Monday, May 26, 2008

By Popular Demand...

Alternate Title: "Hell's current weather conditions... cold."

There are a few things that have always been a fundamental rule of FFXI. These are the undeniable, unshakable tenets upon which our little virtual world depends.

1) You will get your ass handed to you by a bunny/bee/flower

You will learn this on your very first day in Vana'diel.

Day freakin' one.

You equip a brand new weapon, run outside ready to fight the beastmen hoards, and get absolutely murdered in the face by the smallest, cuddliest animal you see.

Player>> Guess I'll warm up on a bunny.
Player>> Take THIS!
Player>> Wha... What are you...
Player>> FLARRGGLEBLARGH!

Flarrggleblargh, by the way, is the sound of epic fail.

You know, the epic fail one might experienced as they die from being raped by a rabbit.

It's not pretty.

The bunnies are especially funny. No matter how high a level you reach, there's always a bunny somewhere waiting to kick your ass.

On a completely unrelated note, the devs are huge Monty Python fans.

2) Whatever you go to camp, someone else is already there

It doesn't matter what you're after.

If you're planning on camping an NM, somebody's already there camping it.

This is not even a question.

If you get there and someone is not already camping, then it means you're early.

Or late.

Don't worry. They'll be back just in time to ruin your day.

Player>> Wow. I have the Argus camp all to myself.
Player>> No one else's even in the zone.
Player>> This is amazing.
Player>> This is incredible.
NotPlayer>> Hi.
Player>> Where'd you come from?
NotPlayer>> What's that thing?
Player>> ARGUS!

*Provoke*

You cannot attack.
That target is already claimed.

Player>> NUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!

If this does not occur to you, one of two things has happened:

a) you are very, very lucky

b) the mayans had it all wrong and the world is coming to an end

Actually, if this doesn't happen to you, then it means you just made it happen to someone else.

Remember: somebody has to be the other guy.

Might as well be you.

3) If you have been waiting forever for a piece of armor, it will always drop on the run you miss

This is called the Law of Dynamis.

You've been doing Dynamis twice a week for 3 years. You attend every run. You're always there.

In all that time, you have been waiting for that one important piece of gear.

It has never dropped.

Still, you attend every run.

Every run.

Then, just before a run, your appendix gets inflamed and they have to rush you to the hospital just to keep you alive.

Guess what happens on that run you just missed.

That's what you get for being a pussy.

4) Galkas are ugly

Galkas.

Are.

Ugly.

5) There are no Nomad Moogles in Selbina or Mhaura

That second place doesn't matter. No one goes to Mhaura.

If you're in Mhaura, it means either:

a) you're lost

b) you're on your way somewhere else

c) you got lost on your way to somewhere else

That's it.

Wait...

Nope. That's it.

There's absolutely no point to go there.

It's like Delaware.

All of my readers from Delaware just stood up in a rage.

Then they looked around, nodded in grim acceptance, and sat back down.

But putting a Nomad Moogle in Selbina?

IS NOTHING SACRED?!

The entire point of Valkurm is that people go there to die in incredibly inconvenient ways.

Also, you have to run FOREVER to get there.

Whoops. You forgot your sword.

Say goodbye to a half an hour of your life.

It's funny. You spend levels 11-19 running to and from Valkurm.

Running, running, running.

Once you finally get high enough level that you don't need to spend all your time running, we finally give you a chocobo to ride.

Still, this has always been one of the fundamental ground rules of Vana'diel.

No Moogle in Selbina.

Oh, it's not that we didn't know you wanted it.

People send us suggestions every other day.

Dear SE,

Why isn't there a Nomad Moogle in Selbina?

Gee, thanks for pointing that out. We never, EVER thought of that.

I am always careful to give a full and clear response.

Dear Player,

Screw you.

That's why.

Or...

Dear Player,

Die in a fire.

Or my personal favorite...

Dear Player,

Your mom's like a Nomad Moogle.

She'll give you any job you ask for.

I like that one.

I always thought this rule would never change. It was always just one of those things that players had to live with.

Also, it makes me giggle.

But then... Then the new version update notes came down.

And I died a little inside.

I'm all for making the game better for players (read: me), but that's just going too far.

Why don't we just hand you level 20 on a little silver platter?

Area: Valkurm Dunes.

System Message: You managed to walk here. Congratulations, you're now level 20.

Walk home.

I'll defend new weapons and new armor. I'll support new mission and quest changes.

But changes that reduce the general suffering of players?

That's just wrong.

32 Comments:

At 6:53 PM, Blogger wintersk21 said...

Agreed Dave. When you go to Valkrum you should already KNOW what you're getting into.

You know... deaths by Sand Bats, Goblins, Ghouls, and the king of the nOOb killing, the Bogy.

And no Nomad Moogle should be there to save your sorry unprepared self.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger Inju said...

I've read alot of your archived blog. And from what I gathered, I can't really see why FFXI is better than WoW. All I see is lots of inconveniences and painful waiting (NMs or good party or whatever). I do know that the quests in FFXI is better.

Cheers Dave.

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger Ulli said...

Dear Inju,

WoW sucks.
I've played both. FFXI >WoW.
End.
Of.
Story.

Now go die in a fire. =)

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

WoW is for those stupid little 12 year old bastards who run around and abuse the simplicity of a game any person with at least one braincell is able to play and be successful in. FFXI weeds those people out (for the most part, I found a LARGE difference in the number of fucktards between WoW and FFXI), ultimately making it a better game. A game that requires some intelligence to play, unlike WoW.

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger Donomni said...

Sadly, Dave, the whole Nomad Moogle argument became moot once the Outpost level for porting in that region went down to 10.

I mean, yeah, now they don't have to PAY for Moogle Power, but the convenience was already there.

At least they still have to walk the first time around.

And again to do the Outpost quest, if they were dumb enough to forget.

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger L.C.W. said...

Nothing is more sinister than the relief of the suffering of stupid people.

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

I've actually seen Argus unclaimed before. I went by his room one time while passing though and there he was walking around the AFK tod campers. Killed it and got the drop.

Peacock Amulet 1/1

 
At 2:07 AM, Blogger David said...

Well, Ulli, so have I, and still I'll claim WoW to be the better game, namely because it suits your every need. If you're casual, you can still get your epics and be decent in battlegrounds/arena. If you're hardcore, there's plenty for you as well, unlike what Siegtaru claims.
Try to reach 2000+ rating in any arena bracket as a no-brainer.

Yeah, won't happen.

Mount Hyjal, Black Temple and/or the Sunwell Plateau with a non-hardcore guild?

Nope, won't happen.

Also, there will be fucktards in any MMORPG. Just ignore them, and your life just got a lot easier.

Still though, everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and if FFXI is what works for you, then cool, but that doesn't mean you can't have a proper discussion about it, does it?

 
At 3:42 AM, Blogger Ayumi Life said...

Hate to break it to you but WoW does not have something for everyone. I played WoW for three years, and yes it was fun while it lasted. However, I am neither casual or hardcore. After three years and four level 70s I had done every quest in the game, grown far too tired of PvP, and was still locked out of high end raiding because I was not hardcore enough.

FFXI has something for everyone if they are willing to work. Endgame itself is massive because SE decided to build on the content in the game not just ignore it and start over every expansion. Finally FFXI is far more how shall we say, time consuming to get to the max level. Perfect for someone who is not casual or hardcore.

Back on topic, I agree, since the OP warp level change Moogles in Selbina are kinda moot point. Unless you are say from Windurst and your nation has yet to take over the region since you made your character. *cough*

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Nymph said...

While i have played both, i dont quite see how a person over the age of twelve can last more than a week in WoW. But each to their own i guess...
Also these inconveniences are what define you as a player, if you didnt have to go through these insane obstacles to begin with .. well you would be the 75 (insert job here) that just has no idea how to play!
Personally i hate how easy they are making the game, not just the nomad moogles in the next update, not the damned free exp floating around everywhere. Once it meant something to have your Tamas, Rajas, or Sattva rings. Some quests are ment to be easy some quests are not.
Whats next ..?!
Welcome to the exciting world of Vanadiel , because of recent requests of players every new player will get a free 75 job with your choice of equip!

I mean seriously >.>

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

I actually got pissed when I heard that... On an unrelated note, I'm going to "forget" my 75 RDM next time someone dies in my party and their homepoint is in the white gate of the passed or something far like that.

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger Romaut said...

/Sigh sadly it all has come to this, but now a day don't think it´s making much of a difference, lately I've returned to hell... er... Valkurm Dunes, and found that ALL parties I join have at least 1 pl... up to 3 PLs at the same time... The Nomad Moogle is nothing compared to that.

PS: Seems WoW children are getting pissy here, what about an entry about WoW GM Dave =) May be a good idea? Perhaps?

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Zombie said...

I'm really sick of the FFXI Vs. WoW arguments. Face it, if you like MMORPGs, it means you like paying a monthly fee to be hassled, harrassed, and antagonized at every turn by a video game. I'm with you lot. I play them, too. MMO's are designed to be as sadistic as the lady from Flowers in the Attic, making every victory so much sweeter.

If you like WoW, you're the kind of jibbering milksop who needs to have their hand held, and their bottom wiped and coated with talcum every time they log on.

If you like FFXI, you're the kind of masochistic dimwit who would plan a vacation ever year to swim to Thailand and get caught commiting petty crimes just to recieve a public caning.

Either way, none of this matters. Shut the hell up.

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger R_Mc said...

No..........No...........NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nomad Moogles do not belong in Mhura or Selbina, that is like the break point for most morons in the game. It teaches you not to just die randomly! Not to mention to be prepared!

Sidenote:
I played WoW, for all of 1 day, it sucks, if you play it, you suck. Good day.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger Ellothar said...

1) Nomad Moogles in Selbina? Finefinefine. I can live with that. But what the hell?! MHAURA? I understand the shorties and the cat-men need some lovin', but come on. You may as well put that moogle in Mordion frickin' Gaol.

Actually, that'd be pretty awesome.

2) I'm all for the WoW-hating, but honestly, don't use the 12-year-old argument and then turn around and be immature yourself. You're a plight on FFXI.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger Sousuke said...

Well said, Ulli.

I do agree with Dave. Adding Nomad Moogles to Selbina kills the challenge of Valkurm entirely. Hell, I remember when I leveled my Warrior there. Lots of fun, and lots of deaths. XD

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger BlueBlasphemy said...

I haven't played FFXI in a few years, & adding a Moogle in Selbina still annoys me. I remember when I decided to take a week & level every job I had to 20 just so I'd never have to go back to the dunes again.

I played FFXI for almost three years, off & on, & I played WoW for a year & a half. Both games have their ups & down. Both have complete morons & really awesome people. It's hard to compare the games cuz they're totally different playstyles.

Personally, tho, I still think FFXI is superior, just because SE seems to put more thought into the game than Blizzard does WoW.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Jake Talahan said...

My best memory of Final Fantasy XI is finding out about Valkrum Dunes, heading there as a lvl 11 White Mage, and dying over and over on the way there. I had no idea how to avoid aggro at the time. I was so scared, but felt so proud when I finally made it. It's a quest of fire, and those don't make it.. well, they need to join WoW, as said. I ended up with a level 75 with lots of Merit points, but unfortunately do not play any more. Got married, no time any more. ;)

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Holden said...

"System Message: You managed to walk here. Congratulations, you're now level 20."
I am eerily reminded of Failcraft.

 
At 2:44 AM, Blogger Dustan said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 2:47 AM, Blogger Dustan said...

LOL, whoever said both FFXI and WoW had their ups and downs is the first and only participant to demonstrate any sense. Both games have their moments where they fail hardcore. For me, it was the end game of FFXI. Having to play multiple jobs just to get accepted in a guild that could help you gear your main, was stupid. The bonds created through the same people leveling together 1-75, however, was the shining point of the entire debacle. For WoW, the level/quest grind sucked, but at least the end game had something for everyone.

For all you pissing and moaning about how easy FFXI has become, it was always a challenge for those of us who didn't crap out and play a RDM/NIN, BLU/NIN or anything/NIN and therefore had to actually work to earn our respect and place in a end game guild.

Despite what some of you might think, there's no way to be "casual" in FFXI and still keep up with your friends unless they're as lazy/slow on the uptake, as you are. Or unless you don't mind having a hard time finding people to repeat missions they completed months before.

I like both games, but some of you are ignoring some very obvious flaws in FFXI simply out of what appears to be a biased hatred of WoW in general. Get real.

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Sybylloura said...

I think the comments got sidetracked here with the whole WoW vs. FFXI pissing contest.

"The bunnies are especially funny. No matter how high a level you reach, there's always a bunny somewhere waiting to kick your ass." A truer statement has not been made. This has been referenced in an old Penny Arcade comic.

As for the addition of Nomad's to Selbina and Mhuara, I remember wanting them back in the day, but understood the importance of not having them (read: SE loving to torture the player), mainly to make you appreciate leaving the cursed zone that much more. :-)

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Inju said...

From the looks of some posts here replying my questing, I can see those who play ffxi glutton for punishment and became highly offensive towards other mmo games.
Not trying to create a debate tho, so have fun in ffxi.

i guess its partly my fault that this is getting sidetracked. Still, its a wonder how a simple n honest question turn out to be like this. Ah the evil.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger Ulli said...

Inju, from what your post said, you said "I can't really see why FFXI is better than WoW."

It is better.

Both games are a giant time sink.

Endgame on WoW outshines Endgame on FFXI.

But the path to endgame in FFXI is what makes the game worth while. Which is why so many of the players have more than 1 max lvl job. It's a game more suited towards playing with other people rather than solo on your way to the top. It's a very tight knit community

In WOW, you pretty much ARE ALONE and can't have any fun until you are the max lvl. And even then, there is nothing else to do but, raid, raid raid. Or make money. Besides that, it's boring unless you find someone else to do something with.

In FFXI, there are endless things to do, and simply not enough time. Linkshells have to have a schedule and make sure it doesn't interrupt any other shell, and everyone has come to accept this. It's more about participation with your server as a whole.

But to each their own I suppose.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Marcio said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Marcio said...

I really don't get people... You complain for not getting and you complain for getting.

I will entirely welcome a moogle in selbina or mhaura. Why? Because when I am tired of camping Silverhook or helping someone camp Blackbeard I can go as SMN/WHM and not have to worry about warp scroll/stick (1 item space being taken is what i am trying to get at) that I can save for 12 fishies. Sometimes out of spontaneous moments I'll decide to go to Mhaura or Selbina just because its pretty! (I actually go because I am bored and might as well camp an NM that never pops) And from spontaneous moments I forget to bring Fishing gear. ARGH! Now with a moogle voi-la!

Anyways, if you think about it the only places that didn't have moogles where Selbina and Mhaura, Kahzam has them, Rabao has them, Norg has them, Tavnazia, Nashmau, Castle Zahvl Baileys... Well maybe not that last one, but seriously what is the problem? You didn't become better just because you can change job. You are most likely going to die twice as much now because people simply don't care if you do... because they can just raise you. You won't be fighting mobs now, you'll be fighting with people! Now that's worth alot of EXP and you don't see SE rewarding us.

As for WOW vs FFXI, its like comparing the colors RED and Blue! Some ppl like blue, others like red. Let them play Wow! You won't see me fighting to claim NMs with those players.. CAUSE THEY'RE NOT IN FFXI to begin with! How is that a bad thing? It's a good thing!
1- We obviously have different tastes, we wouldn't get along.
2- We wouldn't get along, why would i want them to come to FFXI? tsh-
3- Read #1 & #2

I played tried wow for three days i admit, a friend wanted me to play with him and he got me a free trial etc. I liked how in WOW a player can swim and jump. Since i often get aggravated in FFXI that I can warp myself from Sandoria to Aht Urhgan, I can even use the most abusive spells like Burst 2 t destroy an enemy or summon a mini version of behemot that casts Meteorite... but I can't jump over a stick?
Of course I am glad FFXI doesn't give me everything, other wise that warning we see before we log in would be useless and i'd commit my life to FFXI.

In my belief SE did that on purpose! TO keep people from living there... HASH HASH HASH~

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Moogle said...

I don't hate WoW and neither should you, kupo!

Yes, you can replace "hate" with "ever think about."

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Miguel R. said...

Lol'ing @ Delaware. I applauded @ those statements, too. It's true. No one comes here unless it's for the tax free shopping...that's all we have going for us.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Jake Talahan said...

I just looked up exactly when he posted when he had the baby. For those of you over the last few days who wondered:

http://bannable-offenses.blogspot.com/2007/08/help-me.html

August 2007. As it's currently 05/2008, that would make the baby 8mo old. Am I right, [GM]Dave?

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Jake Talahan said...

Also, there are a number of inconsistencies in [GM]Dave's posting.

Inconsistency: [GM]Dave does not care about the players.
Truth: Total lie. [GM]Dave does play and he cares about himself.

Inconsistency: [GM]Dave is married to Susan and has a baby.
Truth: It's a bonding of need. [GM]Dave needs to Party to advance, and now he has a White Mage and a Tarutaru to join him. Hey, nobody else was online, right?

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger Brittany said...

Actually, the Mhaura Nomad Moogle has one stupid little advantage that I can see... Running into Mhaura on my PLD or DRG straight after limbus to get my newly aquired piece of homam gear, and equip it the second I get it....and then swap sub to BLM and warp home. :)
Nothing big, but getting a Teleport straight out of limbus then having to warp cudgel home.... it's a nice little convenience.

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger Inju said...

ulli, thanks for the input.
I have a friend in WoW who is also playing FFXI, we talked alot about the pro and cons of both.
So it's cool :)

 

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