Friday, May 09, 2008

Constructive Criticism

I realize I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

I get that.

Some people find me funny. Others do not.

That's all good.

I find me funny. That's all that really matters to me.

I'll be honest. No, I do not enjoy constructive criticism. I'm more of the opinion that if you don't have something nice to say then you should shut the hell up and go write your own damned blog.

I'm pretty sure I've made this clear before.

Also, should you not be a fan of my writing, you always have the option of not reading. I have not (yet) developed a means of forcing people to read my blog.

You're free to go.

Above all of this, should you not like my writing or my blog in general, you definitely have the option of not donating.

I thought this would be blatantly obvious.

And yet, a few days ago I received an interesting donation. One of my readers was kind enough to donate five dollars. As usual, I was filled with gratitude...

Until I read the comment on the donation.

Purpose: suck my ass, literally, it's what im playing you for





I'm sorry. My brain imploded a little bit after reading that.

And yes, this is what someone actually wrote on their donation.


What exactly was the purpose of this comment?

Was it criticism?

The "suck my ass" part kind of seems like criticism.

I don't think I'd phrase a compliment like that.

[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> I'm a huge fan, Jessica Alba.
[GM]Dave>> Suck my ass.

So, it's criticism. Yeah, that makes sense.

That is, it makes sense until you realize the person donated five dollars to say it.

Is that something we do now? Are we paying people to voice criticism?

I could really get on board with that plan.

Anyone who wants to criticize me or just plain old want to say anything mean, you write that shit on the back of a twenty and send it on over.

This is a service I am willing to provide.

Criticism, schmiticism. Money's money.

It'll be just like your LiveJournal only someone other than your mother will read it.

Seriously, who spends five dollars just to insult somebody?

Maybe he's rich.

That makes more sense.

If I was rich, I would totally spend five dollars to insult someone.

Actually, that makes even less sense. Why in the hell would a rich person even bother?

And why only five dollars? Man up and throw down a fifty and start some real shit.

Man, this is confusing.

To think that someone would actually go through the process of donating when they apparently don't like me.

If I had five dollars for everytime that happened...

Oh... Wait...


Do you know the part that confuses me the most?

Do I send the guy a fan pack or not?


At 5:52 PM, Blogger M said...

You should send him a fan pack that's filled with spam about your nifty 'twatch' idea; he might be able to make use of some spam.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Surreal Blue said...

It doesn't really sound like he wants a fan pack...Send him a version with loads of grammar mistakes, spelling errors, and rehashed pop culture references.

Maybe he'll get so angry he'll spend 100 dollars to explain everything you did that he didn't like.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Surreal Blue said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 6:46 PM, Blogger Nymph said...

Maybe he/she is really a fan and had a brilliant idea to write this on the donation to HOPEFULLY get noticed so that you would write about it. But i mean thats pretty damned pathetic. But still its a win / win situation for you ! 5 dollars richer XD

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Frog Prince said...

Maybe approaching this the wrong way, maybe this guy's in love with you and seems to think the only way he can approach you is with a cynical offer of money.

He might just be into twisted male prostitute/power-play relationships...

Or maybe he's just a dumb wanker, either way don't encourage him, I doubt Susan would approve of the former.

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Nik said...

Well, the guy donated so he obviously wants a fan pack.
Don't want to keep them devoted fans waiting, eh?!

At 7:23 PM, Blogger R_Mc said...

Send him a fan pack with a virus that wipes out his hard drive!

At 10:03 PM, Blogger jason said...

NO NO no no, send him email blantitly mean email or what ever u want to do and till him in the end he's not get his $5 back

At 4:31 AM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

Lol your gonnna love was me who sent it, it was supposed to be "paying" not "playing" but it was 4am and I find it hard to type. I donated to see if my job seekers allowance had gone into the bank, turns out after I donated and tried to purchase porn it had not, and I now have exactly £0.02 in the bank. I literally gave all to GM Dave, gimmie my damn fan pack!

Firushado right...

At 5:55 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

We have a winner!

In a manner of speaking.

At 6:51 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

See, stuff like this is why I always double and triple-check things like that. Especially stuff I can't erase/delete once I send it. Spelling and grammar mistakes I make bug the hell out of me.

At 7:11 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

He made the biggest donation, that is why he was mentioned in the blog.

I can read through your shenanigans Mr. Dave.

Why hasn't the rest of the world downloaded a spell checking plugin yet? bcuz thy li3k tpying li3k this!?!1!?

At 7:14 AM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

Well I wasnt really expecting him to publish on a public blog, as I said I just wanted to see if I had the money in the bank 5canadian dollars is like £2.30 engrish money, Ive paid more than that for condoms before. Well worth making a spelling error whilst giving GM Dave some shit and seemingly making an impression enough for it to be posted.

All Hail


At 7:16 AM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:36 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Actually, Kevin, he wasn't the highest donator. As I mentioned, he donated $5.

You no reed so good.

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

Dave you donkey why delete my post...I know it disclosed some personal info about you but anyone who donates can see that >.>

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Millions Knives said...

even though the mystery is solved, it could be taken in a nice way. right?

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Millions Knives said...

ps: ever thought of adding your blog to or do you crazy GMs have your own secret version somewhere?

At 12:29 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

That was the attempted joke that $5 was the biggest donation. The spell check was about the internet and its people in general, so no harm meant.

At 5:27 AM, Blogger Reagan said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 5:32 AM, Blogger Irishkitten said...

Ah [GM]Dave, you have many supportive readers, man.

As a fellow GM, there's been loads of times where I've laughed my butt off and thought...what would Jormy do?

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Aen said...

This was obviously a try at dry wit and superiority by this donator. He actually assumed he would hurt your feelings and then get a laugh imagining you dry your eyes with the five dollar bill.

I also assumed he only donated five because that's the most his mother will give him for an anonymous internet donation.

I bet he's expecting that fan-pack, Dave.

Screw him, I say.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

Read above, (pull your tongue out of daves ass it will block you view) and go bake your head for 30-45 because your not ready for public consumption yet.

At 8:57 PM, Blogger Tim said...

I think it would be hilarious to send him a fan pack like everyone else.

At 6:38 PM, Blogger Hatsumi said...

funnily enough he DID send me a fan pack ty Dave, now proceed to suck my ass.

It was a demand not a critisism(fuck me its to late to spell)


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