Why Didn't I Think Of That?I'm sure you're all well aware of my feelings towards World of Warcraft.
For those of you who are not, I'm not a big fan.
Still, I couldn't let this go by without mentioning it.
Apparently, a couple of WoW players decided to develop their own product aimed directly at the MMORPG player.
Could it be a new keyboard?
No. Too mundane.
A new book series?
Nope. Been done.
A new keyboard?
You already said that.
No, this product goes right to the problem we all face as teh hardcorez.
Our lack of real world beverages designed to replenish our mana points.
We don't have mana points in the real world.
Still, I'm sure it does something awesome.
Let's look at the ingredients here...
Apparently, one little bottle of mana energy drink has the equivalent of two cans of Red Bull.
Hey, that's good, right? I mean, I love Red Bull. I drink that shit all the time.
Sure, I pee neon green, but I'm sure that's completely unrelated.
Now, how could anything be bad when it's the equivalent of two cans of Red Bull? That would have to be twice as good, right?
Until you notice the bottle is only 40 ml.
No, that was not a typo.
Does this seem like a good idea?
Hey, we have a group of people who barely exercise and get badly winded if they stand up too fast, most of whom are already sleep deprived nearly to the point of death.
Yeah, let's jam two cans of Red Bull down their throats in one shot. That makes perfect freakin' sense.
The must have left off part of the label. You know, the part that says "Warning: side effects may include agitation, nervousness, and slight heart explosion."
Player>> Wow! This shit is awesome!
Player>> I can feel the power surging through me!
Player>> Oh... Wait...
Player>> That's a stroke.
Player>> ... Shit.
Nothing prepares you for long hours of intense gaming like a major coronary episode.
What the hell is wrong with the people who designed this drink?
I mean, yeah, I totally want to kill players occasionally.
But making them pay extra just so you can make their heart explode?
That's just wrong.
Besides, we totally came up with this idea first. At least we had the common sense to make it taste like Nyquil with almost no nutritional content whatsoever.
Sure, you didn't regain hit points or whatever, but you also didn't have a seizure.
And do you know the worst, absolutely most idiotic part of the whole thing?
I totally want to drink a gallon of that shit.
I don't care if my heart bursts straight out through my ribcage. It's concentrated Red Bull!
CONCENTRATED RED BULL!
If I mix that shit with Jack Daniel's, I'm pretty sure I'll become the Highlander.
It's times like this that I wish I had will power.
Or common sense.
Sigh... This is going to be the dumbest reason to die ever.