Bannable Offenses

So How Was Your Day?

Good evening all of you FFXI players.

Have a good day?

No?

I wonder why...

Oh...

Wait...

We had maintenance today.

I don't know about you, but damn I had a good day.

The whole thing took us about twenty minutes. Twenty grueling minutes of software install.

I'm still a little tired from all of that work.

Unfortunately, that only left us with a little less than four hours to goof off and drink.

We invented a new game to pass the time. We call it "Forum Shots."

We got all of the GMs together and opened an FFXI forum. Everytime someone made a post about the update, we did a shot.

For a thread complaining about maintenance, we had to do two shots.

Then everytime someone posted a "what to do during maintenance" thread, we did five shots.

Now, think about that.

People actually have to put time and effort into figuring out what to do for FOUR HOURS.

This isn't an iron lung, people. You can actually disconnect and not die.

What did people do before FFXI?

Don't say Everquest.

Back on topic.

The drinking started to get a little heavy. We were surfing some of the medium-size forums.

It wasn't that bad, but you could tell people were starting to lose it.

Then someone opened Allakhazam.

Oh, the humanity.

You literally couldn't get the drinks down fast enough. You'd be hammering down a shot and then five more update threads would pop up.

I think one guy actually drowned to death.

It actually got so bad we had to extend the maintenance time by three extra hours just to recover.

Well... recover and dispose of the body.

By the time the servers actually came back up, I think it would be fair to say I was slightly inebriated.

Perhaps even intoxicated.

Maybe... Just maybe... Drunk off my ass.

I spent four and a half minutes wondering why a player wouldn't respond to my tells before I realized I was typing into the MS-DOS command prompt.

I just thought that c:/> guy was quiet.

Once I actually managed to log in and access the GM call queue, things got a little bit crazy.

I don't think I was even forming complete sentences.

This is an actual GM call and my response.

GM Call Description: Warp Taru glitch. Please help.

A pretty standard issue.

So, did I just log in and resolve the problem?

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Avdenture
[GM]Dave>> what da ???? do you want?

Short answer: no.

Player>> I finally got back in and the warp taru is glitching.
Player>> Is this an update issue?
[GM]Dave>> You know what I hate?
[GM]Dave>> Players.
[GM]Dave>> Players suck.
Player>> Uhh... okay...
[GM]Dave>> All you people do is bitch and whine.
[GM]Dave>> what about my needs?
Player>> I have no idea what you're talking about.
[GM]Dave>> OH! Now, you asked for it!

*warp*

Player>> What are you doing?
[GM]Dave>> Say hello to a dragon.
[GM]Dave>> TP: 100% (( Ready to start skillchain! ))
[GM]Dave>> Damn macros.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Gimme a sec.
[GM]Dave starts casting haste on Player.
[GM]Dave>> DAMMIT!
Player>> Can I go, please?
[GM]Dave>> No use beggin now.
[GM]Dave>> TP: 100% (( Ready to start skillchain! ))
[GM]Dave>> I think my fingers are drunk.
Player>> Listen...
Player>> The warp taru isn't that bad.
Player>> Can I go?

It took me fourteen minutes to find the right command.

Unfortunately, the player disconnected long before that.

Now, take that call and replay it forty times. That's been my evening so far.

Someone remind me to wipe the logs when I sober up, please.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:19 PM