Monday, July 17, 2006

Putting the Fun In Funeral

We got some kind of bad news a couple of days ago.

It seems Susan's grandmother passed away.

I say kind of bad because no one really liked her.

Still, Susan was a little broken up by the news, so we got our things together and went out to her parents house for the funeral.

I was going to stay home, but I could tell that she would really need me to comfort her.

Also, I found out the wake was going to be open bar.

So, we were at the wake talking to Susan's family when she noticed that her little cousin Billy was standing in the corner looking sad.

Susan>> Dave, why don't you go talk to him?
[GM]Dave>> Well... I don't like people.
[GM]Dave>> And I'm no science teacher...
[GM]Dave>> But he seems like a people.
Susan>> Honey...
Susan>> Don't make me hurt you.
[GM]Dave>> You don't scare me.
Susan>> Two words: Lorena Bobbitt.
[GM]Dave>> So, I'll just go talk to the kid.
Susan>> Thank you, dear.

I walk over to the kid and right away I can tell he doesn't want to talk to me.

Honestly, I can't blame him. I was up until 2 am on a Dynamis run and I've been drinking heavily.

Mr. Rogers I'm not.

Still, since I enjoy having my genitals still attached to my body, I soldier on and start a conversation.

[GM]Dave>> Why are you so sad?
[GM]Dave>> Who died?

Yeah.

Apparently, he wasn't in the laughing mood.

[GM]Dave>> What's the difference between your grandmother and a seed?


He looked at me for a second, a little glimmer of hope in his eyes.

Perhaps I knew something that would put this all in perspective.

Billy>> I don't know. What?
[GM]Dave>> About 12 hours.

Billy burst into tears and took off running.

Damned emotional eight year olds.

On the positive side, I got him out of the corner.

Susan>> What happened?
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure.
Susan>> What did you say?
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Dave>> I asked if he liked gardening.
Susan>> That's it?
[GM]Dave>> That may not have been my exact words.
Susan>> Huh...
Susan>> That's weird.
[GM]Dave>> You know kids.

Fast forward to the funeral.

We're standing around after they just put her Grandmother in the ground and I notice Billy off by himself again.

Should I leave him alone in his grief or go talk to him again?

I'm starting to think I may be pure evil.

[GM]Dave>> What's the difference between your grandmother and a seed?

He wasn't quite sure what to say.

Billy>> ...
Billy>> I don't know. What?
[GM]Dave>> About five and a half feet.

So, he runs off again.

And Susan comes up to me again.

And she thinks it's my fault AGAIN.

Susan>> What did you do?
[GM]Dave>> I have no idea.
[GM]Dave>> Damn, that kid hates gardening.

33 Comments:

At 1:08 PM, Blogger WandererTheHero said...

FIRST!
This is my first post on here and I got first post.
Your hilarity makes me almost want to shell out a monthly fee to play the game on the off chance of running into you.
Much applause from my side of the web.

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

As soon as I saw the title, I thought: 'Oh dear, this is going to be even more tasteless than usual.' And I was RIGHT! Isn't deductive reasoning amazing?

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

hehe Oh...so cute! Poor little thing. He'll get over it.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

Im not too sure i understand the whole grandmother seed thing... but that explain why you havent been updating as frequently recently.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

Veinor Angiol said...
As soon as I saw the title, I thought: 'Oh dear, this is going to be even more tasteless than usual.' And I was RIGHT! Isn't deductive reasoning amazing?



Dave i liked the enty..unlike that jackass.

First things first though...if people don't like your blog why don't they click the little red button witht he X in it..i believe to directed people to do that one time.

sometimes being cruel or pure evil is more fun..

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Granny, no!

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Goblin Butcher said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Goblin Butcher said...

As soon as read this post, I thought: 'Oh dear, someone is going to whine about this blog.' And I was RIGHT! Isn't people's inability to click a red 'X' amazing?

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

I am soooooooo using those jokes now XD Thanks GM Dave! ^^v

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Creature124,

In twelve hours, they'd both be in the ground.

Also, you bury a seed about 3-6 inches and a casket about 6 feet. Difference: 5 and a half feet.

And just to be clear, this is not tasteless fiction. It's tasteless fact.

Seriously.

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

That kid is gonna grow up emo. What have you done Dave, do we really need any more?

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

thanks for that dave. i get it now ^_^ that makes me feel really stupid

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

Susan>> Dave, why don't you go talk to him?
[GM]Dave>> Well... I don't like people.
[GM]Dave>> And I'm no science teacher...
[GM]Dave>> But he seems like a people.
Susan>> Honey...
Susan>> Don't make me hurt you.
[GM]Dave>> You don't scare me.
Susan>> Two words: Lorena Bobbitt.
[GM]Dave>> So, I'll just go talk to the kid.
Susan>> Thank you, dear.


damn women, always know how to hurt a guy. two words: jockstrap investment

 
At 6:37 PM, Blogger redkinoko said...

Lorena Bobbitt. <- Now there's a good definition of pain.

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

That was sweet.

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger gatz said...

dave just might as well shape that kid into his disciple..when he goes back to school he can be cruel to every kid and have no feelings of regret. all i say is [GM]dave for president and the platform would be ban all retards!

 
At 10:55 PM, Blogger Justin said...

Remember folks, calling a post tasteless doesn't necessarily mean the guy didn't like the post. It was tasteless, and I'm still laughing. =P

 
At 4:32 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

You are evil. =)

 
At 5:42 AM, Blogger Nanpa said...

It's scary sometimes what GM[Dave] does. A little part of me wishes that it's not real. The majority of me laughs like a little schoolgirl.

Waiting for cheap image macro of crying eight year old.

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

[GM]Dave>> You don't scare me.
Susan>> Two words: Lorena Bobbitt.


And from there it only got better. :D

 
At 8:35 AM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

hates gardening?

i'm gonna chuck it in. 60k on treesaplings and all i get are a stack of DAMN Kitrons.

LEMONS. aaarghwtf

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

[GM]Dave said:
And just to be clear, this is not tasteless fiction. It's tasteless fact.



wow. just, wow.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Mint said...

Tell Susan I am sorry for her loss.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Khaman said...

I have stumbled upon your blog after reading up on the Notorious Monster called Gilseller.

I have been playing FFXI for about three weeks.

Your blog makes me love the game more. I'm also an ex-GM from another MUD, and I have so much sympathy. Soooo goddamn much sympathy.

Keep laughing at funerals. Not like the dead folks care.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger shake said...

Is Mint serious?

Anyway, you post today was funny as hell.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Mint said...

Serious? If Susan really lost her grandmother then yeah I'd have to say I was serious...are you seriously asking me such a stupid question?

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Mint said...

And yes, I am quite aware that there is some humor to be found in loss and we all know GM Dave is all about the humor. And the dragon feedings. But if you are so idiotic Shake that you fail to see that finding humor in a sad situation in no way means that there is not any sadness in there at all then you are really retarded.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Alerith said...

the Ostentatious Elvaans said...
That kid is gonna grow up emo. What have you done Dave, do we really need any more?




Actually yea. Im finding a lack of DRK lately on Hades. You ever seen a DD white mage? Let me tell you it aint pretty.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger shake said...

No Mint. series that you believe Susan and [GM]Dave are real people.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger shake said...

No Mint. series that you believe Susan and [GM]Dave are real people.

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger Sakurafire said...

No Shake. series that you made two posts and didn't realize it.

Meh. Fool. Well, if they were real people and there was a loss, we can be sorry for it, ne?

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Hollister160 said...

Sorry for um her lose i dont know if its much of a loss for you and all sence didnt seem like you liked her all that much but yah prayers go out for the family.

 

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