Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol. 5Hey, guys. Dave told me that everyone wanted me to write a post so here I am.
I wanted to just mention how much I really appreciate the donations you guys make. The e-mail Dave posted the other night sounded a little harsh, but the harshness was directed at him to get him working.
Every donation we receive is amazing and I know how much it means to me.
I'm not sure how he does this all the time. Just thinking about hundreds (or dozens) of people reading what I write seems really intimidating.
I think the drinking helps him.
Me... I'm a bit of a light weight. I don't drink very much and, when I do, it's usually a girly drink like a Tom Collins or something.
On the other hand, I've never woken up behind our couch, so I guess there's something to be said for girly drinks.
I actually remember the first time we went out drinking together. It was a wedding and we were there with a bunch of friends. A lot of the couples were out dancing.
Here's some important information about Dave. He doesn't dance.
He always says it has something to do with people being retarded enough without setting it to music.
I decided the only way I was going to get him out on the dance floor was if I got him drunk. Very, very drunk.
At the time, I had no idea how hard that would be.
I told him I'd get the first few drinks and asked what he wanted. He said he wanted a Jack Daniel's.
I remember thinking that was odd.
It's funny how you look back on things and realize how naive you were.
I ordered his Jack Daniel's and had the bartender mix me a Tom Collins with no alcohol. Basically lemonade and 7 Up.
A couple of rounds like this and he'd be putty in my hands. I'd have him dancing up a storm.
Not so much.
After seven rounds, I was getting pretty damned sick of lemonade and 7 Up, and Dave looked like he was just getting started.
By this time, a few of the other couples had drifted off and I realized if we didn't start dancing soon, we wouldn't get the chance.
It was time to be direct.
Susan>> I want to dance.
Dave>> That's great.
Dave>> Have fun.
Susan>> Let me be more clear...
Susan>> I want to dance with you.
Dave>> I agree.
Dave>> That was very clear.
Susan>> So you'll dance with me?
Dave>> Not a friggin' chance.
Susan>> C'mon. It's a wedding.
Susan>> Everyone is dancing.
Dave>> Hey, you're right!
Dave>> That's a perfectly logical reason to do something!
Susan>> Are you being sarcastic?
Dave>> Of course not.
Dave>> Hey, look at all of those people clearing tables.
Dave>> We should do that.
Susan>> They work here.
Dave>> But everyone is doing it.
Susan>> Fine. Fine.
Susan>> No dancing.
Dave>> See? That's better.
Dave>> There's a solution we can both live with.
This is where he thought he had won the argument.
Susan>> It's just too bad...
Dave>> Oh, here we go.
Susan>> Dancing always gets me so...
Dave>> So what?
Susan>> ... Hot.
Dave>> So, are we going to dance or what?
Silly, silly men.
So easily manipulated.
I was just pulling him out onto the dance floor when I heard the DJ start a new song. At first, I couldn't quite remember what it was, but it was really familiar.
What was the name of...
Dave>> HEY, MOTHERF&%@ERS!
Dave>> GET LAID! GET F&%@ED!
Apparently, people like to yell this during the song.
Apparently, Dave also enjoys screaming profanities into a wedding crowd composed of mostly elderly people and children.
We haven't been invited to a lot of weddings since then.
I almost didn't invite him to our wedding.