Bannable Offenses

Guilty By Association

Listen carefully.

If you know someone who cheats and you benefit from it, you're no better than they are.

Yeah, yeah. You can sit there on your high horse saying how bad third party programs are, but if you watch your puller running around like a chocobo on mescaline, you're just as guilty.

I know what you're thinking. If you don't use the program yourself, you're not violating the ToS.

Do I seem like the type of person who will concede an argument based on semantics?

If you benefit from cheating, you're cheating. Plain and simple.

I was haning out around the Kirin spawn point the other night, all Metal Gear Solid and shit, watching a group of players taking on Kirin.

These players were... What's the politically correct term for them?... Oh yeah. They were morally challenged, free enterprise business people.

Translation: Gil sellers.

I like to watch them sometimes. It makes me feel like Jane Goodall living amongst the apes and studying their ways.

Only replace the apes with absolute retards.

So, I'm watching these fools take on Kirin, when, all of a sudden, one of their team members goes racing past me at mach 5.

Otu of nowhere, a classic song starts to play in my head...

Nowhere to run to, Baby. Nowhere to hide.

Seems I was going to have to act as an existance termination facilatator.

Translation: Kill them bitches.

But, as I had some extra time on my hands, I figured why not let them fight a little longer. I mean, they did use up trigger items getting him to spawn.

I'll be nice and let them enjoy the fight.

Kirin was down to five percent. Their group was obviously tired, but looked like they could handle the challenge.

Four percent. Had a couple of deaths, but they managed to regroup quickly.

Three percent. All team members are up and going and things seem to be going well.

Two percent. They're already celebrating. Everyone is doing well on hit points and mana, so there really shouldn't be any problems finishing.

One percent...

Seems like a good time for a chat.

*warpaga*

Player1>> Come on guys. We got this.
Player2>> (( Stun )) ---> Kirin
Player1>> What's going on?
Player3>> Where are we?!
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> I congratulate you on killing Kirin.
Player3>> We killed him?
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> I just like being ironic.
Player1>> WE ALMOST HAD HIM!
[GM]Dave>> That's very true.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sure you would have beaten him.
[GM]Dave>> I mean he was at 1%.
Player1>> Why are you doing this to us?!
[GM]Dave>> Well, it seems one of your members has been caught cheating.
[GM]Dave>> So, I've decided to punish you all.
Player3>> ALL OF US?!
Player3>> BUT I DON'T CHEAT!
[GM]Dave>> In retrospect, you probably should have.
[GM]Dave>> You're getting banned for cheating anyway.
[GM]Dave>> At least then your gear wouldn't suck so bad.
Player1>> You can't ban us if we didn't cheat.
Player1>> We didn't even know he was cheating.
[GM]Dave>> Who?
Player1>> Player2.
Player1>> We didn't know he was cheating.
[GM]Dave>> Huh. That's funny.
[GM]Dave>> I don't remember saying it was Player2.
Player1>> ...
Player1>> Shit.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> My thoughts exactly.
Player2>> PUT US BACK!!!
[GM]Dave>> There is no going back.
[GM]Dave>> There is only forward.
Player2>> What do you mean?
Player2>> We're going forward?
[GM]Dave>> Actually...
[GM]Dave>> Not so much.
[GM]Dave>> I'd say you're making a lateral move.
Player1>> What do you mean by a lateral move?
[GM]Dave>> Well, lateral means sideways.
[GM]Dave>> When I boot your ass off the server...
[GM]Dave>> I assume you will land somewhere near it.
Player3>> Can't you just ban Player2?
Player3>> I mean he cheated. We didn't.
[GM]Dave>> Did you get anything out of it?
Player3>> No.
Player3>> You didn't let us finish killing Kirin.
[GM]Dave>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> But you could have benefitted from it.
Player1>> So we're getting banned.
[GM]Dave>> Yes.
Player1>> Because that guy cheated.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah.
Player1>> Because we could have gotten something out of it.
Player1>> Even though we didn't get anything.
[GM]Dave>> That's pretty much it, yeah.
Player1>> That's insane.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not following.
Player3>> We don't deserve this.
[GM]Dave>> No, you don't.
[GM]Dave>> If I gave you what you deserve, I'd be doing twenty to life.
Player3>> Can't we work this out?
[GM]Dave>> Sure we can.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like to file an appeal?
Player3>> Yes. We want to appeal.
[GM]Dave>> No problem.
[GM]Dave>> Oh darn, your appeal failed.
[GM]Dave>> Want to try another?
Player3>> You didn't even ask us anything!
[GM]Dave>> Why would I do that?
[GM]Dave>> It might slow down the banning.
Player1>> I want to talk to your superior!
[GM]Dave>> She's not here right now.
[GM]Dave>> She's at home.
[GM]Dave>> We're having a baby.
Player1>> I don't give a damn about your baby.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> What...
[GM]Dave>> What did you just say?

That was the wrong thing to say.

I started off with the deluxe package. Dragon feeding, character deleting, the whole nine yards.

Then, I signed each of their accounts up for the maximum number of content IDs.

Then, I banned all of their IPs, so they can't access our servers and delete them.

THEN, I deleted their account files, so the customer service department won't be able to help them.

Those guys are going to be paying $40 a month until the end of time.

A small price to pay for a lesson, don't you think?

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:50 PM