Thursday, August 03, 2006

[GM]Dave Goes Multilingual

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to put it on my job application. But it seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Here's how my thought process went:

[GM]Dave>> But I don't speak anything except english.
[GM]Dave>> I don't even speak that very good.
[GM]DavesBrain>> Oh, that doesn't matter.
[GM]DavesBrain>> Just put down that you speak French.
[GM]DavesBrain>> It'll never come up.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure?
[GM]DavesBrain>> Completely.
[GM]DavesBrain>> You should also put down...
[GM]DavesBrain>> What's that other country in Europe?
[GM]Dave>> Russia?
[GM]DavesBrain>> No.
[GM]DavesBrain>> The other one.
[GM]Dave>> Germany?
[GM]DavesBrain>> Yeah. That's the one.
[GM]DavesBrain>> Put down that you speak German.
[GM]Dave>> I don't know.
[GM]Dave>> This doesn't seem like a good idea.
[GM]DavesBrain>> C'mon.
[GM]DavesBrain>> Trust me.

So, I put it down.

And up until today, it had never been an issue. Seems the English speaking portion of the FFXI playerbase had kept me more than busy.

And then our supervisor came in today.

Supervisor>> Guys!
Supervisor>> We're getting hammered by calls from European players.
Supervisor>> All multilingual employees are going to handle these calls.
Supervisor>> I'll need some volunteers.

Uh oh.

Damit dammit dammit.

This is the last time I ever listen to my brain.

Wait... He asked for volunteers. I'm safe.

Supervisor>> Nobody?
Supervisor>> That's okay.
Supervisor>> I have a list of multilingual employees.


So, I'm stuck fielding calls from our European players.

Then I get my first call.

GM Call Description:
On m'a volé ma monstre. J'ai vu ce qui est arrivé.


I'll get right on that.

Just as soon as I figure out what the hell you just said.

Babelfish to the rescue!

Apparently, that translates to

GM Call Description: Me was stolen my monster. I saw what arrived.



Let me check Babelfish again.

Nope. No broken english to english translation.

I can figure this out. A monster was stolen and they saw what arrived.


I'm going to kill my brain with alcohol.

My liver will be acceptable collateral damage.

Oh, well. A monster got stolen. I can work from there.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand someone stole your monster.
Player>> ...
Player>> Quoi?

Oh shit.

Back to Babelfish.

[GM]Dave>> I understand someone stole your monster.
Player>> Yes.
Player>> We camped Serra in Bay of Bibiki.
[GM]Dave>> Then what happened?
A part came near and stole our monster.

[GM]Dave>> How did they steal it?
They took it before we could.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> That's not stealing.
[GM]Dave>> That's just you getting owned.
Player>> What?
Player>> I don't understand.

Oh damn. What the hell did I just say?

Click on French to English...

It right obtaining to you is had.


I sound like I should be writing for Mysterytour.

Okay... I'm getting really sick of this.

[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I don't speak french.
Player>> (( Autotranslate )) ?
[GM]Dave>> (( I don't understand English. ))
[GM]Dave>> (( I don't understand Japanese. ))
[GM]Dave>> (( I speak a little. )) (( Chocobo ))
Player>> Quoi?
[GM]Dave>> Wark?
Player>> Tu es une imbecile.

Hey! I understand that last word.

Maybe I do know French.

Unfortunately, I must now destroy him.

[GM]Dave>> So...
[GM]Dave>> Do you understand any English?
Player>> A small bit.
[GM]Dave>> What's the word "dragon" in French?
Player>> Dragon.

Jormungand hits Player for 12,722 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> What's the word "banned" in French?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Are you there?

He kind of disappeared after that.

And just when I was starting to learn some important phrases.


At 2:00 PM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

[GM]Dave rock the planet! nice to see you expanding Jormy Diet to international foods.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger Coeurl de Lionne said...

Player>> Tu es une imbecile.

What?!? He said "Tu" instead of "Vous"?!? Adressing someone in that familiarized form in french to a stranger is extremely rude!

I hope there's still time to give him the deluxe package.

At 2:15 PM, Blogger shelby said...

I noticed the "tu" and "vous" also. Doesn't look like he speaks french well either.
this made me laugh. thanks dave!

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

Same. Although, 'vous etes un imbecile' would sound strange: "You, sir, are an imbecile!".

As for speaking chocobo... Wark? Wark, wark WARK? Wark WARK wark? WARK!!!!!!!!!!

At 4:31 PM, Blogger currentlypresent said...

I have to say, this is the first [GM]Dave entry that made me laugh hard enough that people came in to see what was wrong...

At 5:07 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Oh geez... I never thought that taking high-school French would help me get more out of this blog.


Another brilliant entry, and good luck killing your brain. I'd suggest setting the alcohol on fire and pouring it in your ear.

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Ridicule: Man of peaches! said...

Would you like peaches with that?

At 6:39 PM, Blogger Bartter said...

Ok I'm French and when that French player ran it made me laugh, because it made me remember...French are only good at 2 things in battle and war...(a) running, and (b)losing.

I liked it, very touching...

At 10:43 PM, Blogger Sex Money Monkey said...

The "Tu" "Vous" rule isn't all that respected by younger people I find. Mainly they are taught to use it with teachers and parents, very rarely do you see it in chat.

At 10:50 PM, Blogger Daclivont said...


At 11:27 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

[GM]Dave however is a figure of authority and as such should always be refeered to with vous, not tu :P

At 12:50 AM, Blogger Meuhcoin said...

Concerning the "tu", many people on Internet use this form to talk, even when speaking to complete stranger. Although it's not recommanded to do it with people like GMs (especially GM[Dave]), it's not that uncommon.
And, hu, the player must not be French either. He twice used "une" instead of "un". "monstre" et "imbécile" are both masculine, so it should be "un monstre" and "un imbécile".
But anyway, I guess nobody cares :p Keep writing thoses great stories, Dave !

At 1:13 AM, Blogger Jadem_84 said...

Click on French to English...

It right obtaining to you is had.


I sound like I should be writing for Mysterytour.

Hehehehe! I lost a few ounces of soda at that statment, and by "lost" I mean
"spit out if my mouth" Oh, man that was Great.

At 1:32 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

[GM]Dave>> (( I don't understand English. ))
[GM]Dave>> (( I don't understand Japanese. ))
[GM]Dave>> (( I speak a little. )) (( Chocobo ))
Player>> Quoi?
[GM]Dave>> Wark?

Genius. I must pull this on blind party invites.

At 1:40 AM, Blogger Carrin said...

I'm mildy disturbed that [GM]Dave made an actual effort and went out of his way to accomadate a player.

Bablefishing and everything...

Funny, but very creepy...

At 2:52 AM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

Heheheh... I'm not sure if I'll be able to get to sleep now. Damn you, [GM]Dave, for being so witty and creative and entertaining!! :-)

At 3:40 AM, Blogger Citizen Bleys said...

You mean French people say things other than osti, calice, and tabarnac?

At 5:04 AM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

I'm going to walk around saying "wark" all day now.

At 7:07 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

Does French Food agree with dragons?? i would hate for Jormy to get sick??

At 7:17 AM, Blogger Pascal said...


At 9:07 AM, Blogger Lalila said...

Some mistakes in french but quiet right. Also it doesn't look like french 'cause it's almost perfectly written. Most french types with mistakes.
Ask if you need more french retarded text.

At 10:09 AM, Blogger sofy said...

LOL Very funny !
If you ever want french lessons, let me know!

Au revoir :D

At 12:19 PM, Blogger Bellemithra said...


At 1:10 AM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree indicates that that the use of the babelfish to obtain translations will obtain to you only in the trouble because the babelfish is run by miniatures with the cups of dixie attached by cord.

I do not think who am right. I think that they use fishing tackles.

Translated by Babelfish.

At 1:46 AM, Blogger Metrosio said...

I like reading this blog. [GM]Dave must have artificially beefed up Jormungands strength to astronomical levels, like 5000. A normal Jorm would hit a level 1 for 600, perhaps 1000 on a crit.

I want that dragon.

Keep giving morons the deluxe package and I will be happy.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger ProstetnicVogonJeltz said...

bartter, please don't pollute the comments here with your fucking xenophobia.
You're no more french than im a russian, and your talk is typically american.... so sad

At 10:56 AM, Blogger Stacey said...

hey everyone, Im a canadian, living in Quebec (yes, to you americans that is what you would call 'French Canada') my father is decendant from brits and scots where as my mother is from french.. i have never spoken a single word of french until i was bout 8 or 9. and to this day, of almost to the age of 21 i STILL get my masculine and feminine wrong.. i always use un or une at the wrong times bcuz theres just WAY too many acceptions. and everytime i use vous to strangers sometimes they laugh and say please, just say tu or my name _____ so you see.. most of us english folk get corrected on being right in the first place and i guess thats what theyre teaching the kids of today.. -sighs- its really complicated.. so, stick with english is what i would say! [GM]Dave rules us all~ ^_^


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