Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Deal or No Deal

After exhaustive research, combined with my personal studies into psychology and social interaction, I have developed a comprehensive and detailed strategy to improve game mechanics, and the game in general.


Stop being a bunch of pricks.

If you'd like to learn more about my plan, I've prepared a handy PowerPoint presentation to help you.

I hear Brady is already working on a guide.

Now, of course, this does not apply to all of you.


But it seems there is a very active prick population that has organized and spends each day striving to find new ways to severely irritate people.

They're like a virus.

Only dumber.

The interesting thing about pricks is that they don't know they're pricks. They are so sure that what they are doing is not only acceptable, but justified, that they never fully grasp their prick status.

This leads them to make terrible mistakes in judgment and then explain how they were completely right to do it.

The whole thing makes me laugh.

Except replace "laugh" with "want to smack those morons upside the face."

The majority of our prick-related GM calls come from the all too common BCNM ripoff.

For those of you unfamiliar with a BCNM, it is a battle usually designed for a small group that offers a number of good and highly desired rewards.

Sounds good, right?

This is how it is supposed to run.

Unfortunately, a lot of people can't form a proper group to run a BCNM and are forced to trust complete strangers.

How could you go wrong trusting complete strangers?

Oh... Yeah...


You'd be honestly surprised how often people get ripped off doing BCNMs with strangers.

Actually, since you're reading this blog, your faith in humanity has probably already been completely destroyed. You wouldn't be at all surprised how often this happens.

Some poor bastard desperately needs/wants an item from a BCNM, an item he cannot afford to or is unable to purchase. Thus, the aforementioned poor bastard must organize a band of people he has never met before and trust them to not rip him off.

We call this a prick up group.

(Before you even ask: yes, I laughed when I wrote that.)

Everything is going fine. The group makes it to the BCNM and, assuming everything goes as planned, they win the battle. They open the reward chest and distribute the rewards fairly.

This is where the wheels come off.

In order to start a BCNM, one player must provide a key item. That means that one player is providing for the whole group. This means some plan must be made before hand as to how any rewards are to be distributed.

These plans, however, go against the general nature of the prick.

That well laid out and mutually agreed upon plan doesn't seem so good when something super rare and super valuable drops.

This is the exact moment that the prick starts explaining to themselves how that well laid out and mutually agreed upon plan no longer applies to them.

Don't you just love people?

Player1>> Woot!
Player1>> Peacock Charm!
Player1>> Thank you, guys.
Player1's lot for the Peacock Charm: 649 points.
Player1>> I'm so happy right now.
Player2's lot for the Peacock Charm: 983 points.
Player2 obtains a Peacock Charm.
Player1>> What?!
Player1>> WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Player2>> I lotted.
Player2>> I guess I won.
Player1>> THIS WAS MY ORB!
Player1>> WE HAD A DEAL!
Player2>> I thought we were lotting.
Player2>> It's cool. You can have something from my orb.
Player2>> Oh, hey. I gotta go.
Player2>> Emergency.

Your tell could not be received. The other player is either changing areas or has just logged off and has taken you Peacock Charm and their trachea with them.

This scenario plays out on a practically daily basis.

We've put a hell of a lot of work into keeping this from happening.

We put in a quartermaster feature so all rewards go instantly to you. Unfortunately, not many people use it.

We also made it a bannable offense to break an agreement between players.

But do you know what would really make a huge difference and keep this from happening?


It really doesn't matter how many changes we make to the system. People will still find a way to be a prick.

Thus, my new plan is the obviously the easiest way to make the game better for everyone.

Now, we just wait for everyone to stop being pricks.

I'll just be over here holding my breath...


At 8:04 PM, Blogger greg ^^ said...

<3 [GM] Dave. I really enjoy your humor, man. I wish I could contain that much whit and/or cynicism.

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

Brilliant entry, as usual. You really shouldn't hold your breath though... As for the power point presentation... I should've remembered that your name is David.

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Hector said...

great entry [GM]Dave this is my first post in your blog, actually i just found bannable Offenses not so long ago, but i want to say that you are hilarious, keep up the good work, cheers!

At 3:49 AM, Blogger Roland said...

Good to see your back dave. Keep up the good work.

At 4:42 AM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

Prick up group. I love you GM Dave. When are you going to make some fan packs? I want to give you my life savings.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger Chris said...

I have to say that I'd rather you deal with these pricks than have them coming through a certain late night mexican knock-off drive thru and irritating ME.

At least you can feed them to Jormy. I just give them cardiovascular blockage over a long period of time.

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Kyle said...

See? this game is a be-a-prick simulator, and now these people are going to be pricks in real life.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

Now now, your going to kill yourself if you hold your breath till people stop being pricks...

At 2:43 AM, Blogger Redlac said...

Actually.. that's a good point, why don't they use the Quartermaster thing? Oh, yeah, that's right, it's too easy. Heck, if I'm honest I'd forgotten about it myself until Dave mentioned it. I'll jot it down for when I do a BCNM. ;)

Then I'll do my part in reducing my GM calls, which still triumphantly stands at 0. Gotta look after the GMs. ;)

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Brett said...

Best post ever. I think I may start distributing that powerpoint slide to people.

And yeah, this exact scenario happened in my linkshell this weekend. It was with someone we thought we could trust, so we didn't bother changing Leader between orbs. Turns out that she was a closeted prick, and she QMed it all to herself.

Thanks for helping turn that situation into something easier to laugh about. :D

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Alison the Amazing Thief said...

Stuff like that just reminds me why I hate people and prefer horses.

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Anthony said...

Are you real man? Please Please if you are Tele me to wherever your laying the beat down on. Your funny.

At 6:39 AM, Blogger Chris57 said...


It would help if the Gms did their job and did something about it.

I was in a BCNM and we clearly had an agreement ...you orb, your drop before hand and we even used the quartermaster to make sure that the person using the orb got the drop. Just as the BC was over this person Cough* Xhalin *Cough dropped out of the pt and STOLE the chest. I reported this twice to GMs with specifics on the time and places of said agreements and I even had witnesses and the fact that it was on QM PROVES that that was the intention and yet this player is still on my server.

so the point of this rant is that maybe if GMs would get off their lazy a** and actually do something there would be a lot less people like this in-game

At 6:57 AM, Blogger Marcio said...

I completly agree with you about the pricks and Quatermaster.

My Linkshell and I, we seldomly do BCNMs runs, however even though we trust each other 320% on a scale of 1 to 100% (being 100% full trust) we still use quatermaster everytime someone trades an orb for two reasons.

You won't get the:
1. "Ooops i meant to pass and lotted."

2. You skip the needing to lot part or pass (instant item receivership!)

3. You won't lost items upons zoning because you were eager to go do the next BC and someone went afk and forgot to pass before you zoned.

4. If a stranger was to come along, this would completly bypass doubts of wether he's questionable or not and also assure him we wouldn't rip him off.

I also (like probably many) have been in the similar situation with Roc for Dryad Staff.

After finally getting ToD and got friends coming, we kill mob and it drops (/wow /shock)I thank immenselly everyone for the help and show my gratitude with over use of emotes and "^_^" smilleys!

I wait first 2 mins (make sure ppl pass) and that no one would lot accidently.

So i finally lot! 293!! wewt it's mine cause they were helping me... when one of the players lots against me. "I thought we were here to kill it and free lot"

Luckily there was on person left to lot and I was leader. My brother rushed to my room and SCREAMS! PUT QUATERMASTER ON YOU AND PASS!

Annoyed and unsure of why I was having to do such a harsh thing I did it.

When i hit pass the log clearly says~

Marcio obtains Dryad Staff.

I was name called and cussed from left and right and even called unfair... However it was probably the best low move I could ever pull in all fairness to save my ass! >:(


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