Saturday, July 29, 2006

Qufim: Valkurm The Sequel

I manage somehow to survive the rampant stupidity of Valkurm Dunes and finally reach level 20.

There was much rejoicing.

But then it was time for that first, long voyage to Jeuno.

When I finally got their, I felt so good. It was like I had made it through a terrible, terrible trial and had made it to safety.

Oh, how little I knew.

Just having hit 20, I quickly hit the Auction House and completely updated my gear and made sure I had all the spells I would require for the next few levels.

Feeling adequately prepared, I stepped into Qufim.

What's the first thing I see upon stepping into Qufim?

Was it a band of adventurers setting out on a quest?

Was it a ferocious monster waiting to take me out?


It was a level 18 Thief.

With a level 7 subjob.

In a level 20 area.

Wearing level 10 scale mail armor.

It was right then that my head started to hurt.

Still, being the nice guy that I was, I thought I'd offer some constructive criticism.

Dave>> Hi there.
Thief>> Yeah.
Thief>> Hi.
Dave>> If you don't mind me saying...
Dave>> Your gear is a little out of date.
Thief>> STFU
Dave>> Wow.
Dave>> Great gear AND an amazing vocabulary.
Dave>> You must be a big hit with the ladies.

Note to self: Don't help people.

I just start pondering what level of head trauma would lead someone to being so stupid, when I get a party invite.

I start heading for our group's camp when I notice we only have five members.

Dave>> Do we have a sixth member?
Leader>> I think so.
Leader>> Just invited someone.
Dave>> Oh. Cool.
Dave>> What job are they?
Leader>> Thief.


There's no way I'm that unlucky.

Thief>> Hey, everybody.
Thief>> Where's camp?
Dave>> Oh good Christ.
Dave>> You invited the gimped wonder.
Thief>> STFU, n00b.
Dave>> Good comback there, genius.
Dave>> Ouch.
Dave>> That one really hurt.
Thief>> Why'd you invite this guy?
Dave>> Well... I'm a Red Mage with up to date gear and spells.
Dave>> You're a Thief wearing tinfoil and with a mental disability.
Leader>> Okay, knock it off.
Leader>> No one else is looking for a party right now.
Leader>> Deal with it.

We make our way carefully to camp and start exping. Right away, it's obvious that this guy is holding us back.

He's doing crap damage and just randomly fires off weaponskills whenever he wants.

Someone suggested a skillchain and he said "What the hell is that?"


We're starting to get the swing of things, though, and the exp starts rolling in despite him.

Things are just starting to get fun when...

Thief>> Okay, we need to ditch the Red Mage guy.
Dave>> Are you kidding?
Dave>> You must be kidding.
Thief>> He's not even meleeing.
Dave>> Of course not.
Dave>> I'm spending all of my time trying to keep you alive.
Dave>> Why I'm not sure.
Thief>> He's a n00b.
Thief>> Drop him.
Dave>> I think you actually discovered a new level of stupidity.
Leader>> Both of you just shut up.
Leader>> Nobody's getting booted.

So, we go back to fighting worms and I continue to keep the Thief alive.

To this day, I still don't know why.

Then, in the middle of the battle, I get aggroed from behind by another worm.

This is bad. The rest of our party is in the middle of a battle with their own worm and I'm getting my ass kicked.

Dave>> Thief, get over here and help.
Thief>> No, thanks.
Thief>> I'd rather not.
Dave>> Jesus, man.
Dave>> Get over here!
Thief>> I'd really prefer to just watch you die.
Thief>> Maybe that'll teach you something.
Dave>> You mean like the fact that you're a dick?
Dave>> I already knew that.
Thief>> Good luck with that worm.

I start throwing cures at myself, but it was looking bad. My HP was getting really low and I was starting to run out of mana.

Then fate smiled on me. The rest of the party finished up their fight and ran over to rescue me.

I survived with only a few HP left, but I survived.

Thief>> You deserved that.
Thief>> Maybe next time, you'll watch your back, n00b.

Seems the moron was so busy taunting me, he failed to notice the time.

Or the Wight walking up behind him.

I'm pretty sure he noticed when it decided to kick his ass.

I actually had to take a break for a minute I was laughing so hard.

You know... maybe Qufim wasn't all bad.


At 9:50 PM, Blogger Tim said...

I love it when all you have to do is sit back and relax, whilst someone else deals well deserved justice (or fucking up some impotent cocksucker, your choice of words).

At 10:06 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

That leader was an idiot. It's better to head out without a full party that has quality members rather than head out with a full party with someone who has gear that's out of shape and all manner of other things. As a group leader, if someone acts like the thief and is rude to another party member especially with no reason to do so they get kicked period. If there was any reasoning behind it, that's when they both get kicked. I don't put up with that bull for any reason. No time for cocksuckers on my clock.
Cheers to you [GM]Dave!

At 10:17 PM, Blogger dimitry said...

Why not just move out of casting range of the worm, as opposed to standing there and taking damage?
Seems you and the theif both needed to have some quality time with a dragon.

At 10:35 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...


The first thing worms do usually is cast Bind on you so you can't run.

I assume you must not play FFXI.

Or, at least, not well.


At 11:01 PM, Blogger WindowOfTheSoul said...

Can you say "Mommy, I made a new friend today?"

"What was their name, honey?"

"Wight's Club."

"Wight's Club?"

"Yeah.. It hurt."

Qufim isn't so bad, as long as you're not a moron, or WITH a moron!

At 11:09 PM, Blogger dimitry said...

I've been bound by quite a few worms on my way through Qufim, and
never has the spell stuck long enough to put me as close to death as you described.

At 11:15 PM, Blogger J0eCool said...

Red Mage. He's a Red Mage. I don't even play FFXI, but I can tell, that because the Theif said it would've been a good idea, that they're none too sturdy.

Thief>> I'd really prefer to just watch you die.
Woah, that would've given me an aneurysm from anger and stupidity overload. Weakening self to keep noob alive -> noob ignoring pleas for help and falsely diagnosing noobism.
Question, did you ever add all these guys to a shitlist? I mean a pad of paper titled: "Kill these guys if I ever become a GM". 'Cause that'd be funny.
I should get one of those...

At 11:19 PM, Blogger Venomvi said...

[GM] Dave, Thieves can't wear the level 10 scale armor..

At 11:36 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Venom's right. Perhaps he was wearing the lv11 Doublet set? No- it'd be too expensive for him.

(Also: they're, their, there.)

I never really had any terrible experiences in Qufim; perhaps I was just lucky.

At 11:39 PM, Blogger nano said...

You know... maybe Qufim wasn't all bad.

It's the weeding out ground that the Valkrum DOOM was meant to be until powerlevellers let people get to higher levels without learning a damn thing. /sigh

RDM Dave, from tank to main healer in less than 5 levels!

At 11:42 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

What do you people want from me?

It was a long time ago and I'm fairly drunk right now.

He was wearing something and it was ugly. And the wrong level.

At 1:02 AM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

I can sympathize with you there Game Master Dave.

I often look back on games thinking about how much I wanted to use the biggest mallet I could find on their face and can't quite remember all the details.

Details don't usually matter though when you find a way to kick their ass.

I'm curious if you had a friendly chat with him after becoming a Game Master though.

By friendly I mean did you show him your pet dragon?

I've never played FFXI but if I ever get it I'll be sure to do my research before pissing people off.

At 1:08 AM, Blogger Ninboy said...

[GM]Dave said...

What do you people want from me?

It was a long time ago and I'm fairly drunk right now.

He was wearing something and it was ugly. And the wrong level.

This is kinda funny. You now have such a following that you have become fact. So i guess your not aloud to make simple mistakes anymore without someone wanting to point out you are wrong.

Anyway. This was IMO the best one of your new types of storys. But i would like to hear somemore GM storys soon. Feels like its been forever sence GMdave has been a GM.

Keep up the good work.

At 1:34 AM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

i did see a DRG/WHM - 22 DRG 6 WHM - in full solid mail there once.

you'd think someone who'd been through Quifim at least once, and then had the patience to trudge through the DRG flag quest - would know that in party situations you owe it to your PT members to be the best you can.

i *like* qufim. i like being chased by undead on the way in and out, i like fighting worms and clippers, i even like parties on the stairs in Delkfutts.

i was still sure as shit glad when i hit 25 and could head back to the Jungles though...

At 3:13 AM, Blogger Cyberdragon said...

Personally I prefer Valkurm Dunes to Qufim. The first you run into players that know very little about how to play while the second you run into the players who think they are now 1337 because they made it through the dunes.
Although I will always chuckle remembering the 20 redmage/ninja who asked why the summoner/whitemage wasn't provoking. It almost made the additional monster pulls by him mid-battle worthwhile.

At 3:53 AM, Blogger Tigerlily said...

Actually the L11 doublet set is not that expensive if you buy it from the NPC in Windurst.

Then again it could always have been a brass harness, those things are fairly cheap too and same level and they look uber ugly. First time I tried one out I cried I looked so awful, until I saw my mithran breasts practically popping out of it. Now that is all I can ever picture when I think of a brass harness...

At 4:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, this was a good story, brought back memories of my own, red mage was actually my first job as well. I've seen people still wearing the lvl 7 leather armor series, i remember in jungles when i saw a lvl 28 blm..thats it..a lvl 28 blm, with no sub -.-

Then there is the one 26/7 whm/thf i saw once in kazham.

Seriously folks, quit nit picking over the story, we're talking about Valkurm and Quifim.. those places cause mental trauma that make you forget many things.. so what if he forgot the specific armor, i'd love to forget that the dooms existed, unfortunatly that will never happen.

At 5:06 AM, Blogger Venomvi said...

I mean no disrespect, sorry if it was interpreted that way. I love reading your blogs, they make me laugh. I, too, can sympathesize..but nothing beats a PLD wearing a robe-set to tank in the Dunes as I have seen one while I was leveling DRK.

At 5:12 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

"There was much rejoicing."

Monty Python ftw!

You went to qufim before you got your Chocobo license?

There is nothing I hate more then people like that. I once had one piss me off so much (whilst I was the healer also) that I just turned round And said, "Okay, Go pull."

He looked mighty miffed as I sat on his corpse once he bit the dust.

He looked even more angry then next 5 times I did it.

Some people just don't get it, do they...

At 7:01 AM, Blogger Fairy_Darkness said...

I love you blogs :O cant wait to hear about the jungle XD

At 7:02 AM, Blogger Fairy_Darkness said...

I love your Blogs cant wait to hear about the jungle

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Razmo said...

Ya i do have to say Qufim is the ass of the game. Not only is it littered with retarded people, dangerous mobs for your xp lvl, this place is just so drearily depressing. Only place more craptastic scenery wise would be Xarcabard.


At 10:37 AM, Blogger creature124 said... eman to say after i escape the rampant stupidity of Valk i have to walk straight into ANOTHER pit of pure idiocy?


At 12:28 PM, Blogger Sebb said...

I like it because your a Monty Python fan ^^

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Kehehe, I remember having conversations much like this post when I was leveling whitemage quifim, just rather then "why isn't the red mage meleeing" it was "why isn't the Whitemage nuking?" Ahh, good time, good times.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger capone said...

Ok I feel your pain on this one. Me and my wife both experienced both leaders and party members that have the i.q. of a condiment.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger Promyntheus. said...

[GM]Dave I really enjoyed this story and the ones about having a party in the Valkurm Dunes, and I hope that you continue these posts on starting out in Final Fantasy XI.

Keep up the good work.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

sorry...ive been caught up in the game.

Im at Valkrum myself (never had a job higher then 15) and all i can say is when theres someone you don't like all praise goto low mana. and an agrroing mod always helps too

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Kirip-san said...

I hate people like that~nyo.

Glad he got killed~nyo.

At 3:32 AM, Blogger Citizen Bleys said...

ristle said...
He looked mighty miffed as I sat on his corpse once he bit the dust.

He looked even more angry then next 5 times I did it.

A buddy of mine had a drk in the pt who was too high level for the mobs they were fighting and wouldn't leave.

...until my buddy started SATA'ing on him. Right after the DRK ws'd. With the active cooperation of the pld, who'd voke and turn the mob to make sure the drk was behind it.

Pretty soon the drk wasn't too high level anymore.

Some people don't get it, but that doesn't mean you can't have any fun.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

Hahah, Dave, I LOVE the Monty Python quote. (I'm such a nerd.)

At 8:08 PM, Blogger The Kaos Jester said...

When I finally got their, I felt so good. It was like I had made it through a terrible, terrible trial and had made it to safety.

Har har har!

At 7:51 PM, Blogger anonymous said...

Ninboy said:
This is kinda funny. You now have such a following that you have become fact. So i guess your not aloud to make simple mistakes anymore without someone wanting to point out you are wrong.
-That would be the truth. But he'd have to be pretty drunk to make a mistake like that :o his later posts he clearly states he's a responsible...drinker....


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