Bannable Offenses

[GM]Dave Rising

I had somehow missed the release of Disgaea 2. This gives further proof to my theory that dealing with idiots all day long can cause brain damage.

Unfortunately, since I had not ordered it online, I was stuck going to...

I can't even say it...

I was stuck going to the mall.

*cue crashing thunder and ominous music*

There are few things as terrifying to me as going to a shopping mall. The entire place has this sick, empty feeling.

It's like being inside the head of a gil buyer.

But, as I had no choice in the matter, I jumped in my car and headed for the mall.

As soon as my car hit the parking lot, I knew it was a mistake. It was a sea of shining SUVs and minivans. The place was going to be packed with broken soccer moms and their witless, mutant children.

Yay.

I could do it, though. A quick run in, grab the game, and I was gone.

How bad could it be?

Answer: very.

As I walked in, the breath was practically knocked out of me. I stood there, at the end of the food court, with my heart racing wildly in my chest.

The mall was infested with zombies.

Dear lord, they were everywhere. The mall was awash with their undead horde.

I had to do something.

I ran in and snatched a cane from some old lady zombie's hand. Her wrinkled body crashed to the hard tile floor.

But at least I had a weapon.

That's when I spotted a cluster of zombies sitting at tables to my left.

They had to pay.

I swung the cane through the air like a blade and let it crash down against the top of their table. Their Starbucks espressos jostled, one of them actually falling over spilling.

Wait... Do zombies drink Starbucks?

Zombie1>> What the hell are you doing?
[GM]Dave>> DIE, ZOMBIE BASTARDS!!!
Zombie2>> He's lost it.
Zombie1>> Yeah. We should get out of here.

They took off running. I could see the fear in their zombie faces.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see the zombie in their zombie faces.

Yeah... Apparently, I may have assaulted some Goth kids in serious need of a tan.

And we won't even talk about the table full of GAP employees.

How could this get any worse?

LittleKid>> Grandma? Why are you lying on the floor?
LittleKid>> Grandma... ?

I decided that it might be better if I went home instead of shopping.

Went home quickly.

If anyone asks, I was with you this afternoon.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:38 PM