Bannable Offenses

People...

So, I was at work yesterday when I heard someone say something really stupid.

That really shouldn't have surprised me. I know people say stupid things at work.

I mean dumber than usual.

It was about a quarter past nine so, of course, I was on my first break of the day. I was walking over to the coffee (the Jack Daniel's would be added back at my desk), when I heard two people talking.

Then I heard a guy say

Guy>> Yeah, the harddrive failed on my laptop.
Guy>> I'm just going to get rid of it and get a new one.

Then my head exploded.

He... He was going to throw away a laptop because of a harddrive failure?

There are poor people all over the world that would love to have a new laptop.

Wait... Did I say poor people?

I meant me.

I'd love a new laptop and this jerk is just tossing one in the garbage.

That's a defense for homicide, isn't it?

Sure, I already have a laptop.

And yeah, my house is kind of infested with computers.

So what?

A free laptop is a free laptop.

It could be a Commodore 64 laptop for all I cared.

Or an Apple.

No... Even I have lines I wouldn't cross.

Now, how to approach the situation... Should I ask for the laptop? Should I offer to fix it for him and see if he offers to let me have it?

Oh... HEY! I have an idea!

[GM]Dave>> HOW DARE YOU?!

I never said it was a good idea.

Guy>> What?
Guy>> What'd I do?

It says a lot about my reputation around the office that he actually flinched backwards as if I were about to hit him.

I'd never do that.

I mean I wouldn't have warned him.

[GM]Dave>> You...
[GM]Dave>> You were going to...
[GM]Dave>> I can't even say it.
Guy>> What?
Guy>> What?!
[GM]Dave>> You were going to throw away a laptop.
Guy>> ... Oh.
Guy>> Yeah.
Guy>> So?
[GM]Dave>> So?
[GM]Dave>> SO?!
[GM]Dave>> Someone might want that laptop.
Guy>> Who?
[GM]Dave>> What about that guy?
[GM]Dave>> Or that guy over there?
[GM]Dave>> Or him? He's a nice guy.

I should point out that I pointed at myself all three times.

Guy>> Did you...
Guy>> Did you want it?
[GM]Dave>> Well... if you don't want it.
[GM]Dave>> I suppose I could take it off your hands.

That was easy. I didn't even have to resort to physical violence.

Unfortunately, that means I don't get to resort to physical violence.

I do so enjoy the physical violence. It really helps take the edge off a long morning.

I mean, it was twenty after nine and I hadn't had a drink yet.

Can you imagine?

Guy>> Okay, you can have it.
Guy>> I'll bring it tomorrow.
[GM]Dave>> Tomorrow?
[GM]Dave>> Why tomorrow?
Guy>> Well, I left it home.
Guy>> We'd have to drive to my house.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, let's do that.
Guy>> You want to drive to my house?
[GM]Dave>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> We can borrow my friend's car.
Guy>> I guess...
[GM]Dave>> One last thing, though...
Guy>> Yeah?
[GM]Dave>> Can I borrow your car?

You'd think it would be an uncomfortable drive. You're sitting in someone else's car while they drive you to their house to give you a laptop.

Very awkward.

At least, I assume it would be awkward.

Since I really don't care about the feelings of others, it was actually kind of nice.

We finally arrived at his place and we went inside to get the laptop. It wasn't new or anything, but it was well worth the money I was paying.

[GM]Dave>> There, there.
[GM]Dave>> I won't let the bad, stupid man hurt you anymore.
Guy>> I'm right here.
[GM]Dave>> I know.

See, kids? Just because something is broken doesn't mean you throw it away.

Just wait until someone you barely know yells at you until you give it to them.

It's like recycling, but with more emotional trauma.

And we saved a tree or something.

I don't know.

FREE LAPTOP! WHOOOOOOO!

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 1:34 PM