Where Have I Been?
Wow, almost two months.Some of you may remember that I posted a message saying that I was indeed "back" and would begin writing on a more frequent basis.
Even if you do not remember, you can just scroll down a bit and read it for yourself. It shouldn't be hard to find given I haven't really written anything in the meantime.
Many of you may be asking yourselves "WTF?"
To you, I say either learn to speak in full sentences or do us all a favor and shoot yourself in the face. Seriously, who says "WTF" in real life?
Others of you may be asking the more pertinent question "what the hell is going on?" Can one really define "being back" as taking another two month break? Where is the "back" we were promised?
Also, "why the hell is this asshole using so many damned quotation marks?"
I'm sure you'd all love to hear a great story about why I took two months without writing. Some grand tale of my travels to far off lands or the untimely death of a relative or family pet.
I was fully ready to give you that. I even considered killing Susan just to have something to write about. Man, that would have been awesome.
But, no. There is no great tale. I didn't write simply because I didn't have anything to write about.
So why did I say I was back?
It is at this point that I feel I should point out something that is critical to your understanding.
I lie.
I lie a lot.
If at any moment during the day lying can save me from major trouble, I will lie.
If it can save me from minor trouble, I will lie.
Sometimes I lie just to amuse myself.
Today at work, one of my supervisors came up to me.
Fred>> Hey, Dave.
Fred>> Did you finish that McCarthy report?
Dave>> Of course I did.
Dave>> Just sent it to the printer.
Fred>> Great. Good work as always.
Dave>> Anything you need, man.
I have no idea what the McCarthy report is.
I have no idea who McCarthy is.
I have no idea who Fred is.
There is a slight chance I may have slept with Fred's wife.
That last part wasn't really important, but it makes me giggle.
I wanted to be back. I thought I was back.
I was not back.
There was no back.
There may have been a front. I'll have someone look into that.
I'm lying again. There is no someone.
Now, I'm lying just for sport.
I'm going to try and write some updates over the next little while. I've spent my time off collecting stories and funny incidents that should keep us going for quite a while.
Either that or I'll see you in two months.
Also, I'd like to thank everyone that sent me e-mails asking about Susan and the baby. Both are doing quite well and one of them is quite literally the size of a house. We are in the home stretch now and should have a brand new baby any day.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:15 PM
98 Comments:
Well, if you haven't had the baby yet, bye for a couple more months. And good luck! Remember, the stuff you are about to go through - it passes.
Woot! Welcome back.. Sort of..
good luck dave.
take pictures.
they make for great dart board decorations.
Yay.
[GM]Dave is back!
The hole in my life has been filled!
Would it be possible to give Jormy 2 heads? 'Cause with you being gone for so long, the idiots have decided to learn multplication.
From rabbits.
You can see where this is going.
Also, hope you feel like writing soon, I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Personally, I thought it was a brilliant ploy to say "I'm back" and then leave with your last post being "The Vanishing Act."
Oh, [GM]Dave, you keep true to your colors of hating everyone, even your fans. Welcome "back" to this, though... ya know. Baby. Baby will likely make it impossible to post on a regular basis, but will still be adorable... for now. Anyways, glad to see you're still breathing.
Best of luck with the baby!! Do you two know if Susan is having a boy or a girl yet? And welcome back for a bit!
OMG, I had something to read... for a few minutes. Congratulations on the thingy, popping out of your house.. I mean Susan.
See you in another two months though! I want to read more... so you better post.
I woke up this morning to quite a racket. My phone was going off, the Emergancy Alert system was blaring on TV. There was a mummer of excited people outside. Yes.. yes.. [GM]Dave had posted again. What does Anna Nicole Smith have on THAT news? Yes.. that's what happened. Or possibly, it's been two months and most people had stopped reading the site... one of the two, anyhow. In any case, you're not that dang important in our lives. Get over it. Go be with your wife, etc.. and if you think of something funny it would be amusing for us to read it. In the meanwhile, good luck and thank you for all the fish.
Nah, we never gave up hope.
Playing FFXI makes you persistent as hell...Stupid rmt.
Hey, it's Dave! Glad to hear the baby and Susan are both doing well. =) I've been thinking about her a lot. If nothing else, at least try to pop in and let us know that the little bugger popped out. I'm sure all of your fans would love to know. ^^ Good luck to you and to her, in the next coming months.
Reeree says the comments here are just like camping a NM in Final Fantasy XI. You wait and wait and wait and wait and eventually someone else grabs claim when you take a break to go pee, then you watch as all your hopes and dreams are stolen by gilsellers, and then you wait some more.
Glad to have you back. Pre-emptive congratulations on the baby.
Hmmmnnn... All the obvious comments have already been made, not that this should stop me from making them all again just like everyone else.
Bah! On to the conspiracy theories!
GM Dave has not written as he is secretly working for *gasp* that game that rhymes with ow, and we all know that there is no life after 60 there (and none before apparently)...
The V*ng***d mobs captured Susan and Dave is battling hysterically to save her and the baby...
Jormy is on a diet...
Dave failed diaper changing 101 and had to retake the class...
Even every two months a bit of [GM]Dave is always a good thing.
welcome back man.
Good to hear you are doing well.
Take your time. You're offering a free service, so I've got no reason to bitch.
BTW, if that baby ends up looking ANYTHING like a Taru, pictures are in order. Only the great GM Dave could have a freak taru-baby!
...
Don't ban me...
recently discovered your blog. i think it's funny as hell and i've never played an MMORPG in my life. there's a lot of bad writing out there...i'm really glad you're back.
Good luck with the baby stuff. I can only imagine how chaotic you + mindless shell is going to be. For all the fun and joy that the next couple of years is going to give you, I have one thing to say: I'm sorry. On behalf of all those, including whatever greater power there is, that never will apologize, I'm sorry.
And, it's good to have you back. There's no use rushing genius because then it becomes useless, so I'm just glad you came up with more material for funny. I'd rather the two months absense over two months of unfunny bullshit. So, nice to see you around again. XP
lolz y uz take l00ng u sux i hate u ;_;
yeah right
Glad to see another post after two months of withdrawl. I can finally stop my Incantations to bring Jormungand into the real world =]
I really hope that everything comes out OK with the kid :D
I kind of figured it was baby related. I am going to guess you're the one that is the size of a house Dave. There is quite a bit to write about for you since you have taken time off. In all seriousness though I don't blame you for wanting time off. Writing so frequently one would think you would run out of material to write about.
Are there any new Final Fantasy online games? If there are, message dudemanugoplayer on AIM.
I'm glad to hear you're doing great, Dave, and that Susan is holding up with a monster manifesting inside her womb.
A new Dave anyday. This is a scary thought. The thought that is even scarier is you as a dad.
Hope life's treating you well, and have fun! <3
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Well Dave, I'm sure the majority of us wouldn't even mind if you keep updating on FFXI things, just keep us updated on your kid.
Also, your trips to GameStop. Those are always fun.
Who wants to bet a bird feather that Dave goes away again?
It's a bet I hope I lose, but damn it's hard to keep motivated to write when your audience is the very people who commit the crimes that inspire his random acts of dragon violence in the first place.
You know what might inspire him to write more? Money. If you click the donate button, he'll feel bad if he takes your money without writing more for you.
Okay, it's Dave, he might not feel so bad.
Nice to hear from you again, Dave :) I'm excited to hear your new stories, though I'll have to agree with those expressing cautious scepticism -- esp after the baby is born, cuz you'll probably be lucky to get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But I'm sure I can safely say we're all just happy to hear from you and that everything is going well. Good luck with the baby! :D
yeah, I play Final Fantasy XI and a friend of mine told me flat out, that Dave got caught MONTHS ago and everything he's been saying about Final Fantasy XI is all complete BS now. I can't help but believe him, but then again, my friend doesn't really do much in the line of tell the truth alot. so i can't be certain
I would be completely thrilled with a new blog on your experiences as a first time daddy. I do love to hear stories of men suffering.
You're not back, but you're back.
New reader here. Don't know shit about videogames, but still like your blog.
We miss you Dave D:
Do want babies.
Perhaps for breakfast.
Welcome back Daaave! We missed you! D:
Do want babies.
Perhaps for breakfast.
;-)
I hope you *do* come back. I barely knew FFXI existed until reading your blog. The husband bought it for me Friday because your blog inspired my interest. Plus you're just a funny read.
I've been killing goblins. I hope the Smithy doesn't hold it against me.
- Level 8 THF in San d'Oria
Dave, welcome back. :) I'm sure hoping for some other great stories :)
Oh, btw: Congratulations with the new baby. Your like a bunny rabbit man, once you pop you cant stop. :P
Due to an innate fear of dragons... I have left FFXI for WoW... Turns out there's dragons in Azeroth as well.
:(
...aside from getting instant messages / whispers for gold/gil sales every 5 minutes, WoW isn't so bad...
(thats what I keep telling myself anyways)
...
Dave... Try not to feed the baby to Jormy.
I look forward to any of your stories you feel like sharing, I've had a blast reading over the archives in your absence - it seems there are many I had never read before.
I hope all is going smoothly with Susan and the baby.
{Take care}
Best of luck with the new family Dave. Fatherhood is much like being a GM (read: Drinking). You will form a loving relationship with your child and teach them and nurture them as they grow up to hate us all as much as you do. Seriously though, I wish you and yours the best of luck. Come back when you are ready.
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[GM]Dave > Sleep
Dave, to adequately prepare for fatherhood, you should add a donation link for alcohol. You know, eliminate the middleman (Jeff).
Oh, and we had better see you again before two months are up. Jormy's not getting enough face time with the crowds.
-M.Duszynski
i found a link to your blog on accident in a comment under Horomusha Kote on Allakhazam.com. i read your post about RDMs and refresh...and all the comments. then i read most of your other posts and all the comments that could hold my rodent sized attention span (even the really long and/or mean ones). it is now 7:21am and i have gotten no sleep for the fourth night in a row, i'm now out of soda (which i need for late night pting and dealing with traffic in the morning), i need to take my GF to work in an hour and then go to Chem.Lab @11 (actually i might not go to that, i dropped it 3 weeks ago and only kept going because my lab partner is HOT and she's very "friendly" but now that i have a GF i can't really take her up on those offers anymore), i generally can't feel my eyes and when i do they feel like sand paper, i'm freaking starving because i ran out of pretzels hours ago, and i'm not even sure how i managed to type all this because i'm fairly sure i no longer have control over my brain because i haven't in four days. and after all that, all i have to say is... totally freakin worth it... your style of funny is my favorite kind
Firoth, try not to talk about your personal life anymore.
I'm pretty sure [GM]Dave does not care.
In fact, unless one of your classmates frequents this blog, I'm pretty sure nobody cares about your lab parner.
Nobody cares that you're out of soda. Nobody cares that you're out of pretzels. You're a retard for not sleeping for four days.
Instead of complaining about this in a blog post, might I recommend going out and buying more food.
Either that, or stop breathing.
On a more on-topic note, [GM]Dave is awesome.
Cheers!
-M.Duszynski
actually, i was trying to be retarded in my explanation of how absorbed in to reading the blogs i was. but that's cool, we both came to the same conclusion with our opinions about [GM]Dave
please don't name your baby S3ph1r0th
actually its not a Sephiroth reference. i didnt even kno about him at the time. never played a FF game b4 this one. i kno, weird huh?
Hrm; calling your pregnant wife the size of a house eh?
See you in a couple of months when the bones knit ;)
Hello [GM]Dave,
This is my First time Posting and I must Say... Awesome Blog! It never ceases to amaze me! =D
I play on The Lakshmi server (Currently RDM72/BLM36 at time of post.) Though I doubt you wanted to know that... ^^;
I hope that everything is fine on your side. I wish you, Susan and the Baby well.
Well I better be off now. Going to see if I can get ZM6 Done. (Again, I am Sorry If you didn't want to know that either... >.<)
Ciaran.
Meh, back.. not back.. doesn't really matter. I quit checking to see what you had written about 6 weeks ago.
LOUD NOISES!!!!!
Seriously, where the fuck are you?
What idiot would say that our dear GM Dave was dead!? *sigh* This is the person that I would personally kill... Anyway, welcome back! Im glad you arent dead... hows Susan and the baby?
Reeree says all you bad people scared Dave away because you didn't bribey-wibey him enough and that you owe her a bird feather, but I think that's silly because she'd just sell the bird feather to an NPC.
I think if Dave has a baby then he's getting familiar with that thingie that grandparents call karma. I love karma!
This one time, I was like, SQUEE! I know that flag! Blue and white stripes with a sun on it? Money changed to pesos? I know where in the world Karma is!
This whole blog is a load of crap. He's clearly not a GM and every comment that states this is quickly deleted.
I'm not saying the blog isn't humorous. But its definatly full of crap.
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Hell, been over 2 months now Dave, move that crack of yours and let us know that ya ain't dead, yet!
Aww man... I really miss yeah Dave... If you need something to write about, you can always feed me to Jormy... maybe not too many times, but a few times would be okay... Cya Dave (I hope...)
Oh Dave...the tragedy.
I over heard that our favorite GM's girl was messing around some about nine months ago.
She was seen in the back of Lion's Spring Tavern with what appears to have been...well...a shady yet dashing soul. Apparently as the baby was born Dave's eyes opened wide as he gazed upon what he had believe to be his child and the last words he uttered before his demise were "$#*^&%#% Jormy"
hopefully your wife has had your baby already. come back soon!
come and gone for the next month.... please come back dave!! we love reading ur adventures!!
Come on Dave. Make up your mind. Either you keep writing, in which case we demand some status-report now and then to confirm that you are in fact still writing. Or, you stop writing, in which case the least you can do is to write one last time and announce that the end has come, so to speak.
It's decission-time, Dave. Choose now.
TWO MONTHS ON THE DOT
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The fuck is your problem? I was simply stating in my post that the two month mark had been reached. At no point in my post did I say the words "ARGH DAVE POST FUCKING POST POST FUCK FAMILY." I understand that he has a family now, and won't have time to post. I'm single, and I still have problems finding time to draw my comic and post it.
Seriously, read before you start shitting on people.
the one two posts above me is a retard.
Dave might be busy with the baby. maybe not. But he said he was coming back in 2 months. The only thing we(I at least) is a "I'm still alive" post, something that shows that he hasn't left this for good.
Now you GTFO and kiss whoever's ass you like.
Oh, and I give the ultimatums as I wish, to whoever I wish. Like I do to you now:
Behave or shut up.
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ok where are you now? how's the baby i know the baby's here by now but where are you???
And here I was thinking you might have a braincell or two, Mudsoxfan. I was wrong.
This place, the comments-section, is made for comments. Meaning, it exists so that people can tell the author what they think about the blog. And that's what I'm doing - I said that I thought it had been too long since last time he wrote, and to clear things up for your sorry excuse for a brain, I mean that I would like to see some kind of sign that the blog lives on. Even a post that just said "I'm still here, I'll post something when I feel like it, bye" would do.
And you know what? I think Dave reads the comments. That means he listens to me, because I write in the comments. Simple logic, although you might not understand it until you are at least 7 years old(You're probably older, but you need to grow up and stop acting like a child).
And the reason I want to know if there will be any more posts in the blog? Because if it's not, then I can spend a little nore time with my REAL life. Yes, I have one of those. I bet you're jealous now.
And what you need to do is to bash your head against a wall a couple of times, which hopefully will cure some of your extreme stupidity, and if it doesn't, then maybe you'll at least fall unconscious, which would make the world a better place for a while.
Seriously, don't even try to get a life, you'd fail and hurt yourself, it takes more than a fiery temper and like 40 IQ for that.
And finally: if you don't like to hear my "whining", you have 2 options: Either you stop reading the blog/the comments, or you stop writing your provocative dumb-ass bullshit.
Now go suck your mother's tit or something, and come back when you are mature enough to think straight.
I also hope Dave comes back, but frankly it's more probable he'll tear into your ass, considering how he feels about retards.
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I don't know whether to laugh or to cry now. While your inteligence and reading skills(more exactly lack thereoff) are very amusing, it is extremely depressing to see how you patheticly try to insult me and tell me I'm wrong without really reading what I write.
I'm not demanding that Dave starts to post every day or whatever. All I ask for is for him to say "Yes" or "No" regarding whether he plans to ever write again. One word will be enough.
I am not surprised you've heard "better" insults - you seem to be the kind of person that get's insulted frequently. That would also explain why you seem so eager to insult not only me, but my parents as well. You obviously are a very unhappy person("emo" if you like), and you hate me because I'm not. And there's some more logic for you again(I'm sorry, I know you have a hard time with logic, but bear with be. one day you just might understand): People who acuse other people of being things are usually that themselves and use the acusations to prevent people from thinking that they are.
Serioulsy, grow up. please? It pains me to know that some sorry excuse for a human thinks he's better than a normal person. Especially when they are in fact not.
To make you happy I wont use the ultimatums which you fear so much on you. I'll beg:
Please grow up. Or, failing that, please please please shut the hell up and go back to your dark cellar where you most likely sit all the time cursing people smart enough to actually have a life. Please.
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Is there really any need for all these negative waves? Oh well....
Anyways, hope your well Dave and life is treating you good. Look forward to hearing from you when we do. Take care :)
It's interesting, how you seem to read through posts. You seem to just search for any potentially insulting words/phrases and either call them stupid or say they're yours. And about that, insults don't belong to you. just because you used them first it doesn't mean that you have copyright or something. In fact, many of your insults fit better on yourself, but if it makes you happy I'll try to not nisult you as much, and simply say that whatever silly insults you use against me, I use against you because they are more likely to be true that way.
And you want to know why I didn't comment on what you said about Dave's life and whatever? Easy. Because you said it all, and I have never denied any of it. I know he has a job, I know he has family, I know. I never said anything that sugested otherwise, and if you think otherwise, you are wrong
By the way, when it comes to you and reading between the lines, you're a dyslectic. When I said "Choose now", did you ever even consider that I might mean, "choose now and tell us your choice, yes or no will suffice"?
And before accusing me of not reading my posts, look in the mirror.
In one of your posts you said(Quote)I wasn't making fun of your parents...(end quote)
And in your previous post you wrote (quote)I guess you're too busy sucking on your mom's tit, AND getting rammed up the ass by your dad(end quote)
See right there? you're acusing my parents of incest. I dont know how it is where you live, but where I live that's an insult. Seriously, Think before you write, at least sometimes. You'll find you make much more sense that way.
And you have a life? Likely, very likely. Your "proof" is that you claim that you start college next fall? Wow. You just reached a whole new level of childishness. In your world, obviously, your word is far more believable than any one else's. this is not wrong. The problem is, that you expect everyone else everywhere to also hold your word as more credible that their own. And you call me a kid? Great going there. And for your information, I'm older than you.
Now I hope you dont post again, because all your posts are the same; repeating some things from your previous posts and adding some new insults. It's depressing, Mudsoxfan. Maybe I really should seek out a psychiatrist, so that your poor arguments(if they can at all be considered to be that) and insults don't rob me of what's left of my faith in humanity.
So, some advice for you finally:
Grow up - you're the one who's acting like a kid.
Get a life - Deny it all you want, you don't have one anyway.
Get freaking real - it would make the world a better place, for you as well.
And finally, before you post, think. I know you said that to me, but that does still not make it your insult in any sense except that it is more true when used against you. Oh, and read my post as well, will you? Might put some intelligence in your contributions to this conversation as well.
I'm stunned really. Not that they took the time to write it, but that I took the time to read it.
I hope all is well with you Dave. Drop us a line when you find a moment.
have no idea what the McCarthy report is.
I have no idea who McCarthy is.
I have no idea who Fred is.
There is a slight chance I may have slept with Fred's wife.
That last part wasn't really important, but it makes me giggle
That made me laugh. Well I can't wait for another update.
By the way; You're the reason I've never made a GM call. I'm not kidding
Good luck with the baby! Hope it's not another two months until next time :)
Good timing. I'd just come back to your blog myself. Its as if we didnt' even miss each other.
People who posted long, stupid, useless posts that I didn't read.
STFU
Dave <3 give us a post whenever you've got a good idea.
conor, and penn: Thank you. Reading your posts made me see what I in fact was doing, and this... flaming, or whatever it was was rather dull. I probably overreacted or whatever.
Dave, I humbly ask that you once more grace us with your divine words: We shall be awaiting you when you decide to return, master
Get your ass back here, Dave!
Captains log, stardate 2342.3...
Apparently, after two months, people feel the need to write incredibly long and obtuse diatribes in peoples blog comments. Painfully obtuse ones too!
give.itarest.com.
p.s. almost three months now, every couple of weeks i check back to see whats doing. if you've gived up, a quick post to say that would be peachy dave.
Dear [GM]Dave,
I have been reading your blog for a long time, and i decided its time to post. I haven’t earlier, mostly because i couldn’t be bothered to and because i didn’t want to associate myself with some of the other posters. To those who do seem to posses some glimmer of intelligence, i apologize.
Seeing how its well over two months since you last wrote, i’m starting to get the idea that you will not, in fact, be returning to us. I just wanted to thank you for all the laughs you’ve given me, and to wish you well in all your endeavours in the future.
Particularly i hope you and Susan have by now had a healthy and perfect baby, and that everything is going well for the three of you.
I also hope you continue to wreak havoc upon the uneducated and unwashed masses of Vana'diel, as there are many, many people on that world and this one who are in sore need of correctional dragon-feedings.
Thank you again for all the good times you have given me and all the friends i suggested your blog to, and please know that, should you decide to return, you will have one loyal fan/worshipper waiting.
GM Dave is too busy trying to get his epics from Karazham.
Hey Dave. Been a while. Thanks for all the laughs, all the fun, on both of your blogs, this one and Smithy. I am pretty sure by now, this blog is the absolute last thing on your mind, what with having had a kid and all. There is one thing I must ask though, if you are reading this: Tell us about your kid, please. Though you may not realize it, you are important to your fans. Did you have a son, a daughter? Twins? (I am soooo sorry if you had twins.) I'll be checking back from time to time. IF you never do respond though, allow me to say I wish you, Susan, and your child nothing but the best
Dude, I just found your blog via http://blanktop.blogspot.com/ and it has to be said: You are truly the 21st Century incarnation of the Great and Holy BOFH. I'm talking the old, 1990's BOFH, not the washed-down corporate entertainer he's become in recent years.
Me, I dream that I could be that evil, but I'm mister nice guy and the closest I can get is by reading the tales of true Masters of the art such as yourself.
Long may you shimmer ;-)
Oh, and well done for making it this far through the comments!
You can find new bofh here.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/
Simon has keeping it updated once a week. Covers from 2000 to present.
No closure at all. "And the rest was silence."
Just sign in and say "goodbye" for crying out loud. This is a ridiculous way to treat people.
^ What he said. Nothing wrong with stopping, but at least announce it.
Hey GM Dave Thank you for all the laugh it seems you may not be comming back but i will continue to check back from time to time probaly until i die i wish the best of luck to you it'd be nice tho if you could give us one last fairwell but i can understand if saying goodbye would be to hard Good Luck GM Dave ^^
dude you rock ive read almost all your blogs and if i had a FFXI account i would get you to feed me to Jormy
The players hadn't been fed to Jormy for 19 years. All was well.
almost four months now.. where are you???
I think the baby ate Jormy, that's why there aren't any updates. Dave is just depressed!
NAh I reccon GMdave simply got curious about the game 'Silkroad' and got eaten by it.
RIP :(
100th Comment! yay.
*waits sadly for Jormy to come and eat me for posting a stupid reply :<*
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