Thursday, August 31, 2006

1400 Is The Loneliest Number...

I love some days.

Scattered amongst the countless days of dealing with the functionally retarded of Vana'diel, there are a few rare days of pure joy.

We call them Banning Days.

Now, I know what you're saying. Isn't every day a Banning Day for [GM]Dave?

Well... Yeah... Kind of.

But these are sanctioned bannings.

Do you know why we had this particular Banning Day? Do you know why we banned 1400 accounts for using third party software?

We did it because people are stupid.




People who use third party software to cheat are annoying. It ruins game balance and messes up the economy.

But that's only part of the reason why we hate third party software.

We mostly hate it because people who have no idea what in the hell their doing download random programs off the internet. Then they come whining to us when their account gets "hacked".

Can you even comprehend how damned irritating that is?

First off, you didn't get hacked.

No one was breaking through firewalls or running algorithms while techno music played in the background. You downloaded a keylogger and it just sent your password to someone who is apparently smarter than you.

Now, many of you are probably thinking that they're not smarter than you.

Well, you don't have their password, now do you?

Second, it's really not our responsibility to help you at this point.

You tried to break the rules. While doing so, someone decided to kick your ass. That's not our problem.

That's karma.

I know, I know. We have a responsibility to our customers.

Unfortunately (for you), you ceased to be a customer the second you downloaded third party software.

There's not a single person out there that thinks this is right. Sure, you can justify it, say it's not that serious. But deep down, you know that anything you download is a third party app.

You know it.

So, don't come crying to us when someone uses your greed and stupidity against you.

But, no. Every damned day someone sends a GM call to complain that they "got hacked".

I weep for humanity.

And they always act like they have no idea why it happened.

A few days ago, I got another of these calls. We call them suicide calls because these people are just asking to die.

GM Call Description: My account got hacked. All items missing. Help.


Let me check my files. Add up all the known third party users plus the idiots that call us about "getting hacked"...

Hey, look at that.


I made a note to mention that to my supervisor.

Then, I logged in. Can't keep a customer waiting.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you "got hacked".
Player>> Yeah...
Player>> But why are you using quotation marks?
[GM]Dave>> I don't know what you "mean".
Player>> You just did it again.
[GM]Dave>> No, I didn't.
[GM]Dave>> Let's move on.
[GM]Dave>> How exactly did you "get hacked"?
Player>> I downloaded this program...
Player>> And then all of my stuff disappeared.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Okay.
[GM]Dave>> Who gave you this program?
Player>> I don't know.
[GM]Dave>> Let's go through that again.
[GM]Dave>> What did you do?
Player>> I downloaded a program.
[GM]Dave>> And who gave it to you?
Player>> I have no idea.
[GM]Dave>> Let's do it one more time.
Player>> Are you kidding?
Player>> Why would we do that?
[GM]Dave>> Well... If we keep going over it...
[GM]Dave>> I'm hoping you'll figure out why it's retarded.
[GM]Dave>> I doubt it, but it could happen.
Player>> I'm insulted.
[GM]Dave>> On a daily basis, no doubt.
Player>> You have to find out who did this.
[GM]Dave>> No...
[GM]Dave>> I know who did this.
Player>> You do? That's great!
Player>> Who did it?
[GM]Dave>> You did.
Player>> WHAT?!
[GM]Dave>> I can't believe someone could be that stupid.
[GM]Dave>> You're obviously behind the whole thing.
Player>> That's ridiculous!
[GM]Dave>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> I totally believe you could be that stupid.
[GM]Dave>> And yet... I do nothing.
Player>> There must be something you can do.
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> There is one thing...
Player>> Thank god.
Player>> Do it.
[GM]Dave>> I don't think you'll like it.
Player>> I don't care.
Player>> Do it!
[GM]Dave>> You're the boss.


Player>> What's going on?!

Jormungand hits Player for 12,999 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> I told you you wouldn't like it.

See, I understand people downloading third party software. I don't agree with it, but at least I can understand why they do it.

But dammit, if you choose to use third party software, then you choose to risk your account.

Don't come crying to us because you were stupid.

We don't have that kind of time.

Honestly, we burned 1400 accounts not just to save game balance.

We did it to save our time.

Also, our sanity.

1401 less idiots makes the world a better place.


At 7:04 PM, Blogger critterffxi said...

First muahahahaahahaaaa

At 7:11 PM, Blogger Flar said...

Thats very true. People don't know the begining of what can be done with a computer. They think that it is impossible for the GMs to find out they are running third party software, and that nothing bad can come from downloading random things because they have some crappy virus scanner that they downloaded off a pop-up ad.

At 7:19 PM, Blogger TrueStoryGuy said...

That was, quite simply put, hilarious. Keep up the excellent (and banning!) work!

At 7:47 PM, Blogger azuza001 said...

Amen to that [GM]Dave! Amen to that!

At 7:55 PM, Blogger Keith said...

Man, it's guys like you that make playing the damn game so much fun. Thanks for dealing with the idiots and making our gaming experience much more enjoyable.

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Artos said...

And yet the RMT are as strong as ever....

At 8:02 PM, Blogger Mitsune said...

ive been reading your entries lately... i must say you're superb!

can i post this entry of yours in our local boards? there're tons of retarded players who whine about being hacked

of course, all acknowledgement and credits goes to you.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger LastGun said...

I didn't notice any gil sellers missing on my server. i also noticed some people get banned for using things like Fraps. FFXI justice i guess.

At 9:27 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

How many of them got deluxe packages? All of them? Inquiring minds wish to know...

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Aerylia said...

I'm glad to know that SE is doing something about toolkiddies and gilsellers.

I just wish I could see the results. The same gilsellers i've seen since I started playing camp the same NMs every day. It's crazy. - FFXI player blog.

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Akuma2636 said...

Stupid people... I wish you could ban people in real life... "You! I ban YOU from real life... For being too retarded to understand that player killing is baaaaaaaaaaaad"

Other than that I agree with majority of the comments, people who use third party software and think that they have rights are just... idiots. Then again, people who use third party software are generally idiots anyway... Way to ruin a game...

Unfortunately everytime a GM bans one third party software user another two arise... Same with Gil sellers...
Soon management will give up and either FFXI will be overrun by stupid gil selling, third party software using idiots. That or it'll get shut down...

At 12:54 AM, Blogger Reizan said...

[GM]Dave i just want to say thank you for cleaning up the game that means so much to all of us. Stupidity runs rampant all over Vana'diel, and you're there to clean it up. Yet another excellent post keep up the good work.

Long live [GM]Dave

At 3:43 AM, Blogger Citizen Bleys said...

People didn't get banned for using Fraps. People didn't even get banned for using Windower, although S-E hates Windower. People got banned for using third party apps like FleeTool and MrArgus that actually altered gameplay.

People using Windower, Fraps, Chatmon, and .DAT file replacements aren't exactly high on S-E's target list. They're looking for cheaters, not people who want to replace their moogle with Fenrir.

At 4:54 AM, Blogger Claus said...

[GM]Dave goes undercover in WOW ?

[GM]Bekyn: Greetings. This is Game Master Bekyn. May I have a moment of your time?
Hplayer: Sure.
[GM]Bekyn: How has your night been?
Hplayer: Uhh... Pretty good. Why?
[GM]Bekyn: What are you doing at this moment?
Hplayer: Just getting ready to auction off some stuff.
[GM]Bekyn: Do you think you will make money off of it?
Hplayer: Yeah. Why?
[GM]Bekyn: Well, I regret to inform you that you will not see that money.
Hplayer: Err.. Why? Did the AH just explode or something?
[GM]Bekyn: No.
Hplayer: Then, wtf?
[GM]Bekyn: Well, are you eating anything?
Hplayer: wtf does that have to do with anything. and yes, I'm eating a donut.
[GM]Bekyn: Mmmmm... I like donuts. Can I have one?
Hplayer: No, I'm hungry.
[GM]Bekyn: Oh that makes me sad. But not as sad as it makes me to tell you that you will not be able to access this game on this account again.
Hplayer: Motherfucker. You are really pissed that I didn't give you that donut! lrn2geturownfood
[GM]Bekyn: You need to lrn2bot nub.
Hplayer: Eh. Fuck you.
[GM]Bekyn: No thanks. I'm married.

This from a cheaters forum... Or as they prefer to call themselves "Gilders"...

At 6:25 AM, Blogger Heath said...

Well that's one advantage of MapleStory ( is when you log on, you have to (annoyingly) type username, password, and then, with the mouse, enter a 4 digit pin number.

but it protects from keyloggers, so rock on.

At 8:47 AM, Blogger Kira said...

Ah, this is the reason I stopped playing MMORPG's in the first place. I've GM'ed for some fairly large games (I stopped doing WoW after less then 48 hours.), and just couldn't handle the insane amount of retards that would "call" in.

You know what you want to do? Ban everyone, make the world a better place for everyone. Then I'll be able to log back on... walk to Jeuno... and not be flooded out with text of "OMFG BUY MY SHIZ AND GIVE ME SHIZ".

So yeah, add a zero or two onto the end of your 1400. Would be so much nicer. :D

At 8:48 AM, Blogger Kishani said...

I confess one time I downloaded the windower program. But then I thought... "Have I really worked on this character for over a year for it to just go poof?" and I deleted the program before I could ever use it, heh.

It'd be nice to be able to take screenshots of text and all, but not worth the risk, IMO.

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Karmakin said...

Actually, if he's going to play Disgaea 2, it's more like...

[GM]Dave hit Zombie for 32055344465693039857830303857300349483829292923

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Carrin said...

I think hitting him with Jormie was a little lenient.

Deserved to be smacked upside the head.

With a large object.

With a SHARP large object.

At 1:18 PM, Blogger moofaloof said...

if ur that concerned about ur game gettin ruined by gilsellers why dont all of you who own LS's create a seperate economy than that of the AH. get players with mules to hold stock for ur LS and hoarde items and gil amongst you and your members. only do business with eachother. have ur farmers craftsman smithies and so on work for ur LS. then when the AH goes to shit like it always does and you or one of ur memebers needs a piece of gear pull it out of a mule. instead of re-purchasing equipment that u bought once for 10k that now costs 600k. if more LSs did that gilsellers would start to run out of business dontcha think? so instead of whining and moaning about them DO SOMETHING. i wouldnt be telling you this idea if it didnt work for my LS. cut the drama-queens and slackers and make a worthwhile LS based on memeber satisfaction, after all you are a team and if ur too damn greedy to share a good item with a teammate for the greater good then what business do u have even being a part of any team. being a greedy bastard never helped anyone but you.

At 1:38 PM, Blogger Kittos said...

yay jormy!! \(^_^)/ haha good job >_< now to ..somehow cease the existance of gilsellers >_>;

At 1:59 PM, Blogger Furioku said...

Amen to that dave i know 1401 idiots doesnt even come close to being all the idiots in the world but it sure in the hell satisfies me.

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Shadow said...

You know, i stumbled across this blog entirely by accident (and i've enjoyed every minute of it), but i have to disagree with the banning of a windower program.

I admit to using a windower program, but i'm not an RMT guy or anything (just a stupid nub who's been playing a couple of months and just found out 2 days ago what RMT meant).I did get suspended for using it this time around too. I do, however, have a problem.

My antivirus, firewall, and on-access scanner all give a little pop up reminder whenever they update, or they catch a virus. I've disabled the popups as much as possible, but there's certain ones i can't disable. Regardless, unless i use a windower, this has the effect of minimizing FFXI and booting me out.

Being a college student, I also tend to attempt to multi-task, IMing, homework, all while playing FFXI (i know i'm addicted already), so a windower is useful.

All of that leads up to one single question: What about the game besides RMT is unbalanced by being able to minimize the game window?

heh, i'm not really expecting an answer, and i know that you don't have to give one out, it's your game, your rules and all that jazz, but it's a bit too much to expect people to take a machine built for a variety of different things (email, surfing the web, spreadsheets, destroying RAM, and so on) to have that machine focus on a single game to the exclusion of all else. For that matter, people are excluding themselves, not just their computers, from any outside input, which supposedly the makers of the game don't want, as stated in that little warning that pops up about family, friends, and other RL stuff.

anyway, i'm gonna cut this essay here by saying that you have a knack for making a hell (literally) of a job interesting and entertaining for your readers.

At 6:58 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

The Azaril Windower =/= h4x, period.

I don't care if it *is* third-party, it's bannable, and it shouldn't be.

If you disagree, you are wrong.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Anonymous said...

Heres the problem with Azaril's Windower. It has multiple plugins that give a player using it a slight advantage over a player not using it. There are several things you can do with it. The first plug-in is called Tparty. It displays every party member's TP next to their name on the lower right of the screen. More convenient than a hack. The second plug-in is called Blood Pace or something, the name escapes me. It places a timer in the upper right hand of your screen that enables you to see how much time is left before a summoner's 60 second blood pact recast delay is recharged. Also more convenient than a hack. Yet another plugin built right in to Azaril's windower is simply called "Distance". This little tool gives you the exact numeric distance between you and whatever your targeting cursor is placed on. You learn the exact numeric distance provoke can reach, and simply watch that number fall as you close in, and voke with incredible claim accuracy. Or more importantly, magic cast range... Probably give you an advantage claiming that NM you've been camping for about 4 hours now. More plug-ins are available that dont really give you an advantage over other players such as the ability to use CNTRL + V to paste something copied into the command field on ffxi. In addition to that a music player and other controls ALL built right into Azaril's Windower.

P.S. Hey windexhampster. The windower IS a hack and can be used to gain advantage over others. That said, I disagree with you, am not wrong, and you should learn your S*#T before you speak openly about a topic in a public forum.

P.P.S I downloaded owned and used windower for nearly a year and was quite familiar with it till I got my laptop and no longer had a use for it.

At 6:19 PM, Blogger FFXIPlayer said...

I would like to answer to some things people said here. First sorry everyone for my bad english i'll try to write it correctly.

Lets start with windower, i dont like cheats and programs that allow you to change or cheat in game, but honestly the main FFXI problem is that the game itself "Prevents" you to use your computer. This is kinda retarded, i bought a game to play it not to get my computer completely useless while i'm runnin FF. This should be already fixed from ages, from SE side.

Cheating with windower is bad and cant be supported, but using windower as a tab program to allow you to browser or answer to a friend mail i think is kinda normal.

About gilsellers.
I really cant understand why GM dont do anything vs those ppl. In every server there are most wanted and known Gilsellers ppl, players got screenshots, you can just sit down to Castle oztroja and wait for Mee Deggi The Punisher pops to see Gilsellers completely Poshack it and claim.

Called gms many time when it happened, and of course gm anwered call after 5 mins then i couldnt get proof, but since FF doesnt allow you to register a video without a 3d party program like fraps runnin tabbed with windower, how am i supposed to do ?
Then GM answered : "We're investigating"

And those Gsellers are still there while i'm writing.

Sky, sky become the worse area of FF. Gilsellers completely jump poshack from Faust spot to Ullikummi right 30 secs before he pops and claim it.
Of course entire FF community assist at this Every day and GM dont? i mean is it so hard to chek them ?

Even with screenshots got by players of Gilsellers admitting to sell gils to IGE, GM wont or cant do anything.

i could go on till infinite..
Now without any offense and with the most respect for GM job, i would like to get an answer about how you Gms manage the Gilsellers problem, is a direct thing that involves you ?

You communicate to SE that this "player" is a 3d party user?
just to understand Why there are NO countermeasures to Evidence of ppl Hacking Botting selling gils.

While you kill or ban ppl cause ask you to open a door when u can simply answer "No". and leave.

As you GM said to player to read before a GM call, well i read, and i didnt see that for a "non legit" gm call there is a Ban or a warp on Jormungand making player lose hours of xp or something like that.


At 10:03 PM, Blogger Sheeba said...

Hmmm, yay for banning people who run faster then me? Meh, SE does nothing about people who use bot tools, Mr. Argus and other claiming programs. I have one guy on my server that has claimed Nidhogg (::cough:: haxed) that everyone's mule has M.bodies. I call a GM on him everytime and they do nothing. Since when did a backwards provoke claim from across the aery not become "suspicous" behavior. Your blog brings a smile to my face an some needed stress relief but really, can't GM's do more about the unfair claiming?

At 6:15 PM, Blogger Para said...

When I played, I used the windower program so I could watch Love Hina as I played. I only used it 'coz looking for group took upward of an hour to actually get a group.

At 7:04 PM, Blogger No Hassle Loans said...

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At 10:00 AM, Blogger Lance said...

i say... windowers shouldnt not be bannable... unless it has more haxy thing than just a windower.. . things that will really... really! give u some advantage over ppl

At 5:06 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

While super Dave likes to point out the obvious,there is a bigger problem to which his so called hierarchy of intelligence has not EVER been able to figure out.

I actually had my account stolen,not from downloading anything.Someone hacked into my email and all they would see is that i have an account with Square,but there is absolutely no information of any kind on my computer that would allow them access into my account.

Yahoo immediately blocks my email and sends a message to my other account that it was compromised from an ip in Japan.
Suare Enix does not have any IP tracking,they are either not smart enough or too dam lazy to give a crap.That's not the real issue i have.The issue i have is how did someone just because they have whatever they got in my email information were they able to get information to get into my account?

So i thought about it and figured someone just used all my normal ID like name,address and somehow used that to get into my account,likely by calling Square Enix up.

That leads to yet another issue.If TIME is so valuable ot super Dave and their team,then why don't they simply check IP address instead of asking tons of questions and forcing customers to go back n forth answering needless questions to verify their account?

Even a simple phone call....ok this call is coming from the legit user so all is good,no further information needed but no they go through red tape because they want to make it difficult in hopes you ignore it or go away.If you get a call from someone in JPN and i live in Canada,you know darn well to send out a red flag.

Also on the topic of keyloggers,we use the built in keyboard login,no actual keyboard presses of any kind.

SO after many years i simply wonder why and how our information is so easily leaked through their system.


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