Bannable Offenses

Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 4

Our First REAL Date

Even though Susan and I met online, there was an eventual first date.

You might think that's pretty obvious, but it's kind of strange to know someone for so long and then go on a first date.

Also, after that date, she's lucky I ever talked to her again.

Oh, don't get me wrong. She was a great girl.

But that date was terrible.

First, she said she wanted to pick me up. My car was in the shop and she had borrowed a friend's car.

We made plans for her to pick me up at 8 and we'd go see a movie.

At 8:45, I was standing in a parking lot wondering where the hell she was.

Yes, she was 45 minutes late for our first date.

She immediately start apologizing (when she finally arrived) and, had she not looked damned good, I probably would have called her retarded and then banned her account for good measure.

Luckily, she looked damned good.

Damned good.

Yes, I had been standing in a parking lot for almost an hour, but let that be a testament to exactly what a man will do for a hot woman.

Did I mention it was raining?

No, I'm not making that up.

Since we had to go see a later movie, we decided to go grab a quick bite to eat.

At first, I was worried she might be one of those vegan, health food nuts.

Then she pulled into a McDonald's.

Guess not.

We made the usual small talk, smiling and laughing as we ordered our food. I was being my usual charming self and she was eating it up. All in all, it was going exceedingly well.

The cashier got our drinks, put them on a tray, and suggested we sit down and she would bring us our food. I pick up the tray and we head for a table.

I should point out that I grabbed the tray by the end away from the drinks.

Anyone with even a passing knowledge of physics has probably figured out where this is going.

Did I mention that we had ordered large cokes?

Yeah.

We're walking and talking, and then I trip, sending two very large glasses of coke sailing through the air to crash into a table.

And a family of four.

I really wish I was making all of this up.

We, of course, apologized profusely and then found a place to sit. The cashier saw the whole thing and was kind enough to bring us new drinks with our food.

Then we got to experience an incredibly pleasant meal while a very soggy family gave us evil looks.

The guy they sent to mop the place up didn't look very pleased either.

Smooth, Dave. Smooth.

After we basically raced through our food, we decided it would be best if we went straight to the movie.

This is where "first date stupidity" took effect.

See, I wanted to look kind and sweet, so I picked a movie I thought she would like.

She wanted to look kind and sweet, so she didn't argue with my choice.

Thus, we ended up seeing a movie that neither of us actually wanted to see.

To this day, even mentioning the movie makes me want to punch myself. I'll be on my deathbed thinking only about those two squandered hours.

After the movie, we went for a short walk in the moonlight. The rain had cleared up and it was actually starting to be a beautiful night.

We walked and looked up at the stars opening above us.

It's funny... When you're looking up, you don't notice large puddles nearby.

Or passing cars.

Don't worry, though. You'll notice them in a second.

So, we're standing there, annoyed, embarrassed, and now drenched.

What a lovely evening.

We mutually decided to end the evening before one of us ended up killing someone or ourselves. She drove me home and, as we pulled into the parking lot, I was pretty sure that this was the end of our relationship.

Way to go, Dave.

Taking one last ditch attempt to salvage the evening, I figured my best chance was to ask her to forget the entire evening and we'd try again another night.

Dave>> Listen...
Dave>> I have a proposition for you.

Hey, did you know "proposition" can be associated with asking a girl to have sex?

I probably should have known that.

The wide eyed look of utter surprise on Susan's face suggested that she did know that.

Looking back, I'm a little amazed that she ever went out with me again.

And that she didn't call the police.

I must be REALLY good looking.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 5:12 PM