Oh, The Irony
GAH!Okay, this is just getting damned ridiculous. I still don't have internet access at my new place.
You no doubt figured this out from the lack of update yesterday. Also, the aching void in your soul that only my witty writing can assuage.
I really do apologize for the update schedule lately. I've been running from one friend's place to another just to finish the updates that I have been making.
Do you see what I go through for you, my loyal readers?
And poor Susan...
She's right now curled up at home in the fetal position, sucking on her thumb, and mumbling "noconnectionnoconnectionnoconnection".
I went to hook up my brand new modem last night. After all that wait and the annoying delays, I finally held my internet package in my hands.
I was in ecstacy.
That's "in". Not "on".
I ventured into the tangled maze of cables and power bars that lays behind my computer desk, and managed to hook it up.
That was hard. Yellow cord goes to the yellow square on my modem. Blue cord, blue square.
I would have been lost if they hadn't included an installation CD with flash movies showing how to hook it up.
Yes. They actually included a CD.
A retarded monkey could have put this together with minimal effort. Even if he was colorblind, I'm pretty sure he could figure out that the ethernet cable went in the port marked ethernet.
I weep for society that some of our members make this CD necessary.
I can only imagine these cromagnon people trying to use their computer.
TechSupport>> Can I help you?
Customer>> Yes. My computer isn't on.
Customer>> Fix it.
TechSupport>> Okay. You mean it's not turning on?
Customer>> It's not on.
TechSupport>> Yes, sir. Have you tried turning it on?
Customer>> But it's not on right now.
TechSupport>> I gathered.
TechSupport>> Try turning it on.
Customer>> Is there a manual for that?
Customer>> Maybe a CD with pretty pictures?
TechSupport>> We sent you a CD, sir.
Customer>> Yeah, but it didn't work.
TechSupport>> What do you mean?
Customer>> I put it in my car's CD player, but it didn't work.
Customer>> Sounded terrible.
TechSupport>> You need to put the CD in your computer.
Customer>> But it's not on right now.
TechSupport>> *gunshot*
Anyway, I go through the all the trouble of hooking up the modem, but the DSL light doesn't come on.
I check the phoneline. Working.
Check the modem. Working.
Great. So now I had to call Tech Support.
I spend 27 minutes on hold, listening to music that must have been selected by someone who hates music and wants it to die.
On the 28th minute, Brad picks up.
Brad>> Hi, Tech Support.
Brad>> Brad speaking.
Brad>> How can I help you?
Dave>> The DSL light on my modem isn't on.
Dave>> I was wondering if there was a problem.
Brad>> Let me just look up your account.
*another 5 minute wait*
Brad>> Okay, your DSL isn't on.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> I figured that out.
Dave>> The DSL light indicates if the DSL is on.
Dave>> The light was not on.
Dave>> I managed to figure out the DSL was not on.
Dave>> My question is why isn't it on?
Brad>> The light isn't on because the DSL isn't on.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> Not the light, Brad. I know why the light isn't on.
Dave>> Why isn't my DSL on?
Brad>> Oh...
Brad>> Let me check...
*yet another wait*
Brad>> Ah...
Brad>> Seems there's a problem.
Dave>> Let me guess.
Dave>> A problem with my DSL.
Brad>> Exactly.
Dave>> I'm shocked.
Dave>> What problem?
Brad>> They haven't turned it on yet.
Dave>> Who is "they"?
Brad>> Sales.
Brad>> Sales has to sign off on the order.
Dave>> You mean Sales who I called to set it up?
Brad>> Yeah.
Dave>> Sales who mailed me a modem?
Brad>> Yeah.
Dave>> And they didn't turn it on?
Brad>> I guess not.
Dave>> Any reason why?
Brad>> Oh, you'd have to call Sales for that.
Dave>> And, just taking a shot in the dark...
Dave>> Sales is closed right now.
Brad>> Yeah.
Brad>> But you can call tomorrow.
Dave>> I'm giddy with anticipation.
So, this morning, I get up and call Sales.
I tell Sales my problem.
Sales tells me that they don't handle orders like that.
That's a Tech Support job.
I should have called Tech Support.
I tell them I did call Tech Support.
They are mystified.
They suggest I call Tech Support again.
I die a little inside.
I call Tech Support.
Brad>> Hi, Tech Support.
Brad>> Brad speaking.
Brad>> How can I help you?
Dave>> Honestly...
Dave>> I doubt you can.
Brad>> What's the problem?
Dave>> I called you last night.
Dave>> My DSL light wasn't on.
Dave>> You told me to call Sales.
Dave>> Sales says you're retarded.
Brad>> Your DSL light isn't on?
Dave>> No.
Brad>> That's definitely a Tech Support issue.
Dave>> That's why I called you the first time.
Brad>> I don't know why they would tell you to call Sales.
Brad>> Do you know who you were speaking to?
Dave>> Yes.
Dave>> You.
Brad>> Oh...
Brad>> That's weird.
Dave>> Getting weirder by the second.
Brad>> Let me check your account.
*10 minute wait*
Brad>> Yeah, your DSL isn't on.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> Hey! You're right!
Dave>> Maybe we should fix that.
Brad>> No problem.
Brad>> Unfortunately, Sales hasn't signed off on this yet.
Brad>> So, they haven't turned your DSL on yet.
Dave>> I'd call that a problem.
Brad>> Yeah, you need to call Sales.
Dave>> No, Brad.
Dave>> You're going to call Sales.
Dave>> You're going to get them to fix this.
Dave>> I'm going to get home and find my DSL light on.
Dave>> Or you will have a DSL modem lodged inside you.
Brad>> Let me make a call.
Dave>> I thought you might.
Brad>> Thank you for calling, sir.
Dave>> It's been the exact opposite of a pleasure.
Brad>> And remember, if you have more problems...
Brad>> You can visit our website for assistance.
I swear that the above is entirely true. Almost word for word.
Even the part where he reminded me that I can get internet assistance on their website.
Assistance for when my internet isn't working.
On their website.
My brain hurts.
Note: I am well aware of the irony of me getting terrible customer service. I even pointed it out in the title. You'd have to be a jackass to point out the irony.
So, don't.
Jackass.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 8:42 AM
18 Comments:
I always wondered why they would put technical support for when your internet is out on the web. Kinda the chicken before the egg situation isn't it?
Hope you get your Net fix bud.
I always wondered why they would put technical support for when your internet is out on the web. Kinda the chicken before the egg situation isn't it?
Hope you get your Net fix bud.
I know how you feel Dave, I get retards like the first example coming to me all the time! XD
We tell you to visit our website from somewhere else although we know it's absolutely stupid. Oh and the disc is there for people to fucking make the installation but apparently people are so retarded they brain goes in flames when they see so many cables and shit inside a package they just ignore the CD and make a half-assed installation then call back complaining their shit is not working, and I wonder why... By the way. Are you Mr. David Pitman from MN, or was it MA?, who bought a Dry Loop from Verizon DSL and called on Friday on the night? You probably won't answer that one but it's just something I want to get out of my system.
XD Moofaloof's a jackass now.
Also, I know the frustration of DSL tech support. The connection at my house has decided to die a few times without explanation, and every time I had to call tech support in my mom's place in order to get it fixed.
Two-thirds of the time I was stuck with a quarter-unintelligible Indian man.
And half the time the person I talked to listed steps that I'd already tried. At least twice.
And every time I made a call or needed to be transferred to another person, I was put on hold for an ungodly amount of time.
Makes an impatient person want to hunt down and horribly mutilate all tech support retards, doesn't it?
ugh. i ahte tech supports. that why im trainign to be one. the world deserves at least one good tech support.
how ironic.
^_^ I Love tech support. worked as a tech rep for almost 4 years... someone pisses you off... you can completely screw up their computer then tell them to call the company they bought the computer from. And if you do so correctly... it doesn't come back around to bite you in the ass.
Oh my GOD.
Do you use Aliant? I am having almost the exact same problem with the exact same sort of idiots trying to solve it.
If you don't use Aliant, well . . . I'm truly surprised there are equally terrible ISPs out there. :|
Tech Support... *shudders*
I know how you feel. I'm a Networking Major and everytime I call Tech Support about something, they are like this
Tech Support: Sir, We'll need to a trained professional out to fix that problem.
Vatar: Don't waste your time.
Tech Support: But sir, you'll need the trained professional to connect [device1] into [device2].
Vatar: I've already done that. I am a Networking Major...
Tech Support: So you managed to connect [device1] to [device2] without a trained professional?
Vatar: ...Give me your manager or smash your head against the table. Whichever is easiest for you.
Moofaloof: Remember this at the end?
"Note: I am well aware of the irony of me getting terrible customer service. I even pointed it out in the title. You'd have to be a jackass to point out the irony.
So, don't.
Jackass."
Well, guess what you did?
Actually, knowing a bit about this stuff myself, the problem isn't the poor tech support guy, who's QA'd to death (hint, that's where the website thing came from).
The problem is with sales...how can I put this in terms that you'll understand Dave...ah yes.
They're gilsellers.
You? You're nothing. You're just a piddly bee to them. (I havn't played FFXI in years:p..I liked killing those bees 'tho) They just want to get rid of you ASAP so the NM can spawn, so they can get the loot, so to speak.
In reality, the original sales guy probably either
a. Forgot to push the button on his end to say "Dave does want this service!"
or
b. A new period is coming up, and wants to save the comission for the next period. So they'll hold on to the file for a few days, then when it would make their number look best, hit the button and collect the loot.
Unfortunatly, both for you and more than likely your good friend Brad, he was probably under very strict time limits for the call. Because of course, he wants to get HIS loot. But he was right the first time to get you to call sales. Just because their sales department is busy playing gmaes for your money....
"And poor Susan...
She's right now curled up at home in the fetal position, sucking on her thumb, and mumbling "noconnectionnoconnectionnoconnection'."
Yep. That would be me. What do people do without an internet connection? I dont even want to imagine.
Alison:
We do something that may relate to television, games, or reading, that may or may not require travel.
Simple, no? :P
Citizen Bleys, I know what you mean man. I have received calls from people that tell me brands I have never heard of or even Operative Systems I didn't knew that existed. Like a "Zoom" Modem or Phantom O/S or some shit like that.
Can I beat that Brad person for you? I work in a DSL support center for a Canadian ISP and I want to inflict much pain on some of the retards that work there. I end up fixing the crap they have their head too far up their asses to deal with. A problem like yours would have taken me 5 minutes flat from start of call to the time I tell sales to shove their order and 30 seconds later you'd have been online. I hate sales too. They are a bunch of retards also.
Oh and I hate to say it but you know that CD with the flash based instructions? The customers lose to the retarded colorblind monkeys....then they call and annoy me with their stupidity of them not even having the modem out of the damn box.
mysticoblivion: As yes. The people who think they are a "tech guy" and know what they are talking about. Most of them haven't even mastered a lightswitch let alone a computer. Had one today. He was positive that windows was asking for a username and password (plus a phone number) to connect to DSL. He had somehow gotten into the dialup setup wizard and was absolutely adament that DSL always asked for this. After dropping a few hints he belonged on a short yellow bus, which he didn't pick up on, I gave him a few really simple instructions. 1) Finish installing Windows before bothering me and 2) open a damn browser then go annoy Dell, not me.
I found an easy way to check Verizon DSL with MSN availability since they keep changing the price all the time. I got Verizon DSL with MSN here.
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