Mentor Status
It's about damned time.All my hard work has finally paid off.
My supervisor walked up to my desk this morning with a funny look on his face.
I instantly got ready to erase all of my files and format my harddrive.
Force of habit.
But he wasn't there to bother me. Oh no. He was there to give me some glorious, beautiful news.
They gave me a trainee to supervise.
MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!
There's no feeling like having a young impressionable mind that you can warp and bend to your will, a blank canvas on which you can paint your own twisted vision.
This must be what it feels like to be a parent.
They brought the young man to my desk.
Perhaps "young" is not a strong enough word. This boy was practically a fetus.
I actually had to check and see if he had an umbilical cord.
Still, he had potential. I could see a faint ember of cruelty in his eye.
The force is strong in this one.
I just needed to fan that flame.
Or throw gasoline on it.
I walked him to his desk, showed him how to log in, and then we answered our first GM call.
GM Call Description: Player monopolizing NM
Perfect. Just the right amount of stupid for this boy to cut his teeth on.
[GM]Dave>> Okay. How do you want to handle this?
[GM]Fetus>> Well... the manual says...
[GM]Dave>> HAHAHAHA!!!
[GM]Dave>> That's pretty funny.
[GM]Fetus>> ... What?
[GM]Dave>> The GM Manual.
[GM]Dave>> That's priceless.
[GM]Fetus>> I'm serious.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> We have a lot of work to do.
[GM]Dave>> Fine. Tell me how you'd handle it.
[GM]Fetus>> We have to log in and speak with the player.
[GM]Fetus>> And then we have to review the logs.
[GM]Dave>> No, no, no.
[GM]Dave>> Christ, what are they teaching you people?
[GM]Fetus>> That's what the manual says to do.
[GM]Dave>> Know what else the manual says?
[GM]Fetus>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Shut the hell up!
[GM]Dave>> Now, log in and follow my instructions.
So we both log into the server and warp over to the player's location.
[GM]Fetus>> Good day, Adventurer.
[GM]Fetus>> I hope this Firesday meets you well.
Player>> ...
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Don't mind him.
[GM]Dave>> He's new.
Player>> Oh.
Player>> Cool.
[GM]Dave>> So what's up?
[GM]Fetus>> You're not roleplaying.
[GM]Dave>> Don't make me slap you.
Player>> ... Yeah.
Player>> That guy has been monopolizing this NM for days.
Player>> He's here 24 hours a day.
[GM]Fetus>> We'd better check the logs for this player.
[GM]Dave>> And why would we do that?
[GM]Fetus>> This player says...
[GM]Dave>> Sweet lord.
[GM]Dave>> You're not actually listening to a player, are you?
[GM]Fetus>> Of course I am.
[GM]Fetus>> We're here to serve the players.
I literally fell off my chair at this point, I was laughing so hard.
[GM]Dave>> We don't actually listen to the players.
[GM]Dave>> They're more like pets.
Player>> HEY!
[GM]Dave>> Down, boy.
[GM]Fetus>> I thought we were supposed to...
[GM]Dave>> We're only supposed to do one thing.
[GM]Dave>> And that's ban people.
[GM]Fetus>> But what about the person being reported?
[GM]Dave>> We don't have any actual proof.
[GM]Dave>> Even the logs won't do anything.
[GM]Fetus>> So we let him go?
[GM]Dave>> No. We ban him anyway.
[GM]Dave>> Are you not paying attention?
[GM]Fetus>> But you said we don't have any proof.
[GM]Dave>> I don't get your point.
[GM]Fetus>> I'm confused.
[GM]Dave>> Let's take it one step at a time.
[GM]Dave>> This player right here... Say hi, Player.
Player>> ... Uhh... Hi?
[GM]Dave>> This guy sent an unnecessary GM call.
[GM]Dave>> And that is bad.
[GM]Dave>> And when a player does bad things, we...
[GM]Fetus>> Ban them?
[GM]Dave>> I like the way you think.
[GM]Dave>> I'd have gone with torture and humiliation.
[GM]Dave>> But I do respect efficiency.
Player>> Wait...
Player>> You're banning ME?!
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
[GM]Dave>> Get used to that.
[GM]Dave>> They're kind of slow.
Player>> Are you talking about me?
[GM]Dave>> See?
[GM]Dave>> It's like taking care of a grade 3 class.
Player>> You can't say that.
[GM]Dave>> A grade 3 special ed class.
Player>> I am soo getting you fired.
[GM]Dave>> Excuse me, Fetus...
[GM]Dave>> Could you go get me a coffee?
[GM]Fetus>> Now?
[GM]Dave>> Yes, please.
[GM]Dave>> I'll just start the paperwork on this guy.
[GM]Fetus>> Oh.
[GM]Fetus>> Okay.
I smile nicely and let Fetus get out of sight.
[GM]Dave>> So...
[GM]Dave>> Do you like dragons?
I think Fetus is going to make a good GM.
I just have to break him of this whole "we help people" thing.
We're here to serve the players...
That shit is hilarious.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:29 AM
9 Comments:
this could get interesting. be sure to follow and tell us how he develops :P he wont be able to match you of course, but it might be interesting to see a new veiw of torture.
I wish that i was that apprentice..I mean comeon who doesn't like chaos. I cause that around my house all the time (note im still 17 and its still fun to torture mom...) But ill let dave have his fun with the new guy. I can't wait to see what dave will come up with.
Just wait until new guy meets jormy
omg omg omg LOL!!!!! Great stuff!!!
I can pretty much imagine what'd happened if Hitler had kids. Minus the moustache, plus a dragon or two.
"Still, he had potential. I could see a faint ember of cruelty in his eye.
The force is strong in this one.
I just needed to fan that flame.
Or throw gasoline on it."
Priceless.^^
Laggy,
Think before you type, there is a wonderful book called the dictionary or you can look online to see how things are spelled. http://dictionary.reference.com/
I have a feeling you are trying to be funny and pick troubles.
There's no feeling like having a young impressionable mind that you can warp and bend to your will, a blank canvas on which you can paint your own twisted vision.
This must be what it feels like to be a parent.
Yes Dave, it is. You do not truly understand yet, but you will. You will. Welcome to the fun, and looking forward to the next one.
This reminds me of Bastard Operator From Hell. And by 'reminds', I mean 'should read and take notes from'. Low point. Otherwise, gogo Dave. Keep up the good work.
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