Where Have I Been?Wow, almost two months.
Some of you may remember that I posted a message saying that I was indeed "back" and would begin writing on a more frequent basis.
Even if you do not remember, you can just scroll down a bit and read it for yourself. It shouldn't be hard to find given I haven't really written anything in the meantime.
Many of you may be asking yourselves "WTF?"
To you, I say either learn to speak in full sentences or do us all a favor and shoot yourself in the face. Seriously, who says "WTF" in real life?
Others of you may be asking the more pertinent question "what the hell is going on?" Can one really define "being back" as taking another two month break? Where is the "back" we were promised?
Also, "why the hell is this asshole using so many damned quotation marks?"
I'm sure you'd all love to hear a great story about why I took two months without writing. Some grand tale of my travels to far off lands or the untimely death of a relative or family pet.
I was fully ready to give you that. I even considered killing Susan just to have something to write about. Man, that would have been awesome.
But, no. There is no great tale. I didn't write simply because I didn't have anything to write about.
So why did I say I was back?
It is at this point that I feel I should point out something that is critical to your understanding.
I lie a lot.
If at any moment during the day lying can save me from major trouble, I will lie.
If it can save me from minor trouble, I will lie.
Sometimes I lie just to amuse myself.
Today at work, one of my supervisors came up to me.
Fred>> Hey, Dave.
Fred>> Did you finish that McCarthy report?
Dave>> Of course I did.
Dave>> Just sent it to the printer.
Fred>> Great. Good work as always.
Dave>> Anything you need, man.
I have no idea what the McCarthy report is.
I have no idea who McCarthy is.
I have no idea who Fred is.
There is a slight chance I may have slept with Fred's wife.
That last part wasn't really important, but it makes me giggle.
I wanted to be back. I thought I was back.
I was not back.
There was no back.
There may have been a front. I'll have someone look into that.
I'm lying again. There is no someone.
Now, I'm lying just for sport.
I'm going to try and write some updates over the next little while. I've spent my time off collecting stories and funny incidents that should keep us going for quite a while.
Either that or I'll see you in two months.
Also, I'd like to thank everyone that sent me e-mails asking about Susan and the baby. Both are doing quite well and one of them is quite literally the size of a house. We are in the home stretch now and should have a brand new baby any day.