Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Irony, Thy Name Is Gilseller

I need to lie down.

This has been possibly the most retarded day that has ever been.

Honestly, I cannot even begin to explain the sheer stupidity of today's events, so I will simply relate them as they happened.

I was on the night shift and was working very late. This, of course, meant three things:

1) I had been drinking quite a bit

2) I was half asleep (except replace half with completely)

3) I was not in the mood to deal with people.

Was this the stupid part of the day?

Hell, no.

Those three things are usually true when I'm working anyway.

So, I'm getting some crafting done and sending random morons to Mordion Gaol for inflating the prices of my materials.

Player-controlled economy my ass. You mess with my profits and I'm going to cut you.

Suddenly, I get a GM call.

GM Call Description: GM help! Player disturb me. He use 3rd software. Please to interfere, and to punish.


Somewhere the english language is crying itself to sleep.

Why does that player name sound familiar though?

I quickly flip through the special red folder on my desk. This folder contains the names of every suspected gilseller.

I call it my "Shoot On Sight" list.

And there he is.

A gilseller reporting a gilseller.

Now, you're probably thinking that this must be the stupidity of which I speak.


Not even close.

We get calls from gilsellers about gilsellers all the time.

That's nothing new.

But don't worry. It's coming.

Because I always have to slow down and gaze upon the train wreck that is humanity, I logged in and sent the "customer" a tell.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted to report a kettle for being black?
Player>> Hello to you.
Player>> Please to help us.
[GM]Dave>> English called.
[GM]Dave>> It says "Please, stop."
Player>> Other player cheating.
Player>> He use 3rd software.
[GM]Dave>> Well... you'd know, wouldn't you?
Player>> Please. We ask you.
[GM]Dave>> Tell you what...
[GM]Dave>> Why don't the three of us discuss this?


Now, I want to describe the scene for you.

We're in Mordion Gaol. On one side, I have a level 75 Rank 1 Red Mage.

Yes, I said Rank 1.

On the other side, I have a level 75 Ninja who, as we speak, is cycling through targets in the room and attempting to provoke.

Also Rank 1.

Words fail me.

[GM]Dave>> I have brought you both here to discuss cheating.
Player>> Why we are here?
Player>> He is cheater.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> He filed a report against you, too.
Player>> What?!
Player>> We are innocent.
[GM]Dave>> That's not what he says.
[GM]Dave>> Isn't that right?


[GM]Dave>> See?
Player>> ...
Player>> He did not say.
[GM]Dave>> Sure, he did.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have anything else to say?


[GM]Dave>> He said what about my mother?!
Player>> He lie.
Player>> He lie.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to have to refer this file to a committee.

Jormungand hits Player for 15,682 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> It's not looking good.

So, I ban the two of them.

Two less gilsellers in the world. Good shift, right?

Not so much.


GM Call Description: Player disappear. Please to help.

Yes. A gilseller calling a GM to find a gilseller who called a GM to report a gilseller.

My life is surreal.

Do they not understand the point of a GM?

By the time my shift was over, I banned six more gilsellers who all called me about the first gilseller.

It was like a train of stupid.

I think I banned one guy twice.


My head hurts. I need to lie down.


At 6:40 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:41 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

some things defy words. that is one of them.

at least there are less gilsellers out there.

At 7:08 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

Wow that's just like a stupid pile up! xD

Reminds me how yesterday I pulled Bonze Marberry into Sozu Rogberry room (Summoner rocks) and on top of that amazing feat xP, got him to FOLLOW Carbuncle (like, up close, no casting far away) and in the middle of the room. I zoned and killed a gimper than gimp Ninja, AND a gilseller leader!

Funny party is, later they R3'd me, AND D2'd me when I asked. Note these gilsellers are all in the same group. And the gilseller I MPK'd was also playing the WHM character that raised me. I'm surprised Gilsellers can still manage to remember to breath.

At 7:21 PM, Blogger Cruven said...


yeah i think prices need to get cheaoer...i sold a stack of earth crystals (mind i was about level 9 at the time) and i only could sell them for 1k... and i had to spend more then that to get a couple of items...>.> in the end i got my first craft skill to level 1...>.>


At 7:56 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

How the hell can you get to 75 at rank 1?! Blasphemy.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger GM>Nightmare said...


*sounds of my head exploding from strain to comprehend the stupidity*

At 9:16 PM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

By the time my shift was over, I banned six more gilsellers who all called me about the first gilseller.

It was like a train of stupid.

Words fail me. It's comforting to know that maybe the English language is sleeping just a bit better, and the e-tard level has decreased, even if only for a moment.

At 9:39 PM, Blogger Artos said...

I believe this is called a "NI HAO, BITCH" moment.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

I've had a seriously shitty night. Reading this after a run through Hell (a.k.a Dynamis) and then a nasty argument with the bf (yes, RL, not in-game), I'm in a slightly more upbeat mood. You brought a smile to my face [GM]Dave. I thank you for the comedy, and empathize with your painful dealings with morons.

At 10:43 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

I think we should get Dave some {Haste}{crystal}(s) and let him loose on his Red Folder. ? ?

At 11:10 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

good grief man. im losing respect for gilsellers.

yes the RMT is bad, but i mean when i began FFXI a little over a year ago, the gilsellers had atleast enough skill to acutally beat HNMs and gods as well as claim NMs without using many 3rd party programs aside from the windower app.

now they CFH on genbu, get killed by worms in qufim, and lose to the Adamantoise NM

its just plain sad and pathetic

At 1:05 AM, Blogger Keilyn said...

I think I banned one guy twice.

lmao That got me! I love it.

At 3:51 AM, Blogger Sakurafire said...

"Knyte said...
good grief man. im losing respect for gilsellers."

Good greif man! Is there such a thing as respect for these horrid beasts?

haha. ^^;;

At 7:07 AM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

That's Beautiful. Gilsellers must be Uber stupid when they slip up.

At 8:01 AM, Blogger Blue said...


At 8:55 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Quote "I think I banned one guy twice."

Oh my ...glad I'm not the only one.

How stupid do they think we are that we are going to let them get away with anything.

I run a game forum and always have to ban twice due to pure stupidity(insert e-tard here)

A user registers...makes use of the board, breaks the rules, or TOS, = depending on severuty gets BANNED.

then e-tard comes back under new account and sends messege that I'm fucked and should chill so guess what happens next

Yup BANNED a second time

This was priceless just wish I could feed these guys to a dragon every now and then cause Texgnome's version of the Deluxe Package just doesn't totally do the trick.

At 10:09 AM, Blogger Steve said...

>.> Wow... I had stupid people... btw gg [GM]'ve inspired me to write about my own experiences in customer service. Please to be checking on it!

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Drescher the Great said...

A Gilseller dead keeps the prices down. You'de think they'de learn by now.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Sebb said...

I am going on holday for a week.
I wont be missing my loved ones and such.
Just this blog.

Make them good ones Dave for when I get back ^^

Or else...

At 8:07 PM, Blogger Hyperbola said...

Man, Dave, we could use you & the dragon over on Dofus...where it's next to impossible to clear out the gilsellers (kama-sellers).

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Hollister160 said...

Omg and i thought i had stupid people in my life but realy "A gilseller calling a GM to find a gilseller who called a GM to report a gilseller." now i mean can people be this stupid lol but i like your sence of humor u would fit in well with me and my friends in real life and game life. Sadly we dont have to deal with anyone that stupid sence we cant ban people in real lfe or send them to a dragon *sigh* would be fun though but good post keep the coming and please invite me for a birds a view of this or can you record next time and let use all watch the stupid you deal with? Names Bravo on FF11 would like to chat sometime i can probaly help you out and give you some names of sellers or adleast i can find them for you but i mean who cant the easy to spot.


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