[GM]Dave Does Not Play FavoritesThis is a public service announcement.
There seems to be this huge misunderstanding among players that we GMs play favorites.
No, no, no. I don't just mean JP players.
I can't go a single damned day without seeing some crap about how we play favorites and treat certain groups better.
Personally, I am very insulted by that.
I treat everyone equally.
Equally poorly, but equally nonetheless.
I'm an equal opportunity sadist.
Why would I treat anyone better than anyone else?
There's no money in it.
My favorite, my absolute favorite, of these kind of people is the people who decide to start a movement.
No one cares if you had a bad experience with a GM.
But every day or so, I get another GM call from someone trying to end the scourge of unfair treatment.
Today's was just horribly ironic.
GM Call Description: GMs are mistreating NA players.
I want you to really think about that for a second.
Someone from North America sent a GM call to complain that GMs abuse North American players.
My days are surreal.
I suppose painting a target on his chest would have been too difficult.
Since he went to all of the trouble of actually requesting a beating, it would be rude of me not to oblige.
Don't want to mistreat an NA player, you know.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're a fan of irony.
Player>> We're sick of this crap.
[GM]Dave>> What crap are we sick of?
Player>> Not you.
[GM]Dave>> We're not sick of me?
[GM]Dave>> That's good to know.
Player>> No, no.
Player>> I meant "we" doesn't include you.
[GM]Dave>> You lost me.
[GM]Dave>> Who does "we" include?
Player>> The players.
[GM]Dave>> And you are their official representative?
Player>> I'm trying to make a point.
[GM]Dave>> "Trying" may be a strong word.
[GM]Dave>> I think "failing" would be more apt.
Player>> We, the players, are sick of this crap.
[GM]Dave>> What crap are you sick of?
Player>> Unfair treatment by GMs.
Player>> It has to stop.
[GM]Dave>> I'm lost again.
[GM]Dave>> How specifically were you mistreated?
Player>> Oh, I haven't been.
[GM]Dave>> I think I'm having a stroke.
Player>> I'm just sick of how we're being treated.
Player>> GMs don't care about players.
Player>> That's wrong.
[GM]Dave>> If I worked at Old Navy...
[GM]Dave>> Would I give a shit what your jeans looked like?
Player>> You're supposed to treat people fairly.
[GM]Dave>> We do.
[GM]Dave>> I don't care about Japanese players either.
Player>> We're going to do something, you know.
Player>> We'll all stop playing.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you are a fan of irony.
[GM]Dave>> Something must be done.
[GM]Dave>> Let me help you out with that threat.
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I've banned people for being stupid before.
[GM]Dave>> If I didn't ban you, it might seem unfair.
Player>> I was just trying to make a point.
[GM]Dave>> You don't feel like playing anymore.
[GM]Dave>> Point taken.
Player>> You can't do this.
[GM]Dave>> Hey, this was your idea.
[GM]Dave>> It's out of my hands.
Player>> No, it's not.
[GM]Dave>> Kind of a gray area, really.
Player>> I just wanted the mistreatment to end.
[GM]Dave>> Well, then this is a good news bad news situation...
The good news was that he never again had to fear unfair treatment at the hands of us heartless GMs.
Bad news = Deluxe package.
Remember, people: fair isn't everyone getting treated the same.
Fair is everyone shutting the hell up and stopping bothering me before I have to feed you to a dragon.