Saturday, September 16, 2006

[GM]Dave: Masochist

Masochism: (noun) A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

So, I was in Valkurm Dunes...

Yes. I willingly chose to return to the land that skill forgot.

I have no idea what possessed me to do such a thing. I had stopped leveling Black Mage a long time ago because my White Mage sub was only level 17.

I had stopped leveling White Mage because the average Dunes party is composed primarily of mouth-breathing retards who don't play so much as just chew on their keyboards.

Unfortunately, I was struck by the urge to level Black Mage again. This necessitatedme going back to level White Mage.

How bad could it be, right? I only needed to grab a quick three levels. Maybe only two.

How bad could it be?

Anyone who has played FFXI for more than a week already knows the answer to that question.

For those of you who haven't, I want you to take a ballpeen hammer and smash yourself in the forehead.

How bad could it be?

Now, I've been sticking mostly to melee jobs lately. There's just something so right about beating something to death.

Leveling melee jobs is great. It really gets you used to hours and hours waiting for a party. Sometimes it could take days to get a decent party.

I log in and switch to White Mage. Now, I'll just set myself to seek party.

Huh... An invite already... And my party flag isn't even up yet.

All you mages can kiss my ass.

I accept the invite and make my way to Valkurm. Just zoning into the area makes my skin crawl.

Seriously, if you've never had the experience of a Dunes party, you just can't understand the power this place can have.

I went to a beach once this summer. Just seeing all that sand, I passed out and started to convulse. A passerby told me I was groaning and mumbling "The Red Mage is tanking, the Red Mage is tanking."


Anyway, I made my way to camp and right away something was wrong. I could feel it. Something was wrong.

Why were they all wearing level 10 gear?

[GM]Dave>> What level are you guys?
Leader>> Most of us are level 12.
Leader>> The Thief is level 10.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Why in the hell did you invite me?
[GM]Dave>> I'm level 17.
Leader>> What's the difference?
[GM]Dave>> Well, one of us is 17.
[GM]Dave>> And one of us is level retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Guess which one you are.

I disband party and put my flag up.I knew an invite that quick was too good to be true.

That's when I got another invite.

I'd had my flag up for less than sixty seconds.

I really hate mages.

Just to be sure, I do a quick search for the party leader. Ah, he's level 18. Good.

A quick map check and I'm on my way to camp number two.Luckily, they weren't far. Just over the rise and...

Why was the Warrior using a scythe?

[GM]Dave>> Why are you using a scythe?
Warrior>> Oh, I'm going to be a Dark Knight.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And...
Warrior>> I want to raise my skill.
[GM]Dave>> You realize that's pointless, right?
[GM]Dave>> And that you're doing less damage?
[GM]Dave>> And that you're possibly retarded?
Warrior>> I'll use whatever weapon I want.
Warrior>> Besides, it looks cool.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Why do I do these things to myself?

I decide to let it slide. There's obviously no way I'm going to get it through his thick skull and I'd just rather get this whole experience over with.

We group together, I fire off a few buff spells, and we're ready to go.

Leader>> Let's try a crab to warm up.
[GM]Dave>> Sounds good.

The warrior provokes and we're off. The melees are lined up in the front, mages in the back. I take that as a good sign.

At this point, my expectations are low.

Unfortunately, the mages are casting random spells and the melees are laying down a dazzling display of misses.

It takes literally everything I've got just to keep them alive.

Against a crab that conned as Tough.

I'm underwhelmed.

Still, we survived. Maybe we can reorganize and...

Warrior>> Yeah, this isn't going to work.
Warrior>> I'm gone.

And then they all just disband. Just up and disband.

I loathe people.

So far, I've had two parties, wasted a fair amount of time and I've made 57 exp.


Let's try this again. Flag up and...

This time it actually takes five minutes. Still not bad considering.

Then I look at the party list.

[GM]Dave>> Why am I leader?
FormerLeader>> Oh...
FormerLeader>> I didn't want to be leader.
[GM]Dave>> Then why the hell did you start a party?
FormerLeader>> I wanted a party.
FormerLeader>> I just really didn't want to be leader.
[GM]Dave>> If you start the party, you're the leader.
[GM]Dave>> If you don't want to lead, don't start parties.
[GM]Dave>> This isn't rocket surgery.
FormerLeader>> I'll try and remember that for my next party.
[GM]Dave>> That shouldn't be hard.

So, I booted him. That "next party" will be a lot sooner than he thought.

I manage to find a replacement and he's on his way to camp when I see it.

Thief>> I'm kind of sleepy.
RedMage>> Yeah, I should go do some work.
BlackMage>> We breaking?
Thief>> Yeah, I guess so.

And they all disband.

Three parties.

A good hour of my life.

57 exp.

At this point, I logout, turn off my computer, disassemble it and put it back in it's boxes.

Maybe I'll take it out when the internet is a little less retarded.


At 1:56 PM, Blogger Artos said...


Maze of Shakhrami.

Never had an idiot in my parties there.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Yes, but there is no solution for Retards.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

All partying is retarded in all MMOs... it's the same in any game where you can send random invites to any moron.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

I can't stand the Dunes, but you get the BEST excuses out there, don't you? Youo go through one fight, some dude dies next to a HP, and decides that he'd rather log off in Selbina because he "has to go bury a goldfish". Then, there's always the occasional gem of an excuse that's so good you end up saving it for later:

Darknight> I catch cold and return because I am hard.

Some guy really said that. It was so breathtakingly weird that I couldn't argue with it.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Spoonybard said...

I swear that is the exact story of my WHM going through the dunes.. and my BLM, and WAR... heck every single job I've taken through the dunes.

The only painless run I ever had through there was when 4 other people I had known in game for 2 years leveled with me and we had one pick up person... even then, the power of one moron can take down a dunes party... twice ><

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

My last dunes party wasn't too bad... maybe because we had 2 whms and me the rdm... or that we also had two REALLY good ninja tanks XD The dunes exp is still horrible though ._. In 6 hours I went from 1.5k tnl at lvl 17 to 351 tnl at 19 because SOME people spend too much time in the "water closet" -_- Btw Dave, white mage is evil, level red mage to sub with your black mage! Or even SUMMONER! XD

At 4:31 PM, Blogger ClamS said...

SMN sucks.
Sorry, had to get it off my chest, i hate playing SMN.


I dont think I've ever been in a dunes pt without a PL. Oh wait, there was this once... and that one time actually was quite awesome and we were actually organizing skillchains and everything.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Nukapai said...

The only times I've managed to enjoy Dunes parties (enjoy, in the sense that means "not QUITE feeling enraged enough to dig my eyes out of their sockets with rusty spoons") is when I've formed my own parties. At least you have some control then.

At 6:13 PM, Blogger markaudette said...

This is EXACTLY why I so dearly wish FFXI was a little bit more orientated towards solo adventuring.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Kupo-chan said...

"Masochism: (noun) A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

So, I was in Valkurm Dunes..."

I'm crying xDD

At 7:14 PM, Blogger Airwave Angel said...

I went to a beach once this summer. Just seeing all that sand, I passed out and started to convulse. A passerby told me I was groaning and mumbling "The Red Mage is tanking, the Red Mage is tanking."


You went to a beach?


I'm shocked.

At 11:15 PM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

and people call me mad for soloing till level 20 just to avoid the dunes...

either that or sticking to LinkShell only parties when you *have* to go there..

artos: the reason there's no idiot parties in the Maze is that (on Ragnarok at least) it's where all the gilsellers-in-training level.

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Eirwen said...

GM]Dave>> Why am I leader?
FormerLeader>> Oh...
FormerLeader>> I didn't want to be leader.
[GM]Dave>> Then why the hell did you start a party?
FormerLeader>> I wanted a party.
FormerLeader>> I just really didn't want to be leader.

I had the very same thing last week, when I decided to finally level my Black Mage again. I shrugged my shoulders at it and after half an hour, a party was formed. We went to Crawler's Nest and then the player who actually started the party began pulling. We already started off with a link of crawlers. The entire time was a mess. I even had to jump in as second healer until I finally caved in and gave the puller a D2 back to where he came from! That is one of the good things of being a Black Mage {{/grin}}. But then the party decided to disband... only because we were one retarded member short.

(Hi there! First time posting here)

At 10:49 AM, Blogger TrueStoryGuy said...

I couldn't stop laughing because I could relate. That is a perfect representation of the horror that is of Valkurm Dunes.

Well done, sir, well done...

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Boregaurd said...

HAHA to all u guys who get screwed in dunes!!

-always had great luck with it/ 8 jobs gone through all of dunes in 2 days average and 1 that took 4

What you wanna try n do is take cntrl of ur pt so that even though everyone is retarded, u can still kik sum ass

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Kittos said...

X_X haha poor dunes.. X_X i only visit there to PL X_X cause i feel bad X_X haha

At 5:30 PM, Blogger Sutaru said...

In other words, never.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Eirwen said...

The only time I PL-ed there was to help out a few LS members. For the rest, I try to avoid that place as much as possible.

Quest involving Valkurm Dunes? Turn all chatfilters on, zone in, get quest done, zone out.

At 3:20 AM, Blogger Redlac said...

LoL, I do believe you've managed to sum up every single party I've ever had in the {Valkurm Noobs}. It's one of the reasons I went Beastmaster. XD

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Heavensword said...

It has always amazed me how a bunch of Rank 6-10 players turn into Rank 1 morons that seemingly forgot everything they learned levelling previous jobs whenever I go to the dunes. I've been levelling my mule there, and it's felt more awkward than a middle school dance.


At 1:35 PM, Blogger NightbirdX said...

I have had the exact same problems with leveling my Rdm there. I eventually just had a high level Rdm friend go /brd, and we went to Pashow Marshlands and I solo'd there and got like 2.5 levels in about 2 hrs. I would rather be in a good pt, but hell, those are very few and far between. With the 9 different jobs that I have taken through the Dunes, the only good trip that I have had was with my WHM that I went from level 14-18 in 2.5 hrs there had dual nin's and they actually knew how to SC. Amazing yes I know, some ppl even know how to SC at that level.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger dreamshade said...

I've never played FFXI. I do play a lot of WoW. And I like to play healers in WoW, priests and druids. I honestly like the task. And it sounds like you have the same issue - healers are priorities. By priority, I mean... well, let's paraphrase Groucho Marx here - I'm not sure I'd want to join any party that would invite me, especially if I get the invite without calling out that I'm open for a group in the LFG channel.

I have, however, learned a powerful tool of the healer: the hearthstone. If the group smells like nub, you leave. And maybe it'll take a wihle to hit the next group, but you won't have to spend 2g on repair costs, and you won't have to wait nearly as long as that rogue is going to have to wait for a group.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger Adventure Dood said...

I've been guilty of pulling the whole scythe thing as a WAR, cuz I was an idiot. But at least I had my great axe handy for when I needed to be less sucky at life.

The dunes' curse reaches beyond the dunes itself, too. Ever tried leveling your BST in La theine and get a bunch of invites from people without subjobs, asking you what "BST" stands for? A peice of me died inside that day...

At 4:00 PM, Blogger micah said...

I am... truly speechless! I don't play Final Fantasy anymore, unfortunately, because this is less retarded than World of Warcraft... Believe me or not, but it is. Hard to express how sorry I am on your behalf. I hope you'll get a "decent" group sometime. xD

At 11:27 PM, Blogger Magictaru said...

o god, that sounds like my parties at 59.. wtf!. o yea, cape terrigan is dunes x2., LoL if you were on Asura, i'd gladly PL you!

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Risky Safety said...

SOLUTION: Play World of Warcraft. Same amount of retards, they just don't force you to socialize with them.

At 6:45 PM, Blogger DP-snapple said...

You don't want to try Maple Story...

I promise you, you will lose it.

The people that start/join parties are the most obnoxious elitist of bastards that could have possibly crawled out of the 7th level of the hell hole that they call the internet.

The last time I tried partying in that game, the morally-bankrupt shitwits made me want to pull the frontal lobe out of my skull and strangle them with it.


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