Thursday, November 27, 2008

Theme Week - [GM]Susan Vol.1

I just... I just don't get it.

Why do you people like her so much?

Oh, I like her. I like her a lot.

A large part of that, however, has to do with the several non-blog related things we do together.

That's code for hot, hot sex.

Only an absolute pig would mention the hot, hot sex.

...

Hot, hot sex.

Anyway, by popular demand, the theme for this week will be my darling wife. The woman who takes care of me (read: reminds me to eat and shower occasionally) and makes life worth living.

We're going to spend a week talking about how freaking insane she is.

This will be:

a) fun

b) used as evidence in a future divorce proceeding.

_ _ _ _ _ _


Susan, the Obsessive Compulsive

One of the more interesting tidbits about my lovely wife is that she is incredibly obsessive compulsive about cleanliness.

Incredibly.

This makes our marriage very interesting as I am not.

Not at all.

I'm more of a... Free spirit.

That's the nicest way I could think of to say "ridiculously lazy".

Here's an extremely common discussion we have:

Susan>> Honey...
Susan>> Why'd you leave this dish on the counter?
Dave>> Well, it was empty.
Dave>> As it had no more food, I had no more need for it.
Dave>> Holding on to it for sentimental reasons might be weird.
Susan>> Yes, but why is it on the counter?
Dave>> ...
Dave>> It would have been rude to leave it on the floor?
Susan>> The dish washer is right there.
Susan>> RIGHT THERE.
Dave>> Hey.
Dave>> Look at that.
Susan>> How hard is it to just put your dish in the dish washer?
Dave>> I have no idea.
Dave>> I'm hoping I never have to find out.
Dave>> That's what counters are for.
Susan>> You're impossible.
Dave>> True...
Dave>> But I still think I have a valid point about the counters.

A half hour later, I'll leave another dish on the counter.

Even closer to the dish washer.

Do you see the problem in this situation?

Exactly.

Her.

If she could just accept that my way of doing things is more efficient, we wouldn't have any arguments.

Clothes are supposed to go on the floor. Everybody knows that.

How the hell else are you supposed to keep track of what you wore yesterday?

Or the day before?

Or last Tuesday?

But no. Every time, she has to make this huge deal about it.

Yeah, we hadn't seen the carpet in a while.

So what? I remember what color it was.

And yeah, sure, our daughter may have gotten lost once...

We found her.

It was like a big game of peek-a-boo.

Only instead of hands, her face was covered by some sweat pants and my Superman t-shirt.

That's bonding.

No, I'm serious. Some of that shit was actually bonded to the child. It was like a scene from Spiderman 3, but without the emo.

But did my wife see the cuteness of the situation?

Of course not.

She was all "Why are you taking pictures? She's got your jeans wrapped around her throat."

I mean c'mon...

How crazy can you get?

13 Comments:

At 7:17 PM, Blogger TJ said...

This should be a good week.

:)

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

I'm a woman and I hate women, but Susan is my favorite woman!

Maybe because I think I'm the female version of [GM]Dave

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Darlithia said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Darlithia said...

So is it fair to ask if there's a whip included in this fan pack?

I'll donate if there is... >:D

 
At 3:24 AM, Blogger Lokkin Achitame said...

Ka-cha

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

Alright now, Dave, you gotta take her to work and have her feed people to Jormy!

 
At 5:58 AM, Blogger RamblingDreamer said...

I have this same conversation with my husband ALL THE TIME. Only replace dish with sliced cheese wrapper and dishwasher with trash can. IT'S RIGHT THERE! He leaves it on the counter three feet away. He wouldn't even have to take a step to drop it in the trash. He just has to switch positions - literally just sort of lean a little bit to the side. That's ALL. And they STILL end up on the counter.

And when he *does* throw stuff in the trash and it falls off the pile (it's his job to take the trash out, too - my back can't take the weight - so of course it piles up) he leaves it on the floor.

I can't win!

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger RurouniZanza said...

To the rambling poster above me and to defend the lazyness (yet smart) way of guys doing things.

He knows it is his job to take out the trash bag.

Common sense dictates that he not use it in order to minimize trips to the dumpster.

The lack of moving to the side to reach the trash can, and therefore, less waste of energy... Well, that is just a plus.

Hopefully he is using that extra energy he stores in order to give you hot, hot sex.

You should thank him really.

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Fayune said...

RamblingDreamer- Right there with you. What is it with guys and just throwing their trash/dishes/laundry where ever they feel like? WTF GUYS!? Does it take THAT much effort to pick your shit up???

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Loon said...

That donator might have been late replying, but he makes up for it with a good theme. As TJ said, good week.

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger Sean said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Sean said...

2/3 with you guys. My dishes go in the dishwasher, my trash goes in the trashcan...

My clothes go on the floor anyway.

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Michael said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 

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