Tuesday, August 01, 2006

HNMLS Vs Jormungand

It was bound to happen eventually.

This morning, I was working an early shift when I received a GM call from Behemoth's Dominion.

Gee, I wonder what this call could be about.

Could someone be stuck?

Maybe there is a glitch they'd like to report.

GM Call Description: Other LS is attempting to steal King Behemoth. Help.

Wow. HNMLS drama.

I'm shocked.

Anyway, once the initial surprise wore off, I logged in and teleported to their location.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> What the problem is?
Player>> That other HNMLS is trying to steal our claim.
[GM]Dave>> And why would they do that?
Player>> They say we can't beat him.
[GM]Dave>> Well... how much have you taken his HP down?
Player>> He's at 94%.
[GM]Dave>> My, that is a very accurate estimate.
[GM]Dave>> One might think you can see monster's HPs.
Player>> ... Yeah.
Player>> I guessed.
[GM]Dave>> Sure you did.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, he's at 94%.
[GM]Dave>> How long have you been fighting?
Player>> It's been about two hours now.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Are you kidding?
Player>> No.
Player>> A little over two hours, I think.
[GM]Dave>> That's pathetic.
[GM]Dave>> At this rate, you'll be done by October.
Player>> We're handling it.
[GM]Dave>> What the hell is taking so long?
[GM]Dave>> Are you hoping he'll die from old age?
Player>> Hey, that's not fair.
Player>> We're doing our best.
[GM]Dave>> That's good.
[GM]Dave>> Never give up.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Unless you really suck.
[GM]Dave>> And then you should totally give up.
Player>> Listen.
Player>> We claimed fair and square.
[GM]Dave>> Puns are not funny.
Player>> He's our King Behemoth and they're trying to steal it.
Player>> So, are you going to do something or not?
[GM]Dave>> I guess I will.


[GM]Dave>> Everyone!
[GM]Dave>> Welcome to Mordion Gaol.
Stealer1>> What the hell?!
Stealer2>> What's going on?!
Stealer1>> We didn't do anything!
[GM]Dave>> You're here for attempting to steal claim.
[GM]Dave>> Are there any more questions?
Player1>> Uhh... Yeah.
Player1>> Why is our LS here?
[GM]Dave>> You have been accused of sucking.
Player1>> Accused?
Player1>> By who?
[GM]Dave>> Did I say "accused"?
[GM]Dave>> Silly me.
[GM]Dave>> I meant "found guilty".
Player2>> That's so not true.
Player2>> We don't suck.
Stealer1>> Actually... You really do.
Stealer3>> I have to agree.
[GM]Dave>> See?
[GM]Dave>> The asshats agree with me.
Stealer3>> Wait... Did you just call us asshats?
[GM]Dave>> Did I say "asshats"?
[GM]Dave>> Silly me.
[GM]Dave>> I meant "asshats".
Stealer1>> That's the same thing.
[GM]Dave>> You're quick.
[GM]Dave>> You must be the mastermind.
Player1>> You can't do this.
Player3>> LET US OUT!
[GM]Dave>> We have to have a fair trial first.
Player1>> A fair trial?
[GM]Dave>> Mostly fair.
[GM]Dave>> More or less fair.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah... Not so much with the fair.
[GM]Dave>> Can I interest you in a lynching?
Player2>> I want to file a complaint.
Player1>> Yeah. Me, too.
Stealer2>> Me, too.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

With a bazooka.

[GM]Dave>> Would you like me to direct you to our complaints manager?


Player1>> Yes. Right away.
Stealer2>> You're so dead.

Jormungand hits Stealer2 for 14,893 points of damage.
Stealer2 was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> I love irony.
[GM]Dave>> Who's next?

The panic rippled their their masses and people tried to run.

Silly, silly people.

But then something odd happened.

Player1>> GUYS!
Player1>> We can take him if we work together!
Stealer1>> You're right.
Stealer1>> Ninjas to the front!

They actually banded together to fight MY Jormy.

MY Jormy.

Apparently, being sent to prison has caused them to have some sort of psychological break.

They are obviously insane.

Unfortunately, they seemed to be doing a rather good job of holding Jormy off. The Ninjas were working together to bounce hate around and their Black Mages were doing some good damage.

Most importantly, none of them were dying.

Player1>> We're doing it!
Player1>> KEEP GOING!

Jormy's HP began to drop.

And drop.

And drop.

Things looked bad for our heroes. Jormy only had a sliver of life left and I was grossly outnumbered.


[GM]Dave>> Silly, silly people.

[GM]Dave uses Pet Food Omega on Jormungand.

Stealer3>> What the hell is Pet Food Omega?!
Player2>> OH SHIT!
Stealer1>> Calm down.
Player1>> Yeah.
Player1>> We can just take him down again.

[GM]Dave uses Call Wyvern.

Player1>> HAHAHA!!!
Player1>> He's a DRAGOON!
Stealer2>> Oh no, he called his little blue wyvern.
Stealer2>> I'm real scared now.
[GM]Dave>> Not exactly.

And that's when Vtra, Guivre, Vouivre, Seiryu, and Bune spawned right behind them.

[GM]Dave>> Are you scared now?

Oh, it was chaos after that. Morons running in every direction, OMGs and WTFs flying to and fro.

The bodies piled up fast.

Very, very fast.

[GM]Dave>> That's what you get for picking on a poor, defenseless dragon.


At 9:41 AM, Blogger N.B.H.S. said...

I've heard many tales of Dragoons .dat-swapping their wyverns for Great Wyrms.

I guess GMs get to do it for real.

Good laugh, good laugh.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger Trigger said...

I'm still upset at the fact that they hurt Jormy :(

At 10:04 AM, Blogger alexblob said...

the world would certainly be a better(smarter) place with more people like you.

also a damn-fine blog....

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Nu-Hir said...

Screw Spirit Surge, I want Call Wyrm as my two hour!!

At 10:35 AM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

LMAO!!! welcome back to the present, GMdave! hilarious as always ^^.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Coeurl de Lionne said...

Hehehe, I always knew that DRG/BST could be fun to some extent...

...though now I see that extent is limited to when you have [GM] preceding your name.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger Airwave Angel said...

haha that was so cool

At 12:37 PM, Blogger Arendaerta said...

Lolol all HNMLS deserves this sort of treatment. Really worthless time. D: Feed them all to teh dragon!!

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Zlo said...

Man I thought jormy had met his match too. lol poor guys I must say they almost had you deafeated then boom instant summmon's out the window and death to all that were there.

Nice entry.

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Soul said...

i think you should have gotten in there yourself and personnaly beat them down. gd laugh though

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Player1>> GUYS!
Player1>> We can take him if we work together!
Stealer1>> You're right.
Stealer1>> Ninjas to the front!

What alternate dimension do you hail from?

At 1:12 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

Idiot beatdown. The very best kind of beatdown.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger shelby said...

I'm also upset that they actually tried to fight jormy. =(

At 1:22 PM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

Poor Jormy :(

You of wiped their accounts for doing such horrible things to him!

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

Gang-bang by a team of dragons! Almost brings tears to my eyes. ^.^' Wish I could have seen it myself.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

It's a lot more fun when the dragon is down to 1% and THEN heals to full. oh ho ho ho ho...

At 2:28 PM, Blogger Rahfb said...

classic lol

At 3:00 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

I learned from Baron Harkonnen that you should always have plans-within-plans-within-plans.

GMs must learn this quick... good thing players can only do so much. :P

At 3:09 PM, Blogger rosealeigh said...

i have read the whole damn page and would just like to say...
i think i'm in love with you and if you're not married you should find me online and discuss the details

At 4:04 PM, Blogger Layna said...

[GM] Dave-

The last few posts have been good. I admire your writings! My boyfriend just asked, "Is that your [GM] guy's blog?" Followed by, "Are they ususally funny most of the time?" At which I spit water all over the screen laughing.

Very very good post! Keep it up! I enjoy checking twice a day (Read: every 15 minutes) for a new post.

At 4:28 PM, Blogger Vatar said...

I /bow before you [GM]Dave

At 6:19 PM, Blogger nano said...

You've outdone yourself sir. A fine effort again, worth several marriage proposals.

At 6:26 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Greetings, oh highly-esteemed [GM]Dave. I made my blogger account today, because I just had to comment on this awesomely humorous entry.

I have to say that the victims attacking the punisher was completely unexpected, but your counterattack was second only to your "MrWyvern" strategy.

Well played, my good man, and you shall expect more comments from me in the future...

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Gray Fox said...

OMG, I've been reading your blog for quite a while, but this just deemed me registering to finally post something. It was simply awesome.
{/bow} Glad to see you are back to your original torture-schemes. Sure, the trip to the past was fun, but this was just priceless.

At 7:06 PM, Blogger Rogue said...

wow boss man you really hit a new low today, congrats. show those nubs whos the boss. hehe maybe they'll learn to work together in future situations. bwahahahaha

At 7:26 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

good post as always

At 8:22 PM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

YOU ROCK! Noone messes with your dragon!

At 10:10 PM, Blogger leonoxx said...

lol, just watch, now they are going to go ahead and drop all the sandorian tea in jeuno harbor or something rediculus. damn taxes...

They'll get thier rebellion, and it'll be a massacre...

At 10:27 PM, Blogger Kerensky said...

I kinda feel sorry for them, I mean 2 hrs, and the others, if you can steal something from some one it's probly their fault.

oh well at least they learned teamwork can work as long as the odds are even.

I have still never seen a gm, not that I wish too, it is just a thing I have not seen before. same thing goes for hnm's also avoided.

I would like to interject that it would be sweet if pets of all sorts had better code to their responsivity, and a lil more common sense.

At 11:42 PM, Blogger Demolition said...

OMG, i made a blog name just to post and tell you that this is the funniest one iv ever seen from you. Of course hearing from your girlfriend is almost as funny, would be great to see you add her into the mix here. Jormy mustv been laughing so hard he had to let the other dragons eat the the idiots.

At 7:40 AM, Blogger Yo Alejandro said...

Ah!, the noob nature, first bitching because they're stealing something from them but as soon as dragony justice stares them in the face they forget about they're differences and starts working together.

At 10:39 AM, Blogger TrueStoryGuy said...

That was, quite simply, hilarious.

Great blog, as usual, [GM]Dave!

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Nightwing said...

/waits for someone to ask you to have their babies.

An excellent post Dave! Its a shame I dont play FFXI, it would be cool to meet you in-game.

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

I was worried about jormy at first then I was delighted. Well done [GM]Dave!

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Zychion said...

I'm happy to finally see someone fighting back. I'll take it that you may think twice before inviting so many friends over at the one time.

At 1:38 AM, Blogger Alkonost said...

zomg, wtf, lmao!!

well, you can't blame em for trying.

At 4:35 AM, Blogger WhyWontYouJustShutUp said...

Nightwing... you are truly deluded if you think this happens. Why not go hang out with Demolition, although he seems to be completely gone in the head.

It is actually quite worrying looking at the posts how many people think this is a real account of something that happened. Add in the irony as to them all laughing at 'noobs' and 'idiots' and you start to see whats truly funny about this blog/comment section.

At 11:01 AM, Blogger Wolftin said...

OMG there are a ton of people who have been reading this blog that are just now signing up just to comment on this one. This one made me laugh almost as hard as when i first read this blog and it was about that Crab NM that you took control of. This is goign to be one on the [GM]Dave best hits page. You may have to do that some day.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

Haha Jorgy got owned by the sounds of it, if [GM]Dave hadn't cheated and intervened. Thats right Dave, you got owned on this one... What can I say, I have lost all respect for you and Jorgy. Sorry to be blunt.

At 2:46 AM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

Looks like the jealous retard is at it again...

At 8:57 PM, Blogger keiluo said...

what a bunch of ass kissers :P

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Branwyn said...

When I saw the "GUYS! We can take him!" part, I thought, "this is going to go down just like the "song" Boot to the Head.

I'm so glad to see I was right! I'm about dying here laughing so hard!

At 11:08 PM, Blogger Kre said...

well, as funny as this post was, there was one thing that seems to have been missed by everyone for some reason. Unless they've changed him drastically since the last time i was there there's no way the sucky LS would've lived long enough to fight King Behemoth for 2 hours, at 1 hour he would've gone SSJ and slapped them all down in minutes...

At 10:52 PM, Blogger chaoszx said...

your my hero... if you ever see Chaoszx on the Caitsith server on.. I'd love to be killed by jormy ^^ so cool!!


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