Dear Lord, SHUT UP!
Why do people anger me so?I want everyone to do me a favor. Repeat the following sentence:
"I don't own anything in the game."
Say it again.
And again.
Now, keep saying it until it becomes ingrained in your brain.
If you're having trouble, you may want to warm up a bit by trying to put something else in your brain.
Like a bullet.
You don't own a monster.
You don't.
You don't own a camp site.
You don't.
You sure as hell don't own any treasure chests or coffers.
You don't, you don't, you don't.
Yes, I know.
You really need that treasure chest. You really need that coffer.
I'm sure it has your insulin in it.
Still not yours.
You can't call it. You can't shout dibs.
There will be no shotgunning the treasure chests.
If you get there first, you get to open it.
If you get there second, you get to shut the hell up.
I am so sick and Goddamned tired of people calling me to complain about someone stealing their chest.
This afternoon, I had had enough. I snapped.
Can you blame me?
I was already having a bad day. I had crit failed a major synth and lost some very expensive materials.
My bottle of Jack Daniel's had also run dry.
Not good.
And then, I got the GM call.
GM Call Description: Please help. Player stole my treasure chest.
My treasure chest.
MY treasure chest.
Hold on a second... Let me chesk something...
Nope.
You're not listed in the credits.
I must point out this oversight.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Mr. Chest is it?
Player>> No.
Player>> That's not my name.
[GM]Dave>> Your name isn't "Treasure Chest"?
Player>> lol
Player>> No.
[GM]Dave>> So your name wasn't on the chest.
[GM]Dave>> Glad we could clear that up.
Player>> No, but I told that guy that I wanted the chest.
Player>> I needed it for my RSE.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And?
Player>> And he opened it anyway.
[GM]Dave>> A player opened a treasure chest?
[GM]Dave>> Let me call Ripley's.
Player>> But he didn't even need the chest.
Player>> He just took it because it was there.
[GM]Dave>> He's allowed to do that.
Player>> But he didn't need it.
Player>> I need it.
Player>> He shouldn't have taken it.
[GM]Dave>> We need to make a small clarification.
[GM]Dave>> You didn't need the chest.
Player>> Yes, I did.
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted the chest.
[GM]Dave>> You did not need it.
Player>> You don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> Sure, I do.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted the chest and someone opened it.
[GM]Dave>> And you're crying like an eight-year-old girl.
[GM]Dave>> Did I miss something?
Player>> But I really need to get that item.
[GM]Dave>> Will you die if you don't get it?
Player>> No.
Player>> Of course not.
[GM]Dave>> Damn.
Player>> That guy should be punished for taking the chest.
[GM]Dave>> For taking the chest?
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> The free, unopened treasure chest?
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> I have to ask...
[GM]Dave>> Is your brain AFK right now?
Player>> You GMs are totally useless.
Player>> You never do anything.
And there it is.
If there's a button you don't want to push, it's that one.
[GM]Dave>> Well, gee, Mr. Player sir.
[GM]Dave>> What if I gave you a free chest to open?
Player>> You can do that?
[GM]Dave>> Sure.
Player>> Well, that sounds okay.
[GM]Dave>> I thought it would.
Muwahahahahaha!!!
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> Ready for anything.
[GM]Dave>> Let's hope so.
Player>> What?
*warp*
Player>> Wait...
Player>> Where are we?
[GM]Dave>> I couldn't just make a new chest appear.
[GM]Dave>> Someone might have taken it again.
[GM]Dave>> So I made it spawn in Mordion Gaol.
Player>> Good thinking.
[GM]Dave>> Go ahead and open it.
Player>> Okay.
Player Obtains Dragon Bait.
Player>> Huh?
Player>> What's this for?
Jormungand hits Player for 13,988 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Whoops.
[GM]Dave>> He says that was his chest.
[GM]Dave>> You probably shouldn't have taken it.
I've tried.
I really have.
Do you think I like hating people? I don't.
I've tried really, really hard not to despise the players.
It's very hard, but I've tried.
Unfortunately, everytime I start to make some progress someone has to do something that makes me dislike the entire human race.
Not just the players. I mean every person on the planet.
I slapped a kid in the face yesterday because you undercut at the AH.
That's totally your fault.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:43 PM
8 Comments:
he wouldnt leave it at a simple death. if you read back some, there have been people who have called just to meet him.
If i remember correctly they got the deluxe package :P
Maybe if they had adoption papers...
So glad to see the dragon feedings have resumed at regular intervals {read: constantly}. Thanks Dave.
[To whywontyoujustshutup]
Well welll well, what do we have here? You're asking if people only post here to lick Dave's ass, and then claim that it's a valid point. Right. I don't think you'd notice a valid point if it started ramming your ass with a baseball bat, but that's probably because you're an asshole of such immense proportions that it would be kinda like waving a small stick in the Royal Albert Hall.
The only valid point you have here, is your own posting name in relation to yourself. Guess what genius, you don't even get that point. To me, this is merely an observation.
I get the distinct feeling you're a "my head is horribly bloated and I need to post shit on the internet to feel good about myself" kinda guy.
*sigh* When will people learn - feeding the trolls is what they want. They're mommies don't give them enough attention. So they go on the web to get it. By any means necessary.
http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/warriorshtm/troller.htm
[to whywontyouetcetc]
Your first post was almost funny. It's been going downhill since then, and you're currently somewhere below sea level on the joke-o-meter. Please, stop, you're only embarrassing yourself further by posting more inane stupidity.
Whine-Won't-Shut-Up,
Thanks for the Scorpion Harness +1 I bought from you at the AH for 1 gil. I feel like I overpaid, but since you probably spent 250 gil to put it on auction, I appreciate your generocity.
I can't wear it, but I can probably sell it for millions.
Some day, I hope to be as famous as [GM]Dave, because then Walmart and McDonalds would go out of business as all the retards abandoned their regular tard duties to come orbit around us making those rubber-ducky squeek tard noises.
It'd be like a day at the carnival, because my boss is leveling up bonecrafting making guns. I bet I could win the giant Mandragora plushie.
But it's not like winning is important.
Reloading, that's what's important. And wearing a raincoat.
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