[GM]Dave's Many ConquestsI get a lot of questions about Susan. I mean a lot of questions.
Some of them even pertain to subjects other than our sex life.
Few, but some.
One of the more interesting questions I get asked a lot is if there were any girls before Susan.
Short answer: Yes.
Long Answer: Oh hell yes.
The population of Vana'diel is littered with the empty shells of women who have known my love.
I loved them.
I left them.
In several cases, I banned them.
What? Last thing I need is to be running through Jeuno with a trail of broken-hearted women following me.
See, in each case I made one very important mistake. I spent so much time worrying that they might actually be a guy that I forgot to check for other important things.
This last one brings me to my first in-game girlfriend, Amanda.
We met in Valkurm. I was an Elvaan Red Mage. She was a Hume Warrior.
Were were in a party together when she sent me a fairly "inappropriate" tell. I'd later find out it was a mistell, but that momentary confusion (coupled with the hot mental imagery) led to us talking.
She seemed really normal at first. I had, of course, gone through extensive "Is she a he?" testing and she was indeed a girl.
Unfortunately, at the time, that was all I really needed to know.
How naive I was.
We had been in-game dating for a few weeks when she started to act funny.
Not "ha ha" funny.
More like "this bitch is a freaking psychopath" funny.
One day, I was in Lower Jeuno checking on some Auction House sales when she started sending me tells.
Amanda>> Where were you?
What? I didn't remember us having plans to do something.
Maybe she got confused or something.
Amanda>> WHERE WERE YOU?!
Maybe she went insane.
Dave>> I don't know what you're talking about?
Dave>> Where was I when?
Amanda>> You know when.
Dave>> Is this some weird kind of joke?
Amanda>> I SAW YOU WITH HER!!!
Dave>> So not a joke then.
Dave>> Good to know.
Dave>> Who's "her"?
Amanda>> That female elvaan SLUT!!!
Amanda>> She was all over you.
Dave>> Can I buy a vowel or something?
Dave>> I don't have a sweet clue what you're talking about.
Amanda>> Earlier today.
Amanda>> In Qufim.
Amanda>> I was watching you.
Dave>> That's a little scary.
Dave>> Except replace "a little" with "really".
Amanda>> I saw that slut coming onto you.
Amanda>> She was practically on top of you.
Dave>> Who the hell are you talking about?
Amanda>> The female Elvaan bard.
Dave>> I was in a party with a bard.
Amanda>> You admit it!
Amanda>> So what do you have to say?
Dave>> You're insane?
Amanda>> Is it insane to love someone more than life?
Amanda>> Is it insane to follow them wherever they go?
Amanda>> Is it insane to watch them?
Dave>> Pretty much, yeah.
Dave>> You kind of hit the nail on the head.
Amanda>> Was it worth it?
Dave>> Was what worth what?
Dave>> I think I need a map for this conversation.
Dave>> You obviously don't know where we're going.
Amanda>> You threw away everything we had.
Amanda>> For some cheap bard WHORE!!!
Dave>> I think I'm having an aneurysm.
Amanda>> How could you do this to me?
Amanda>> I would have died for you.
Dave>> Could you die for me now?
Dave>> That would be super.
Amanda>> You'll never meet another girl like me.
Dave>> Let's hope.
Amanda>> You tore out my heart.
Amanda>> YOU TORE IT OUT!!!
Dave>> Darn. Look at the time.
Dave>> It's a quarter past crazy.
Dave>> I really have to run.
Dave>> Let's not do this again sometime.
Amanda>> I sent you something to remember me by.
Amanda>> You took everything else.
Dave>> Good damn, you sound like a Billy Talent song.
Dave>> Maybe it's time we see other people.
Dave>> But by "we" I mean "you".
Dave>> and by "other people" I mean "a psychiatrist".
Amanda>> I'll always love you.
Dave>> Just when I thought it couldn't get creepier.
That was pretty much the end for Amanda and I. I chalk it up to personality differences.
Or her having different personalities.
After we parted, I headed back to my moghouse and checked my delivery box. And there it was.
A Dragon Heart.
I'm sure this was an item full of dark symbolism and important meaning to her.
I decided I should take some time to seriously ponder its meaning.
Also, when it sold an hour later, I made 900,000 gil.
Sigh... You always remember your first love.
Especially whern that love turns out to be a full on psychopath.