Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Vanishing Act


This conversation is going to be all to familiar for some of you guys.

I know internet connections go down sometimes.

It happens to everybody. There's no reason to be ashamed.

It doesn't mean you're not into playing at that time. We get that. We don't blame you.

But maybe, just maybe, you should just quit trying because you're just frustrating everyone.

You can play some other time. Maybe your connection will be up for it then.

If you are constantly DCing, it's time to /shutdown and take the night off.

Oh, I know you really want to level or you just have to get that quest/mission done.

Too damned bad.

Your desire to level does not particularly concern me. Sure, I like helping people reach the next level and I'll hand around until someone can get that last 2k.

But that doesn't mean I have to deal with you DCing every second fight.

DCing once is unfortunate. DCing twice is problematic.

Dcing three or more times is a freaking clue that maybe you should go watch TV.

The other night I was in a party in Yuhtunga Jungle.

Yeah, yeah. Ha ha.

Quick! Be the first one to post on the irony of me getting killed by a Smithy.

Whoops. Too late.


We set up our party right outside the zoneline and go to work. Everything is going amazing.

And then the Bard DCs.

Leader>> Crap.
Leader>> Bard DC.
[GM]Dave>> We're okay.
[GM]Dave>> He'll be right back.

At this point, I am understanding.

But, right after the fight ends, the Bard reappears.

Bard>> Sorry.

That's fine. It happens.

We move on.

Two fights later...

Leader>> Crap.
Leader>> Bard DC.
[GM]Dave>> Again?
[GM]Dave>> What the hell?

But because we were thoughtful, understanding people (read: because there were no other BRDs lfg at the time), we decided to wait a few minutes for him to come back.

Unfortunately, he did.

Bard>> Sorry.

So, the leader reinvites him. I, of course, do not want to create any sort of hostility, so I choose not to say anything.

Yeah... That sounds just like me, doesn't it?

[GM]Dave>> What the hell, man?
Bard>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Did you get your modem at the bottom of a cereal box or something?
Bard>> I'm really sorry.
Bard>> It won't happen again.

This part I don't understand. Why do people say stuff like this?

It's not like your connection is going to hold up just because you want it to. We're not all going to cross our fingers and clap our hands just so you don't R0 anymore.

As if I needed some sort of proof, the Bard DCes in the middle of the next pull.

At this point, I'm wondering how much it would cost to fly to the idiot's house and actually punch him in the face.

I'm not kidding. I checked his IP address and then used Susan's computer to look it up.

You'd be surprised at how affordable air travel can be.

But before I can start packing my bags, he comes back.

Bard>> Sorry.
Bard>> Invite please.

Now, some of you are probably thinking that I'm being hard on the guy. I mean, he's only DCing, right?

But you have to think about the fact that he's making five other people suffer every freaking time he does it.

DCing once is fine. But making a party wait for you while you DC over and over again is just selfish and ridiculous. You're not the most important person on the planet, you know.

That would be me.

I quickly switch characters and invite the Bard.

Bard>> Thanks. Really sorry. It won't happen...
Bard>> Where is everyone else?
Bard>> And why are you all shimmery?
[GM]Dave>> Good news.
[GM]Dave>> I've found a wait to solve your DCing problem.
Bard>> Really? That's...

And he DCes.

No, I'm not kidding.

Surely, by this point, he must have come to his senses and opted to stay logged out for the night. No one could be dumb enough to log back in after four consecutive DCes.

Bard>> Sorry.
Bard>> Invite please.

People never cease to amaze me.

[GM]Dave>> As I was saying...
[GM]Dave>> I've figured out a solution to your DCing problem.
Bard>> That's great.
Bard>> What do I do?
[GM]Dave>> Well, step one is I have to transport you to a holding area.
[GM]Dave>> Is that okay?
Bard>> Sure.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Slow fish.

Retarded fish.


Bard>> Hey, I've never been here before.
Bard>> What's step two?
[GM]Dave>> Step two is you getting eaten by a dragon.
Bard>> I don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> I'll try to explain it in simpler terms.

Jormungand hits Bard for 15,853 points of damage.
Bard was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> How's that?
[GM]Dave>> I could explain it a little slower.

See, it's kind of hard to DC if you can't log in in the first place.

Problem solved.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have to try and level past that freaking jungle.

Yeah, yeah. Goblin Smithy. Ha ha.

Shut up.


At 11:05 AM, Blogger Hiro said...

Funny as usual Dave!

Glad to see you've not forgotten about us.

I hate yuhtunga.


At 11:18 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

I liked the jungle, I found it easier to lvl there with more exp than qufim or the stupid shitadel >.>

At 1:29 PM, Blogger EndrilRM said...

I miss Smithy and Pathfinder and all the rest of the Goblin bunch... I say you spend some time in the Jungle and get back to your "inner gob."

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Zephyer said...

FFXI is full of those people. Wouldn't it be great if FFXI automaticly blocked you from playing if you logged in more than twice in an hour?

At 2:57 PM, Blogger Chaotic Neutral WHM said...

Zeph... that would stink. >.> What if you had to switch characters, or log out to go do something irl... etc.

However I agree... multiple disconnects are annoying. >.>

At 3:01 PM, Blogger Ropeteer said...


At 4:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's always the deluxe package.

Except, replace "credit card" with "modem/router".

At 5:44 PM, Blogger Cheyenne said...

Your blog posts are coming out of a time warp! I'm very afraid =(

At 10:00 PM, Blogger Hutea said...

You know, it's prolly Smithy's revenge for that whole you thinking he was a fishing botter.. >.>


At 12:09 AM, Blogger Nick said...

Dear [GM]Dave,
Two things.
First, you're fantastic. You make me laugh every single time you post. Even the ones that are mostly not there for people to laugh at, you make something in it funny, and that is damned impressive. You are, as you've told us time and time again, amazing.
Secondly, thank you for filling my need for some idiot to be fed to a dragon. I was starting to panic, as I hadn't heard about one in quite some time. But, I'm glad to know you're still doing it. It brings sunsine into the lives of the few people that really, truly hate stupid people.
I'm going to leave now, before you feed me to a dragon.

At 12:10 AM, Blogger Tarage said...

Dear Dave,

Susan lets you touch her computer? I would have thought by now, she would be so full of hormones that if you even were to TOUCH anything belonging to her, she would bite your hand off. Hand, or something worse...

Or is it that she is now imobile by the 'tarutaru' inside her?

One last thing... have you thought of a name?

At 4:05 AM, Blogger Jenna said...

Funny thing is. I think that bard was testing the whole pt. Or you're right the bard had a connection problem.

Thing is with 56k (Which I think is what he/she was using) Disconnects a lot cause of well...Its 56k and it sucks.

Anyone who's playing with a 56k connection should be shot anyways. >_>;

*comfort* I really <3 you for doing that to that ANNOYING bard. Maybe that bard will get a cable modem instead of wasting 5 other people's time by Disconnecting every 5 minutes. I mean seriously

Yuhtunga *shudder* Everytime I go through that area its always some PL, with some black mages a random dd and a random tank. All names are blue, (anon) and something along the lines of Fflskjfsd or Osfdjlsl or Qsfjdliou >>;;

Srsly..yeah >_> its that bad. Stupid RMT infestation *whinemoan* Lol I quit a while ago. =P Im free of the spell of FFXI XD

At 6:07 PM, Blogger Red said...

You rock dave thank you for a good laugh on this somewhat boring sunday evening. If your leveling on Alexander free power level for you and any of of friends from me.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

jenna, cable modems can be just as bad. I've run into periods of multiple lag/dc's on Roadrunner; usually at that point, I give up leveling & either go work on my profs or go do something offline. At least with proffing, you're not endangering your hunting party when you DC.

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Otis said...

Love it!

Although I don't think I've actually played long enough to disconnect.

At 4:53 PM, Blogger anon said...

I love your blog and i just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens or what I'm going through you always bring a smile to my face. I really appreciate you for this due to things being really bad right now in my life. So once more thank you.

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Drag said...

hmm i think [GM]Dave got fired cuz he almost post new stories and 2 last updates where about him as a player, not as a GM.

But even fired, you make me laugh with all your threads.

From Spain,


At 8:45 AM, Blogger Penn said...

If he were fired he would have access to a dragon how?

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Nightwing said...

He is a 1337 haxxor, thats how.

And keep up the good work Dave! Although your other blog could use some love now and again.

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Anti-Noob said...

Awesome GM dave, I hate Retards as much as you! Can't wait to hear of your next revenge on retards! good job!

At 9:39 AM, Blogger Dave said...

If you are constantly DCing, it's time to /shutdown and take the night off.

I used to DC whenever I'd get an IM, or something else popped up.

I found a great workaround, though!

At 10:52 AM, Blogger paduse said...

Speaking of Smitty... WTF??? Will he be back this year too?

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Nightwing said...


and on GMdave's blog too? Tsk tsk...

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Dave said...

and on GMdave's blog too? Tsk tsk...

Eh, BOFH was funnier. Ten years ago.

At 3:37 AM, Blogger Lauren said...

Dave, I just love your blogs. I have to say at a very low point in my life, this blog still makes me laugh to the point of tears. Thanks!!

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Marcus said...

BOFH is still funny today!

At 1:32 PM, Blogger kalliope said...

zephyer: that sounds like an awesome idea. the only problem is, that sometimes it's the game servers themselves being a pain in the arse. even with niiiice broadband connections.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Dave, it looks like you're gone again. Your blog was hysterical, and almost always made me laugh -- and often got referenced in arguments in the MMORG I play. Whatever you're doing now, good luck & be happy (okay, at least more happy than in your Customer Service jobs).

At 1:10 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

[GM]Dave, as a customer service rep for a cellphone company, I salute you as my hero. I hope the people in my queue play FF someday you feed them to a dragon. I brings me great comfort to know its probably already happened. Thank you, [GM]Dave, for living the dream.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger EndrilRM said...

SE just recently announced that they WILL be adding a windowed mode to FFXI... so no more excuse for 3rd party programs after that... cheers!

At 12:10 AM, Blogger Angelsilver said...

EndrilRM said...
SE just recently announced that they WILL be adding a windowed mode to FFXI... so no more excuse for 3rd party programs after that... cheers!

Could you post a link to where you have seen this information?

At 10:18 AM, Blogger EndrilRM said...


At 4:55 PM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

Where are you GM Dave where are you!!!!!!!!!!????

At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dave, First time poster, Long time Reader. I just want to say that i love your Blog and check your site almost daily to read what new story you have for us. I must admit im a little lost lately, waiting patiently for a new story to pop up.

I mean seriously, what do you expect me to do while im at work?... Work? thats just ridiculous that you would even assume that i want to work while at work.

Keep up the great writing and hope to see something new from you soon.

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Taomage said...

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Beakerz said...

I miss you Dave....

At 7:38 PM, Blogger Mai said...

Hello [GM]Dave. My name is.. well.. to you, it's Mai, and I've enjoyed reading your blog. You have taken one thing, and that one thing is still very funny. The blog is just so very fun to read, and I love re-reading in my spare time.

That being said, I hope life is treating you well, and that you're enjoying life. I hope Susan is doing well, and that the baby is healthy. ^^;

~ Mai.

At 8:58 AM, Blogger legolias said...

I find the title of his post "The Vanishing Act" to be completely ironic considering that he vanished after posting it...

Anyone else feeling this way?

At 8:19 PM, Blogger Mai said...

Does it even matter? You would think the guy has a lot on his plate, having a job, Susan being pregnant, having to work up to putting food on the table for a kid.. give the poor guy a break. Sure, maybe it is ironic, to you. But seriously, it doesn't matter.

I'm gonna bet the more you pester him to come back, the more he might want to stay.. AWAY. D:

At 9:03 AM, Blogger paduse said...

I have a theory. He's too busy playing WoW to actually give a shit. I mean, that's the only thing that keeps me from trolling the blog on a regular basis--it seems a legitimate enough excuse to let the updates go to hell too. Or we could revist my earlier theory... he's out of material :) Think about it, how many different ways can you feed a retard to a dragon? Dave, I don't blame you bud... F*** the blog! Keep on doing what your good at... making babies!

Much Love,


At 5:51 AM, Blogger Mai said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:01 AM, Blogger Nightwing said...

/agree with Paduse

At 7:11 AM, Blogger EndrilRM said...

I have to admit... I'm starting to get disappointed checking the blog every other day and not seeing an update... if he's going to end it, he should just end it. I really enjoyed the series while it was going on, and was thrilled when he made his comeback after the hollidays... but it seems that he is just tired of the blog and probably doesn't even follow Final Fantasy anymore. Heck, for that matter, I haven't been playing it as much as I use to lately.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted... I'll check back again in another few weeks... I guess...


At 10:15 AM, Blogger Ben said...

Dude, Susan is/was pregnant. The baby's probably delivered already. It must be taking up all his spare time, and for the spare time he does have, he's too tired to update, 'cause he knows it'll be crap because he'd be forcing himself to update it. So just give him time.

At 3:09 AM, Blogger Jed said...

Exactly, even if the baby isn't here yet he's no doubt get ready for it. First time father, big step. You want to know what your doing, not to mention how much care susan is going to need so close to birthing time.

Perhaps if you attcually give him the time he needs he'll come back with a "Yo, I gots a baby now time da feed ze dragonz!" post so we know what's going on or something.

When was the last time giving someone a hard time got you anywhere? Exactly.

At 5:23 AM, Blogger Erhnam said...


At 1:07 PM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

tears flow.....was [GM]Dave defeated buy RMT's??? who will save us now??

At 6:06 PM, Blogger Tex said...

I hope Susan and the baby's doing good~ I loooove reading the blog and I miss you Dave! Write for us soon!! :]

At 12:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Dave,

I read all of your blog and got quite inspired by that.

I'm a player in the MMORPG "Planeshift" and I often wish I could do things similar to those you do.

And yesterday when I was once again annoied by a newbie I decided to have a change.

Well, I'm not able to act like you do, I'm not a GM but players who know their game have also ways to get rid of those.

Here's yesterdays log (have fun):

player1 says: Hey I#m new. Can anyone help me playing
player2 says: [try to speak in Character and put OOC terms in brackets please]
player1 says: What ?
player3 says: [read the players guide]
player1 says: I wanna play !!
player3 says: [try to roleplay, maybe someone helps you]
player1 says: that sucks, where do I find something to kill ?

This guy was quite annoying I thought and that made me think of [GM]Dave.
What would he do now ?

I was sure I couldn't take any actions in my main character because my plan was pretty "Davelike".

I got a new e-mail-adress and created a new Character ... "gmevad" !

Log in ... here we go !

gmevad says: Hello good Sir
gmevad says: I heard your in need of help
player1 says: yeah, I wanna play this game but don't know how
gmevad says: [so you're retarded ?]
player1 says: Why do say that ? I'm NOT !
player1 says: just new
gmevad says: okay, let's see ... how can I be of help for you, Sir?
player1 says: I need money and weapon
gmevad says: you want to kill somebody ?
player1 says: yeah, Monsters to sell their loot.
gmevad says: Ah, okay ... what if I'd give you a million Tria?
player1 says: wooooow, that would be great !
player1 says: the others only gave 1000 or 2000
gmevad says: ah ... you already have some money ?
player1 says: yeah but only 5000 can't buy a sword with that
gmevad says: you could, but no good one
gmevad says: what if I'd give you a sword that would nearly make you undefeatable?
player1 says: yeee, you would do that ? And a million tria ?
gmevad says: No !
player1 says: What ?
gmevad says: No, I wouldn't !
player1 says: But you said ...
gmevad says: Said what?
player1 says: You said you give me one million and a good sword?
gmevad says: did I?
player1 says: yes
gmevad says: Hhm ... okay then
gmevad says: /me hands over 1.000.000 Tria and a Longsword of the Undefeatable to player
player1 says: yeee wonderful you're really kind
gmevad says: I know
player1 says: Why is it not in my inventory ?
gmevad says: What ?
player1 says: The sword and the money ...
gmevad says: [I only roleplayed it, this is a roleplaying game]
player1 says: you what ?
gmevad says: [I roleplayed giving it to you]
player1 says: I can not use it ?
gmevad says: No.
player1 says: that sucks
gmevad says: as you do
player1 says: what ?

must have been my lucky day ... my first one was really a good one.

gmevad says: may I call you Moron?
player1 says: No you don't
gmevad says: Ok, Sir Moron, you want to be a rich, famous and heroic citizen of Yliakum?
player1 says: yeah
gmevad says: I can help you on your way to become that.
player1 says: and you would ?
gmevad says: No.
player1 says: you're annoying
gmevad says: I'M NOT !
gmevad says: I'm helpful, kind and a well known helper of Morons
player1 says: I'm NOT a moron
gmevad says: you are.
gmevad says: [stop whining, we go make you a hero]
player1 says: how can we
gmevad says: just follow me

I lead him to the sewers, where usually beginners start with killing rats and selling the loot to earn their first money. But we passed the rats and stopped at the Tefusang. (another Mob, but impossible to kill for him)

player1 says: wow, what's that ?
gmevad says: A Tefusang
player1 says: that look strong
gmevad says: No worry
player1 says: can I kill that?
gmevad says: sure and you need not more than your bare hands
player1 says: changes to normal stance
player1 says: was killed by Tefusang
player1 says: YOU BASTARD
gmevad says: what ?
player1 says: It killed me with one hit
gmevad says: I told you
player1 says: you told me ?
gmevad says: yes
gmevad says: I told you you're retarded
player1 says: YOU BASTARD
gmevad says: [stop saying that]
player1 says: where am I now
gmevad says: that's what is called the Death Realm
player1 says: How do I get out here ?
gmevad says: Not that easy
gmevad says: [took me two hours when I was there first time]
player1 says: that sucks
gmevad says: I know
gmevad says: but there's a way
player1 says: what way?
gmevad says: are you in reach of your reset-button
player1 says: why
gmevad says: If you reset immediality your death will not be saved to the servers and you come back here
player1 says: really
gmevad says: No.
player1 says: you're kidding again are you ?
gmevad says: No.
player1 says: I try to reset
player1 says: has left Planeshift
player1 says: just entered Planeshift
player1 says: I'm still here
gmevad says: I told you
player1 says: told me what?
gmevad says: that you are a retarded moron
gmevad says: and my first victim
player1 says: victim?
gmevad says: yes.
gmevad says: How stupid must one be
gmevad says: fooled twice and still trusting me
gmevad says: setting you on ignore now and get me another beer
gmevad says: or can I be of any more help ?
player1 says: Bastard.
gmevad says: Nice to meet you too, Sir.

THAT was fun, thank you [GM]Dave for your inspiration.

At 2:30 AM, Blogger Duodenum said...

Wow...just wow. That was just about the lamest thing I've ever read. And using (GM)Dave's blog like that. Shame on you!

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

Well i liked it and so are a person thingy. But he does have a point and you can make a blog with blogger so i would go do that and be merry.

At 1:37 AM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says GM Dave must have found some rare-ex poon but I don't know what that means. Is it a drop from Jormy? Reeree says I should look at the spam in Goblin Smithy's comments if I really want to know but that I'm not allowed to click on them.

Hi Dave! Miss you. Do you have your egg hat? It's SILLY!

At 10:29 AM, Blogger Sebb said...

I miss you Dave.
Come home.

At 10:56 AM, Blogger lipglossgrrl said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:29 AM, Blogger lipglossgrrl said...

How sad to find an empty house, were before there had been so much warmth and laughter. For all the grumpy ass bitching, we always saw an underlaying love of both gaming and writing. The reasons for vanishing are endless and i am not one to step into the vast ocean of speculation. I will say I truly hope, one day as I pass through searching for a smile, that you will have found your way back to sharing your words with us. You truly had a way of making me laugh.

At 1:52 AM, Blogger Nick said...

No one fully realizes how noob they are until they spend some time at/with high level individuals, none the less - noobs and too weak d/c losers can go die! [GM]Dave owns!
All I can really say is.....more! Give us more!

At 9:36 AM, Blogger Nick said...

I'm hopeful to see a new post, even if it's just you saying you're not actually dead. You've been a tremendous force in my... online life... so, really, my actual life. I now have the ability to tell retarded people that they, in fact, are retarded. It may not seem like much, but it's something that encourages as little bit of something, like quality after I beat them with a verbal 2x4. Regardless, I hope you're doing well. Happy (belated) Easter, and best wishes.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Blake said...

Limit Break Radio takes care of my thirst for knowledge and humor, but where is my dry sarcasm!? My abuse of power!? There's a [GM]Dave sized hole in my bookmarks folder ; ;

At 6:16 AM, Blogger Jales said...

I find it ironic that he does a post called "vanishing act" just before he vanishes LOL

Hope all is well Dave!


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