Friday, July 21, 2006

I Warned Her


I warned Susan several times.

Almost every other day, I warned her about using a windower program when she was playing FFXI.

I tried to tell her we could detect that.

Of course, what the hell would a GM know?

Then the news finally came down today. 2000 accounts suspended or banned for using windower.

And guess who was on the list.

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

Here's a hint.

Hell hath no fury like a woman temp suspended for 72 hours.

Then things got really fun. She called me.


[GM]Dave>> Hi, honey.
[GM]Dave>> How's your day...
Susan>> SHUT IT!
Susan>> Fix it.
[GM]Dave>> Fix what, dear?
Susan>> FIX IT NOW!
[GM]Dave>> Susan honey...
[GM]Dave>> Calm down.
[GM]Dave>> On the bright side, we could go to a movie.
[GM]Dave>> Or dinner maybe.
Susan>> #%&@ YOUR DINNER!
[GM]Dave>> That would probably make it inedible, dear.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not a chef, but...
[GM]Dave>> You never call to talk anymore.
Susan>> UNBAN ME NOW!!!

Wait... Did she say unban?

Let me check that list again...

Nope, she's just temp-suspended.

She'll be so relieved when I tell her.


I should tell her.


Maybe tomorrow.

[GM]Dave>> Sorry, sweetie.
[GM]Dave>> No can do.
Susan>> WHY NOT?!
[GM]Dave>> I'm very busy right now.
[GM]Dave>> Working on a very imporant report.
[GM]Dave>> Let's see...
[GM]Dave>> Black seven on a red eight.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> Minesweeper got boring.
[GM]Dave>> And I was tired of crafting.
[GM]Dave>> If I did that, you wouldn't learn anything.
Susan>> @#$%#@ @#$% @#$% &*%$%^
[GM]Dave>> Tsk tsk tsk.
[GM]Dave>> Such language.
Susan>> I'm going to KILL YOU!
[GM]Dave>> We could settle this in Ballista.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... Yeah... The ban...
[GM]Dave>> My bad.
Susan>> You have to do something.
[GM]Dave>> I really can't.
[GM]Dave>> They deleted all of the characters.
Susan>> DELETED?!
[GM]Dave>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> I barely had time to log onto your character and take your stuff.

At that point, I heard the phone drop from her ear.

Then there was some screaming.

She may have also alluded to me having improper physical contact with my mother.


Susan>> You're going to fix this.
[GM]Dave>> There's really nothing I can do.
Susan>> You're not listening.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you could play WoW.
[GM]Dave>> I heard that's kind of fun.
Susan>> If you ever want to have sex again...
[GM]Dave>> I do so like the sex.
Susan>> ...
Susan>> If you fix this...
Susan>> I will do things to you that you can't imagine.
Susan>> Or even spell.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm...
[GM]Dave>> This may require some major hacking.
Susan>> Things you can't even imagine.
[GM]Dave>> Let me get right on that.

About a half hour later, I called her and told her I managed to change it to a temp-suspension.

She was quite pleased.

Now, a noble man would be kind to her. A noble man would explain the situation, laugh about it, and not hold her to any promises.

I'm so damned glad I'm not a noble man.


At 5:55 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

Lol Dave the champion! ^^v

At 6:01 PM, Blogger Almorille said...

Hope you enjoy your 72 hours!
Keep up the good work!

At 6:11 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

Susan>> If you fix this...
Susan>> I will do things to you that you can't imagine.

I DREAM about girls saying stuff like that to me. Lucky bastard.

At 6:11 PM, Blogger WhyWontYouJustShutUp said...

Sucked like a Black Hole, wonder if Susan ever will again.... strange name for your right hand but hey, it's your world.

At 6:37 PM, Blogger Darktower said...

I put on my robe and wizard hat...

Oh yeah that sounds hot.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger Valle said...

[GM] Then the news finally came down today. 2000 accounts suspended or banned for using windower.


Square Enix news: Today, a number of accounts which were confirmed to have violated the user agreement by using unauthorized third-party software tools within FINAL FANTASY XI to enable abnormal in-game movement were discovered and have been permanently suspended.

Now I may be out of my league here, but I could've sworn windower basically let PC users Alt-tab to windows. Whereas the announcement specifically mentions "abnormal movement". Or am I missing something here?

Anyway, the rest was as great a read as always. Keep'em comming!

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Gemini Politics said...

Yeah, they actually kinda lied in the normal SE way, lol. Oh well, I'm using my 72 hours to spend some time with my hubby since he gets bored on the game when his wife gets suspended while muling.

Susan should be thanking them for giving her the break, I personally am using it to reflect on a game-less life... maybe she'll give up sex next, thats a horrible addiction :P

At 8:25 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

nobody cares about a whole load of windowers, so they imbellish the news a bit to make them seem competent :P i bet only a few were windowers...most were more likely noticible things like fleetool.

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Meshuggah said...

You sir, win. At life. Hard.

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

Using the situation to gain extra favors with Susan? Well-played.

At 10:27 PM, Blogger TheMerciless said...

Hmm... I just hope that she doesn't read this blog AFTER she... well... heh...hell, it's worth it. Good luck, [gm]Dave!

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Don't you wish the PS2 or Xbox people could play like us? Unable to do ANYTHING else untill you've logged out of the game?

"Guys I gotta log for a sec, I forgot I was downloading somthing in the background and it's lagging me" "Our WHM died... and it was all your fault!"

"Hey, I would have turned it off if I could have!!!"

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Elementology said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:40 AM, Blogger Dave the Teacher said...

This was nothing short of brilliant.

At 2:48 AM, Blogger notkesirahonest said...

Gods this one made me laugh so much!

But not as much as all the people whining that they got suspended for using 3rd party programs :P Now that has made me laugh so much it hurts. Really, physically hurts.

"But it's only windower, it only lets me minimise FF. It's not fair"

Stupid dumbasses. How'd you think you use stuff like fleetool, scrips, timers, triggers.

Damn I feel a surge of laughter coming again.

Oh my sides!

Oh more, more! Ban more!

At 4:01 AM, Blogger Feba said...

Would've been a lot funnier if it had been correct.

GMs can't detect windower (and if they could, SE obviously doesn't give half a damn in the world), however postools are easily traced, and that is what was banned.

People telling you they got banned for windower are either full of it, admitted it in public chat and got reported (in which case they're too stupid to play anyway), or trying to hide the fact they were hacking.

At 4:25 AM, Blogger Lokkin said...

Hahaha, nice one man, half thruths and loopholes 4tw!

At 6:49 AM, Blogger loque said...

I'm not a whiner, but you're a dork, so ima post on you anyway:
notkesirahonest said...
Stupid dumb#$%es. How'd you think you use stuff like fleetool, scrips, timers, triggers.

if you knew anything about windower, you'd never have written this, because windower does not do this. fleetool is fleetool, that's why they call it "fleetool", not windower.

anyway, not many windower people whine about this. it's the same people that whine about everything, they just happened to be using windower, too.

but i stand by what Feba said...: GMs can't detect windower, but they would be able to detect certain plugins loaded by using windower as the loader.

just an fyi for y'all

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Woman of the Aether said...


The funny part of all this is that just yesterday, one of my friends sent me an IM while I was at work stating that he had been banned from FFXI. Now, said friend, while intelligent, is also subject to the common but thankfully temporary disease of being a teenager, which means that he's prone to doing stupid things. I assumed that he'd called a GM fat or something equally retarded.

"I was using a windower," he explained.

That was retarded enough. But the next part was even more enjoyable.

"And they hit me for using Fleetool, even though I just used it to get around towns faster."

I let him know that he should be thanking the GMs for just temporarily suspending him instead of permanently banning him for being a hopeless retard.

At 7:33 AM, Blogger FortheLoveofFFXI said...

Oh Dave, please warp me to jail and do naughty things to me! :D

At 12:06 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

creature124 said...
I DREAM about girls saying stuff like that to me. Lucky bastard.

...So does [GM]Dave. Just like you, he dreamed about it. The only difference is, he wrote his dream down.

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Didi Gomba said...

Susan does realize theres an actual *real* world other than XI right? Talk about drama queen

At 2:31 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

Uh... Doesn't Susan read this?

At 3:10 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

Darktower: Did you get that wizard hat from this site:

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Mechachu said...

lmfao u ass XD u guys dont care about ppl using windowers :\ :P or id be in trubble considering i lack respect for teh GMs in the game :D oh noooo fear teh GMS!!! ! lmao. but ya... ur crazy >_< hell most of the pc players wuld prolly be banned if u guys really cared about windower use. windower use + other programs that aid in ffxi they can die! windower + AIM or MSN shuld be allowed tho :\ its not like all my friends play ffxi :\ hell i despise most of the ppl i play with.

At 9:41 PM, Blogger loque said...

BenoSmash said...
Uh... Doesn't Susan read this?

( psst.. i think benosmash is finally catching on that gmdave is not really a GM... o_o )

At 10:18 PM, Blogger Maura said...

What bothers me so much, is that people get so worked up over if he really is a GM or not. Who cares. The point is, that this blog is to entertain people and make them laugh. Its not here so people can whine, complain and fight over if he is or isn't a GM. If he is, cool, I hope he manages to take out even more gilsellers than he already has and I thank him for writing his tales. If he isn't, well I thank him for writing these tales to make us laugh. Dave, I enjoy your blog more with every update, this one was a great addition, please keep it coming.

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Carynx said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:34 PM, Blogger GM>Nightmare said...

another great blog

and such a vicious woman to grab a man by his...err.. "leash"

At 12:20 AM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

How many people here think whywontyoujustshutup is a pathetic asshole with no life? Who thinks he should find some hobby other than annoying the fans of [GM]Dave?

At 1:20 AM, Blogger Kerensky said...

idk sounds like they just wanted a program that worked better?

hmm according to most ppl I know se would have to hack into a computer to know if a widower was running or provide a scan that is not in the user agreement being it is not a third party tool and does not actually affect the play online server in any direct way.

idk I guess I am spit it is there game and their right to do what they want but they also have a obligation to a paying costumer to supply them with adequate goods (something not broken such as alt+tab)

Ps: it's three am. Tired and about to log back in to seek for a few hrs for a blm party which I will never get an invite for because of Jp OnRy, Jp excusive

At 2:15 PM, Blogger WandererTheHero said...

Dave has adapted the principle of engineer time.
The first rule of engineering is:
When asked how long something will take to repair, always say twice or even three times as long as it will actually take. Then when you finish in your planned time, you have worked a miracle and should be rewarded.
The second rule of engineering is:
Duct tape...lots of duct tape.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger Tonie said...

Very Cute Dave.

At 4:01 PM, Blogger Shiru said...

i have a Question of moral's. i just left a party because i suspected several player's of being rmt. i know some fairly obvious signs. but is there anything people have noticed?

At 8:14 PM, Blogger GM>Nightmare said...

a good sighn of bodders in general are the big dragon bites

At 2:54 PM, Blogger Hollister160 said...

Haha another good story my man i bet she still didnt learn anything but now you know of a way to get what you want out of her lol.

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Better hope her wrath has chilled when she reads this one..good entry as always Dave.

At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Susan>> If you ever want to have sex again...

Works every time.
<3 being a woman. :D


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