Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Statute of Limitations

I hate spoilers. I mean I really, really hate them.

What exactly causes a person to think it's okay to tell everyone else how a story ends?

You spend all this time following a story only to have some moron ruin the whole thing for you.

That sucks, right?

We're agreed.

This was fun. Have a good day.


Yeah, writing a rant about spoilers is a little too easy.

But what's the statute of limitations on spoilers?

Sure, somebody tells you how the CoP storyline ends.


By the way, Prishe is a robot.

Just FYI.

Somebody tells you how Rise of the Zilart ends.

... Okay.

So, you've been busy. That expansions only been out for 5 years.

Spoiler, I guess.

It is an expansion, so I guess I can give you a little credit.

Very little.

But what about the nation missions?

Somebody tells you how the San d'Oria storyline ends.

Is that really a spoiler? Do you really have a right to be angry?

Those missions have been in there since the game came out.

They were right there in the package.

Of course you went and got rank 5.

Everyone has rank 5.

You practically need rank 5 just to survive in Vana'diel.

That's nothing to be proud of.

Stop being proud.

That's better.

I'm fairly certain we can all agree that the statute of limitations has passed on the original missions. There are no spoilers to be had.

And yet...

The other night, I was in my main LS and we started talking about our favorite cutscenes. We had run through all the biggies (Seriously, Prishe is a goddamned robot!) and I mentioned the last scene for the Sandy missions.

Player>> Dude... Spoiler.
Player>> That's not cool.

Okay, first off, he actually said the word "dude".

Who still says "dude"?

No wonder he thinks this is a spoiler. No one told him it's not 1987 anymore.

Quickly! No topical conversations at all!

He'll die!

Don't mention how Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey ends!

Wait... Does anyone even remember how that movie ends?

I bet this guy doesn't even understand the Rick Roll.

That shit is new music to him.

Secondly, the best he can do is "That's not cool."

What the hell is that?

I have supposedly ruined an epic storyline for him and the best he can say is "That's not cool"?

If you're going to get mad over something stupid, at least have the decency to get mad at a stupid level.

I once punched a guy in the throat because he told me how Episode 1 ended.

And I'd already seen the movie.


In my defense, he did say it in front of one of my friends who hadn't seen the movie yet.

Also, he was like seven so I didn't have to worry about him retaliating.

So, I totally understand getting mad over a spoiler.

But get mad like a man.

All that aside, I did have to deal with the fact that one of my friends was honestly upset because I ruined the Sandy missions for him.

It's only been 6 damned years.

Given the fact that he was a friend, I decided to be delicate about it.

[GM]Dave>> What's a coma like?

That's delicate for me.

Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I have apparently spoiled a six year old mission.
[GM]Dave>> I can only assume you have been in a coma.
Player>> That's not funny.
[GM]Dave>> Not by itself, no. Coma's are pretty serious.
[GM]Dave>> Unless you pose the body.
[GM]Dave>> Then it's a little funny.
Player>> You should be more careful with what you say.
[GM]Dave>> You think I'll offend coma patients?
[GM]Dave>> How would they know?
Player>> That's not what I meant.
[GM]Dave>> In six years, some random guy is going to come up to me.
[GM]Dave>> He'll yell "That shit ain't funny!" and punch me.
Player>> Please stop.
[GM]Dave>> I'll say "Man, you must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed."
Player>> Just stop.
[GM]Dave>> He'll cry a little.
[GM]Dave>> It's funnier when they cry.
Player>> STOP!
[GM]Dave>> Are you still here?
[GM]Dave>> You know, I really don't need you for this conversation.
[GM]Dave>> Someone can tell you how it ends later.
Player>> STOP! STOP! STOP!
[GM]Dave>> You can call them dude.
[GM]Dave>> It'll be fun.
Player>> You're a jerk.

He called me a jerk.

No one calls me a jerk.

To my face.

[GM]Dave>> How about I make it up to you?
Player>> Really?

Why are people so trusting?

Player>> How?
[GM]Dave>> What if I let you try out a mission you haven't seen?
Player>> That'd be cool.
[GM]Dave>> Gee, are there any missions you haven't tried?
Player>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> I was being sarcastic.
[GM]Dave>> There is one...
[GM]Dave>> But you probably wouldn't like it.
Player>> What does it involve?
[GM]Dave>> You just have to avoid aggro and open a chest.
Player>> Sounds easy enough.
[GM]Dave>> Let's go then.


He was pretty good, I'll give him.

It was like Metal Gear Solid without a retarded cardboard box.

Finally, he makes it to the chest.

Player>> This isn't so bad.
Player>> So, I just open the chest?
[GM]Dave>> Yup.
Player>> Okay.

Player opens the treasure chest.

Jormungand hits Player for 15,631 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

Player>> WHAT THE HELL?!
Player>> You didn't say anything about a dragon!
[GM]Dave>> I couldn't.
[GM]Dave>> You know... Spoiler.

He didn't find it funny.

He has no sense of humor.

He also didn't find it funny when I changed his name to Dude.

Okay... That was a little mean.


At 9:11 PM, Blogger rulerofiron99 said...

Absolutely genious, dude.

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Tim said...

Better not tell him who Luke's father is either. "Dude" might bust out "gnarly" and "radical"

At 10:25 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

Dave? Never play Disgaea. It may ruin your life with all the (slightly altered) "Dude"s in it.

But still, this was an amusing story. Well done.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Sen said...

I don't think I could have thought up something that punchy had I been in your shoes. I'm glad that I didn't steal your shoes like I planned, cause I 'totally' live in your attic. Wait was that a spoiler?

At 10:34 PM, Blogger TMX said...

"By the way, Prishe is a robot."


At 11:43 PM, Blogger Azophael said...

>>[GM]Dave>> What's a coma like?
You don't have to deal with stupid people.
Good enough?

At 2:20 AM, Blogger Hendrik said...

Finally, something I can relate to. All this real life postings. Those I didn't get at all.

On a side note: Time for a revisit of The Big Lebowski. In this movie they will find out that Soilent Green is made of humans. Or did they reveal that "Rosebud" is his boat. Whoops.

At 4:22 AM, Blogger Staxx said...

Jormy = Funny!! nothing more to add

At 6:00 AM, Blogger Erubadhriel said...

Player>> WHAT THE HELL?!
Player>> You didn't say anything about a dragon!
[GM]Dave>> I couldn't.
[GM]Dave>> You know... Spoiler.

Hilarious. I hate spoilers. Makes me want to hurt someone. Usually whoever spoiled whatever it was they spoiled for me.

At 6:26 AM, Blogger MooseHP said...

Actually, I used to have a lsmate named "Dude" (in Bismarck btw)

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Who gets upset over a spoiler for an MMORPG story anyway? No offense to the writers of this game, but getting a spoiler to an MMORPG is like hearing how a 50 page book meant for a 1st-grader ends.

Granted, I haven't gotten far in FFXI myself, due to my computer not being able to handle it. I left off as a level 23 WAR at rank 3 or so. So I didn't know that Prishe was a robot. Hell, I don't think I know who Prishe even is.

At 7:19 AM, Blogger Sechakecha said...

I had someone get upset because I posted a screenshot when I got my RDM Af hat, because it had text from the game in it. Stupid people.

Next time someone calls you dude, you should definitally react like Officer Riviera...


At 12:10 PM, Blogger Marcio said...

Donate and good things will happen to you.

Except replace good things with money.

And replace you with me.

Donate and [money] will happen to [me].


At 4:45 AM, Blogger Pawkeshup said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Xatticus said...

"Don't tell him how Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey ends...wait does anyone know how that movie ends?"

According to Wikipedia...

After De Nomolos has been defeated, Bill and Ted disappear in the time machine with their fiancées to improve their musical skills. Reappearing immediately after leaving, Bill has grown a long beard (a la ZZ Top) and Ted a pointed goatee. Each of them has fathered a baby with their (now) wives. They then go on to play their set as the Kiss rendition of Argent's "God Gave Rock and Roll to You" is heard on the soundtrack, and the credits show various newspaper clippings suggesting they go on to shape the future in much the same way as described in the first movie as the saga ends.

At 3:18 PM, Blogger The Comcast Guy (TCG) said...

Dear GM Dave ( Lord of the Smartasses), I have read your blog for about a year now and I love it. If I wasnt always broke b/c of my version of Susan ( the Ms.) then I would gladly donate you some cash but untill the day comes where I hit the lottery (RL lottery that is) I can't. I just wanted to post and say ty and to keep it up. You actually gave me insperation to start my own blog with yours as a guidline about my job.... Comcast Call Center Agent. Check me out sometime and I would be thrilled for a comment or feed back. www.thecomcastguy.blogspot.com

PS, hit me up in-game anytime. I got a few people that need to be used as food.

Amberly on Unicorn.

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Araamilofasura said...

Jormy is back /cheer!!!!

/worship dave

At 5:44 PM, Blogger Aaren said...

"On a completely unrelated note, the devs are huge Monty Python fans."

Pure win.

At 7:37 AM, Blogger Corbis said...

This comment has been removed by the author.


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