between 2 and 4?

Susan>> This is just a thought...

Susan>> You get up with her?

Dave>> You're her mother.

Susan>> You're her father.

Susan>> I'll be her mother the other 22 hours of the day.

Dave>> When's my two hour break?

Susan>> Between 9 and 11 am.


Susan>> Hey, you use your break however you like.

Susan>> Plus... It's 10:30 am...

Susan>> And you're sitting here in pajamas.

Dave>> Oh f&%@...

I swear to this day, she doesn't get up between 2 and 4 am.

She just doesn't.

I tried waking her up once. She bared her teeth at me and hissed.

Literally hissed.

I don't do that any more.


At 7:57 PM, Blogger Yanni said...

I completely sympathize. My woman is also downright dangerous when it's her sleepy time.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Sekivol said...

Interesting, my mom doesn't care what time I wake her up. Maybe it has to do with the mother loving bond on whatever. Something like that. So, you have to think outside the box Dave. When your daughter cries/wakes you up within the hours of 2-4am, you have to make her try to wake up Susan, see if that works. Maybe the whole love for her first born will kick in. It's worth a shot. The worst that could happen is you lose a limb. Or a daughter. Or the ability to breathe by your own free will. But think of the extra sleep you could get!

And yes, I'm one of the cool kids that lives with his mother.

And yes, I referred to your daughter as your daughter because I couldn't remember it and I'm bad with names. And caring about other people. I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from.

At 10:53 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Back when our daughter was a newborn, half the time I didn't even wake my wife up to nurse at 4 AM. I just got the baby, connected her to the food source, and waited. Burp, change sides, repeat.

Yeah, she's a heavy sleeper, and no she never wakes up between 2 and 4 AM if the kid starts crying. Must be an estrogen thing....

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Caramis said...

next time.. wake up step to her side of the bed.. set clock 2 hrs ahead.. wake her up and point.. when she leaves room.. change time back..

At 8:17 AM, Blogger RamblingDreamer said...

God, I wish I could set a rule like that. Problem is, I'm a light sleeper. My not. He could sleep with a fog horn blaring in our room. The most it would get out of him is a half-asleep mutter before he rolls over and resumes snoring. So any time anyone gets up, it's always me. (Unless he's awake playing around on the computer late).

I would love to have a two hour window that automatically comes with a Do Not Disturb sign.

Susan will have to tell me how she does it. The hubby doesn't seem impressed by threats of bodily injury.


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