Tuesday, August 29, 2006

[GM]Dave Rising

I had somehow missed the release of Disgaea 2. This gives further proof to my theory that dealing with idiots all day long can cause brain damage.

Unfortunately, since I had not ordered it online, I was stuck going to...

I can't even say it...

I was stuck going to the mall.

*cue crashing thunder and ominous music*

There are few things as terrifying to me as going to a shopping mall. The entire place has this sick, empty feeling.

It's like being inside the head of a gil buyer.

But, as I had no choice in the matter, I jumped in my car and headed for the mall.

As soon as my car hit the parking lot, I knew it was a mistake. It was a sea of shining SUVs and minivans. The place was going to be packed with broken soccer moms and their witless, mutant children.

Yay.

I could do it, though. A quick run in, grab the game, and I was gone.

How bad could it be?

Answer: very.

As I walked in, the breath was practically knocked out of me. I stood there, at the end of the food court, with my heart racing wildly in my chest.

The mall was infested with zombies.

Dear lord, they were everywhere. The mall was awash with their undead horde.

I had to do something.

I ran in and snatched a cane from some old lady zombie's hand. Her wrinkled body crashed to the hard tile floor.

But at least I had a weapon.

That's when I spotted a cluster of zombies sitting at tables to my left.

They had to pay.

I swung the cane through the air like a blade and let it crash down against the top of their table. Their Starbucks espressos jostled, one of them actually falling over spilling.

Wait... Do zombies drink Starbucks?

Zombie1>> What the hell are you doing?
[GM]Dave>> DIE, ZOMBIE BASTARDS!!!
Zombie2>> He's lost it.
Zombie1>> Yeah. We should get out of here.

They took off running. I could see the fear in their zombie faces.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see the zombie in their zombie faces.

Yeah... Apparently, I may have assaulted some Goth kids in serious need of a tan.

And we won't even talk about the table full of GAP employees.

How could this get any worse?

LittleKid>> Grandma? Why are you lying on the floor?
LittleKid>> Grandma... ?

I decided that it might be better if I went home instead of shopping.

Went home quickly.

If anyone asks, I was with you this afternoon.

33 Comments:

At 8:17 PM, Blogger Jed said...

*steals first commnet*
I giggled. Must remember to deal with goth kids like that in future...

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Isaac20 said...

Ahahaha... Even though the end was expected, it was still very funny.

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Paramount said...

BAD [GM]Dave BAD!!! everyone knows that Zombies should be killed with chainsaws, otherwise they just keep coming back.

Still, yay for improvised weapons and old lady pain ^^

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Artos said...

So you had to restart?

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Axit said...

teach those old lady zombies who's boss...

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Axit said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger Furioku said...

WHOA a new level of evil [gm] dave VS Old lady kick her ass dave xD

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

no paramount, a lawnmower works the best

 
At 9:44 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Meh. If anything, you could've just resumed beating the goth out of them. You know they'd need it.

 
At 12:12 AM, Blogger LastGun said...

pfff, why didn't you just blend a pie and orange juice to make some untouchable juice? you can pick up some pie in jill's sandwiches, so ya know for next time.

 
At 3:45 AM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

That's why I carry a tazer.

 
At 4:44 AM, Blogger Lokyar said...

Wait, there's a Disgaea 2?! Damnit, what am I doing here reading hilarious blogs when there are demon realms to conquer!

 
At 5:22 AM, Blogger phobos said...

General comment.

Dave your blog is much better than any comedians shows sometime.

And i wanted to tell you that your fan community is growing beyond the internet community.

Betatesters of european Cabal took notice from your blog, and .... they cant stop laughing when they read your blog.

sry for bad english maybe

kind regards from germany XD

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger Heath said...

What he posts is funny, indeed.

what's funnier is the people who believe he actually went to the mall to buy a video game, we all know there's an acccessable gameXchange close.


he went to the mall with the intent to stereotype any one group and cause them mass pain. you know the authorities read this, well.. would read this, if he really fucked up paperboys and old women.

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger Inia said...

what's funnier is the people who believe he actually went to the mall to buy a video game, we all know there's an acccessable gameXchange close.


he went to the mall with the intent to stereotype any one group and cause them mass pain. you know the authorities read this, well.. would read this, if he really fucked up paperboys and old women.


[GM]Dave, it appears one of the zombies followed you here.

You fail on so many levels, Heath. Time to continue that trend and fail at breathing.

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger Sunny said...

[GM]Dave hits Zombie1 for 19,745 points of damage.
Zombie1 was defeated by [GM]Dave

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

Sunny, you forgot
Additional Effect: Deluxe Package

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger Juggler_of_jusa@hotmail.com said...

I wish people would stop saying that Emo kids are the same as Goths. We are not like those fuckers who cry in front of their webcams while listening to Emo music and cutting themselves. Other than that, great blog [GM]Dave and /wave from Sweden.

 
At 7:36 AM, Blogger Triop King said...

Inia said...
what's funnier is the people who believe he actually went to the mall to buy a video game, we all know there's an acccessable gameXchange close.


he went to the mall with the intent to stereotype any one group and cause them mass pain. you know the authorities read this, well.. would read this, if he really fucked up paperboys and old women.

WOW. Dude, get a life. And to all those that keep comming back saying "Oh [GM]Dave is fake! Hes lieing to you, I bet hes not even a real GM!!!"

Guesss what, WE DONT CARE! Even if hes not a [GM] on FFXI I personally dont care, even if he DIDNT EVEN SET FOOT IN THE MALL within the last YEAR! I dont care.

You know why? Because [GM]Dave has a gift. Its called creative wrighting, and it brings us all laughs.

Is the stuff you see on tv real? Definatly not, but is it funny? Prolly. if your watching comedy.
So, basically if you dont like it, leave. Obviously this place is full of his fans, so get a life and more on greifer.

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Zenomorph said...

Yay~ Disgaea II! I must have it!


I wonder if they'll reprint Disgaea I again now that the second one is out.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger kalliope said...

General comment: dave, could you please republish the entire blog again? the rss-feed is playing up quite a bit, it cuts down the texts and just looks... weird.
Seems to be a blogger.com-issue (i get that sometimes with my blog too), so, please? :)

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Inia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger SilverLink said...

[GM]Dave, I'll cover ya when the cops come =p

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger SkullsVassili said...

LOL ok Dave this is my first comment since i spent like a week reading all of ur blogs since the begining, it's good to see someone is doing something to preserve the not retard race on the world, nice blog, first thing in the morning i read it and i have a good start for the day. Keep on the good work see ya

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Heath said...

You've obviously missunderstood.

.... completely.


What i said is he is a funny fella.

what i also said is he did go to the mall

what you made me out to say, was that i hate gm dave, he's fake, and i wet myself.


you obviously cannot read logically.... go die.


It's overly obvious that he over exaggerates on things, but he is a funny guy, one of thoes guys you'd like to get drunk, put him on a stage, let him blabber for about an hour, till you get bored then you just beat the shit out of...

you know what i mean. for humor.

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger Dalight said...

http://gmdave.us.tt <<<< A [GM]Dave Fan forum!

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Calsetes said...

Be careful, they could be the dreaded horror of horrors, Goth-Emo-Kids! 3x the "despair," 5x the bank account, and 10x the complaints! Goth kids are bad, Emo kids are worse, but when their powers combine, you better run for the hills!

 
At 5:39 PM, Blogger Kittos said...

*-* kill the old ladies first ><;;

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger Zanbatou-sama said...

Ah, you would not want to have been with me. My evening was spent dealing with the unwashed masses of runescape that make FFXI seem like [GM] Dave's happy place.

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Zanbatou-sama said...

Note to self: Find Runescape servers, run magnet over it. After I save my character to a disc. -.-

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger WoWPlayer said...

[GM]Dave is GOD!!!! I myself am a WoW player, but the amount of stupidity is getting worse and worse every day, so I am looking into FF XI, so any Davites, please do not flame me.

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger LastGun said...

FFXI is way better then wow man. all wow has is pvp only servers. ffxi has ballista, but not pvp like wow has. still, everything else about it is way better.

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Luciandre said...

Did he not say that he was looking into FFXI? And WoW doesn't just have PvP servers. Sure PvP is one of the game's "points" but, most people get on the RP or Normal Servers.

 

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