Swing And A Miss...
We had some veryI say
You're just standing there minding your own business, looking around at the pretty scenery and then BAM! You've got a new nostril where your trachea used to be.
I mean is it really fair to just sneak up on a guy like that? Couldn't you give a brother some warning or something?
Oh... I didn't tell you the news yet...
Yeah, so Susan's pregnant.
Anyway, back to my Ballista analogy. See, Thieves have this ability called Hide that allows them...
What?
Are you still dwelling on that?
I'll assume you're surprised. Lord knows I was.
And I was there.
Most likely drunk, but there nonetheless.
I remember there was some stuff. There was much rolling around.
And, due to a severe lack of pants, it is entirely possible that an offspring may have resulted.
But still, you're never quite ready for that moment.
In case you've never been there, here's a little play I like to call "[GM]Dave Gets News, Then Goes Retarded."
Susan>> Hi, honey.
[GM]Dave>> What's wrong?
Susan>> What do you mean?
Susan>> I only said hi.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but you're smiling.
[GM]Dave>> See, women are like sharks.
[GM]Dave>> If you see teeth, something bad is about to happen.
Susan>> It's not bad...
Susan>> We just need to talk.
[GM]Dave>> Oh damn.
Susan>> What now?
[GM]Dave>> No one needs to talk.
[GM]Dave>> People say "we need to talk"...
[GM]Dave>> But they mean "I'm about to kill you with words."
Susan>> Listen...
Susan>> I'm pregnant.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> ...
Susan>> Dave?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> ...
Susan>> Dave?
[GM]Dave>> We're sorry.
[GM]Dave>> Your tell could not be received because the other...
Susan>> Knock that off!
Susan>> I'm serious.
[GM]Dave>> I think I'm having an aneurysm.
[GM]Dave>> Is there blood coming out of my ears?
Susan>> Not yet.
Susan>> We'll see how this conversation goes, though.
[GM]Dave>> Okay...
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> ...
Susan>> Okay what?
[GM]Dave>> That's all I've come up with so far.
Susan>> This is good news.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, yeah...
[GM]Dave>> ... Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure?
Susan>> Am I sure this is good news?
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure you're pregnant?
[GM]Dave>> I mean how late are you?
Susan>> Chocobo raising update late.
[GM]Dave>> ... Damn.
[GM]Dave>> That's late.
Susan>> I took the test and...
[GM]Dave>> Test?
[GM]Dave>> What test?
[GM]Dave>> Maybe we could retake it.
Susan>> I think you're losing perspective.
Susan>> We're having a baby.
[GM]Dave>> Are we ready for a baby?
[GM]Dave>> Do we have all the key items?
[GM]Dave>> What if we lose it?
[GM]Dave>> What's the recast timer on a baby?
Susan>> Honey...
Susan>> I think you've gone into the bad place.
Susan>> Babies are just like people.
Susan>> Just smaller.
[GM]Dave>> But I don't like people.
[GM]Dave>> I hate people.
Susan>> Babies are like small people that can't talk.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I'm listening.
Susan>> We're going to have a beautiful little baby.
Susan>> And we can teach him or her new things.
[GM]Dave>> Like what?
[GM]Dave>> Crafting?
Susan>> Like walking and talking.
[GM]Dave>> I can barely do those things.
Susan>> Oh, that's okay.
Susan>> I'm going to teach the baby to ignore anything you say.
[GM]Dave>> That's...
[GM]Dave>> That's actually a good idea.
Susan>> Don't worry.
Susan>> Everything's going to be okay.
Susan>> Nine months from now, we'll be having our own baby.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm...
Susan>> What?
[GM]Dave>> I hope I don't have Dynamis that night.
[GM]Dave>> I'd hate to miss it.
Susan>> It won't kill you to miss one Dynamis run.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> Who said anything about missing Dynamis?
In retrospect, I probably could have handled that better.
On the bright side, soon I will have a brand new, tiny human being to nurture and care for.
And as soon as I can get my damned chocobo to wake the hell up, I may actually feel good about my parenting abilities.
They'd better beta test this baby first.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:33 PM
19 Comments:
Bow chicka wow woooooow! XD
(|Congradulations!|)
be sure to keep us updated...tech him/her to follow in your footsteps. [GM]Baby has an interesting ring to it...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but you're smiling.
[GM]Dave>> See, women are like sharks.
[GM]Dave>> If you see teeth, something bad is about to happen.
Really, this is such a true line. You poor poor bastard.
What the hell is the matter with you? Next thing you know she'll be wanting you to make her [Mrs.GM]Dave. Dave? Dave? Wake up Dave! Crap, he won't wake up. What's the number for 9-1-1??? Hehehe.
I'm at work, and I'm trying to get to read this on my phone... my phone decides to eat its own tail and kills the battery. Then I'm thinking about something and the thought pops into my head (don't ask me why) of [GM]Dave reproducing...
I read this post, and I think I'm developing psychic powers... Not the first time something like this has happened...
Awww!!! Congrats to both of you!!!
What will the child's name be? Or are you still performing a mental reboot?
Well, what can I say, congratulations to you two.
I would wait to see the chaos that would result from a tiny [GM]Dave, but I don't think I can actually wait that much and still remember. XD
On a brighter note, you can get your own inside agent into FF XI later on I guess.
I just thought of something!
[GM]Dave = God
Susan = The "virgin" Merry
Baby = Jesus!
All we're missing is a drug trip involving "spirits" and we got ourselves a branch off religion of Davism!
Dave you're looking at it all wrong.
you're going to get a mortal being to do your bidding!
I bet you could even train him to use a dragon effeciently.
Imagine the chaos this child could cause. All you have to do is teach him pure evil!
I just thought of something else.
Now you never have to leave the computer again. You can make it bring you food and drink.
You could even start going in a bottle and have the kid empty it.
Oh the possibilities!
I'm a long-time reader, but this is my first post.
Congrats!
Maybe you can teach him/her to aid you on your crusade against MMO idiocy...
Congrats! That's very exciting news. Just a bit of warning: The pregnancy can make a woman a bit... um... interesting. Interesting meaning, uncomfortable, emotional, angry, violent, and completely unaware that she's acting like a crazy woman. Just keep telling her how beautiful she looks, keep your head down, and NEVER say the word fat even if you're not even talking about her. I'm sure you're going to be a great dad.
R I P Dave.
Life as you know it has ended.
Grats... I think?
I have 3 lil demons.. I mean kids myself.. its not all that bad.
OMFG I gotta go!!! my boy trying to pull another stunt! /sigh
congratulations to you and susan both on your new joy! kids are great. looks like now you'll be moving again... into 2 bedroom ^^
critterffxi,
Actually you would be wrong on that part of the last 3 months of not having sex. Its actually encouraged to have sex uptil the baby is born. The reason being is because it makes it easier for a woman for some reason I do not know but this is told by numerous women friends who have house apes to do their bidding. Congrats Dave!
remimber unlike the chocobo if you leave your baby at home unfed for 4 days it won't be alive...
btw you can do that to your chocobo .. asleep 3 days then I ignored it 2 more and it was still alive..
oh ya and don't kill it.. or anything.. and keep the baby safe too..
Anyone else find it funny to learn that he was actually on a Dynamis run when Susan went into labor?
So there I was, trawling through the archives, and as I read this post I realized [GM]Dave's child would be six years old at the time of this comment.
I hope she's learning leet gaming skills already.
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