Bannable Offenses

[GM]Dave: Masochist

Masochism: (noun) A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

So, I was in Valkurm Dunes...

Yes. I willingly chose to return to the land that skill forgot.

I have no idea what possessed me to do such a thing. I had stopped leveling Black Mage a long time ago because my White Mage sub was only level 17.

I had stopped leveling White Mage because the average Dunes party is composed primarily of mouth-breathing retards who don't play so much as just chew on their keyboards.

Unfortunately, I was struck by the urge to level Black Mage again. This necessitatedme going back to level White Mage.

How bad could it be, right? I only needed to grab a quick three levels. Maybe only two.

How bad could it be?

Anyone who has played FFXI for more than a week already knows the answer to that question.

For those of you who haven't, I want you to take a ballpeen hammer and smash yourself in the forehead.

How bad could it be?

Now, I've been sticking mostly to melee jobs lately. There's just something so right about beating something to death.

Leveling melee jobs is great. It really gets you used to hours and hours waiting for a party. Sometimes it could take days to get a decent party.

I log in and switch to White Mage. Now, I'll just set myself to seek party.

Huh... An invite already... And my party flag isn't even up yet.

All you mages can kiss my ass.

I accept the invite and make my way to Valkurm. Just zoning into the area makes my skin crawl.

Seriously, if you've never had the experience of a Dunes party, you just can't understand the power this place can have.

I went to a beach once this summer. Just seeing all that sand, I passed out and started to convulse. A passerby told me I was groaning and mumbling "The Red Mage is tanking, the Red Mage is tanking."

Yeah.

Anyway, I made my way to camp and right away something was wrong. I could feel it. Something was wrong.

Why were they all wearing level 10 gear?

[GM]Dave>> What level are you guys?
Leader>> Most of us are level 12.
Leader>> The Thief is level 10.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Why in the hell did you invite me?
[GM]Dave>> I'm level 17.
Leader>> What's the difference?
[GM]Dave>> Well, one of us is 17.
[GM]Dave>> And one of us is level retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Guess which one you are.

I disband party and put my flag up.I knew an invite that quick was too good to be true.

That's when I got another invite.

I'd had my flag up for less than sixty seconds.

I really hate mages.

Just to be sure, I do a quick search for the party leader. Ah, he's level 18. Good.

A quick map check and I'm on my way to camp number two.Luckily, they weren't far. Just over the rise and...

Why was the Warrior using a scythe?

[GM]Dave>> Why are you using a scythe?
Warrior>> Oh, I'm going to be a Dark Knight.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And...
Warrior>> I want to raise my skill.
[GM]Dave>> You realize that's pointless, right?
[GM]Dave>> And that you're doing less damage?
[GM]Dave>> And that you're possibly retarded?
Warrior>> I'll use whatever weapon I want.
Warrior>> Besides, it looks cool.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Why do I do these things to myself?

I decide to let it slide. There's obviously no way I'm going to get it through his thick skull and I'd just rather get this whole experience over with.

We group together, I fire off a few buff spells, and we're ready to go.

Leader>> Let's try a crab to warm up.
[GM]Dave>> Sounds good.

The warrior provokes and we're off. The melees are lined up in the front, mages in the back. I take that as a good sign.

At this point, my expectations are low.

Unfortunately, the mages are casting random spells and the melees are laying down a dazzling display of misses.

It takes literally everything I've got just to keep them alive.

Against a crab that conned as Tough.

I'm underwhelmed.

Still, we survived. Maybe we can reorganize and...

Warrior>> Yeah, this isn't going to work.
Warrior>> I'm gone.

And then they all just disband. Just up and disband.

I loathe people.

So far, I've had two parties, wasted a fair amount of time and I've made 57 exp.

Joy.

Let's try this again. Flag up and...

This time it actually takes five minutes. Still not bad considering.

Then I look at the party list.

[GM]Dave>> Why am I leader?
FormerLeader>> Oh...
FormerLeader>> I didn't want to be leader.
[GM]Dave>> Then why the hell did you start a party?
FormerLeader>> I wanted a party.
FormerLeader>> I just really didn't want to be leader.
[GM]Dave>> If you start the party, you're the leader.
[GM]Dave>> If you don't want to lead, don't start parties.
[GM]Dave>> This isn't rocket surgery.
FormerLeader>> I'll try and remember that for my next party.
[GM]Dave>> That shouldn't be hard.

So, I booted him. That "next party" will be a lot sooner than he thought.

I manage to find a replacement and he's on his way to camp when I see it.

Thief>> I'm kind of sleepy.
RedMage>> Yeah, I should go do some work.
BlackMage>> We breaking?
Thief>> Yeah, I guess so.

And they all disband.

Three parties.

A good hour of my life.

57 exp.

At this point, I logout, turn off my computer, disassemble it and put it back in it's boxes.

Maybe I'll take it out when the internet is a little less retarded.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 12:43 PM