Please Stand By...Yeah.
So you've all been waiting for the big July update with the brand new expansion quests and missions, and the new chocobo raising.
I've got good news and bad news.
The good news is that the update is going ahead. There will be a July update.
The bad news is that it doesn't include new expansion quests.
Or chocobo raising.
None of it.
I think we're fixing one of the fonts or something.
It's all very technical.
All I know is I get four free hours to drink without having to listen to any moronic calls about how someone stole your money/stuff/girlfriend.
But, you know what? Shit happens.
It's not exactly easy to get all of this stuff to work in the first place.
Then, it all has to be integrated into the system.
THEN, then we have to deal with all the problems that arise from the update.
Sometimes we have to delay things to make sure they work right.
See, we're doing this for you guys. You should be thanking us.
I said stop.
Quite frankly, we're a little sick of the constant update bitchfest.
Every damned time we have an update, we get flooded with a mountain of retarded GM calls.
We actually get two categories of calls about the updates:
1) We want the update now. Hurry up.
2) The update is broken. You should have spent more time on it.
Now, does anyone else see a problem with this?
If you're going to bitch at us to hurry the hell up, you can't turn around and bitch that we hurried the update.
I mean, the update isn't for another week and we already have people complaining about it.
What the hell is wrong with you people?
Today, I had enough.
I decided that the first GM call with a moron whining about the update would inolve a dragon.
GM Call Description: Problem with Update.
Seriously. Murder should be legal in certain situations.
How in the hell could someone have a problem with an update that won't occur for another nine days?
And what kind of functionally retarded ass would make an "emergency" call about it?
I took a nice, deep breath (followed by half of a bottle of whisky) and logged in.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you've mastered time travel.
Player>> What are you talking about?
[GM]Dave>> Well... you're having trouble with the update.
[GM]Dave>> An update that won't happen for nine days.
[GM]Dave>> I can only assume you've come back to warn us.
[GM]Dave>> Did we break the intarweb?
[GM]Dave>> Did we invent Skynet?
Player>> No, no.
Player>> That's not what I'm calling about.
[GM]Dave>> That would have been awesome.
Player>> I want to complain about the update.
[GM]Dave>> They still have whiny bitches in the future?
[GM]Dave>> I thought we'd find a cure for emo.
Player>> That's not very nice.
[GM]Dave>> I have a low tolerance for idiots.
Player>> Why aren't they putting the new chocobos in?
Player>> That's absolute bullshit.
Player>> We shouldn't have to wait.
See, now this bothers me.
If you are seriously upset that you have to wait for a colored chocobo, I think you've crossed a line.
Maybe it's time to logout for a little while. You need a break.
[GM]Dave>> They're just colored chocobos.
[GM]Dave>> I'm pretty sure you'll survive.
Player>> But we want them now.
[GM]Dave>> Are you serious?
[GM]Dave>> Is that really your argument?
Player>> We've waited long enough.
[GM]Dave>> It's like talking to a five year old.
[GM]Dave>> Can I talk to your mommy please?
Player>> Do you know what the problem is?
[GM]Dave>> Oh please, Mr. Oracle.
[GM]Dave>> Enlighten me with your wisdom.
Player>> You don't respect your customers.
[GM]Dave>> Not really.
[GM]Dave>> Of course, I'm usually stuck talking to morons.
[GM]Dave>> There're probably some customers I'd like.
Player>> We deserve more than this.
[GM]Dave>> I'd like to give you what you deserve.
[GM]Dave>> Sadly, mailing a hand grenade is expensive.
Player>> Did you just THREATEN ME?!
[GM]Dave>> I wouldn't say threaten.
[GM]Dave>> I'd say "creative problem-solving".
Player>> I want to file a complaint.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure?
[GM]Dave>> The complaints manager gets a little cranky.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe we should just talk this over.
Player>> I want the complaints manager.
Player>> NOW DAMMIT!
[GM]Dave>> I tried.
Player>> What am I doing in jail?
Jormungand hits Player for 13,063 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> I did warn you.
[GM]Dave>> He gets cranky.
Listen. We know you want your new chocobos.
We're doing the best we can.
If it's that big a deal, I think you have bigger problems than riding a big, colored chicken.
So, why don't we all calm down, you'll shut up, and I won't have to feed you to a dragon.
It's a win-win situation.
Well... more like win-not get ingested.