Thursday, July 13, 2006

So Much For That

Well... the Mentor thing really didn't work out. [GM]Fetus isn't going to make it here.

Probably for the best. I'm sure he would have started to get cranky around naptime, anyway.

Plus, I had to watch over that boy for entire shifts. This was seriously cutting into my crafting/drinking time.

Damn, though. I really thought I could mold that boy into something great, something fantastic.

Another me.

But that dream went down the tubes awfully damned fast yesterday.

I caught him... oh God, it's almost too horrible to say...

I caught him actually resolving a problem for a customer.

He didn't even use sarcasm or anything.

Great. Just great.

If word of this gets out, I'm going to have thousands of morons who'll expect me to solve their problems, too.

Monosyllabic GM calls will flood in.

Punctuation will be beaten mercilessly.

Oh, the humanity.

Then came the last straw.

[GM]Dave>> Is this my coffee?
[GM]Fetus>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> And the cream is where exactly?
[GM]Fetus>> Oh...
[GM]Fetus>> I forgot.

I mean, how freaking retarded is that?

Obviously, I would have to destroy him.

[GM]Dave>> Fetus, we need to talk.
[GM]Fetus>> Why do you keep calling me that?
[GM]Fetus>> My name is [GM]Darkwingslayer.
[GM]Dave>> We're not having that conversation again.
[GM]Dave>> I refuse to call you Darkwingduck or whatever.
[GM]Dave>> You sound like a retarded Anne Rice character.

[GM]Fetus>> What about [GM]Sephiroth?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
[GM]Fetus>> Fine. Whatever.
[GM]Fetus>> I'll have to figure out a name tomorrow.
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> I've got good news and bad news on that.
[GM]Fetus>> What's the good news?
[GM]Dave>> You have the day off tomorrow.
[GM]Fetus>> Oh... okay then.
[GM]Fetus>> And the bad news?
[GM]Dave>> Same as the good news.
[GM]Dave>> Only applied to every day thereafter.
[GM]Fetus>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
[GM]Dave>> Are you any good with analogies?
[GM]Fetus>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Okay.
[GM]Dave>> Imagine being a GM is like a job.
[GM]Fetus>> But it is a job.
[GM]Dave>> Now, imagine you're being fired from that job.
[GM]Dave>> With me so far?
[GM]Fetus>> I'M FIRED?!
[GM]Dave>> I prefer to call it "involuntary quitting".
[GM]Dave>> It's just like quitting...
[GM]Dave>> Only instead of quitting, you're fired.
[GM]Fetus>> This is ridiculous!
[GM]Fetus>> What am I being fired for?
[GM]Dave>> Inappropriate behavior.
[GM]Fetus>> I didn't do anything inappropriate!
[GM]Dave>> That's not what the logs say.
[GM]Dave>> On an unrelated note, you should change your password.
[GM]Fetus>> You can't fire me.
[GM]Fetus>> You're not my boss.
[GM]Dave>> Damn. You got me there.
[GM]Dave>> Don't I look silly.
[GM]Dave>> If only it was my job to review your performance.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> That is my job!
[GM]Dave>> Isn't that funny.
[GM]Fetus>> I hate you.
[GM]Dave>> I get that a lot.

Just to be certain he couldn't do any more damage, I filed a serious report with our supervisor detailing several procedural errors he made while working.

I also "borrowed" his keys and filled the back seat of his car with some office supplies.

Like a computer.

Then, an anonymous tip came in and suddenly, [GM]Fetus was no longer employed here.

It's okay, though. He would have made a terrible me.

You know, having human emotions and all that.

32 Comments:

At 1:04 PM, Blogger SilverLink said...

Ohh Fetus... a Shame. That could have been interesting having [GM]Dave x2... The world will never know the possible dragon-related injuried that could have occured from [GM]Dave x2...

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Advent said...

RIP Fetus ;) But there can be only one [GM]Dave!

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger notkesirahonest said...

lol ok, after reading that I can only assume you -do- read bofh, seeing as it was more or less an exact portion of an old episode of that. still very funny though :)

Would be interesting to see the GM equivalent of the PFY in full swing. I love it when they get together to screw over thier boss.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

Aww, I think you should have kept him on. Would have loved to see the continued torture of another GM.

Besides, you need another nemesis (other than Susan that is). Been a little lonely on that front since Tak's death.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger TheDarkDonut said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger TheDarkDonut said...

I can't wait to see if you get to mentor another GM in-training.

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger Sebb said...

Hah.
I like it because its cruel.

I like it alot.

Good work ^^

These always make my day.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Julia said...

I also "borrowed" his keys and filled the back seat of his car with some office supplies.

Like a computer.

Then, an anonymous tip came in and suddenly, [GM]Fetus was no longer employed here.


Geez, I should have tried something like that back in the days when I was still working ... purely great.

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger Yojo said...

[GM]Dave>> I refuse to call you Darkwingduck or whatever.
-----------------------
I used to watch the Darkwingduck cartoon a few years ago.>.>;

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger paduse said...

If you don't have too much trouble sourcing it, a large dose of LSD in a pesky coworkers beverage is also a great way initiate "involuntary quitting". Your method is quite effective too. Excellent work sir, absolutely excellent!

/kneel

 
At 2:19 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Damn, helping a customer? What a loser.

 
At 2:52 PM, Blogger Artos said...

No more Fetus? That's a shame.

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger JeBe said...

Hmm.. You can actually start making a movie about yourself, Dave.. Natural Born Asshole.. Kinda has a ring to it.
Id rent that movie.

The world needs assholes.. To do natures job.. Since nature has been afk for a couple of centuries, retards has been able to go about freely.. And someone has to deal with this..


Every town needs a [GM]Dave..

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger IronRaven said...

[GM]Fetus>> What about [GM]Sephiroth?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Haha! Briliant post, Dave

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Shiz said...

[GM]Dave, I love your work!
It would be oh so great if you were a World of Warcraft [GM], this place needs ridding of functionally retarded noobs.

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger IfritsNuts said...

[GM]Dave>> I prefer to call it "involuntary quitting".
[GM]Dave>> It's just like quitting...
[GM]Dave>> Only instead of quitting, you're fired.


Hahahahahahahaha. That made me laugh so hard! Keep up the good work!

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger InuDuelist said...

What a fag. Actually treating a customer. Pfft.

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger nano said...

Look, Dave, I think you're forgetting that you didn't always wield the infinite power of the banstick so recklessly, you too were a [GM]Fetus once, and I'm sure you made the ghastly mistake of actually being helpful once or twice.

I can only hope [GM]Fetus was devious enough to program in a few backdoors and time-delay virii. We can only hope.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger the Ostentatious Elvaans said...

haha man I love the bit where you placed the computer in his back seat, and then called it in!

Thats pure evil. Excellent work [GM]Dave. A+++

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger Meshuggah said...

I love reading this blog, your entries make my day. It's amazing, keep up the great work.

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Angelfire said...

Ever wonder what it would be like if the BOFH ever met [GM]Dave ... that would be intresting....

 
At 11:16 PM, Blogger Ros Dubh said...

I was thinking that was kinda dickheadish of you at first... Too much effort involved... But then I reviewed the name he chose.

Castration > firing.

 
At 12:54 AM, Blogger Keilyn said...

^_^ Fantastic!

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

[GM]Dave>> If only it was my job to review your performance.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> That is my job!

I lol'd.

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Havok said...

aw damn to bad no [GM] legion for dave maybe soon enuff you will have them and rid the server of stupidity

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says "lol" isn't a verb and anyone who conjugates it to the preterit tense is retarded.

Reeree says if you wanted to stick an -ed on it, it should be "l'ed o.l.", because "loled" means "laughed out louded" but that doesn't make any sense.

Usually, I think Reeree is just being mean, and don't agree with her, but she might be right about the retarded thing.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says "lol" isn't a verb and anyone who conjugates it to the preterit tense is retarded.

Reeree says if you wanted to stick an -ed on it, it should be "l'ed o.l.", because "loled" means "laughed out louded" but that doesn't make any sense.

Usually, I think Reeree is just being mean, and don't agree with her, but she might be right about the retarded thing.

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger Tralius said...

[GM]Dave i just want you to know... i would proudly be your underling of evil if i ever had chance.

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

Man, all's you did was get him fired?

I would have given him about seven Deluxe Packages the moment he said [GM]Sephiroth.

Or at least the live grenades.

7 live grenades. It's all good.

 
At 2:53 AM, Blogger Akuma2636 said...

...[GM]Sephiroth... *sigh*

You know, [GM]Dave, you're such a bitter, sarcastic, sadistic man... One day I hope to grow up to be like you @___@... For now, just a bitter, sarcastic, sadistic female... Oh the horror...

And I agree with whomever said the comment about the WoW servers being over run with retards, they need someone who will wave the almighty ban stick around...

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger Shutat said...

That's a shame. I was really hoping Fetus would work out. Oh well. A tard is a tard, I suppose. Too bad there are far too many tards in this world, anymore.

Wish I could help you out, mate. Making people suffer immensely sounds like it would be quite fun.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger notkesirahonest said...

Anglefire...

GM Dave is good... but not that good sadly. I fear that the bofh would just eat him for lunch and probably eat jormy for dessert. After all, when it comes down to it a GM is just a helldesk worker and we know what happens to them if they mess with the bofh!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home