Monday, July 24, 2006

So How Was Your Day?

Good evening all of you FFXI players.

Have a good day?

No?

I wonder why...

Oh...

Wait...

We had maintenance today.

I don't know about you, but damn I had a good day.

The whole thing took us about twenty minutes. Twenty grueling minutes of software install.

I'm still a little tired from all of that work.

Unfortunately, that only left us with a little less than four hours to goof off and drink.

We invented a new game to pass the time. We call it "Forum Shots."

We got all of the GMs together and opened an FFXI forum. Everytime someone made a post about the update, we did a shot.

For a thread complaining about maintenance, we had to do two shots.

Then everytime someone posted a "what to do during maintenance" thread, we did five shots.

Now, think about that.

People actually have to put time and effort into figuring out what to do for FOUR HOURS.

This isn't an iron lung, people. You can actually disconnect and not die.

What did people do before FFXI?

Don't say Everquest.

Back on topic.

The drinking started to get a little heavy. We were surfing some of the medium-size forums.

It wasn't that bad, but you could tell people were starting to lose it.

Then someone opened Allakhazam.

Oh, the humanity.

You literally couldn't get the drinks down fast enough. You'd be hammering down a shot and then five more update threads would pop up.

I think one guy actually drowned to death.

It actually got so bad we had to extend the maintenance time by three extra hours just to recover.

Well... recover and dispose of the body.

By the time the servers actually came back up, I think it would be fair to say I was slightly inebriated.

Perhaps even intoxicated.

Maybe... Just maybe... Drunk off my ass.

I spent four and a half minutes wondering why a player wouldn't respond to my tells before I realized I was typing into the MS-DOS command prompt.

I just thought that c:/> guy was quiet.

Once I actually managed to log in and access the GM call queue, things got a little bit crazy.

I don't think I was even forming complete sentences.

This is an actual GM call and my response.

GM Call Description: Warp Taru glitch. Please help.

A pretty standard issue.

So, did I just log in and resolve the problem?

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Avdenture
[GM]Dave>> what da ???? do you want?

Short answer: no.

Player>> I finally got back in and the warp taru is glitching.
Player>> Is this an update issue?
[GM]Dave>> You know what I hate?
[GM]Dave>> Players.
[GM]Dave>> Players suck.
Player>> Uhh... okay...
[GM]Dave>> All you people do is bitch and whine.
[GM]Dave>> what about my needs?
Player>> I have no idea what you're talking about.
[GM]Dave>> OH! Now, you asked for it!

*warp*

Player>> What are you doing?
[GM]Dave>> Say hello to a dragon.
[GM]Dave>> TP: 100% (( Ready to start skillchain! ))
[GM]Dave>> Damn macros.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Gimme a sec.
[GM]Dave starts casting haste on Player.
[GM]Dave>> DAMMIT!
Player>> Can I go, please?
[GM]Dave>> No use beggin now.
[GM]Dave>>
TP: 100% (( Ready to start skillchain! ))
[GM]Dave>> I think my fingers are drunk.
Player>> Listen...
Player>> The warp taru isn't that bad.
Player>> Can I go?

It took me fourteen minutes to find the right command.

Unfortunately, the player disconnected long before that.

Now, take that call and replay it forty times. That's been my evening so far.

Someone remind me to wipe the logs when I sober up, please.

20 Comments:

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Scott Reed said...

Dave....wipe the logs.

and....send Susan to my house for a nice cup of hot Tea and some nice converstaion with a LIVE person.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger capone said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger capone said...

Dave don't forget to wipe the logs lol


and I finally found someone thats more cynical then I am and thats way cool glad to know your one not to take anyone's shit just for being a player lol well can't wait til i hear from your next one.

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Lmao, oh lord, very funny today.

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger nano said...

What did people do before FFXI?

Don't say Everquest.

Back in the day, you needed friends to play RPGs. Real, live, flesh-and-blood human friends as well. Then the wonders of technology removed any need for social interaction as a part of gaming. Then MUDs and MOOs sprang up, and people could pretend they had friends who gave two shits about them when in reality if your connection got permanently severed they wouldn't give a rats arse. Talking in the english language was eradicated in favour of TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms) and 'emoticons', which are as stupid as they sound. The program will be complete in 2012 in time for the convergence of the Mayan calendar and the passing of Niburu, when humanity as we know it will be eliminated once and for all.

And hey, you couldn't have been that drunk, the warp macro worked first try ^^

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Good thing Dave was drunk, or he might have found something legit to ban the guy on...

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Kerensky said...

Don't forget to get some everclear.. I mean wipe the logs.

It never hapend..

 
At 12:56 AM, Blogger GM>Nightmare said...

another great blog.. and a few more bottles out of the way!

Keep it up and you'll cure alcoholism via drinkin' it all yourself

 
At 3:49 AM, Blogger Pyrolol said...

fyi this actually makes more sense than many of you realise.

Windower uses now lose connection whenever they talk to: any teleport npc, and signet/sanction npcs xD.

Alot of GM calls, some classic conversations after the GMs realised what was going on lol.

 
At 5:37 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

"I just thought that c:/> guy was quiet."


Oh my!!! Why is it I am always taking a sip of my morning coffee when I read your blog??? Damn you, now I have to go find paper towels to wipe the coffee off the moniter!

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Hollister160 said...

Lol if thats how u act when you have had a few beers i can admagin what wil happen if a person got you without coffe lol. Must not be a fun time for them but a ball for you.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Woman of the Aether said...

This... this was beautiful.

Also cause for me to be happy for not being logged on and subject to random, drunken bannings, but that goes without saying.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Evil Shrimpy said...

...hmm...

Even though I dont play FF, I think I'll go complain about maintenece time and updates.

The world NEEDS more "inebriated" GMs.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Idalia said...

hmm... i often come across these forums that people write to go on and on about no life during maintenance...

lately....

well i've found myself more bored while playing the game than not. maintenance atleast forces me away from the computer to be a little more productive.

yes the game is addictive, for the people, the leveling, the "new" things to come.. whatever it may be. and laziness is a habit for a good percentage of the human race.

and still.. completely unenthused by this 13 dollar a month MMORPG.

been that way for months.

i'm not sure why i still play.

perhaps i should stop and take up hiking with my dog or something.

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

I knew it was the windower the whole time, and it's not DCs it's crashing. Kind of obvious when your standing around the warp taru or the singnet and see like 10-20 different people DCing

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Lee said...

"Hollister160 said...
Lol if thats how u act when you have had a few beers..."

Shots are not 'beer' they are commonly tequila, Vodka, Whisky or Rum.

to steal from MP:American beer is like making love in a canoe... Its f*****g close to water!!

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Reeree said...

Crack open the server cases and scrub the logs with Brillo to the hard drive - it's the only way to be sure.

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Feba said...

[quote]Windower uses now lose connection whenever they talk to: any teleport npc, and signet/sanction npcs xD.[/quote]


Only if you're an idiot who doesn't update your shit ;o

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

to steal from MP:American beer is like making love in a canoe... Its f*****g close to water!!

/dies laughing

and feba, no. updating doesnt fix it unless the windower app creator created a new version overnight. half of my lsmates use windower and they updated everything and still had problems when npc's used magic

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger Feba said...

[quote]and feba, no. updating doesnt fix it unless the windower app creator created a new version overnight. half of my lsmates use windower and they updated everything and still had problems when npc's used magic[/quote]Yes it does.


Update your shit, go to the MAIN FUCKING PAGE and update to WindowerLite, and wahla, no more crashing.


Like I said, it only applies to idiots who don't take care of their shit.

 

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