Monday, July 10, 2006

[GM]Dave Casts Firaga III.

Today, I was thrust outside into this stupid "real world" I keep hearing people talk about.

Still not impressed, by the way.

Seriously. We invented houses for a goddamned reason.

If outside was so great, then why does everyone want a house?

I did not go outside of my own volition as one might expect, but was instead forced to leave my home by unbearable heat.

Damn this planet and the sun that rotates around it.

I'm not exactly sure why it was so hot inside my place, but at one point I was considering pulling the liquid cooling system from my PC and wrapping it around my brain.

That's hot.

So, since I was outside, I decided to have a barbecue.

If I'm going to be outside, I might as well eat food, right?

I fire up the grill.

Lighter fluid, lighter fluid, lighter fluid.

[GM]Dave>> FIRAGA III!!!

I pretend not to notice Susan shaking her head as I throw the match.

Things are going nicely. I'm grilling some nice Dhalmel steaks or something when one of my neighbors walks up to me.

Before we even start, let me explain how much I dislike this.

I did not ask to speak with this person. I did not in any way signal that I wanted to have a conversation.

I am already annoyed at being outside and now I have to deal with the Morlocks that inhabit this strange realm.

Moving on...

Now, let me set the picture. I'm standing in my yard in front of a blazing grill. I am wearing an apron that says "If you can read this, GO THE HELL AWAY!"

Yeah. I so want to talk to people.

Now, I am struck with two choices here:

a) I can take the metal spatula, hold it against the hot grill, and then slap him in the face with it.

This, of course, would be highly amusing, but since I do not want to be on Season 2 of Prison Break...

b) I can go out of my way to make this person leave.

How hard could that be?

Neighbor>> Hey there.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Susan...
[GM]Dave>> There's a person on me.
Neighbor>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Susan...
Neighbor>> Having a barbecue?

I'm standing in front of a grill upon which meat is being cooked via fire.

It is literally just a foot in front of this person.

Does he think this is just an elaborate ruse we like to perform on hot days?

[GM]Dave>> Who told you?
Neighbor>> Told me what?
[GM]Dave>> Who told you about the barbecue?
[GM]Dave>> This is classified.
Neighbor>> I don't understand...
[GM]Dave>> WHO TOLD YOU?!
Neighbor>> Nobody.
Neighbor>> I saw the grill and figured it out.
[GM]Dave>> DEAR LORD! You're a detective!
[GM]Dave>> Quickly! Other crimes need solving!
Neighbor>> What in the hell are you talking about?
[GM]Dave>> You need a van.
[GM]Dave>> You can't solve mysteries without a van.
Neighbor>> Hey, lady!
Neighbor>> Is this guy crazy or something?
Susan>> Probably.
Susan>> I try not to ask him things.
[GM]Dave>> I don't like things.
Neighbor>> So...
Neighbor>> Hot, isn't it?
[GM]Dave>> What are you doing?
Neighbor>> I'm making small talk.
[GM]Dave>> Why exactly?
Neighbor>> I'm being nice.
Neighbor>> It's what people do.
[GM]Dave>> Huh.
[GM]Dave>> I didn't get that.
[GM]Dave>> Know what else people do?
Neighbor>> What?
[GM]Dave>> They go the hell away.
[GM]Dave>> That's a good plan, too.
[GM]Dave>> Let's try that one.
Neighbor>> Are you trying to get me to leave?
[GM]Dave>> Unsuccessfully, so far.
[GM]Dave>> I am still, however, hopeful.
Neighbor>> Fine.
Neighbor>> I'm leaving.
[GM]Dave>>
You probably should.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sure others are not being bothered.
[GM]Dave>> You should get right on that.
Neighbor>> You know something...
Neighbor>> You're a jerk.

Anyone know a good lawyer that specializes in spatula-related assault cases?

29 Comments:

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

FIRAGA III! Dave meets his inner blm ^^v

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger okccameron said...



Neighbor>> Are you trying to get me to leave?
[GM]Dave>> Unsuccessfully, so far.
[GM]Dave>> I am still, however, hopeful.

lol

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger Ros Dubh said...

That's battery, [GM]Dave. ;)
Next time, warn him he's trespassing. If he comes back, call the cops.

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

The end was pretty cool.

Playing with fire is always cool, too.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger J0eCool said...

[GM]Dave>> What are you doing?
Neighbor>> I'm making small talk.
[GM]Dave>> Why exactly?


Good question. Quoth Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (paraphrased a bit): "Humans are quite odd in their incessant need to point out highly obvious facts on a fairly regular basis."

Actually, the irony of that statement is borderline explosive...

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

What is it with jerkoffs saying "hot isnt it?" when it is so obvious that it is hot, it should not require a rheotorical question >.>

Next time D2 his ass back home.

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger Artos said...

He saw the spatula. What did he think would happen?

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

Dave. My ban ended, and I walked out into Selbina. Literally 5 seconds into being free, I screwed it up. LITERALLY 5 SECONDS! Look at the picture on my newest post.

 
At 11:13 PM, Blogger WindowOfTheSoul said...

Wow, it's Moron-Ville and the Daves! Except.... .... R-rated? I love your Blog, man, keep writing!

Oh, and, as a note, why not just ask him if he wants to have a steak, and then throw it on his face? That'd be alot funnier.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger High Hopes said...

[GM]Dave + Spatula = Oh damn.

 
At 1:51 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

Should have Cooked him a Meat Mithkabob -1 and given him food poisoning.

 
At 4:14 AM, Blogger Sakurafire said...

There are these new things called fences... But in my experience they rarely work. Just like a confused mob chasing you around a zone, they will, occasionally, hope over the fence just to get at your succulent innards. Shame really.
However, I heard Meat Humekabobs give a decent DEX bonus...

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger AJ said...

I know how you feel dave.

 
At 4:49 AM, Blogger Soul said...

lol "spatula-related assault cases"
too funny

 
At 5:53 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

OMG!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! [GM]Dave you rule!!!

Did you at least enjoy your dhalmel steaks?

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger Obitusx said...

Neighbor>> You know something...
Neighbor>> You're a jerk.


Teehee :P

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger mistmonster said...

GM]Dave>> Susan...
[GM]Dave>> There's a person on me.
Neighbor>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Susan...


ZONE!!!! ZONE!!!

lmao

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger Sanwise said...

Damn this planet and the sun that rotates around it.

You belive in the Geocentric theory, eh?

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger klvino said...

Geocentric theory, probably not.

Davecentric theory, most likely.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Layna said...

Too bad you couldn't feed him to a dragon.......

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger Orodruin said...

You should have douced him with lighter fluid and cast Firaga III in his general location.

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger threeblades said...

Aaaaaw, lighten up Davy-Baby!

The world is not so bad, especially when a BBQ is around.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger paduse said...

Hey Dave, Galkizzle wants it, you should give it to him.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger Jagged said...

Lighter fluid, lighter fluid, lighter fluid.

[GM]Dave>> FIRAGA III!!!

I pretend not to notice Susan shaking her head as I throw the match.


LMAO!!

 
At 5:21 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

paduse said...

Hey Dave, Galkizzle wants it, you should give it to him.


Wait, what do I want? Are you selling my soul to Dave, Paduse?

 
At 5:21 AM, Blogger paduse said...

Galkizzle,

You're screaming for the deluxe package... pissing off GM's and the like. You and Dave would be a nice encounter (although it might mean the death of your blog).

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger Breaker said...

Susan>> Probably.
Susan>> I try not to ask him things.
[GM]Dave>> I don't like things.

Amamzing.

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Ash314 said...

Get a Fense and a No Trespassing sign.

 
At 5:23 AM, Blogger ntkb said...

Smart ppl reading this. Best line in the blog: "Damn this planet and the sun that rotates around it."

I was afraid no one noticed.

 

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