Bannable Offenses

Multiplayer Means More Than You

Ahem.

This is a public service announcement. Please pay very close attention.

FFXI is an MMORPG. Do you know what MMORPG stands for?

Why are you actually answering me? You're reading this on a computer screen and I can't possibly hear you.

Some people.

Anyway, MMORPG stand for Massively Multiplayer Online RolePlaying Game.

Now, I want everyone to look very closely at the second word there.

Multiplayer.

As basic an idea as this is, you'd be surprised how many people do not understand this concept.

The difficult part to understand seems to be that not everyone is trying to help you with your game. Some of them (read: most of them) actually want to do much better than you and may (read: will) step on you to get ahead.

Yes, yes. I know, I know. When you play on your Playstation by yourself all the other characters help you.

Well... Except that bitch Yuffie. That shit was just wrong.

Now, you step into this big online world and nobody wants to help you. Hell, half of them are probably getting in your way.

This is normal.

This is not an emergency.

This is certainly not a good reason to make a GM call.

Those other people don't have to help you out. They don't. It doesn't matter if what they're doing makes your life harder, as long as they don't kill you, it's fine.

But still, everyday I get the most assinine calls from people who try to report someone for ruining a quest or taking an item or something equally stupid.

Not an emergency.

Let me give you an example. There's a monster in the game called Overgrown Rose. This monster drops a very nice ring called Vilma's Ring. Unfortunately, the drop rate is not very good.

This is bad.

If this monster is left alone for a long enough time, it will change into a different monster called Rose Garden. This monster also drops the Vilma's Ring, but the drop rate is 100%.

This is good.

Sadly, it can take several hours for this change to occur and your chances of no one else touching Overgrown Rose in that time are practically zero.

This is bad.

So, each day, I get at least one call from some idiot who wants the Vilma's Ring, but people keep killing his Overgrown Rose before it can change.

This is very bad.

This person then feels it is somehow my problem and that the other person should be banned.

This is retarded.

Just this afternoon, I was in the middle of an amazing crafting session when I got the daily call.

GM Call Description: Other player stole my Overgrown Rose. Help.

It seems Fate decided to step in at this exact second.

Critical crafting failure. All materials lost. Millions down the drain.

[GM]Dave needed to release some tension.

*cue ominous music*

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you're having trouble with a flower.
[GM]Dave>> That's no reason to feel less like a man.
Player>> I don't feel less like a man.
[GM]Dave>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Not at all?
[GM]Dave>> Cause that is pretty pathetic.
Player>> I'm trying to get him to change into Rose Garden.
Player>> But people keep killing him.
[GM]Dave>> Uh huh. Let me write this down.
[GM]Dave>> People are killing a monster.
[GM]Dave>> In an RPG.
[GM]Dave>> An RPG where you kill monsters.
[GM]Dave>> Those bastards.
Player>> This is serious.
Player>> I asked them not to kill him, but they don't listen.
Player>> They're basically stealing.
[GM]Dave>> Why did you say "basically" there?
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> The word "basically".
[GM]Dave>> Why did you have to say it?
Player>> Well... Because they're not really stealing.
[GM]Dave>> Exactly.
[GM]Dave>> And if they didn't steal it, this is not an...
Player>> Emergency?
[GM]Dave>> Two for two.
[GM]Dave>> I'm starting to think you're not a complete idiot.
Player>> But it's wrong for them to take it.
Player>> It was my Rose.
[GM]Dave>> Spoke too soon.
[GM]Dave>> It's not your Rose.
[GM]Dave>> Not.
[GM]Dave>> And you can't expect people to leave it alone.
[GM]Dave>> No matter how many times you say pretty please.
Player>> This is bullshit!
Player>> You need to do something!
[GM]Dave>> I'm way ahead of you.

*warp*

Player>> I meant do something to them.
[GM]Dave>> This will be a lesson on being more clear when you speak.
Player>> You can't suspend me for this.
Player>> I'll sue.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, I'm not going to suspend you.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not even going to ban you.
Player>> Really?
Player>> Then what am I doing here?
[GM]Dave>> We're going to play a little game.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> Ready.

This is when I spawned monsters into Mordion Gaol. Hundreds of them, all surrounding him.

Did I spawn a bunch of angry dragons?

No.

Maybe some ferocious HNMs?

Nope.

Instead, I spawned every low level NM in the game. Leaping Lizzy, Jaggedy-Eared Jack, Argus, Mee Deggi, Hoo Mjuu.

They were all there.

Millions upon millions upon millions worth of items standing right in front of him.

Player>> HOLY SHIT!!!
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready to hear the rules?
Player>> Sure!
[GM]Dave>> You have to stay in here for 24 hours straight.
[GM]Dave>> No logging out.
[GM]Dave>> And no going AFK. I'll be checking.
Player>> I can do that. Easy.
Player>> It'll take me that long to kill them all.
[GM]Dave>> That brings us to rule number two.
[GM]Dave>> Please don't kill any of them.
Player>> ...
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> If you touch even one of them, you get banned.
[GM]Dave>> That includes magic, attacks, anything.
[GM]Dave>> Banned.
Player>> ...
Player>> Are you kidding?
Player>> I can't kill any of them?
[GM]Dave>> Nope.
[GM]Dave>> I asked you not to, remember?
Player>> This is cruel.
[GM]Dave>> I know.

Can you imagine being surrounded by some of the most sought after NMs in the game...

And not being allowed to touch them?

I'm pretty sure he went insane after about fifteen minutes.

Still, I did ask him nicely.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:30 PM