Saturday, August 19, 2006

Multiplayer Means More Than You

Ahem.

This is a public service announcement. Please pay very close attention.

FFXI is an MMORPG. Do you know what MMORPG stands for?

Why are you actually answering me? You're reading this on a computer screen and I can't possibly hear you.

Some people.

Anyway, MMORPG stand for Massively Multiplayer Online RolePlaying Game.

Now, I want everyone to look very closely at the second word there.

Multiplayer.

As basic an idea as this is, you'd be surprised how many people do not understand this concept.

The difficult part to understand seems to be that not everyone is trying to help you with your game. Some of them (read: most of them) actually want to do much better than you and may (read: will) step on you to get ahead.

Yes, yes. I know, I know. When you play on your Playstation by yourself all the other characters help you.

Well... Except that bitch Yuffie. That shit was just wrong.

Now, you step into this big online world and nobody wants to help you. Hell, half of them are probably getting in your way.

This is normal.

This is not an emergency.

This is certainly not a good reason to make a GM call.

Those other people don't have to help you out. They don't. It doesn't matter if what they're doing makes your life harder, as long as they don't kill you, it's fine.

But still, everyday I get the most assinine calls from people who try to report someone for ruining a quest or taking an item or something equally stupid.

Not an emergency.

Let me give you an example. There's a monster in the game called Overgrown Rose. This monster drops a very nice ring called Vilma's Ring. Unfortunately, the drop rate is not very good.

This is bad.

If this monster is left alone for a long enough time, it will change into a different monster called Rose Garden. This monster also drops the Vilma's Ring, but the drop rate is 100%.

This is good.

Sadly, it can take several hours for this change to occur and your chances of no one else touching Overgrown Rose in that time are practically zero.

This is bad.

So, each day, I get at least one call from some idiot who wants the Vilma's Ring, but people keep killing his Overgrown Rose before it can change.

This is very bad.

This person then feels it is somehow my problem and that the other person should be banned.

This is retarded.

Just this afternoon, I was in the middle of an amazing crafting session when I got the daily call.

GM Call Description: Other player stole my Overgrown Rose. Help.

It seems Fate decided to step in at this exact second.

Critical crafting failure. All materials lost. Millions down the drain.

[GM]Dave needed to release some tension.

*cue ominous music*

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you're having trouble with a flower.
[GM]Dave>> That's no reason to feel less like a man.
Player>> I don't feel less like a man.
[GM]Dave>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Not at all?
[GM]Dave>> Cause that is pretty pathetic.
Player>> I'm trying to get him to change into Rose Garden.
Player>> But people keep killing him.
[GM]Dave>> Uh huh. Let me write this down.
[GM]Dave>> People are killing a monster.
[GM]Dave>> In an RPG.
[GM]Dave>> An RPG where you kill monsters.
[GM]Dave>> Those bastards.
Player>> This is serious.
Player>> I asked them not to kill him, but they don't listen.
Player>> They're basically stealing.
[GM]Dave>> Why did you say "basically" there?
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> The word "basically".
[GM]Dave>> Why did you have to say it?
Player>> Well... Because they're not really stealing.
[GM]Dave>> Exactly.
[GM]Dave>> And if they didn't steal it, this is not an...
Player>> Emergency?
[GM]Dave>> Two for two.
[GM]Dave>> I'm starting to think you're not a complete idiot.
Player>> But it's wrong for them to take it.
Player>> It was my Rose.
[GM]Dave>> Spoke too soon.
[GM]Dave>> It's not your Rose.
[GM]Dave>> Not.
[GM]Dave>> And you can't expect people to leave it alone.
[GM]Dave>> No matter how many times you say pretty please.
Player>> This is bullshit!
Player>> You need to do something!
[GM]Dave>> I'm way ahead of you.

*warp*

Player>> I meant do something to them.
[GM]Dave>> This will be a lesson on being more clear when you speak.
Player>> You can't suspend me for this.
Player>> I'll sue.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, I'm not going to suspend you.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not even going to ban you.
Player>> Really?
Player>> Then what am I doing here?
[GM]Dave>> We're going to play a little game.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> Ready.

This is when I spawned monsters into Mordion Gaol. Hundreds of them, all surrounding him.

Did I spawn a bunch of angry dragons?

No.

Maybe some ferocious HNMs?

Nope.

Instead, I spawned every low level NM in the game. Leaping Lizzy, Jaggedy-Eared Jack, Argus, Mee Deggi, Hoo Mjuu.

They were all there.

Millions upon millions upon millions worth of items standing right in front of him.

Player>> HOLY SHIT!!!
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready to hear the rules?
Player>> Sure!
[GM]Dave>> You have to stay in here for 24 hours straight.
[GM]Dave>> No logging out.
[GM]Dave>> And no going AFK. I'll be checking.
Player>> I can do that. Easy.
Player>> It'll take me that long to kill them all.
[GM]Dave>> That brings us to rule number two.
[GM]Dave>> Please don't kill any of them.
Player>> ...
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> If you touch even one of them, you get banned.
[GM]Dave>> That includes magic, attacks, anything.
[GM]Dave>> Banned.
Player>> ...
Player>> Are you kidding?
Player>> I can't kill any of them?
[GM]Dave>> Nope.
[GM]Dave>> I asked you not to, remember?
Player>> This is cruel.
[GM]Dave>> I know.

Can you imagine being surrounded by some of the most sought after NMs in the game...

And not being allowed to touch them?

I'm pretty sure he went insane after about fifteen minutes.

Still, I did ask him nicely.

22 Comments:

At 7:43 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Wow... first post, blah-blah-blah...

Yet another good entry here, [GM]Dave. I have to admit that your "killing monsters in an RPG" lines still keep me laughing, even after I read it. Very nice.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger redkinoko said...

Wow. No dragon feeding.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger User Error said...

That's great, such a good sence of satisfaction on the tormentation of other people who deserve it.
Good job!

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger Ember Darc said...

This is one of your better punishments.
And with the quality of your punishements normally, that says quite a bit.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger Hutea said...

Well... Except that bitch Yuffie. That shit was just wrong.

lol

 
At 11:29 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

Rofl let te punishment fit the crime, good work [GM]Dave

 
At 12:03 AM, Blogger Useless said...

I don't know. Seems to me you went easy on him. You in a good mood today or something?

 
At 3:04 AM, Blogger Roguenet said...

I don't know. Seems to me you went easy on him. You in a good mood today or something?

You ever spent hours and hours trying to get the drop (or even the claim) on some of those NMs?? screw you argus -.-

 
At 4:03 AM, Blogger Mark Bond said...

Seeing as I don't own FFXI, and never intend to, I still find these blog posts really quite entertaining.

I think reading these posts allows us all an outlet with which to vent our inner desires, if you will, without actually doing or describing the actions that take place within this blog.

True or not, I really couldn't care less, stories like this really are quite unique and pretty damned funny.

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger Tyrath said...

Another great entry! Ending was cruel as always :)

Just want to mention, Overgrown rose doesn't drop the ring. It is a normal monster that has to be left alone to change into Rose Garden. Then Rose garden has a bad chance at drop but it can change into Voluptuous Vilma which drops it 100%. Just thought I'd throw that out there..

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger OC said...

Did he ever touch the NMs?

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger Nickolas said...

Great one.
That dude really deseved it.
I wonder if he hitted one, or two.

[GM]Dave rules all.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger shelby said...

Are you going to update us on if he touched them?

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

lol @ you noobs who think this is real.

IT's funny, but its ll made up lol.

Some people are so gullible.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Knightxl said...

lol u nub u dont spell newb like"noob" only newbs spell it that w2ay get up-to-date with ur name calling newb

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Akana-san said...

Yeah.. we're so gullible we believe in Santa too.

Go away dork, let us enjoy our entertainment without having to be bothered by retards like you.

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger Pi said...

Finally, my first comment. I did an account just to post here.

I love your blogs, always punishing the wrong-doers (Read: retards)


Oh, and ColdhartedRagnarok, shut the hell up. Who cares if he is a fake? (And he isn't fake) He is funny

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Onionsoilder said...

" Oh, and ColdhartedRagnarok, shut the hell up. Who cares if he is a fake? (And he isn't fake) He is funny "

Yes and no. The person who writes this is real. But he isn't a GM. But he does play FFXI.

Quite a nice guy. I made a few .dat mods for him.

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger J0eCool said...

I don't play FFXI, so it doesn't matter to me whether this is true or not. All of the stories are beyond my understanding of possibility, and always seems somewhat fantastical as a result.

Also, this is the second-best punishment ever. Best was the PvGM entry.
And I'd bet money that after those 24 hours, Dave let him linger longer, then just banned him anyway.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Mindbleach said...

This is much more poetic than the usual Jorgy abuse... not that getting whacked by a big damn lizard isn't appropriate punishment for a wide variety of situations.

I don't really like people online... the only MMO I play is Second Life, and that doesn't really have a point. It's not a game. Games are things best played by oneself, and maybe a little brother or group of friends for fighters and Contra. When you add a bunch of strangers and remove the ability to cheat, save, back up, or try again, it becomes a sport. A sport where people still cheat and have enough anonimity to say things like "lol u fycking nub" without anyone immediately punching them in the face.

If you want to know what an MMORPG is without all those annoying players getting in the way, play Oblivion. If EQ's more your bag, stick with Morrowind - gameplay's better, but god damn are the models ugly.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger okccameron said...

Seeing as I don't own FFXI, and never intend to, I still find these blog posts really quite entertaining.

I think reading these posts allows us all an outlet with which to vent our inner desires, if you will, without actually doing or describing the actions that take place within this blog.

True or not, I really couldn't care less, stories like this really are quite unique and pretty funny.

4:03 AM

Pretty much sums it up for me.

 
At 12:28 AM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says that people who argue about whether Dave is a real GM won't get any money when she kicks them in the teeth.

I would love to sit in with all those special monsters 'cause that would be the only way to prove to me that any of them really exist.

 

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