Things You Shouldn't Say
We all know there are things you just shouldn't say.Dave>> Wow, honey. Was your ass always that big?
Dave>> Why yes I am drunk, officer.
Dave>> How bad could a Tomb Raider movie be?
These are the same rules that we all deal with everyday. We've all learned how to interact with other human beings without seemingly like complete retards.
Well... Most of us.
Basically, anyone that has never played on Xbox Live.
I'm used to these rules.
I'm pretty good at following these rules.
Only occasionally will I scream "F#@%tard" at the people I meet during the day.
But no one told me that there was a whole new set of rules for dealing with a pregnant woman. Is that really fair? Is it fair that they get to make up new rules like that just because they're pregnant?
Today, I was just making some normal, run of the mill small talk when Susan just lost her freakin' mind.
[GM]Dave>> Hey, honey.
[GM]Dave>> Any people fall out of you today?
Susan>> That's not funny.
[GM]Dave>> Of course it is.
Susan>> It wasn't funny at the mall.
Susan>> It wasn't funny when you called me at work.
Susan>> It certainly wasn't funny at my aunt's funeral.
[GM]Dave>> The priest laughed.
Susan>> Just knock it off.
[GM]Dave>> Are you okay?
See that right there? That's a very important tactic when dealing with women.
Sometimes you need to pretend to care.
Basically, look concerned and then nod when their lips stop moving.
Susan>> No, I'm not okay.
And nod.
Susan>> I don't like being fat like this.
Susan>> It's not fair.
[GM]Dave>> Honey, you're not fat.
Susan>> *sniffle*
Susan>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> Not that fat.
And that's when she lost it.
I mean, what the hell?
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 8:30 PM
24 Comments:
Thanks for the tip, Dave... ^^;
I should remember that. Will maybe come in handy some day soon.
Women. You can't say anything without upsetting them. Even NOT saying anything upsets them.
Best thing seems to be single, or date someone under 17. I opt for the single part.
long time reader first time poster bla bla bla.
Just wanted to say i love your blog, the stuff you write makes me lol something wicked. Its nice to have ya back.
I thought it was all about using duble talk..
I am surprised she didn't hurt the member that got her there in the firts place O.o
Is your aim straight? Or do you have to go at an angle?
here's how it goes....
if you attempt to get some love..you are a pig that has only one thing on your mind
if you keep your distance..you do not love her and find her repulsive
it will get worse..much worse
my advice is to start banning rtm's
each time you become annoyed with the whole pregnant/baby arriving thing ban one of them bastards
by the time the baby is born
not only will we have the whole rtm thing under control
but im betting you can start on banning random morons as well
i would say good luck
but where you are now is not about luck
nothing can help you..nothing at all
god has abandoned you and the devil is laughing
Honest to god ... I love that joke. I can't believe she couldn't laugh at it. Ofcourse, she's the one bearing all the pain,the emotions,the hormones,etc
But I wonder, have you never used "introducing someone to your Jormy" as a pick up line ?
And you're not dead?
/giggle
LMAO when I was pregnant, I knew I was fat. I mean come on here girls, you have a huge gut sticking out. Uncomfortable, annoying, keeping you up all night. Have some humor. My ex looked at me and out of nowhere and said "Honey you are glowing, do not ever think you are fat please" I told him, first of all that glow is sweat from puking 24/7. Second of all, I am fat, my ass is gone, my boobs are big (which wasnt a bad thing) I walk like a retard and i cant sit without going through a tactics method for it. He just looked at me in total shock.
Gotta make light humor and be less hormonal. More miserable around guys walking on eggshells then just laughing it up.
It will get better, just wait til the last trimester when *ahem* the little woman goes into overdrive. Be sure to pick up some soothing ointment and some lube cuz its gonna be a spawn camp from hell with all the 'taggin you' will be asked to do. Did i say asked? I meant compelled.
Well Dave, I have just started reading your blog a month ago, and I have to say its pretty funny. at times. well, 99% of the time.
The only problem I have is that, while I may have the same view of stupid people on Final Fantasy as you do, after reading your blog I have found myself actually started to become more sarcastic (read blatantly telling stupid people to piss off and to leave me the hell alone). I blame you for this and praise you for this.
That is all.
Very Subtle, Dave -_-
Glad to see you suviving along your fatherhood...
Actually, I take that back. The future is unpredictable.
I laughed, Dave your blog is great, keep up the good work!
I hope my WoW blog becomes good.
Thanks,
Ultima.
Awsome blog in all, i like the dialgue, never see it around anywhere else and its a nice change.
ive tried reading back through your archives but it does get rather repetitive. So im just going to read them as they come.
and thanks for coming back, its put a little spark of life in my boring existence.
Yes... what you say is so true. But people have not learned what to say. People are RETARDED! Innapropriate! I blogged about this subject, (sortof) myself jsut this morning. Dave you are the best.
Pfft. Women need to deal with reality. They want a man to be honest etc. until it comes to their self image. Then it's all lies.
You the man Dave. You tell her like it is! Stand up for men everywhere!
Next time try saying something like "You're fat? Really? I thought you lost weight."
That'll really get'er. :)
This post is so true...
I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. I can view the website, but I can't log into my blogger account.
Something about switching over to the new system and waiting to transfer my blog.
I have no idea.
I have stuff written, I just can't post it.
Hopefully, early next week.
This, unfortunately, also means I wasn't able to run a Welcome Back theme week for the fan club. There is a fan pack coming for everyone who donated in December and January.
Stupid technology not doing what I want it to.
No matter how smart, diabolical, omnipotent, or web savvy you are, the internets will always find a way to annoy you.
I doubt even complete and utter world domination would fix it.
Mean like microsoft?
"You know, for a fat chick, you sure don't sweat much."
Somehow, she didn't see the compliment in it.
Aww. . . she needs to dump your miserable ass.
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