Dear Lord, SHUT UP!Why do people anger me so?
I want everyone to do me a favor. Repeat the following sentence:
"I don't own anything in the game."
Say it again.
Now, keep saying it until it becomes ingrained in your brain.
If you're having trouble, you may want to warm up a bit by trying to put something else in your brain.
Like a bullet.
You don't own a monster.
You don't own a camp site.
You sure as hell don't own any treasure chests or coffers.
You don't, you don't, you don't.
Yes, I know.
You really need that treasure chest. You really need that coffer.
I'm sure it has your insulin in it.
Still not yours.
You can't call it. You can't shout dibs.
There will be no shotgunning the treasure chests.
If you get there first, you get to open it.
If you get there second, you get to shut the hell up.
I am so sick and Goddamned tired of people calling me to complain about someone stealing their chest.
This afternoon, I had had enough. I snapped.
Can you blame me?
I was already having a bad day. I had crit failed a major synth and lost some very expensive materials.
My bottle of Jack Daniel's had also run dry.
And then, I got the GM call.
GM Call Description: Please help. Player stole my treasure chest.
My treasure chest.
MY treasure chest.
Hold on a second... Let me chesk something...
You're not listed in the credits.
I must point out this oversight.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Mr. Chest is it?
Player>> That's not my name.
[GM]Dave>> Your name isn't "Treasure Chest"?
[GM]Dave>> So your name wasn't on the chest.
[GM]Dave>> Glad we could clear that up.
Player>> No, but I told that guy that I wanted the chest.
Player>> I needed it for my RSE.
Player>> And he opened it anyway.
[GM]Dave>> A player opened a treasure chest?
[GM]Dave>> Let me call Ripley's.
Player>> But he didn't even need the chest.
Player>> He just took it because it was there.
[GM]Dave>> He's allowed to do that.
Player>> But he didn't need it.
Player>> I need it.
Player>> He shouldn't have taken it.
[GM]Dave>> We need to make a small clarification.
[GM]Dave>> You didn't need the chest.
Player>> Yes, I did.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted the chest.
[GM]Dave>> You did not need it.
Player>> You don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> Sure, I do.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted the chest and someone opened it.
[GM]Dave>> And you're crying like an eight-year-old girl.
[GM]Dave>> Did I miss something?
Player>> But I really need to get that item.
[GM]Dave>> Will you die if you don't get it?
Player>> Of course not.
Player>> That guy should be punished for taking the chest.
[GM]Dave>> For taking the chest?
[GM]Dave>> The free, unopened treasure chest?
[GM]Dave>> I have to ask...
[GM]Dave>> Is your brain AFK right now?
Player>> You GMs are totally useless.
Player>> You never do anything.
And there it is.
If there's a button you don't want to push, it's that one.
[GM]Dave>> Well, gee, Mr. Player sir.
[GM]Dave>> What if I gave you a free chest to open?
Player>> You can do that?
Player>> Well, that sounds okay.
[GM]Dave>> I thought it would.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> Ready for anything.
[GM]Dave>> Let's hope so.
Player>> Where are we?
[GM]Dave>> I couldn't just make a new chest appear.
[GM]Dave>> Someone might have taken it again.
[GM]Dave>> So I made it spawn in Mordion Gaol.
Player>> Good thinking.
[GM]Dave>> Go ahead and open it.
Player Obtains Dragon Bait.
Player>> What's this for?
Jormungand hits Player for 13,988 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> He says that was his chest.
[GM]Dave>> You probably shouldn't have taken it.
I really have.
Do you think I like hating people? I don't.
I've tried really, really hard not to despise the players.
It's very hard, but I've tried.
Unfortunately, everytime I start to make some progress someone has to do something that makes me dislike the entire human race.
Not just the players. I mean every person on the planet.
I slapped a kid in the face yesterday because you undercut at the AH.
That's totally your fault.