A Shout OutI'd just like to send a major shout out to the GMs over at Blizzard. I realize we play different games, but you guys are cool in my book.
As many of you may already know, the WoW GMs have started suspending people for making stupid forum posts, particularly those pertaining to the addition of new realms (ie. servers).
I applaud you.
Up to this point, I have been forced to limit my special brand of "customer service" to the game itself or mailing the occasional incendiary device. You guys have gone above and beyond, making players responsible for stupidity outside of the game.
That shit is brilliant.
I mean, it's not as direct as an explosive arriving via mail, but there's a certain finesse to it that I appreciate.
If WoW were not an immensely inferior product, I might even consider playing it.
Just kidding, guys.
I'd never play WoW.
Anyway, this new initiative inspired me to be more proactive in my efforts to stem the tide of idiocy that runs rampant through our (better) game. It's time for [GM]Dave to go out and find the unwashed and uneducated masses.
Up until now, I had always considered forums as being separate entities to the game. Finally, I see that they can be so much more.
Preemptive strike, bitches.
See, there's abeen a certain type of forum post that's always annoyed the hell out of me. I don't know what causes people to post such a retarded question, but it keeps coming up over and over and over again.
It's the "Why don't they make a server for _________ only?" where you fill in the blank with the group of your choosing.
Let's look at a few of these in detail, shall we?
Why don't they make a server for English people only?
Because we hate you.
Why don't they make a server for Japanese people only?
Well... Japanese people don't like you either and it makes them giggle when we treat you poorly.
Seriously, do you think we're made of servers? Those bastards are really freakin' expensive. We can't just go out and pick up a couple more at lunch just because you asked us to.
I can just imagine that now.
[GM]Dave>> Uh oh, sir.
[GM]Dave>> They're asking for another server?
Supervisor>> What for?
[GM]Dave>> They want a roleplaying-only server.
Supervisor>> It's a roleplaying game.
Supervisor>> They're all roleplaying servers.
[GM]Dave>> But, sir, you don't understand the gravity of the situation.
[GM]Dave>> They're making FORUM POSTS!
Supervisor>> Oh Christ.
Supervisor>> We'd better go to Best Buy right away.
I know, I know. It's just so hard for you to interact with people from groups outside your own.
Hell, you might even have to learn something about them.
Ugghh. It's unimaginable.
Today, inspired by my brothers and sisters over at WoW, I decided to take the first step. Why wait for them to make a GM call when you can take them by surprise?
Luckily, the first person to make yet another one of these moronic posts was kind enough to include his character information.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you'd like to donate a server.
[GM]Dave>> Yes, you.
[GM]Dave>> We all just read your forum post about needing an English only server.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sure the rest of the community will thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Now, how would you like to pay for that server?
Player>> I didn't offer to buy a server.
Player>> I was saying we need it and that you guys should buy more
[GM]Dave>> What kind of sick joke is this?
[GM]Dave>> You dangle a new server in front of us and then yank it away?
[GM]Dave>> You disgust me.
Player>> I never said I'd pay for the server.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, so we're just supposed to give you a server?
[GM]Dave>> Out of the kindness of our hearts?
Player>> It would be better for everyone.
[GM]Dave>> It'd be better for you.
Player>> Come on.
Player>> Everyone would benefit from an English only server.
[GM]Dave>> Holy crap! You've convinced me!
[GM]Dave>> I cannot stand against such a logical argument.
Player>> You could at least try it out?
[GM]Dave>> What do you mean?
Player>> Take a small sampling of the FFXI population.
Player>> And give them an English only server.
[GM]Dave>> I suppose we could try that.
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> I transferred you to a test server.
[GM]Dave>> Congratulations. You're a sample.
Player>> When do the other people get here?
[GM]Dave>> ... Other people?
Seems the English only server idea didn't pan out.
At least... I don't think it did. I kind of just left him on it and went back to crafting.
I'll remember to go check on him later.
Or run a magnet over the server.