Statute of LimitationsI hate spoilers. I mean I really, really hate them.
What exactly causes a person to think it's okay to tell everyone else how a story ends?
You spend all this time following a story only to have some moron ruin the whole thing for you.
That sucks, right?
This was fun. Have a good day.
Yeah, writing a rant about spoilers is a little too easy.
But what's the statute of limitations on spoilers?
Sure, somebody tells you how the CoP storyline ends.
By the way, Prishe is a robot.
Somebody tells you how Rise of the Zilart ends.
So, you've been busy. That expansions only been out for 5 years.
Spoiler, I guess.
It is an expansion, so I guess I can give you a little credit.
But what about the nation missions?
Somebody tells you how the San d'Oria storyline ends.
Is that really a spoiler? Do you really have a right to be angry?
Those missions have been in there since the game came out.
They were right there in the package.
Of course you went and got rank 5.
Everyone has rank 5.
You practically need rank 5 just to survive in Vana'diel.
That's nothing to be proud of.
Stop being proud.
I'm fairly certain we can all agree that the statute of limitations has passed on the original missions. There are no spoilers to be had.
The other night, I was in my main LS and we started talking about our favorite cutscenes. We had run through all the biggies (Seriously, Prishe is a goddamned robot!) and I mentioned the last scene for the Sandy missions.
Player>> Dude... Spoiler.
Player>> That's not cool.
Okay, first off, he actually said the word "dude".
Who still says "dude"?
No wonder he thinks this is a spoiler. No one told him it's not 1987 anymore.
Quickly! No topical conversations at all!
Don't mention how Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey ends!
Wait... Does anyone even remember how that movie ends?
I bet this guy doesn't even understand the Rick Roll.
That shit is new music to him.
Secondly, the best he can do is "That's not cool."
What the hell is that?
I have supposedly ruined an epic storyline for him and the best he can say is "That's not cool"?
If you're going to get mad over something stupid, at least have the decency to get mad at a stupid level.
I once punched a guy in the throat because he told me how Episode 1 ended.
And I'd already seen the movie.
In my defense, he did say it in front of one of my friends who hadn't seen the movie yet.
Also, he was like seven so I didn't have to worry about him retaliating.
So, I totally understand getting mad over a spoiler.
But get mad like a man.
All that aside, I did have to deal with the fact that one of my friends was honestly upset because I ruined the Sandy missions for him.
It's only been 6 damned years.
Given the fact that he was a friend, I decided to be delicate about it.
[GM]Dave>> What's a coma like?
That's delicate for me.
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I have apparently spoiled a six year old mission.
[GM]Dave>> I can only assume you have been in a coma.
Player>> That's not funny.
[GM]Dave>> Not by itself, no. Coma's are pretty serious.
[GM]Dave>> Unless you pose the body.
[GM]Dave>> Then it's a little funny.
Player>> You should be more careful with what you say.
[GM]Dave>> You think I'll offend coma patients?
[GM]Dave>> How would they know?
Player>> That's not what I meant.
[GM]Dave>> In six years, some random guy is going to come up to me.
[GM]Dave>> He'll yell "That shit ain't funny!" and punch me.
Player>> Please stop.
[GM]Dave>> I'll say "Man, you must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed."
Player>> Just stop.
[GM]Dave>> He'll cry a little.
[GM]Dave>> It's funnier when they cry.
[GM]Dave>> Are you still here?
[GM]Dave>> You know, I really don't need you for this conversation.
[GM]Dave>> Someone can tell you how it ends later.
Player>> STOP! STOP! STOP!
[GM]Dave>> You can call them dude.
[GM]Dave>> It'll be fun.
Player>> You're a jerk.
He called me a jerk.
No one calls me a jerk.
To my face.
[GM]Dave>> How about I make it up to you?
Why are people so trusting?
[GM]Dave>> What if I let you try out a mission you haven't seen?
Player>> That'd be cool.
[GM]Dave>> Gee, are there any missions you haven't tried?
[GM]Dave>> I was being sarcastic.
[GM]Dave>> There is one...
[GM]Dave>> But you probably wouldn't like it.
Player>> What does it involve?
[GM]Dave>> You just have to avoid aggro and open a chest.
Player>> Sounds easy enough.
[GM]Dave>> Let's go then.
He was pretty good, I'll give him.
It was like Metal Gear Solid without a retarded cardboard box.
Finally, he makes it to the chest.
Player>> This isn't so bad.
Player>> So, I just open the chest?
Player opens the treasure chest.
Jormungand hits Player for 15,631 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
Player>> WHAT THE HELL?!
Player>> You didn't say anything about a dragon!
[GM]Dave>> I couldn't.
[GM]Dave>> You know... Spoiler.
He didn't find it funny.
He has no sense of humor.
He also didn't find it funny when I changed his name to Dude.
Okay... That was a little mean.