Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Why Didn't I Think Of That?

I'm sure you're all well aware of my feelings towards World of Warcraft.

For those of you who are not, I'm not a big fan.

Still, I couldn't let this go by without mentioning it.

Apparently, a couple of WoW players decided to develop their own product aimed directly at the MMORPG player.

Could it be a new keyboard?

No. Too mundane.

A new book series?

Nope. Been done.

A new keyboard?

You already said that.


No, this product goes right to the problem we all face as teh hardcorez.

Our lack of real world beverages designed to replenish our mana points.


We don't have mana points in the real world.

Still, I'm sure it does something awesome.

Let's look at the ingredients here...

Oh... Kay...

Apparently, one little bottle of mana energy drink has the equivalent of two cans of Red Bull.

Hey, that's good, right? I mean, I love Red Bull. I drink that shit all the time.

Sure, I pee neon green, but I'm sure that's completely unrelated.

Now, how could anything be bad when it's the equivalent of two cans of Red Bull? That would have to be twice as good, right?

Until you notice the bottle is only 40 ml.

No, that was not a typo.

Does this seem like a good idea?

Hey, we have a group of people who barely exercise and get badly winded if they stand up too fast, most of whom are already sleep deprived nearly to the point of death.

Yeah, let's jam two cans of Red Bull down their throats in one shot. That makes perfect freakin' sense.

The must have left off part of the label. You know, the part that says "Warning: side effects may include agitation, nervousness, and slight heart explosion."

Player>> Wow! This shit is awesome!
Player>> I can feel the power surging through me!
Player>> Oh... Wait...
Player>> That's a stroke.
Player>> ... Shit.

Nothing prepares you for long hours of intense gaming like a major coronary episode.

What the hell is wrong with the people who designed this drink?

I mean, yeah, I totally want to kill players occasionally.

Who doesn't?

But making them pay extra just so you can make their heart explode?

That's just wrong.

Besides, we totally came up with this idea first. At least we had the common sense to make it taste like Nyquil with almost no nutritional content whatsoever.

Sure, you didn't regain hit points or whatever, but you also didn't have a seizure.

That's refreshing.

And do you know the worst, absolutely most idiotic part of the whole thing?

I totally want to drink a gallon of that shit.

I don't care if my heart bursts straight out through my ribcage. It's concentrated Red Bull!


If I mix that shit with Jack Daniel's, I'm pretty sure I'll become the Highlander.

Or die.

It's times like this that I wish I had will power.

Or common sense.

Sigh... This is going to be the dumbest reason to die ever.


At 9:02 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

OMG Dave
Red Bull sucks!
The only way I can stomach that is to mix it with mass amounts of alcohol.
Hell, anything mixed with copious booze is palatable.

At 9:03 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

first post bitches lol

At 9:06 PM, Blogger Chris said...

When you reach the afterlife, we can only pray that you are placed on the back of Jormy and sent back to this world to punish the chronically stupid. Or maybe you'll be reincarnated as an electronic version of yourself with GM can torture the players from now until doomsday.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

I want that. I need that.

Or, rather, I need to find out where I can buy that, because damn do I want to try it. Sure, there's a possibility that it may come down to my death, or it might taste like shit, but...

I still need to try that.

At 9:56 PM, Blogger jax said...

Sorry Dave, love the blog, but the mana potion has been out for aaages... wouldn't be suprised if it's been a year now. >.>

At 10:39 PM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

looks to be perfect for all those 18 hour ZNM fights....

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Fiye said...

I could so use it for this.


At 11:42 PM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

@fiye: just what i was thinking ^^

At 12:50 AM, Blogger Kenny said...

I'm pretty sure a gallon of that crap will turn you into the highlander. You'll be so high off of your heart in perpetual explosion mode, you won't care if you die.

At 5:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that SE is adding bosses that take 2 straight days to kill there just might be a market for somthing like that in FFXI.

If Beyond the Limitation had had that stuff they might not have wimped out on Pandimonium Warden at the 18 hour mark.

Or they might have just dropped dead.

Either way it would have been awesome.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

The health nut in me says I shouldn't drink that shit.

The gamer nerd in me just bitch-slaps that bastard for about the hundredth time, and tells me to get a couple hundred bucks' worth of the stuff.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger Freja said...

Funny, One of my co-workers (whos a big WoW fan) found these a couple months ago and we bought a 6 pack of them as novelty.

What I find MOST disturbing about this drink, is when you get them. They are all different colors. Thats right. Every single one of them was a DIFFERNT COLOR.

At first I thought, O thats cleaver, color them all differnt to give it a cool appeal.

Not so much. These actually have some sort of enzime that is progressively deteriorating. The one that i have sitting on my desk went from neon green to a DARK GREEN/ Black.

I would never drink this, Im pretty sure its not FDA approved and probably made with Rat Droppings from India

At 8:42 AM, Blogger james said...

People at work (I work for a bank) are looking at me funny because Im laughing so hard...

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Andreas said...

Uh, you totally didnt come up with the idea first.

At 11:06 AM, Blogger Punk| said...

I've had a few of these, they taste like horrid crap. I refuse to drink them anymore.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger Orugachino said...

My bro had one of those one. Said it was horrible, but afterwards, he went on to play WoW for... 2.5 days without sleep. Sure, he slept like an ogre for a week, but 2.5 days?! Lord, maybe he should drink a gallon. It'd be cool to see if either A) his head esplode or B) he becomes the highlander.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Phillip said...

This blog is win. That's all there is to it.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Nik said...

Naw, this wouldn't be the lamest way to die. Remember the girl who died playing Warcraft?

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Zombie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Zombie said...

I didn't notice that you linked to the Potions. Whoopsy-daisy, that was a premature snark.

I guess I'll have to snark about Blizzard's originality, then. It can really be summed up like this:

Warcraft is Warhammer.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger Matt said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 1:20 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

Now now, if you're going to start snarking on games, you have to be fair.

Every game in existence is really just D&D, which is really just LOTR, which is based on a bunch of English-based myths.

There you go.

At 2:15 PM, Blogger Zombie said...

No, no, no.

Warcraft was going to be based on the Warhammer miniatures game. Then Games Workshop didn't like it, and pulled the liscence. Blizzard decided to go ahead and release the game anyway.

So, Warcraft is Warhammer.

At 4:23 PM, Blogger Fritzy said...

Dunno if you've read this, but on the theme of MMORPGs, nearly dying and FFXI -

XD. Lol.

At 5:18 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Screw all that. We all know what the hardcore 1337'ers want.

Rolled up pieces of paper that give them +500 to +1100 experience points. Or sell them rings with +10 accuracy. hard would it be to manufacture and market the items that we see in game.

Potions are for people who can't hang. Gimme a +2 Bring Sexy Back necklace and I will be happy.

I still wont be sexy. But one can dream....

At 5:18 PM, Blogger Leut said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:06 PM, Blogger Nightmare said...

if you haven't heard
the FF12 Potion drink tastes like dish-washing soap
some say it probably is dish-washing soap in a nice little blue bottle

both drinks may be harmful for the body

At 2:13 AM, Blogger Paul said...

The only reason I never ordered them was because they are so god damn expensive. I can get much better tasting energy drinks in higher quanity for less money.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger ~ Lico said...

I wouldn't buy either one. Maybe if it was a Hi-Potion+3, or a Remedy that could actually cure ailments.

A GM potion would be cool though. If a FFXI player drinks it, he gets the urge (unsexual) to call GMdave and get eaten by something more than four times his size >3

At 3:56 AM, Blogger Maj said...

A friend and I saw this for sale once and bought two of them for novelty's sake. He drank his first and said that he did, indeed, feel ready to cast spells again.

About thirty minutes later, however, he had an explosive fit of vomiting and diarrhea. There was no stopping it: he was driving at the time and had to pull off to the side of the road and do his thing, only two blocks from home.

I didn't drink mine.

At 2:29 PM, Blogger Paul said...

So what your saying is he got a potion of spontaneous projectile vomitting that granted 20 charges?

At 4:56 AM, Blogger Shpow said...

The Cocaine energy drink has three and a half red bulls in 250 ml.


That's a lot. You know what else? That drink burns, not as much as some nice polish vodka but the burn IS there.

I could use this to kill a middle aged person.

"Hey want some kool aid?"
"Oh yes plea-"
"oh ok" *glug glu-* *stroke*

I'm going to go have some cocaine and whiskey.


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