UnleashedOkay, time for me to rant. You may want to sit down for this one.
Who am I kidding? We're all sitting down. Half of us haven't gotten up in the past five hours.
So, Susan asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her.
Then she told me the answer was yes.
This struck me as kind of funny since I was pretty sure my answer should have been no, but who am I to make my own decisions?
That's what wives are for.
(Author's note: I hope you laughed at that because I'm going to be sleeping on the couch)
Anyway, as we walked around the mall, something caught my eye. A mother was walking through the mall with her son who looked to be about 3 years old.
Why was this worth discussing you might ask?
Because she had the child on a f--king leash!
A leash. As in a length of rope attached to her child.
What the hell is wrong with people?
Seriously, is this something we're doing now? Did I miss the memo where it was okay to treat children like pets?
Sure, it helps keep your child safe in a crowded area. It keeps them from getting lost.
Do you know what else keeps that from happening?
All you have to do is watch the kid. Just watch them.
Do you see your child?
If you said yes, then your child is fine.
If you said no, then go find your damned child.
But why even bother to watch your child when you can just reel them in any time you feel like it.
Who needs good parenting when you have a harness and a length of rope?
Uh oh, Billy went out of sight. Better reel that fat bastard in.
Speaking of which, given the current epidemic of childhood obesity, what the hell is a leash going to do?
You can pull as hard as you like. Your buffalo of a child ain't coming.
I guess you could just follow the leash until you find them. They probably didn't get far.
Hurray! The leash triumphs over actually taking care of your kids again.
Let's not even consider what wearing a harness and leash in public is doing to your child's development.
Do you know what happens to kids who wear harnesses when they're children?
The become the teenagers that wear leashes.
Good parenting there, mom.
The part that really bothered me about the whole thing was the harness itself. The whole thing was designed to look like a teddy bear wrapped around their kid.
Do they think this is fooling anyone?
Oh, that's not an act of terrible child neglect. That just cute is what it is.
Putting a teddy bear on the harness doesn't make it any less demeaning.
Actually, it makes it a little more demeaning because now you're suggesting your kid is too retarded to figure out they're wearing a leash.
Kid>> Wow. This sure is an awesome teddy bear.
Kid>> Strapped to my back...
Kid>> And attached to twenty feet of rope...
Kid>> Nope. Nothing wrong there.
Listen, we all know it's a leash. You can call it a harness or a safety restraint or whatever. You can wrap it in teddy bears or Hello Kitty or whatever other bullshit you think is a-goddamn-dorable.
It's a leash.
You have your child on a leash.
Screw it. Let's just go the whole way with it. Forget the leash. I say we start using choke chains.
One good yank and it'll be easy to find your kid.
He'll be the huge lump lying on the floor gasping for air.
Now, that's parenting.