Tuesday, July 18, 2006

[GM]Dave Does Not Play Favorites

This is a public service announcement.

There seems to be this huge misunderstanding among players that we GMs play favorites.

No, no, no. I don't just mean JP players.

I can't go a single damned day without seeing some crap about how we play favorites and treat certain groups better.

Personally, I am very insulted by that.

I treat everyone equally.

Equally poorly, but equally nonetheless.

I'm an equal opportunity sadist.

Why would I treat anyone better than anyone else?

There's no money in it.

My favorite, my absolute favorite, of these kind of people is the people who decide to start a movement.

No one cares if you had a bad experience with a GM.



No one.

But every day or so, I get another GM call from someone trying to end the scourge of unfair treatment.

Today's was just horribly ironic.

GM Call Description: GMs are mistreating NA players.

I want you to really think about that for a second.

Someone from North America sent a GM call to complain that GMs abuse North American players.

My days are surreal.

I suppose painting a target on his chest would have been too difficult.

Since he went to all of the trouble of actually requesting a beating, it would be rude of me not to oblige.

Don't want to mistreat an NA player, you know.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're a fan of irony.
Player>> We're sick of this crap.
[GM]Dave>> What crap are we sick of?
Player>> Not you.
[GM]Dave>> We're not sick of me?
[GM]Dave>> That's good to know.
Player>> No, no.
Player>> I meant "we" doesn't include you.
[GM]Dave>> You lost me.
[GM]Dave>> Who does "we" include?
Player>> The players.
[GM]Dave>> And you are their official representative?
Player>> ...
Player>> No.
Player>> I'm trying to make a point.
[GM]Dave>> "Trying" may be a strong word.
[GM]Dave>> I think "failing" would be more apt.
Player>> We, the players, are sick of this crap.
[GM]Dave>> What crap are you sick of?
Player>> Unfair treatment by GMs.
Player>> It has to stop.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> I'm lost again.
[GM]Dave>> How specifically were you mistreated?
Player>> Oh, I haven't been.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I think I'm having a stroke.
Player>> I'm just sick of how we're being treated.
Player>> GMs don't care about players.
[GM]Dave>> And?
Player>> That's wrong.
[GM]Dave>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> If I worked at Old Navy...
[GM]Dave>> Would I give a shit what your jeans looked like?
Player>> You're supposed to treat people fairly.
[GM]Dave>> We do.
[GM]Dave>> I don't care about Japanese players either.
Player>> We're going to do something, you know.
Player>> We'll all stop playing.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you are a fan of irony.
[GM]Dave>> Something must be done.
[GM]Dave>> Let me help you out with that threat.
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I've banned people for being stupid before.
[GM]Dave>> If I didn't ban you, it might seem unfair.
Player>> Wait...
Player>> I was just trying to make a point.
[GM]Dave>> You don't feel like playing anymore.
[GM]Dave>> Point taken.
Player>> You can't do this.
[GM]Dave>> Hey, this was your idea.
[GM]Dave>> It's out of my hands.
Player>> No, it's not.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> Kind of a gray area, really.
Player>> I just wanted the mistreatment to end.
[GM]Dave>> Well, then this is a good news bad news situation...

The good news was that he never again had to fear unfair treatment at the hands of us heartless GMs.

Bad news = Deluxe package.

Remember, people: fair isn't everyone getting treated the same.

Fair is everyone shutting the hell up and stopping bothering me before I have to feed you to a dragon.


At 7:50 PM, Blogger Goblin Butcher said...

Hurray for using someone's own logic against them!

At 7:50 PM, Blogger Bizong said...

You so crazy

At 8:17 PM, Blogger redkinoko said...

I dont know what's more omnipresent in online games like these. People who whine about farcical admin biases or lag.

I'm thinking, which problem will be solved first by modern technology?

At 8:54 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

lmao, well played Dave, well played

At 8:56 PM, Blogger Baron Harkonnen said...

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Except replace some with many.

And replace stupid with retarded.

Without irony, we wouldn't stand a chance.

At 9:06 PM, Blogger Artos said...

But the JP alliance had a faster botter than us! YOU'RE FAVORING THE JAPANESE!

I'm writing a memo to Jack Thompson.

At 9:14 PM, Blogger GM>Nightmare said...

We the GM's of America want it to be known that we DO NOT play favorites and mistreat certain groups.

we hate all you dirty bastards.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

LOL....Do people never cease finding useless things to whimper about?All of my GM encounters have been pleasant and some quite amusing.
Player to GM...*They are following Vrtra around!...Make them stop!*
GM to player...Cry me a river...have you killed it yet?
If it goes unclaimed it is a free monster*

Man I fell off my chair at that one ^^

At 11:27 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

*rolls eyes* Idiots.... I hate stupid ignorant whiners who want to make a point that shouldn't be made.

At 12:19 AM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says it's super-cool that so many people are so inspired by [GM]Dave and Goblin Smithy that they take up writing.

At least, I think that's what she means by "Special ed. has Internet now."

She's funny!


At 1:41 AM, Blogger nano said...

I'm sure you sometimes miss getting pointless GM calls, so I made this game for you Dave.

A Gm call comes accross. The player is a:
4-dark knight
6-all of the above

The problem is:
1-I was robbed
2-I have been prejudiced against
3-A hacker is...
4-The update is broken
5-I was fed to a dragon by a GM
6-all of the above

For each response, roll on the table below.

I was robbed:
1-by a casino
2-by a Mithra
3-by loaning my items
4-my gilseller hasn't delivered yet
5-of my camp
6-of my dignity by a GM

I have been prejudiced against:
1-for not being Japanese
2-for being Japanese
3-for being Galkan
4-by someone who doesn't even speak my language
5-by a search comment
6-by a GM who called me retarded

A hacker is...:
1-using a fishbot 'I invited to party and they auto-declined my invite!'
2-using a warp hack in Jeuno 'They jump from spot to spot!'
3-using a flee hack 'The thief was as fast as my chocobo!'
4-using a vokebot 'He outclaimed my paralyze with provoke!'
5-using tp hack 'He knew I was sitting on 300% tp!'
6-impersonating a GM 'He called me retarded and fed me to a dragon!'

The update is broken:
1-Windower stoped working!
2-The warp taru disappeared!
3-You nerfed my job!
4-You broke the exploit I was using!
5-You fixed it wrong! I'll tell you how to fix it!
6-When I complain now I get eaten by a dragon!

I was fed to a dragon by a GM:
1-for making a GM call
2-for asking to see the complaints manager
3-for stupidity
4-my name sounded like Sepiroth
5-something about a short bus?
6-all of the above

Congratulations! You now have an endless supply of GM calls to respond to! I hope you find it useful ^^

At 6:32 AM, Blogger creature124 said...

YAY! The Deluxe package! One less moron in the gene pool!

At 9:07 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Bwahaha! Nice Nano, well done.

At 9:07 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:13 AM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

Love it. Just had to ban a forum member for stupidity. Reading this blog it's sad to see I am not alone.

At 5:21 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...


At 8:36 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Dave what can I say another brilliant entry. BTW you are a very bad influence in a good way on Texgnome...he has borrowed your Deluxe Package title and is using it to a hillarious outcome.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Hollister160 said...

Using someone's own logic against them i do have to say is very clever i mean realy nwo if a Gm hasnt don nothing to you then why stand up and fight just be nice or pledge your slef to you its so much easyer and smarter pluse side i can laugh at others you send to dragon nowing im not pissing you off im hear chearing you on wow why must people make there life so much harder *tisk* *tisk*

At 10:14 PM, Blogger Vatar said...

It is for this post that I have became a fan. I have to wonder though...which is better, the dragon or puting them in the bottem of the Temple of Uggalepih and watching them get eaten by Tonberries...

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Reko said...

lmao ^^ goodjob banning the whiner


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